A/N not mine, I own nothing but the plot, my imagination, and apparently a LOT of tears...grab the tissues people. I bawled my way through writing this one. Also, I do not own the song, it is I'll never Love Again from the movie A Star is Born. I bawled my way through that too.
I'll Never Love Again
She sat there in shock, her best friend had just delivered the news. The man she fell in love with and surprisingly married wasn't coming home. He was never coming home again, not to her, not to their dog, not to the child he didn't know was coming. She let out a blood curdling cry when Ranger finally left her in the house alone.
Wish I could, I could've said goodbye. I would've said what I wanted too. Maybe even cried for you. If I knew it would be the last time, I would have broke my heart in two, if it would save a part of you.
She knew something was wrong; something was bothering him when he left for work this morning. She should have made him sit down and talk to her, maybe sit with him while he made an appointment at the VA. She shouldn't have brushed it off. She felt like she was to blame. She should have seen that he was slipping, that his eyes never really met hers. She should have noticed the tremble in his voice when he said, "I love you."
Don't wanna feel another's touch. Don't wanna start a fire. Don't wanna feel another's lips.
She didn't want to think about how last night was the last time he'll ever make love to her. How this morning was the last kiss he'd ever give her. She wanted to remind and go back to yesterday. She didn't want to think about how their child would never hold his hand. She didn't know how she would go on.
No other name falling of my lips. Don't want to give my heart away to another stranger. or let another day begin, won't even let the sunlight in. I'll never love again. No I'll never love again.
She couldn't fall asleep that night, there was too much raging through her mind. She didn't know how she would make it through another day. She knew that the heartache would never fade. Her love for him was all consuming. She felt ever bit of the pain she felt like it would never go away. She began to drift back over old memories and her tears started to subside.
When we first met, I never thought I would fall. I never thought I'd find myself lying in your arms, and I want to pretend that it's not true. Oh baby, that your gone!
The next few days passed in a blur of disbelief. It felt like yesterday that Ranger had introduced them on the redecorating job. It had taken them too many wasted years to noticed that they were looking at each other. She had felt so foolish when he finally asked her out. How had she missed the beauty in the quiet? How had she missed the sad eyes when she would go off with Morelli or Ranger? The first time they woke up in each other's arms felt like she had finally come home. He had been where she had been meant to be the entire time.
She made it through the funeral with thoughts of their wedding day. They had eloped four years ago. No one had known until they returned from their vacation. It had been perfect. It was just them. No fuss, no worries, just their love between them. He had surprised her with the ring at dinner, she surprised him with the suggestion of going to the casino chapel after their meal. It was everything they wanted.
'Cause my world keeps on turning, and turning, and turning, and I'm not moving on. Don't wanna feel another's touch. Don't wanna start another fire. Don't wanna feel another's other name falling of my lips. Don't want to give my heart away to another stranger. or let another day begin, won't even let the sunlight in. I'll never love again.
She asked Ranger if they could talk once she had returned from her bereavement leave. He was not only her friend, but her employer. He needed to know about the baby. She needed to know that she had his support. She only hoped that it would be easier. He pulled her into a hug as she started to cry and he offered her more time off, but she needed to work, even if her husband had died right there in his own office. Right there in that very same building.
I don't wanna know this feeling, unless it's you and me. I don't want to waste a moment oooh, and I don't wanna give someone else the better part of me. I'd rather wait for you.
She told Ranger how she was afraid that she would mess up her kid just like she did her husband. He told her that under no certain terms was it her fault. Her husband had made the choice to end his life. No one had noticed that his PTSD was getting the better of him and he sought no help. He had made the choice to end it all and ease his own pain.
Don't wanna feel another's touch. Don't wanna start another fire. Don't wanna know another's kiss. Baby unless they're your lips.
She discovered that each day was easier if she kept moving forward. That it was only the nights that were bad. It was when she had nothing to do but think of the what ifs, the should haves, and how she could have loved him better. When she slept she dreamed of him and his kisses. She dreamed of how he would react to being a father. She dreamed of all the things they'd had, all the moments and memories. All the good times and the bad.
The months flew by and before she knew it, before she was even ready for it, Ranger was helping coach her through labor. She couldn't do it alone, but she'd rather have Ranger if her husband could not be with her ever again. She panted and breathed they way they had learned. She thought about the memory of the man she loved. After all the hard work and struggling she could only hope the he would be proud as their son cried with his first breath.
"What's his name, Babe?" Ranger asked her softly as he looked down at the baby in her arms.
"Robert, Robert Michael Brown the third. He's a tiny piece of me and a tiny piece of his Daddy."
She nuzzled the soft curls on his head and whispered, "and I'll never love again."