Written for Babecakesrus' December Prize Winning Challenge on the theme of Peace, Hope, and Love and originally posted December 2011.
Edited by the lovely Stayce.
Peace, Hope, and Joy
Part One: Peace
I watched as my skip took off down the street, a set of cuffs dangling from his wrists, and then turned to Lula.
"Any particular reason why you didn't even try to stop him?" I asked, trying to keep calm. This should have been easy! Ronald Bailey was a first time offender who lived in his mom's basement. He'd been caught shoplifting a video game. Did I mention he was forty-three? And that he led a sedentary life? Well, probably that was self-explanatory after the video game thing.
"See, now that's just wrong," she said, placing her hand on her more than ample hip. "He just took that video game because he needed a present for his nephew. Ain't nothing wrong with wanting to give a kid a nice Christmas."
"There is if you have to steal to do it!" I exclaimed. "And did you see the basement? He wasn't giving that game to his nephew. He was playing it!"
"Huh," she said, staring down the street where he'd disappeared. "Now I feel kinda bad. On account of how I let him slip past me."
"Wearing my cuffs," I added. "I can't afford to replace those!"
"You just don't have the holiday spirit," she said, shaking her red and white hair. I think she was aiming for candy cane when she had it coloured, but I couldn't bring myself to ask. What if I was wrong? "Monsieur Eggnog said that I needed to embrace the spirit of the season, and that I should start with Peace, Hope and Joy."
"Monsieur Eggnog?" I asked, turning back to my current clunker. I think it's a Ford. It's hard to tell.
"My spiritual counsellor," Lula elaborated. Of course. I didn't know whether to hope Monsieur Eggnog was a drink, or an actual person. "He says that if I want to get the most out of this here Christmas season, I need to become one with the sentients."
"Sentiments?" I guessed.
"Whatever. I'm supposed to be all over this peace, hope, and joy shit. Only I can't call it shit. I don't think it works then."
"And you thought letting my skip go free was part of that?" I asked. "How am I supposed to buy Christmas presents? Or pay my rent? I need to bring in some skips!"
"Huh. I hadn't thought of that," she said.
I sighed and hauled myself into my car. I hadn't done enough research on any of my other skips, so I was done until I could sweet talk Ranger into letting me use the search programs at Rangeman. At least I had other skips, I told myself. There was still a chance to earn a pay check and avoid moving into a cardboard box under the freeway.
"You look like you could use some holiday spirit yourself," Lula told me, squeezing her robust form in the passenger seat. "You should try the peace, hope and joy thing, too."
Yeah, I thought. I'll do that right after I tackle a fugitive to the ground and slap a pair of cuffs on him. Oh. Right. I didn't have cuffs anymore.
"And I think the first thing you should do is help make peace between your granny and Morelli's granny."
I whipped my head around and stared at her in disbelief. And horror. And maybe a little fear. This was Grandma Bella we were talking about, after all. She was scary! And, to tell the truth, Grandma Mazur was a little scary too, some days. Okay, any day where she got her hands on a gun. Or Mom's "ice tea". Or Lula's wardrobe. Besides, Morelli and I weren't exactly getting along. Reconciling the families wasn't really the message I wanted to send.
"Why would you think that?" I sputtered, navigating the slush-filled streets of Trenton with grim determination. Winter driving is a sport here.
"Cause you ain't never gonna have peace until you do! You want to always be worried bout the Witchy Morelli giving you the eye? Or your granny poking out the Witchy Morelli's eye? Huh?" Lula smacked the dash for emphasis, and I prayed that she wouldn't send us off course.
"Well, no," I admitted. "But I don't see—"
"All you gotta do is get them together and see that they have something in common!"
"They do?" I questioned. "What?"
She stared at me blankly. "Well, I don't know. I can't do all the work, here! You want peace in your life, you're gonna have to work a little for it. Mm-hmm?"
Yeah. Peace. I could see that happening. Probably right around the time I parked my Lexus in the three car garage attached to my palatial summer home. In the Caribbean. Mm... Caribbean. Drinks with umbrellas. Delivered by cabana boys.
"You still here?" Lula asked, forcing me back to reality. I looked around and saw that I was parked in front of the bond office. No sense going in. I didn't have a body receipt to turn in, and I'd already used Connie's search programs for the remaining skips. Only Rangeman could help me now. I looked at my watch. 4:30 pm. No sense calling Ranger; I was scheduled for dinner at my parents at 6:00.
"Gotta go," I told Lula, waving as she hauled herself out of the car. "I need to change before dinner at my parents."
"Morelli gonna be there?" she asked.
Not likely, I thought. We'd had the mother of all arguments about my lack of training this morning. He'd find out exactly how well trained I was with a gun if he showed his face at my parents. "No."
"Huh. Okay, then. See you tomorrow." And Lula was off, kicking up snow as she picked her way to the door of the bonds office in her thigh-high black stiletto boots.
One shower and a change of clothes later (my mom is picky about not wanting to see me with blood on my jeans), I pulled up in front of my parents' house. Now, I'm used to seeing Grandma Mazur, and sometimes my mom if she's not too busy in the kitchen, standing in the doorway when I arrive. What I'm not used to seeing is two little old ladies. Especially when one of them was Grandma Bella.
"Shit!" I cursed, and then prayed that Bella hadn't heard me. And couldn't read lips. I considered driving around the block (and by block I mean New Jersey), but they'd seen me the minute I turned on to the street. Escape wasn't in my future any time soon.
I parked next to my Dad's car and slowly opened the door. If I'd known Grandma Bella was going to be here, I'd have brought garlic bread. What? It works on vampires. Witches probably aren't that different from vampires. And garlic tastes good. My stomach growled, so I plastered a smile on my face and opened the front door.
"Tramp!" Grandma Bella screeched. "Harlot! Hussy!"
I heard the volume on the television crank up.
"It's good to see you, too," I told Grandma Bella. I kissed Grandma Mazur on the cheek, but when I went to do the same to Bella, she backed away, making the sign of the cross.
"You're a no good girl who tempts my Joseph," she accused.
Okaaaay...
"Dinner's ready," Mom called, and there was a mad dash for the dining room, with Grandma Bella trailing behind and sniffing at our lack of decorum. Or maybe she was checking for garlic. Hard to say. My dad shot her a look as she took her place across from me, but didn't say anything. Probably he was hoping that she would play nice, and he wouldn't have to waste any garlic bread on her. And yes, I knew that the vampire analogy totally didn't work. I mean, she was making the sign of a cross! Would a vampire do that? No. But for some reason, the idea of her crawling into a coffin comforted me, so I kept the vampire thing going. Simple pleasures, right?
After grace we dove into the food, and even Grandma Bella got into the spirit of competitive eating when she stabbed me with a fork as I tried to take the last piece of chicken. Or maybe she was stabbing me for fun. Too close to call, probably.
"So, what brings you by?" I asked, determined to prove that the Plums were, in fact, capable of talking and eating at the same time. Wait. Not really at the same time. I mean, I keep my mouth closed when I chew. Honest!
"I was invited," she said stiffly.
I shot an accusatory glance at my mother. She shrugged and drained her glass. "Wasn't me."
Grandma Mazur snorted. "Not me, either. I got better things to do than invite a kill joy over for supper. And I'm not hanging around to entertain her, either. There's bingo tonight, and I heard one of the prizes is a new set of choppers." She slid her uppers around. "I could use a new set."
Ten minutes later Grandma Mazur was out the door, and I was looking to follow suit. Unfortunately, Grandma Bella didn't seem to have any plans to leave, and Mom wasn't letting me leave until she did. We were sitting in uncomfortable silence in the living while Dad watched a basketball game.
"So..." I said, but that was about as far as I could take the conversation gambit. Luckily, I was saved by the doorbell. I leaped up, narrowly beating my mother to the punch.
"Are we expecting anyone else?" she asked, apparently still a little discomfited over the idea that someone had invited Grandma Bella to supper. After my talk with Lula, I had my suspicions about who the guilty party was, but I wasn't saying.
In any case, I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the door to find Ranger standing on the front step, looking decidedly festive in a black leather bomber jacket. Hey! His black scarf had dark burgundy thread running through it. I'm almost sure of it!
"You busy, Babe?" he asked.
I shook my head wordlessly and motioned for him to come inside. I could feel that Mom and Grandma Bella were already on their feet and standing behind me, eager to see who the latest guest was.
"No can do," he said, moving to stand just inside the entrance. "I need you."
My throat went dry and my hands began to sweat.
"You need me?" I parroted.
He grinned and handed me my jacket from the front closet. "Always."
I shrugged into my jacket, grinning stupidly when he produced a gorgeous sapphire blue cashmere scarf from his pocket and draped it around my neck. "You're going to need this," he told me. Giving the scarf one last tug, he turned to my mother. "I hope it's okay that I steal Stephanie away. She's needed for an important function at work."
Mom nodded, jaw slightly agape as she took in his even more hot than usual appearance.
"Thanks for dinner," I said. My glance flickered to Grandma Bella, but Mom just shook her head.
"We're fine here. You go on. You don't want to keep your co-workers waiting."
Grandma Bella reached for her own coat. When she made eye contact with me, she nodded once sharply. "You're a good girl," she said, her black eyes piercing. "I'll take my curse off your locks. Now your door will only open for welcome guests."
My jaw gaped in surprise, but Ranger was already whisking me out of the door. Before I knew it, I was sitting in the front passenger seat of the Turbo, enjoying the magic of heated leather seats. "Work emergency?" I finally asked.
"Pick up street hockey game," he said, grinning. "We need you to even out the teams."
I blinked.
"Plus, the guys refused to play without you."
I stared at him, trying to judge his sincerity. "You're not kidding," I finally said.
"Babe. Would I kid about hockey?"
Learn something new every day, I guess. "How did you know I was at my parents?"
"I have my sources," he said, the corners of his lips twitching.
"Humph." I crossed my arms over my chest, but I wasn't really perturbed. Getting rescued from Grandma Bella's evil eye to play street hockey with Ranger and the Merry Men? Life didn't get much better than that. Maybe Monsieur Eggnog's Peace, Hope, and Joy Plan wasn't so bad after all.
to be continued in Part Two: Hope...