James stood at the entryway of the nursery room, watching his wife and son sleep. His wife, beautiful even with her eyes shut (cheeks flushed, pink lips parted and a halo of red hair), sat in the rocking chair, to the side of the crib.
In a white crib with blue sheets laid Harry, his firstborn son. Only months old and he has a full set of hair. James' eyes crinkled as he recalled Lily complaining about having to brush Harry's hair so early and he's not even a girl, James! What am I to do with the both of you! Despite her complaints, she would contently smiled and hummed softly as she ran the brush through Harry's hair, untangling the knots.
James, at first, thought the happy moments would be more than enough to make up for the war and all the sacrifices James made. He gave up being an auror in the field and transferred to desk duty.
Desk Duty! At his age.
James spent his time, filling and filing reports. While James told everyone it was his decision, it was not. Lily nagged him, day and night, even on the long days when he worked overtime and wanted to sleep. But, Lily would be there, holding Harry on her hips, scowling all the while and a long lecture on the tip of her tongue. James didn't understand how his parents handle a baby at their age and he can't even handle spending an hour with his wife.
At times, James would busy, either cleaning the house or cleaning bottles by hand because it's just safer. Please for me, James and Harry as well; would feel the gaze of his wife on his back. Without fail, James' hands twitched, as if eager to grab a wand and shoot off a curse. But, James would hold firm and glance over his shoulder casually, to see Lily in her blue dressing robe, staring at James as if accusing him of something.
James would play stupid, smiling at Lily, and ask her if she's fine. He would approach her, his charm on full force and coax her to take a seat while he makes some tea for her. Harry would be taking a nap in his crib. Lily sat on the chair, a whoosh of air escaping her lips. Making sure Lily was occupied with staring at the walls, James quickly waved his wand, cleaning the bottles and preparing hot water in seconds. Prepping the cups and tea bags, James made the tea efficiently and fast. Lily's muggle quirks had endeared James in the beginning at least.
Now, it annoyed him. How naive Lily is being and demanding that James changes his habits as if that was a priority. The constant pressuring to do everything like Lily. Rocking Harry with both hands and not one.
Refilling the tea pot with water manually.
Making the bed by hand.
Sweeping with the broom.
Using coasters.
Basically, anything that could have been done in seconds. James wondered if Lily is actually punishing him. James grew up with magic present and is able to cast a lot of spells without a wand. Cleaning and moving objects came naturally to James. On the other hand, Lily require the use of her wand for the same spells and without fail, barked at James to do it by hand. Once, James fought back, arguing with Lily about her demands, asking if she insecure about her magic capabilities. The minute the question came out of his mouth, he winced and opened his mouth to apologize.
But, James had already attack Lily's person, her personal pride and the smidge of superiority complex inside her had taken a hit.
She exploded. Her fury spewed at James, her face flushed and small spits flying out of her mouth. She criticize James's appearance, personality, habits and even went as far to call him a bully for what happened in Hogwarts. James didn't bother defending himself, choosing to remain silent and watch quietly as Lily hid herself in the nursery with Harry. For an entire week, she didn't speak to James. Not a single word and always held Harry out of reach from James grasp. Every time Harry would awake during the night, James would get up to check on his son; only to find Lily already there, rocking and shushing Harry. Their eyes had met; green with hazel. Lily didn't say anything but her eyes already told James everything.
Shut the door.
James shut the door and went back to the master bedroom, crawled into the bed that he and Lily shared and fell asleep.
James' mouth twisted, brought back to reality by the sound of rustling from Harry's crib. He entered the nursery, standing over Harry as his son's mouth open and yawned, his little hands curling up before releasing and his body relaxed, asleep already.
He should feel guilt. He should feel an all consuming love for his son. He should stay in this marriage for his son. But, James already knew. His son barely saw him. Whenever Lily got into her vindictive moods, she withhold Harry from James. Without telling James, Lily would take Harry with her to visit her parents or out to lunch with her friends. The first time it happened, James worked himself into a frenzy, flooing all his friends and his parents, asking if they had seen Lily and Harry. In the end, one of Lily's friends had received a called from Sirius, asking about Lily and Harry and she told Sirius that she met up with Lily for breakfast and Lily had left for her parent's house. Sirius told James and stayed over at James's place until Lily returned.
When Lily entered the home, exhausted but fulfilled as she spent her day with Harry, family and friends. As far as she was concerned, she had a great or rather fantastic day.
James sat on the sofa, aware that his wife returned home but after spending the first hours of his morning out of his mind with worry, chose to ignored her existence. His hazel eyes dulled and his mouth twisted into a grimace of pain. Sirius awkwardly left the house, eying Lily's happiness and James' despondent mood.
Still, James cared for his son. And he knew he loves Lily but there are simmering feelings of resentment towards her. Lily had a fiery and shameless personality. Her one-sided view of the world, showing how privilege her life continues to be.
Lily moved from her parent's beautiful two-story house to James' small but simple and elegant cottage. At first, the newlyweds lived in the Potter Manor but Lily objected to living with James' parents so he made arrangements to move them to the cottage.
Now, James wondered if he made a mistake, proposing to Lily right after they graduated. James had been riding the high, eager to start his life as he was accepted into the auror program just after graduating from Hogwarts school. Of course his acceptance into the Auror program had been because of his Family name and his recommendation from McGonagall and Dumbledore. Before James knew it, he entered the Family vault to pick out a ring that would fit Lily and plan out the proposal with Remus and Sirius. Remus had been dubious, quick to ask questions and attempted to persuade James to think it over a little longer; while Sirius, ever the brash Gryffindor clapped Remus on the shoulder and waved away his friend's worry.
Soon enough, Lily proudly showed the engagement to her family and to her friends. Her voice prideful and fond as she recounted the proposal story to everyone who ask.
James stood by Lily as she boasted about her ring, smiling all the while. Despite James' obvious enjoyment, it wasn't enough. From there, everything went downhill. Lily's temperament, became too much handle, even on James' days off. The war with the Dark Lord simmered in the background of James and Lily life.
Lily had the same spirit, just less of the ambitious nature that she had shown in Hogwarts. Her talent in Charms and Potions made her popular among the students and professors alike. Somewhere, her drive disappeared and James knew it had to do with Harry. Harry had been born in 1980 of July. It was a surprise to the couple as they weren't exactly planning for a child. It took Lily a year after James' proposal to sort out all the details for the wedding. So when Lily had experienced pregnancy symptoms a year after they were officially married, it threw them for a loop.
Standing there over his little family, James had the slither of guilt for what he was about to do. As a father and husband, James had the duty to care and protect his family.
Especially with the Dark Lord and his loyal death eaters.
But James is a weak man to his desires and he had no intention to deny himself paradise. Despite the unequal balance in their relationship, with Lily in charge and James trailing along, James had treated himself and had essentially sowed his oats, as they'd say.
With Lily, he saw a perfect paradise and he knew whenever Lily looked into his eyes, she saw something that would make her happy.
But after being with his lover, James no longer had the same desires as his wife. This decision he made; he made with himself in mind. James wanted to be happy and in those small moments he had with his partner, made everything worth it. Abandoning his family.
Cheating on his wife with another man.
With her best friend no less.
While he knew the two friends had a fallout after graduation. Apparently, Lily's dear childhood friend had chosen to live with the Malfoy's, leaving Lily crushed and betrayed. Lily viewed him as good as dead as the Malfoys' always want to be in the center of the attention. His wife ended all communications with Severus and agree to name Sirius as Godfather to their son.
That's right. Severus Snape, his rival from Hogwarts. James met Severus at a seedy bar, chugging down drinks to forget the drama that awaited him when he got home. At the time, James remain dressed in his Auror uniform, uncaring that some of the muggles were giving him sidelong looks. Severus noticed his enemy the minute he entered the room, easily spotted because of the red uniform. James' eyes were already glazed over and Severus quickly drag James out of the bar, hissing. James remembered Severus calling him all sorts of names.
James spend the night at Severus' house, passing out on the sofa after puking in the toilet. Severus glared in disgust as he knew he would be the one cleaning the mess up. Severus had never been so thankful to be a wizard in that moment. James woke up with a bad hangover, his uniform rumpled and in need of desperate ironing. His mouth sticky and dry from puking and his breath reek. Severus had been leaning against a beam, watching Potter moved about. James had never thought he would see Severus but somehow Fate wasn't on his side. Without a word, Severus withdrew his wand and casted a spell on James. Before James knew it, he was kick out of the house and landed on his ass in a muggle alleyway. James had sat on the dirty ground, befuddled and confused as to how Snape manage to cast him out without a portkey.
Since then, James continue to visit the bar and he would see Severus sipping his drink in the darkest corner of the bar, near a exit. James snorted but joined Severus at the table. The greasy Slytherin bared his teeth at James, his eyes glaring and James still sat down, uncaring. The two enemies would sit at the table, drinking and for once, James didn't chug down drinks like crazy, choosing to sip and enjoy the burn of the alcohol. James would always return home, to Lily and Harry but after weeks of this routine, one day, James hesitated and Severus paused as well. The two stood in the alley, watching each other.
James wanted to make the first move but he was slightly afraid of Severus' reaction. So James took a step forward and waited.
Severus took one...two...three...four steps forward. From this distance, James could see the shiny and smooth texture of Severus' limp black hair, his black eyes and his pale skin. Oddly enough, Severus had long fan-like eyelashes, touching his skin every time he blink. His cheeks were flushed a pale pink, unlike his dear wife who always sported a pretty pink blush.
And lips. Severus' lips.
Lily always wore pink lip gloss. She always says she hated the color red on her lips.
All in all, Severus shouldn't inspire any type of sexual desire. It's not like James popped a boner immediately or anything. More like, James was curious. Severus had thin lips but the shape of his lips was what drew James in.
Severus' red lips were shaped like a heart, small. Unlike Lily's lip with her full bottom lip and her cupid's bow, painted pink and shiny; Severus' heart-shape mouth was alluring.
Still is alluring is what James meant to say. James is a selfish man and he has no intention of letting his lover go.
That's why he's leaving. James gave his wife and son one long look before turning away and setting on top of the dresser, papers. At the bottom of the papers, James had already signed, his messy signature.
Underneath all the papers, laid an envelope with Lily's name. James wrote out everything; his unhappiness with the marriage and his affair. He didn't mention who the other person was, leaving that to Lily's imagination.
James shut the door behind him and his emotions churred inside him. Doubt, confusion, hurt, sadness and fear. But love, this all consuming love for Severus. The affair between them isn't meant to last this long. James was supposed to end the affair, choosing Lily and Harry in the end, leaving Severus to his fate. But that wasn't how it played out. James had foolishly convinced himself that he could leave at any time, that Severus would be the heartbroken one.
In the end, after another passionate lovemaking on Severus' king bed, James remained on top of Severus, holding Severus' long pale legs open; he kissed the white neck before him, biting and sucking. Severus hissed and whimpered, gripping James' forearms. James knew Severus wanted to tell him to stop but his Severus loves being tortured, his skin tingling from his orgasm and his oversensitive body twitching and contracting around James (who remain inside Severus.)
James pulled back to stare at Severus, panting breathlessly and James had said "Ask me to leave her."
Severus froze instantly. His wide eyes stared at James, his body trembling. "What?"
James froze as well. Fear written across his handsome features and Severus quickly shove James off him. Severus gasped, unable to control his body response to James leaving his body so abruptly.
"What the fuck?" Severus wrapped the sheet around his body. He wanted to be out of the bed but his legs were jelly. James sat back on his legs, his body bare and naked for Severus to see.
Usually, Severus would enjoy the sight but at the moment, Severus wanted to be anywhere but here.
"I don't know what I was thinking" James says, confusion in his voice.
"Well, same here!" Severus quips, leaning against the headboard.
Awkward silence.
"You should leave. Lily might be wondering where you are" Severus says, clearing his throat.
James stared at Severus. They both knew Lily didn't care where he was as long as he made it home the next day.
Nonetheless, James stood and dressed himself. He slip on his pants, no underwear and pick up his shirt. He walk out, in a dazed. Severus remained on the bed, the room smelling of sex. All of Severus' control went into pretending everything was okay; that his heart didn't skip a beat at James' comment.
Severus blinked rapidly, chasing away the tears, sniffing.
James barged back into the room, still shirtless. He held the shirt in his hand, confusion still on his face as he open his mouth and shut it. This repeated a couple of times before James said "I don't want to leave."
Severus discreetly wipe his nose, trembling from the cold air. "I don't care. I don't want you here."
"But I want to be here."
Severus stiffen. His black eyes trained on the bed sheet. "What are you talking about?"
"I mean, I don't want to go back to Lily. I want to be here. With you." James took a step forward. "I want to wake up next to you every morning." Another step.
"I want to make you breakfast." Another one.
"I want to buy you flowers and jewelry." Another one.
"I want to show you off, hold your hand and kiss your cute lips whenever I want" James crawled onto the bed.
Severus had this confusion and irate expression. "Are you joking?"
James shook his head.
"Why?"
James shrugged his shoulders. That made Severus annoyed. James interrupted his lover before he could go off on a rant, "I love you."
A tear leak out of Severus' eye. "I don't understand."
James chuckled, his hazel eyes shining brightly. "It's a love confession, Severus. Haven't you ever had one before?"
Severus shook his head. Then crawled his way to James, letting the sheet fall away. Naked like James, Severus peered into James' eyes, searching for an answer. A reason for James' sudden confession.
"Do you mean it?"
James nodded.
"So, you love me?"
James nodded again, eyes trained on Severus.
Severus leaned into James' embrace; the tremors stopping once James' wrap his arms around Severus' waist.
"Then, I want you to leave her for me. Please don't go back to her."
The two lovers left for another country, holding hands and both idly wondered if they would ever return to Britain.