For Chloe
"SUP HOMO!" Karofsky yelled at the scrawny little Glee-boy.
"Please…don't hurt me…this is a new shirt, I don't wanna get blood on it…" he whimpered.
"DO IT CHOCOLATE BEAR!"
Azimio jumped out from behind the bathroom door and threw a strawberry slushy in the little one's face. "THAT'S HOW WE GET THINGS DONE, HOMO!"
"I don't understand…" he said, wiping reddish-pink ice from his face, "…did you just call him 'Chocolate Bear'?"
"…no..." Karofsky stammered, looking to Azimio for help.
"Watch ya'self, Hilary Duff," Azimio said, poking him in the chest. "You keep up that smart mouth, we'll get you harder next time."
The boy scurried off. Karofsky and Azimio high-fived. "That was close, Chocolate Bear."
"I know, Snugglepuss. We're gonna have to tone it way down, or people are going to think we're gay."
"Like WE could ever be gay."
"I know! HA!"
Later, at their daily 1:15 Janitor's Closet makeout session, as things were getting hot and heavy, Azimio pondered out loud, "I wonder why anyone would ever think we're gay?"
Karofsky was kissing his neck, working his way down to his chest. "I dunno." He said, breathless. "It's like nobody knows the difference between 'just friends' and 'gay' anymore."
"It's only gay if you're completely naked when you're fucking."
"Exactly. And we wear cowboy hats!"
"And sometimes socks!"
"We are extremely no-homo, my friend." Karofsky replied, as he got on his knees and unzipped Azimio's pants.
"I knowwwwww…ohh, you're really good at that…"
There was a knock on the door. Both of the guys grunted in frustration and fixed themselves to look presentable. "Who is it?" Karofsky asked, irritated.
"It's Mr. Schue. Come out of there!"
"Oh, shit!" Azimio exclaimed, wiping the sweat off of his face on the end of Karofsky's shirt.
Finally, they opened the door to see Mr. Schue and Finn Hudson waiting outside.
"Thank God!" Mr. Schue exclaimed, pushing the two football players out of the closet and pulling Finn in by his t-shirt. "I am harder than a diamond in an ice storm."
"You're really into this, huh Mr. Schue?" Finn asked, grinning, yet looking very confused.
"I LOVE IT WHEN YOU CALL ME THAT!" he exclaimed, closing the door. Mere seconds later, you could hear him yelling, "THINK OF THE MAIL! THINK OF THE MAIL, FINN!" Whatever that meant.
"Total homos." Azimio observed.
"Oh yeah, butt pirates for sure." Karofsky agreed.
The two of them walked down the hallway, being careful to make sure their arms didn't actually touch…because that would be totally gay…when suddenly they came upon a group of weirdos: Wheelchair kid, gay kid, kid with the afro, Asian guy who dances, cheerleader who used to be pregnant, black girl, and freaky Asian girl. They circled the two of them.
"What the hell are you all doing?"
"You guys…are totally gay." Wheelchair kid said.
Karofsky growled. "No, we're not! I'm gonna kick your disabled ass!"
"You'll have to beat us all up…" Jewfro said. "We ALL think you're gay."
"What's the game plan, Snugglepuss?" Azimio whispered.
The group of freaks laughed. "You just called him 'Snugglepuss'! Are you two serious?" It was the gay kid.
"Listen, we are NOT gay!" Azimio insisted. "You guys just don't know what friendship looks like! ALL of you are gay because you sing songs and dance! You all are at least bisexual!"
"I don't sing and dance…" Jewfro whispered.
Karofsky punched him in the ear. "GET OUTTA HERE!"
"Good job!" Azimio nodded.
Suddenly, Finn and Mr. Schue left the closet, coming toward the scene, looking slightly disheveled.
"What's going on here?" Mr. Schue demanded.
"These freaks are calling us gay, Mr. Schue!"
"Well, aren't you?"
"Oh my GOD, NO. We are just friends!" Karofsky stomped his foot and put his hand on his hip. "How do you guys not get that?"
"You were in the janitor's closet together, guys…" Mr. Schue shrugged. "Your gayness is looking pretty legit."
"You and Finn just came out of that closet, Señior." Azimio pointed out.
Karofsky gazed at him admiringly. "You are so good at that Spanish!"
"Um," Mr. Schue stammered. "I was tutoring Finn in Spanish."
"In the janitor's closet?" Asian girl asked.
"Mr. Schue, I'm not even in your Spanish class anymore…" Finn admitted.
"Finn, shut up!" He cast a glare at him. Then, he looked around. "Where did Karofsky and Azimio go?"
They all looked. They were nowhere to be found.
"That was close, Snugglepuss." Azimio said, giving Karofsky an erotic massage as they sat next to the fireplace in Azimio's basement.
"Definitely. We are so lucky that Mr. Schue and Hudson are gay."
Azimio spooned up against Karofsky as they lay on the bearskin rug. "Do you ever think that we're…you know…gay?"
"No, babe…we keep clothes on at all times. We're just friends."
"Yeah, you're right. You're always right."
"Oh, you stop that." They giggled as they swatted playfully at each other. "I wish someone would understand that we're just friends."
"Someday, Snugglepuss. Someday."
And they kissed passionately as the fire began to die down. And later, Azimio's parents would find a pile of dirty clothes on the floor, that, as always, would be jeans, a shirt, underwear, a jacket, but mysteriously, no socks.