Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. I am not Matt Stone or Tray Parker nor am I even male.
A/N: This is my first S.P. fic... x I hope it isn't crap. This is just the beginning. Sometimes you'll see Stan's reactions, other times you'll only see Kyle's reaction to Stan's reaction.
Dear Stan~
What happens when one gets tired of life? Not meaning they want to die, but just stop living. When they're so tired of all the bullshit they go through every day, when they start seeing breathing as a pointless task? When nothing is going right anymore and the world and turned they're heart cold?
That's how I'm feeling about now. Honestly I'm just tired of breathing, blinking, eating, taking up space when someone could use this place I'm just taking up and do something worth while with it. Anybody could live this life better then I could. I've been given so many gifts, and I'm just wasting them, I've been given so many great friends, and I don't deserve them.
I'm undeserving of everything.
The pressure finally made its way to my brain and it shut down the only way it knew how. The way my mother was, the way Cartman treated me, school, everything finally got to me. Kenny became infatuated with Butters… and you had Wendy. Its not that you didn't have time for me, heck you blew her off for me way more then you blew me off for her, its just to much…
Nobody would ever expect this from me, huh? This is more your thing, huh Stan? I'm the one who's always smiling, endlessly happy… But that's only what I want everybody to thank, including you Stan. Inside I'm dying.
No I take that back.
I think I dyed a long time ago.
I don't even know how it happened, I just woke up one day and didn't care. About anything. I felt so empty, but not. It was so easy to get lost in that feeling and I started seeing everywhere my life sucked.
I take that back to. I cared, and still do, about you, but that was about it. The world could have rotted to hell and I would laugh.
Morbid? Yes, majorly.
Sad? Yes.
Do you care? Probably, but I'm not you so I can't tell for sure.
Do I? No... sick isn't? How far away I've drifted I mean. Its even sadder that I realize this but do nothing about it.
This is my cry for help.
I'm far beyond my own help.
Will you come for me?
I don't know… But I want you to. Hell I just want you.
Love kill, did you know?
Falling in love with you didn't make this happen though, it was just the last straw you could say. Seeing you with Wendy just…
It made me realize that you were the only thing that mattered in this life. Nothing else was important to me. Nothing else is still important to me. My looks are meaningless because you don't see me. My intelligence is useless because I can't figure out a way to make you love me. My art skills are worthless because I could never capture your likeness no matter how hard I tried.
This letter is crazy, right? A cry for help turned into a love note.
I'm a sick twisted person.
I can't take anymore.
~Kyle