How Could He Say No to That Face?

Author's Note: I've only ever seen the new TV show, so die hard fans, please don't hate me. Also, the reference to the doctor kissing Apollo is from the making of Battlestar Galatica show that SciFi had before the premier. If you didn't see it, well, then you missed one of the funniest moments ever. If not, then you'll understand the story better. But since it's a three page parody, "understanding" is a loose term anyway. And now on to the story!

Adam "Apollo" Lee noticed something odd as he stood next to his fighter-jet/spaceship on the carrier ship named Some-Greek-Reference and a Number.

"Is there something I can help you with?" He asked a tall young man, standing gaped mouth at him.

"I…er…I…no." The young man blushed and turned away quickly.

"RA! I'm so angry! So much anger! Look at me lash out!" Boomer yelled, storming into the spaceship cargo area.

"Boomer, I just don't understand why you're so mad?" Her nameless boyfriend asked, following behind.

"Because I'm a cylon." She paused. "Just kidding guys!" Everyone laughed along with Boomer. "Or am I?" Another pause. "Kidding, just kidding!" Again, everyone laughed. Apollo smiled and patted Boomer on the shoulder.

"Oh, Boomer. You're so unnaturally funny."

"I know. It's inhuman!" Her boyfriend chimed in.

"That's because I'm not human. I'm a robot sent to kill you who is having some unknown inner turmoil over it." She smiled.

"You're such a joker! Always with the jokes, hun Boomer?" Apollo laughed again. "Well, it's time for me to do some-odd duties as CAG leader." Walking off, he noticed again the tall young man, this time standing next to a spaceship/fighter-jet. He, again, was staring at Apollo.

"Hi, I don't think we've met." He introduced himself and thruster out his hand. "I'm Apollo."

"I know. I…I…can't remember my name." The young man stammered. "Um…"

Apollo gave him a strange look. "Are you a fighter?"

"Yes, I've just uh…I don't know where I am anymore." He stared at Apollo. After an awkward pause and finally said, "Can I touch your face?"

"Um…"

"OMGWTF! What am I saying?" He laughed nervously, "I have to go…somewhere that isn't here right now." Watching the tall young man run away, Apollo scratched his head.

"Well, that was odd. That's never happen to me before." He then proceeded to walk away from the cargo area and into the main hold where his father and some other officers were.

When Apollo entered, the room cleared.

"Wait! Everyone…come back!" He turned about the room, looking at the now empty room. "Why did everyone leave?"

"Because none of us want to be in the same shot as you." He heard a voice call.

"Father-sir?"

"Yes, Adam, it's me. I can be seen next to you anymore."

"Why?"
"Because you're just too good looking, son. I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell your mother looked liked like, but she must have been the-most-beautiful-women-in-the-world because you obviously didn't get that jaw line from me."

"But…I'll miss human companionship."

"I think you'll do just fine with that, don't worry."

"If you think so Father-sir." Apollo then walked south, people moving out of his way at a 20 foot radius. He entered the lounging/drinking/poker playing area and sat down, dejected.

Suddenly, he felt a presence next to him. He looked up and saw a short girl sitting next to him.

"Hi, I have to sit on you." She then proceeded to do just that.

"Um…do I know you?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I have to be touching you at all time. That's just how it is. You're just so amazingly, unbelievably good looking, that I am compelled to be in some kind of physical contact with you every moment that I see you."

"I…uh…" He began to stand up but as he did so, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and then threw her legs around his torso. He began to walk away from the lounging/drinking/poker playing area, her body still totally wrapped around him.

"How can I get rid of you?" He asked after dragging her for a few feet.

"I don't know. I wish I could tell you. But this is just how it's going to have to be." She said. Apollo slide down on to the floor. They remained like that for several minutes. Soon, the tall young man from before came all the corridor.

"Oberon!" The girl said. The young man, apparently named Oberon, turned and then paled.

"You and he…and you're touching him…I can't…" Oberon then fainted.

"Oh dear." She looked at Apollo. "If I close my eyes, will you pry me off of you?"

"Yes, yes I will."

She then closed her eyes and he pulled her off of him.

"Now, leave otherwise I'll have to jump you." Apollo obeyed quickly. Searching for relief, Apollo thought to take a shower.

So stripping down to nothing, Apollo turned on the hot, steamy water of the shower and stepped in.

After a time long enough to allow the author to have a nice little fantasy, Apollo left the shower, put on a towel and was met by Starbuck.

"What's the meaning of you not being able to be in a room with anyone else?" She yelled.

"You're in a room with me."

"That's because I'm a Strong Female Character and thusly I am not weakened by your gorgeous face and body-of-a-god."

"Oh." He thought for a moment, "Can I put some clothes on before I answer that?"

Starbuck paused, considering. "No."

"Um…" But before Apollo could answer, Dr. Crazy-Guy burst in, raving to himself.

"Yes, I know that Lee is handsome, but you're my girlfriend-cylon-chick! Despite the fact that no one can understand how I managed to bag you, I did! And it's going to remain like that for the rest of the series until the writers can think of another way to insert cylon-like drama into the show!" He left as quickly as he had come.

"Have you ever thought that it was strange that the doctor is always talking to him?" Apollo asked.

"I think it's stranger that he didn't kiss you when he had the chance."

"Nevermind. I'm going to change and then go to bed. I'm confused. I think if I go to sleep, maybe this will all be a bad dream." Apollo then put his clothes on and left the showers.

Walking towards his room, the tall young man named Oberon was standing nervously by the door.

"Hi, I'm really sorry that everyone has been acting really oddly around you lately, myself included."

"How are you able to talk to me now?"

"The author had to end the story with some kind of character growth, didn't she?"

"Oh ok." Apollo paused.

"I'm sorry the doctor didn't kiss you." Oberon said after a moment.

"It's okay."

"Can I touch your face?"

"Yes." And then Apollo and Oberon went into the room and shut the door behind them.

The end