Disclaimer: Supernatural and its characters are the property of Eric Kripke. Sadly, I do not own any of these guys.
A/N: This was written for Unattainable Dreams' December Prompt Exchange Challenge. My prompt was "Break it before it breaks you." [Sent by BananaPeaceMonkeyKarmi]. Please tell me what you think - I love getting lots of feedback.
The first time Ruby came to see him after Dean's death, Sam had just buried his older brother's body beneath six feet of dry earth, marking the grave with only a small wooden cross tied together with baling twine. Bobby had left him there to grieve an hour ago and Sam assumed he was alone, so he barely noticed her standing there for several minutes. When he did he only sighed, shaking his head and turning away from her with a noticeable droop in his shoulders.
What point was there in talking to her now? Any powers he might or might not have, any help she might have been able to offer – all of it was useless now. Dean was dead; the older brother who had been more of a father to him than John ever had was in Hell, and there wasn't a thing Sam could do to bring him back. Once again, his father and brother had decided they knew what was best for him better than he did himself. And once again, he'd been left to face the consequences when they'd been wrong.
That thought filled his eyes with fresh tears, and he sank to his knees before Dean's grave, punching the earth with his fist before he buried his face in his hands and shook with silent sobs. Ruby sighed, kneeling down beside him and tentatively placing a slender hand on his shaking back. He tensed at first, but after a moment he turned toward her, letting her wrap her arms around him and burying his tear-stained face in her shirt.
"Sam," she said softly, petting his shaggy hair as affectionately as a demon could. "Sam, it'll be alright. You're okay…"
"No," Sam whispered, his voice muffled against her shoulder. "I'm not okay. Dean's in Hell because he sold his soul for me, Ruby, and I was too weak to save him. What about that is okay?"
"Shh, I know. None of that's right, Sam. None of it. But you can't let this stop you. Lilith is still out there, and she still wants you dead whether Dean's here or not. If you want to do your brother's memory justice, you have to keep fighting even though he's gone. Do you understand?"
Sam nodded, pulling away from her and wiping the tears off of his face before staring into her cold eyes. "What do I need to do?"
"You've always had a heart of glass, and that's your greatest weakness. You need to toughen up, and break it before it breaks you. Learn to have a heart of stone; that's how you'll survive in a world like this. Come with me. I can show you what to do."
She stood up, extending her hand to Sam, and he closed his eyes for a moment, knowing that if he accepted the help of a demon there would likely be no going back.
Forgive me, Dean.
Then his eyes hardened, and with his hand in Ruby's they walked away, not once looking back at the place where the elder Winchester's body lay in eternal repose. And until Castiel pulled Dean up from the grave four months later, that would be the last tear Sam Winchester ever shed.
The next time Ruby came for him was only days after the first, and this time she'd brought along a demon imprisoned by chains engraved with the symbol of a Devil's Trap. When Sam looked at her questioningly, she just smirked, throwing the other demon down on the ground and gesturing for Sam to start doing something to it.
He just stared at her, and she finally rolled her eyes and sighed.
"What, Sam?"
"What do you want me to do with him?" the younger Winchester asked, crossing his arms and staring at the weakened demon.
"Exorcise him, of course!" Ruby spat, as if that should have been obvious.
"Hm. Alright, then. Exorcizamus te, omnis –"
"No, no, no! Use your powers to do it, idiot!"
"I can exorcise demons with my powers?"
Ruby sighed. This was going to be a long day.
Weeks passed, and Sam continued to improve his skills under Ruby's tutelage. Over time, he managed to stop thinking about Dean so often, sometimes even forgetting he had ever had a brother at all. Bobby had called a few times and left messages of concern for Sam's well-being, but the younger hunter had never answered them. Bobby was someone from the past; Sam had no time for him now. When he had managed to successfully exorcise a demon who wasn't bound and weakened, Ruby decided it was time to give Sam a little boost in his powers, and that was how they came to be in another seedy motel on the edge of town, sitting on the creaky old bed while Ruby cut a long slice into the flesh of her arm and offered it to him.
"Ruby…" Sam said quietly, staring wide-eyed at the cut on the demon's arm as he watched the blood well up and drip down her skin. "I don't think I can do this. It's one thing to use my powers, but drinking demon blood –"
"Shut up!" Ruby snapped, grabbing Sam's hand and pulling him down into a quick, fierce kiss so rough it made their teeth scrape together painfully. "You trust me, don't you Sam? This is the only way you'll ever be strong enough to defeat Lilith and you know it. Your powers are demonic, and you need a demon's help to fully awaken them. And not to be a downer or anything, but I'm pretty sure there aren't a lot of other demons willing to slice themselves open like this for you."
Sam gulped, still staring fearfully at the thickening blood on her forearm, and shook his head. "I know, but… I just don't think I can. If Dean were to see –"
"Dean's dead and buried, Sam! He's already food for the worms," Ruby growled, and Sam narrowed his eyes at the disrespectful way she talked about his brother. "He's been gone a month, and it's time you put him in the past and look toward the future. I know it hurts, but remember what I said: A guy like you can't afford to get so attached to people. That glass heart of yours will destroy you unless you harden it up."
Sam snorted, glaring at her while he spoke. "We both know my heart isn't made of glass anymore, Ruby, if it's even still there at all."
"Good, that means you have nothing to lose. Now come here." Ruby slowly raised her arm to her mouth, sucking up a mouthful of her own dark red blood and gently lowering Sam's head to hers again. She kissed him, softly this time, and he nearly gagged to feel the hot, sticky liquid pouring from her mouth into his while her tongue slid against his lips, leaving them red-stained as well.
When they pulled apart, Ruby smiled, licking a drop of blood off of her lips where it had dripped from his own, and squeezed his shoulder. "See? I knew you could do it."
Sam hiccuped and swallowed hard, feeling mouth water and his stomach lurch as it fought to reject the foreign, evil substance. He pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, hoping he wouldn't throw up all over Ruby and make a complete idiot of himself. But even as he waited to see if the blood would make a return appearance, he was surprised to notice a rush of power shooting through his veins, making him feel calm and confident and furious all at once. His heart began to beat so hard he thought it would burst from his ribcage, and he dropped to his knees, panting for breath as he waited for it to slow. His vision swam, and when his heartbeat finally eased back to an almost normal rate he was so dizzy that Ruby had to help him stand while he swayed on his feet.
"How does it feel?" Ruby asked with a smile, keeping her hand over his heart so she could feel it beating strongly beneath her fingers. "Do you feel any different?"
Oh boy, did he. The rushing of power in his veins was a strange sensation, and from the moment it entered his body that there would be no going back now. When he was sure he could speak again without being sick, he nodded, staring at Ruby with eyes as cold and hard as steel.
"Yeah. You were right. Now let's go see what the Devil's Trap caught; we have work to do."
Ruby smiled. "That's my boy."