a/n: I decided to write another F/S oneshot, because there's nothing else to do. Hope you guys like it, and please review, it would mean a lot. The summary and inspiration comes from Kesha's surprisingly good song, The Harold Song. It's quite touching, actually.
stay here, with me.
the life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed. / finn & santana, a moment too soon.
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The first time he kisses her is in a choir room, where glee club rehearsals are usually held, prior to engaging in a boring conversation and getting into a huge argument.
He really doesn't know what's going through his mind when he kisses her - all he sees are a world beneath his eyelids that seep into gray, and a variety of colors don't magically erupt around him and unicorns don't frolic, it's gray because her despair is contagious and slips into his world. It doesn't light up in color anymore, it's another explosive volcano of black and white and puzzle pieces that don't fit together.
She looks at him like he's done something wrong when she pulls away and opens her eyes, the dark shades of chocolate makes him feel like he's drowning in them, and then something softens in her eyes and color drains from her face. She stares at him as he looks at her, in the middle of the choir room when everyone had supposedly left and her breathing stops for exactly fifteen milliseconds.
And then - it happens. She begins grabbing her schoolbag, smoothing out her hair and biting her lower lip ferociously, and Finn stares at her the entire time in shock. She stops walking when he calls her name and turns around, and Finn notices her eyes are wet and sparkling. "Don't tell anyone." She demands through clenched teeth, and then after a full minute, she's gone.
.
She looks at herself through the mirror; a beautiful girl in sneakers, a mystery waiting to be solved, she covers herself up in dark nail polish and eyeliner and she seems so surreal and anticlimactic sometimes. She's just another lost girl floating above a sea of people, surrounded by cliques of girls and sometimes she wonders when it'll all end. But he unexpectedly sees the beauty in her tragedy, he could hug her and kiss her and that'll be all there is to it.
She breathes, but then it gets stuck in her throat. She thinks she sees her life flash before her eyes, because she's remembering flying kites and laughing and looking up at her mother who never really strokes her hair or kisses her cheek like all of the other mothers in her old preschool.
Santana looks at the world with rose-colored glasses, and her mother slips on dark shades and wears dark eyeliner and presses a bottle to her lips and taps her manicured fingers slowly. One day, when she's over at her mother's house instead of her dad's, and as she looks at her mother looking through a glossy magazine and curling her eyelashes, she tells her, I'll never be like you.
Daniella Lopez snorts derisively, and then she replies without missing a beat, You will - one day, somehow. Santana swathes herself in sheets and buries her head in pillows, and she lets the drips of rainwater slip through her fingers and land on the wooden floor. She looks up and sees the glittering glass at her windowpane, and a little voice is going through her head is saying his name, is reminding her of him.
.
He sees her, sitting in the auditorium beside Brittany and engaged in their own animated conversation.
Finn doesn't know why he sees her out of all the girls but for some reason he does. Something about her captivates him, maybe it's her chocolate brown eyes that seem endless and swirl into eternity, or her rare smile that lights up the entire room and her face, maybe it's the way she doesn't take anyone's crap and stands up when she wants to. He walks over to them amidst a group of teenagers who call themselves the Prom Committee, and then they start discussing Senior Prom.
"I think New Directions should perform," Brittany suggests, and a smile lights Finn's face. "Yeah, we could do that." Santana then looks up sordidly, pressing her lips and blinking her mascara-coated eyelashes, and then she declares, "I object. I think that we should get an actual performer, not glee club-"
"I respectfully disagree," a girl with brown hair and blue eyes interjects, smiling a little bit. "New Directions have so far performed Toxic by the legendary Britney Spears, Tick Tock by the famous Kesha and Push It by Salt n' Pepper, all of which had a positive effect on the students of McKinley. I think they should perform, as long as it's okay with Mr. Schuester and the club, but I don't think they should perform for the whole night."
"I'll get a DJ. I know a guy," says a boy with skater hair, and after a few more discussions about location, everyone scurries away and the meeting ends. Brittany's mother and sister picks her up, leaving Santana to herself as she leaves the school. Finn runs towards her, his hair getting in his eyes as he tries to catch up to her, but she's way too fast for him.
Eventually, she stops running and chews on her lips, turning around to face him sordidly. "What the hell do you want, Hudson?" She asks, but her tone doesn't match her supposedly harsh words. It almost seems as if she's pleading with him, and he opens his mouth to speak, she turns on her heel and runs away.
He decides it's a smart strategy, but he notices that her hands and legs are shaking as she runs, and the look in her eyes are almost a look of fear.
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New Directions are rehearsing, they have some epic song on their hands which Rachel co-wrote with Quinn and Lauren.
The choreography is lose and free, and everyone's all over the place, spinning and laughing and smiling, their upbeat energy and catchy rhythm making Mr. Schuester tap his fingers along to the beat. Rachel hits the high notes, her eyes closed as she raises her hand in the air, and Brittany dances along with Mike almost automatically, their skilled moves complimenting each other.
"You know," Finn tells her over the music, no one but her hearing his words. "I suck at dancing." Santana turns to him, and normally she would've rolled her eyes and made a sarcastic comment, but she turns to him with an almost-smile and replies, "That's a well-known fact." He almost beams at her, but she turns her back on him and jams to the music, singing background to the last lyrics.
Tell me anything, she spins on her heel, laugh about nothing. He almost smiles, the way her hair is windswept and how she dances on her toes and spins in the air a little, he chuckles and walks up to her, spinning her around and singing along to the catchy tune. Rachel is staring at them dumbfounded, Brittany's laughing with Artie for a moment before Santana starts singing, louder than anyone.
Hoping for the impossible. For once it's a smile and not a smirk, and she's laughing and smiling and he doesn't think he's ever seen her happier. She chews on her lower lip a little, and then she sings the next line. He feels Rachel staring at them, and Quinn seething, and then suddenly they're dancing back and forth and nothing matters anymore. He looks into her brown eyes, the seemingly endless pools of chocolate that make him a little dizzy, but then she's swirling and the song is getting stuck in his head.
Sam suddenly appears, grabbing Santana's hand and spinning her around. Her smile falters, and it turns into a smirk instead before a look of disappointment flashes on her face for a brief second and the song continues to drag on for a seemingly endless minute. When Brad finally stops playing the piano and when Artie's guitar playing stops, the entire group cheers and smiles and they group hug.
Mr. Schuester applauds, a proud smile on his face, and then everyone's smiling and hi-fiving each other and Quinn's cornering him. She demands to know what the hell was that and Finn just stares at her, blinks. Quinn's face turns into an alarming shade of red before turning on her heel and purposely driving her shoulder into Finn's as she storms out, but he doesn't really feel anything as she leaves.
.
The second time he kisses her is under the moonlight, after rehearsals outside of school, and everyone else is inside. She pulls away, almost quickly, and her breathing is heavy and exhausted and tired. Their sides touch, sending electric vibes to each other, and she's tapping her manicured fingers against the glittering windshields of her car. She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out, so he does the only thing he really knows what to do.
He kisses her again until she kisses him back, but she pulls away a second later, and he notices she's shaking with fear. She breathes, coughs a little, and then she looks up with sparkling eyes and says, "I can't." Her voice falters, it's weak and soft and exhausted, and Finn lets out a heavy breath.
"Why not?" He asks, and he's surprised at how calm he sounds. There's a silence, and then-
"I don't want to end up like Rachel or Quinn. I just don't want to fall in general." This is the most serious he's ever heard her, and she gulps and she's so out of character it almost scares him. But he knows her pretty well, well enough to tell that she's afraid, but all she needs is a little remeasuring, so then he kisses her like he means it, like he wants it, and she closes her eyes and lets her worries melt.
.
It's Senior Prom, a week after Sam and Santana (previously nicknamed Samtana and Sam&Santana) break up. It's not some huge ordeal, people don't really make much of a fuss of it and all they think is well, it was bound to happen sometime.
He's wearing a tuxedo, a similar one which he wore to Burt and Carole's wedding, and Kurt keeps on nagging him about the importance of persistence and right food choice and he's smiling a little as his mother kisses his forehead and takes way too many pictures than she should. He leaves the house with Kurt, and Kurt squeals as Blaine arrives and they walk inside hand-in-hand.
New Directions (along with Kurt who insisted that despite the fact he transferred he is still one of them) perform, and it goes overly well. The students are dancing and clapping and it's all so wonderful, and then he sees her - sparks in her eyes, gold in her steps, a thousand watt smile that'll make him quaver a little. Santana glances his way, with a little smirk that makes him press his lips together, and at the end of the performance they have everyone clapping.
Everyone changes back into their satin dresses and tuxedos, and the DJ plays a song that has girls dragging their boyfriends to the ballroom floor and wrapping their arms around their necks. Finn finds Santana sitting at one of the tables, drinking a glass of punch and staring at the couples through the rim of the glass and then she's looking up at him with a raised eyebrow and a derisive snort, and he feels as if nothing ever changed.
He holds out his hand, and she pretty much gets the message, so she dances in the middle of the room. Quinn and Puck get Prom King and Queen, and Finn doesn't think he's seen an awkwarder dance, but the solemn smile on Quinn's face in undeniable, and he thinks she could be happy.
"What's with that grin on your face?" Santana asks, and she sounds honestly curious. Finn shrugs, a smile curving his lips.
"I just, didn't really expect anything less." He says, glancing at the happy couple. She rolls her eyes and snorts, flipping some of her dark locks out of her eyes and glancing up at him, chocolate irises and solemn smiles, and he thinks she could be happy too.
"You're such a moron," she comments, but she's smiling as she says it.
This time, she kisses him.