A/N: If this is rubbish, don't blame me, blame the hour of writing it. So it was like 11:30PM and I couldn't sleep, so I put my iPod on random, and this song started, and I realised how Sephy/Callum it was, and then I tried to sleep, but I couldn't sleep, so I started to write this. By the time I finished it it was 12:55AM! So yeah…hopefully it's not rubbish…I'll let you, the reader, be the judge of that. *CHECKMATE SPOILERS! Just incase you've only read N&C* R&R this please!:
Leave Out All The Rest:
Callum:
I dreamed I was missing, You were so scared,
No one would listen Coz no one else cared
I knew I was going to be caught. I knew that right from when I helped Sephy get away, and any doubt I may've still had was removed as soon as I heard about her on the news and radio. I ended up walking straight into a trap, so really it's my own fault I'm sitting in a prison cell counting down the days to my death. Part of me thinks it was worth it, just to see Sephy one last time, to see her smile, and excited. But then her Dad, came and the police and neither of us were smiling anymore. I didn't blame, Sephy, I could never blame her, but I was almost sure she was blaming herself. So I have to stop her from blaming herself, because this isn't her fault, not in anyway. I want to see her, but I can't. I'm almost sure that Kamal has put in some order to stop me seeing her.
After my dreaming,
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving,
When I'm done here?
I realised my only way of communicating with Sephy now was through a letter. Ironic, this all started with a letter, and now it was all going to end with a letter. If only I hadn't been so late getting her letter, maybe we wouldn't be here. I mentally shock myself, it was pointless thinking about what may've been, I was here now, and nothing was going to change that. I just had to write this letter. But how was I supposed to start a letter like that. How was I supposed to put down on paper how I felt, how I have so many regrets but not necessarily the ones she'd expect me to have.And don't resent me, when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest.
So if you're asking me I want you to know
When my time comes forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reason to be missed.
Dear Sephy, life hasn't been fair on us.
I scribbled it out and started again.
Dear Sephy,
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. I want to say so much to you, but I don't know where to start or how to say it. I'm going to died. I know that as well as I know my own name. I'm going to die and there's nothing I can do about it.
Don't be afraid, I've taken my beating
I've shown that I'm me
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
I went on to write a page and a half about how I felt. It was the most honest thing I had ever wrote. It was more honest than I had even been with myself for a long long time. I told Sephy in it that I loved her more than life herself because it was true I did. I told her I didn't regret it, and that I loved our child. I told her everything….
…And then I screwed the letter up and threw it in the bin. Only to start a new letter, saying the oppositeAnd don't resent me, when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest.
So if you're asking me I want you to know
When my time comes forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reason to be missed.
Sephy,
I'm writing this to you because I want to know the way things really are. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life believing a lie.
I don't love you. I never did. You were just an assignment to me…
Forgetting, all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending, someone else can come and save me
From myself.
I can't be who you are
And this time I wrote about how someone like me could never possibly love someone like her, and how she needed to get over herself. I wrote about how glad I was she was having a Blankers child, because now the world would know what I did. I told her to forget me, because I had already forgotten her…
And not a word of it was even remotely close to being truthful. Tears forced their way down my face as I wrote this letter, but I made sure none reached the page, Sephy had to believe this letter.
When my time comes forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reason to be missed.
And don't resent me, when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest.
I'm sorry, Sephy.
I found myself crying myself to sleep that night. I hated what I had wrote, but even after a long argument with myself I still knew it was the right thing to do. If Sephy knew that I truly loved her she would never move on, but if she thought I hated her she would hate me too, and would move on.
Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending, someone else can come and save me
From myself
I can't be who you are.
I can't be who you are.
I'll always love you, Sephy, and I'm so so sorry.
A/N: If people reading this love Noughts and Crosses, please, please, please write FF for it. There's only like 31 N&C FFs on here…nowhere near enough. All the ones on FF I've read or written (I'm the only person who's wrote more than one), and I'd love to read some new ones. Let me know if you're going to write one, and I'll be the first to review it. If it's good I'll get all the peeps I know who like Noughts and Crosses to read it as well! Anything to get more Noughts and Crosses FF! I'll shut up now. Don't forget to review on ya way out!