TITLE: Nightmare
CHARACTERS: Stevie Richards, Raven
PAIRINGS: None
NOTES: Based on a Dane Cook sketch.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own either of them or the idea, which I got from Dane Cook.
Stevie had to keep running. The crab was chasing him. It was at least fifty feet tall and it was running about a hundred miles an hour.
Stevie couldn't perceive for on moment why he couldn't run that fast. He glanced back at the crab, who now had lightning shooting from his eyes. It was then that he noticed that the crab was wearing shoes. They looked sort of like loafers.
The chase seemed to go on for hours. And then he woke up. Stevie was drenched in sweat, and he was so confused. "A…dream…" He shook his head. "I need to tell someone. That was fucking weird…"
Stevie grabbed his phone and called the only person that he knew would be awake. Raven.
"Hello?" Asked a voice on the other line. Raven sounded annoyed.
"Raven? It's Stevie. Listen, dude, I just had the weirdest dream. I was freaking being chased by a giant crab." He waited for the laugh, the laugh he knew would come. Instead he heard pages flipping. "Raven? What the hell are you doing?"
"Huh? Oh, I'm looking up crabs in Arri's dream book. Let's see…crabs…crabs…oh, here we go! Crabs…" Raven mumbled incoherently for a moment. "…dude…you're gay."
Stevie was shocked for a moment. "What?!"
"Crabs represent sexuality, and you were running away. You ran away from your gay-ness!" Raven said, matter-of-factly.
"Well…" Stevie tried to find something to combat that. "What about the lightning?"
"Lightning…lightning…" More pages flipping. "Uh, let's see…emphasizes the gay, that's what it says. You are really gay." Raven let out a quiet chuckle. "He wasn't wearing loafers, was he? 'Cause that would mean you are super gay, like a super hero gay!"
Stevie groaned. "You suck, Raven. I'm never calling you for help again."
Raven laughed. "Okay, bye, homo."
Stevie shook his head and hung up the phone.