Adieu
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Riviera; if I did, I wouldn't have to be writing this fanfic because you would've been able to prevent the events of Chapter 6 from concluding the way they do. I only own myself and my writing, so please stay out of my hair and don't sue me. Hiss, rawr.
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Adieu n (from French "à dieu"; literally "to God") : final farewell
"I'll be back..."
His words play over and over in my mind as I lie among the broken fragments of Yggdrasil's shattered second Aquarium.
He and his companions had left some time ago, heading to the apex of the World Tree's inner dimension, on my own insistence. Malice Ructor, agent of the traitorious Magus Hector, is already ahead of them and ready to destroy the final line of defense of Ursula's realm. He would have stayed at my side, had I not convinced him otherwise. He allows his emotions to interfere with his judgement far too often--that was what led him to side with Ursula and her Sprites in the first place.
And yet...
This pain...
The gouge that draws a diagonal line from my left shoulder to my right hip is burning. It throbs along with my pulse as more and more of my blood leaks away, staining the blue crystal around me. I'm beginning to feel dizzy and lightheaded from lack of oxygen. I told Ein that I would not die here, but I'm starting to lose confidence in my own words. Malice's aim was true--though none of my vital organs were damaged, the lower muscles of my right wing have been severed. Unless I can see a skilled healer quickly, the injury may not recover properly, and I will never fly again... at the very least...
And I was only injured because I failed in my duty, the one and only law of the Grim Angels: To carry out the true will of the gods...
Yes... though it may be unthinkable, I, Ledah Rozwelli, have failed...
When I became a Grim Angel, I was made as much of a weapon in the gods' hands as Lorelei is in my own. The loss of my emotions meant that I would take any and all orders without question, meting out judgement as the Magi saw fit. Destroying demons, destroying those who opposed the gods... that was all I was allowed to concern myself with, not questions of right or wrong. I even lost sight of what drove me to become a Grim Angel in the first place...
The outbreak of demons in Heaven's Gate so many years ago was what convinced the Magi that action needed to be taken, with Hector arguing the cause of the Retribution all the way. It was, in fact, the true reason why Ein even came to be--a child created purely of the Magi's power, destined to become a Grim Angel in ways that no one could fight. It was his purpose, his reason for being... what caused him to be shunned and avoided by the other angels of Asgard, which, in turn, was why I befriended him myself at all.
But one Grim Angel was not enough, and so Asgard's strongest were tested anyway...
In my foolishness, I had volunteered with the others...
But why? It's becoming hard to remember, the sensations I had received during the years I did not have to carry this emptiness, this constant ache in my breast. Why had I become such a finely crafted tool, used just as easily in the hands of evil as the hands of good...?
---
"Minna-sama, the next sample is here... 1482, you may enter."
Slowly, I walked into the room, willing my shoulders to stop shaking. I'd had next to no contact with the Magi over the course of my life, and right here before me were two of them, the divine proxies of the gods entrusted with the protection of this plane as well as all of Midgard.
The soldier just a few feet behind me softly but meaningfully knocked the butt of his spear against the floor. I got it. Hoping my apprehension wouldn't show, I walked more quickly, until I was standing just a wingspan away from the pair of them. I considered kneeling, but discarded the notion. I was here to become a Grim Angel, their servant in the truest form of the word. Hopefully, that would be enough display of devotion.
The two Magi were almost indistinguishable but for their hair and the color of their robes; their hoods mostly covered their faces so I couldn't see their eyes. The one to the right, robed in deep blue and violet with the inverse icon of a delta inscribed upon the forefront of his hood, I knew to be Hector; the one to the left, with two long locks of chestnut hair trailing down her chest, slightly pinker robes, and a deep burgundy omega on her hood, was Celina. I looked from one to the other and bowed my head slightly to each of them, not wanting to show either any sign of disrespect. I sent a desperate prayer to the lost gods that neither of them would notice the uncontrollable trembling of my fisted hands, or the rustling of feathers as my white wings shook along with them.
"Name?" Hector asked brusquely, sounding almost bored.
"Ledah Rozwelli... servant of the gods," I whispered. There was a very distinct quaver to my voice, and I groaned inwardly. What they had to be thinking of me, now that I was showing myself to be so afraid, despite my will for control...
"The sample has shown evenly high scores, despite his former passivity," the soldier behind me commented. "For one who spends most of his time in the library, he's a fine hand with a weapon once you haul him into the practice courts."
"There is no shame in the pursuit of knowledge--the gods know that if it hadn't been for that, Hector and I would not hold our current station," Celina said mildly. "Be polite. Rozwelli-san has shown the courage to attempt the preliminary examinations, unlike most of the citizens of Asgard." Peeking over my shoulder, I noticed the guard's face purpling. "Not to mention, he's the only one of those who have attempted these trials to outscore our young Miss Ructor on even the Divine Scale."
"My apologies," the soldier said stiffly.
Ructor. So Malice had gone through the trials, as I'd suspected she would. It surprised me a little that I'd outscored her at all--she'd been spending so much time practicing with every weapon imaginable, we almost never saw her anymore. Which was all as well. Over the years, she'd grown increasingly hostile and short-tempered--I doubted that she and Ein would even recognize each other anymore. It was a far cry from the days when she was still considered to be noble even in the loosest regard, the days when she had stolen moments to read with us about Ragnarok while she was on errands around town for her mother...
But ever since those fateful days when Rizuna-sama had become ill for the final time, she'd grown obsessed with becoming more and more powerful, shutting everyone else out. She hated the demons, hated the world. She was so preoccupied with becoming a Grim Angel that she had no time for anything else, and in the brief moments I caught sight of her, I could see the toll her choice of life had taken. Though a nearly-grown woman only a few years younger than me, she was all muscle, no curves. I would never know why exactly Ein was so obsessed with attempting to steal a peek at her while she bathed--she had nearly no breasts, and while she could be considered beautiful in a crystalline, distant way, she was hard and cruel. Her eyes, once the color of the bright sky when we had all been children, were now black as onyx.
"Any anomalies we need worry about?" Hector asked, sounding as though he just wanted to get things over with.
"No, my lord. None. He is in peak physical condition with little history of illness. The Rozwelli family has always been very devoted to the will of the Magi, even if they do tend to carry ruin in their blood."
"That will be quite enough out of you," Celina told him, a slight edge to her voice. "Any participant in these trials far outranks any soldier of the Magi's guard--it's not your place to harrass this young man." I could almost hear the soldier's spine fuse, and wondered why Celina seemed so motivated to defend me. "Now. I don't see any point in postponing the true trials--so if you are willing, Hector, we shall proceed directly to the first stage."
"I don't see any reason not to," Hector said. Why didn't he care, when Celina seemed to take so much interest?
"Neither do I, considering that Ecthel's trial will commence in six or seven years and it will be helpful for him to have someone to rely on already within our ranks." Ecthel? Who...? "Now, Rozwelli-san, allow me to explain the test to you. The stages of these final trials are designed to construct your Diviner--while its shell will be prepared by the smithy out of orihalcon, the true heart of your weapon must be created by you and you alone. During the first stage, you will be submerged within the Angelic Reactor in the adjoining room. The contact of the fluid against your skin will begin to build the Divine Core that is needed to forge your Diviner. It is possible, however, that your body will underreact or overreact, and in that case, you will fail and the Divine Core will be lost. It is then impossible to retake this trial or become a Grim Angel any other way.
"It will take time to complete the Divine Core, but if everything goes right, your body will be able to absorb some small amount of oxygen as the reactive liquid touches your skin. The need to breathe will be bad, but not unbearable--it is the contact with the liquid itself that makes this a trial. It will be painful... excruciating. You will only be able to stand it for so long, and if you no longer can, signal us and the trial will end instantly. The angels who overreact to the fluid often die before there is a chance to safely remove them. The risks are great. I will not have you go into this trial unprepared. Do you accept?"
My mouth was dry, but somehow I summoned the strength to respond. "Yes."
Celina was silent, but after a few moments, she spoke again. "Why?"
The question caught me off-guard. For the glory and protection of Asgard, I wanted to say, but something stopped me--I knew Celina wanted the real reason I was willing to become a Grim Angel, to suffer and possibly die in my service to this city.
"Because... there's someone I want to protect," I said at last. Celina said nothing, but somehow I felt that she was pleased. "Because I... I want to protect Ein, for as long as I can...! I love Asgard, and my friends and family here... but I really want to be a Grim Angel... to protect Ein, guard him for as long as I can, fight beside him if need be. He's been alone for so long, and if the two of us don't become Grim Angels together, he'll just be all alone again when it's his time."
"And does Ecthel mean that much to you?" Hector asked sardonically.
At my confusion, Celina smiled slightly. "Ein is Ecthel's child-name, which he will hopefully outgrow when he himself passes these trials. Is he important enough to you to risk everything?"
"...Yes." I'd never spoken a truer word in my life.
"Because, Ledah Rozwelli... it is impossible to protect anyone forever..."
"I don't care. Even if I'm never any use at all, even if I'm just a burden when the time comes... I will be able to protect him for now. And that's all that truly matters."
Celina's small smile grew. "If you succeed these trials, Ledah... you will become a fine Grim Angel, indeed."
---
I succeeded then, but I have failed now. Failed the gods. Failed the Magi who still hold themselves true to the gods' will. Failed myself, by letting my guard down and allowing myself to be injured so badly. And failed Ein... by being unable to keep my promise to protect him...
But perhaps by now, he has outgrown the need for that protection. When the two of us set out for Heaven's Gate, he was as weak as any newborn, completely dependent upon my power and experience to develop and grow, still unused to life without his wings...
Those wings, with their unusual greenish sheen...
Yet, during the time we spent apart, he has changed somehow, grown. Though still hampered by his emotional attachments, he has discovered true strength within his Einherjar, within the Sprites who look to him for leadership. Within his own heart.
His power now far eclipses my own...
Ein... perhaps he can really do what I cannot, find the answers I have sought all my life, discover the strength to stand against those he once trusted.
Ein's need for friendship and support, which I had not long ago considered a weakness... may actually be his greatest strength...
Extricating my left hand from Lorelei's hilt, I set my fingers to my own chest and idly trace the ugly, circular scar where, so many years ago, Hector reached into my body and ripped out part of my spiritual heart.
It's never faded. No matter how long I live, it never will. That knowledge came with my gradual acceptance of my role as a Grim Angel, with my realization that Lorelei is my heart now.
But strangely...
At this moment...
My chest doesn't feel quite so empty anymore...
And though this pain, I'm beginning to realize that I still have desire left in me. Two desires, stronger than I knew would be possible for me, for the forsaken shell of Ledah Rozwelli, the angel without emotion.
I... I want to be with Ein...
To relinquish my lonely duty and finally sleep in his arms...
But even more than that...
I still want to protect him...
How foolish...
Ein is stronger than me, stronger than I will ever be. It was he who sought to protect me from my own self-disregard and sense of honor, he who had real tears in his eyes when he believed me dying from the blow to my unguarded back. This rediscovered need of mine makes no sense.
And yet...
Just maybe...
I can protect him... one last time...
Feeling myself faintly beginning to smile, I twist my hand behind my back until I can feel it wet with my own blood, then trace the rune on the crystal below me and whisper the trigger to the spell.
Whether or not I have been redeemed of my failures... whether or not I am still considered fallen... and the answers I have always sought... no longer seem quite so important to me.
And duty?
...I have my duty...
Ein is the one who will open the door. He no longer needs me. After this, he will find his own victory and glory.
This is the last thing I can or will ever do for him.
I cannot protect him forever. But I can protect him now.
And as I told Celina so long ago...
...That is all that matters...
---
"...But playtime's over! You die now!"
The image cleared before him; as Malice caught sight of him, her eyes widened, though she did not check her attack.
"Oh no, you don't!"
It came in a brilliant flash of pain--first cold and numbed by shock, then hot with agony, starting to throb as the blood began to well. He couldn't help it--he cried out, voice twisted by his weak attempt to suppress the sound.
He could hear Ein cry out his name behind him; Malice was standing there looking irritated and grudgingly impressed that he was still (barely) on his feet.
She threw Ein a challenge, then flew off in a blur of black wings. To an outsider, she might have seemed unharmed, but he knew better--Ein's attacks had scored deeply upon her. If she were to continue their battle now that she had lost the element of surprise, she would surely be killed... so she'd run. A logical tactical choice, if a somewhat dishonorable one.
He turned, swayed, and barely caught himself with Lorelei, once again desperatly clutching its hilt to stay upright. "It seems... I made it in time..." His voice was weak, shattered by the pain of his wounds.
Above the mind-shout of his familiar, Ein cried out, horror on his face as he spread his hands helplessly. "Ledah! Why!"
"You are the most fit to carry out the mission," he managed. "It's simple reasoning."
"But you shielded me...!" the younger angel shouted, pain etched deeply into his face as he took a short step forward.
He coughed, leaning a little harder on his Diviner. "I understand now..." he murmured, his breath starting to rasp. "Hector... is the source. Malice revived the Accursed..." He shook his head painfully. "And Hector was the one that ordered it... so he could begin the Retribution. By returning Riviera to nothingness, Hector plans on becoming the one and only god. We were deceived by him." He let out a long, shuddering sigh, hanging his head in defeat. "I have failed... as a Grim Angel..."
Ein was standing only a wingspan away from him now, eyes huge with mingled shock and grief.
Catching the catlike figure hovering just over the young angel's right shoulder, he smiled almost bitterly. "Heh... Familiar, long ago... you asked me... what I lost as a Grim Angel, correct?" He looked up, his pain visible in his eyes. "That which I lost... were my emotions... thanks to that, I could manage any mission easily."
"Ledah..." It was only a whisper now, with Ein taking a few steps closer, tears of sympathy forming in those endlessly cobalt eyes.
"You were nothing but a nuisance to me," he said quickly, softly. "Thinking, worrying, doubting... watching you, I felt something similar to anger. But I realize now that that wasn't anger... I may actually have been envious of you. You, who were as weak as a newborn child... returned far stronger than thought possible." His chest was growing tight--it was getting harder and harder to speak. "Ein... you might..." He coughed briefly and looked pleadingly up at his old companion. "You just might... be able to find it... the answer... I could not find... no matter how hard I tried as a Grim Angel..."
His grip on Lorelei faltered and slipped, sending him slumping forward. With a short cry, Ein reached out and caught him, folding his arms around the failing body of his friend.
Looking up, he felt his vision beginning to haze and tried to blink away the blurriness. Silent tears were coursing swiftly down Ein's cheeks, his lips parted as though he were about to call or cry something that had gotten caught in the sharp knot stuck in his throat. To those crimson eyes, he suddenly seemed so young and fragile... as if he were the tiny child with the fell destiny once again, turned away by all and completely starved of love.
Love... that only one angel in all of Asgard ever gave him...
Reaching up with one cold, trembling hand, he firmly cupped Ein's cheek, turning the hesitant touch into a caress by wiping away an errant tear with a gentle movement of his thumb. The blur had returned, and no amount of blinking could force it away. There was a soft prickle behind his eyes, and then the slight surprise of one hot teardrop sliding slowly over the contours of his face.
Voice twisted with tears, he spoke: "Farewell... Ein..."
Shaking his head, Ein finally freed the scream he'd caged inside himself: "Ledah!"
From somewhere far off, he could hear the familiar wailing his name as well, but his focus was on Ein's repeated pleas. The sound of his own name had never before been so sweet.
Tense and terrified, Ein shook him, his voice taking a sharp turn up in fear: "Ledaaaaah!"
The whisper was hard to force out, but he managed it somehow. "Live..."
He could no longer keep his eyes open, but slumped in darkness against Ein's warm chest, soothed and lulled by the frantic beating of the other angel's heart.
With Ein's arms tight around him, he drifted slowly into sleep.
And within a matter of seconds, the heavy flow of blood from his torn chest and back slowed, then ceased.
But Ein kept hanging on, screaming out his lost friend's name, unwilling or unable to accept the truth in the blindness of terrified love.
"Ledah! LEDAH!"
-fin-