Professor Greenleaf

by percylupin

Legolas should know by now not to listen to Gandalf. It always gets him into something dangerous. First he had to help with thirteen disgusting dwarves. Okay, that wasn't entirely Gandalf's fault, but Legolas likes to blame him. Next came the Fellowship of the Ring. Now, Legolas was off to *shudder* teach teenagers about defense.

I was bored, so I wrote this up. My first LotR and HP xover.

Legolas smiled nervously at his class. He was a warrior not a teacher, gods dammit. He was supposed to be out on the battle field. He did not belong in a classroom full of adolescent teens. Legolas waved awkwardly at his class. He was not awkward! He was graceful! Legolas took a deep breath. "Hello, class. I am Professor Lupin, and I am here to teach you defense." Damn this world. Elves did not live here. He had to hide his true self. He could not be who he truly was.

"Good afternoon, Professor," the class chorused. They were weak. Most of them would hardly be able to lift a blade.

"What do you know about defense?" Legolas asked his class.

A girl with bushy, brown hair shot her hand up into the air.

Legolas pointed at her. "Yes, Miss-" He left the sentence trailing.

"Granger," the girl smiled. "Hermione Granger, sir. Defense Against the Dark Arts is the art of defending one's self through the use of charms, curses, and hexes."

Legolas furrowed his brow. Hermione huffed, waiting for him to say if she was wrong or right. "Incorrect, Miss Granger." Hermione's eyes widened comically. The student's with the green robes were laughing hysterically. A black haired boy raised his hand. "Yes, Mr.-" Again Legolas left his sentence hanging.

"Harry Potter, sir. Um, Professor Lupin, Hermione is right. It says so in the book."

"Miss Granger is incorrect, Mr. Potter. I asked for what she knew about defense. I did not ask for the dictionary definition of Defense Against the Dark Arts. I already knew what it was. What I don't know is what you all know about just plain defense, no magic involved." The entire class stared at Legolas. "What is the matter with you lot?"

A blond boy raised his hand. Legolas pointed at him. "Draco Malfoy, Professor. It's just that no one, and I mean no one, has ever been able to prove Hermione wrong until now. It was actually really annoying."

"I know the feeling, Mr. Malfoy," Legolas smirked. Gandalf, damn that wizard, he was always right. "Would you care t share what you know about defense?"

Draco Malfoy smirked. "It's much more useful than magic, in my opinion. Different weapons such as swords, scythes, knives, daggers, bows and arrows, and war hammers can be used to defend yourself in battle. You can use them to block unfriendly hexes and curses, disarm your enemies, or, if worst comes to worst, kill your enemies. I find myself particular to hunting knives."

Legolas smiled. Someone did know something. Draco Malfoy reminded him of himself as a child. "That information is all true. Please, copy what Mr. Malfoy said down."

Harry Potter raised his hand again. Legolas nodded at him. "Professor, do you mean to say we won't be learning any magic in this class."

"No," Legolas said simply. "Muggles live their entire lives without magic. You lot can survive two hours a week." Legolas groaned. Why had he let Gandalf talk him into teaching humans.