A/N: Because I'm a glutton for punishment...

Disclaimer: I do not own Haikyu and I'm not making a dime. Just having some fun.

After Never

Chapter One

Suga leaned against the door, his arms crossed about his chest, watching him as he slept, cocooned in the duvet, his dark hair mussed, and his chapped lips parted slightly as his chest rose and fell slowly. He couldn't help but notice how the lavender around his eyes had darkened into a violent purple or how his cheeks seemed hollower, or how he had shivered against him through the night, his once, strong, muscular body now diminished and frail. He couldn't help but notice how even though those chocolate brown eyes were less bright his smile, although ever present, didn't quite reach those expressive orbs. He couldn't help but notice that Daichi was fading away, second by second, breath by breath.

Suga worried his lip anxiously, his body tense and primed to move at a moment's notice. After a fitful night of agonizing moans and bitter tears, Daichi had finally fallen asleep, his tortured body giving him a brief respite as the sun broke across the horizon, its milky light spilling into the room. Suga had stared at him for hours, his own topaz eyes ringed with faint streaks of lilac. He'd stood sentinel all night, reading by the faint light of his lamp, waiting, grateful that Daichi's rhythmic breathing remained free of distress. Though relieved, Suga couldn't bring himself to rest. Daichi was strong in spirit and relentlessly resilient but his body was weary. Suga didn't want to risk sleeping in the event that his lover, his best friend took his last breath.

A mirthless smile stretched across his lips as he pushed away from the door frame, quietly approaching their bed. The book he'd tried-and failed- to read sat haphazardly on his bedside table, left open to the very page he'd last read, a bookmark holding it in place. A lone page stood still against the bookmark, hovering defiantly. Suga chuckled lowly and reached to take the book, musing of how much alike he and the page were. For as long as he could remember, he'd stood defiantly against this sickness, taunting it, daring it to make its move. But just like the bookmark, this sickness had kept him in his place, unable to turn the page and move forward. They were both static, frozen in a moment, awaiting the inevitable.

Pain laced through Suga's chest as he focused on Daichi, silently marveling at the quiet strength he held even in sleep. Daichi had circumvented his fate numerous times before, each a harrowing, momentary victory. But a victory it had been and with every victory passed, Suga had become emboldened with the thoughts of beating this sickness at its own game. He'd spend many days and nights fighting alongside Daichi, solidifying the foundation of both his will and his mentality for the road ahead. Daichi had always been the strong one, the first one to lend a hand, the first one to offer a warm smile and kind words. But now Suga had to be strong for the both of them, strong enough to persevere, and to keep moving- even when his reason for taking that next step no longer existed.

Throughout the years, he'd become Daichi's champion, standing by his side, holding his hand, sharing in moments of pain and despair. They shared anger, the vicious words of retribution and bitter tears shed for the shattered dreams of a future they would never have. They shared the hope and faith that another day would dawn, one with Daichi still on this side of the mortal coil. They'd shared smiles and heated gazes, kisses and laughter- so much laughter. They'd laugh at their absurd, coquettish ways, snickering at each other's crimson blush when the other had said or done something ridiculously sappy. They reveled in the hearty, full blown laughs when surrounded by their friends. But what Suga loved the most were the quiet intimate laughs breathed between the two of them, ensconced within their own little world. They'd shared everything and that left Suga with a sense of fulfillment, one that would carry him through the dark days ahead.

At times, he found himself lacking in that strength. In quiet moments such as this one, he'd let his fears overcome him, allowing the dark, shadowy thoughts dominion, the reality of the outcome nearly choking him with tears. He never took time for granted, only cherished the stolen moments. He'd decided to forgo his senior year of college to take care of Daichi, promising his lover that he'd return to class the moment the older man had gotten better. But it was a fool's errand; circumstance wasn't on their side and it was well understood that Daichi was living on borrowed time. Briefly, he thought of the coming days spent alone, of the solitary hours spent reliving a life that he'd never have. It left him hollow and bereft yet he couldn't remain in that desolate plane. He had to be strong, to live in the moment, to enjoy him, his love.

Believing that he could prolong the inevitable by living in the moment was nothing more than a flight of fancy, something to be wished upon wistfully. The reality, the harsh awakening stalked the corners of his mind, siphoning away the warmth. As prepared as Suga thought he was, he also knew that it was all folly. He grimaced at that thought; a sharp tsk escaping through the thin line of his pursed lips. The utter frivolity of his wishful thinking stoked the kindling anger and brought it to a roaring flame. Anger and despair ran in tandem these days, something he couldn't ignore even if he tried.

A muffled groan rose from the bed capturing Suga's attention. He waited a moment before moving not wanting to disturb him any further. Daichi's brows pulled together as he shifted restlessly, tossing the covers away from his body. Suga kneeled on the bed and reached for him, placing the back of his hand against his forehead. He frowned and cast his gaze about the room before moving quickly off of the bed in search of the thermometer. The abrupt shift jostled Daichi, another groan erupting from his lips as he opened his eyes slowly.

"Koushi," Daichi croaked, "what's the matter?"

"Nothing, just looking for the thermometer," Suga replied airily. He glanced back to see Daichi staring back at him, his once alluring brown eyes unfocused and dull. There was a hint of worry in his gaze that pulled Suga away from his current quest. He would find the thermometer later. Right now, Daichi needed him.

Suga settled beside him once more, slipping between the covers. He rested his head against Daichi's bare chest, picking up the weak echo of his heartbeat. Koushi's own heartbeat pounded, sounding ridiculously loud in his ear. A thread of guilt wove through him as he caressed Daichi's clammy skin, worrying his lip in an effort to keep the tears at bay. He'd lingered between the role of caretaker and lover for too long, blurring the lines between duty and desire. He knew Daichi had a fever and he knew he should begin the familiar routine but for once, he wanted to just lie with his boyfriend and forget everything.

So, that's exactly what he did.

And it was peaceful, almost pleasant.

They stayed like that for long moments, allowing the world to wake around them. Daichi's heavy hand settled atop Koushi's head, his careful touch unhurried as he gently carded his fingers through the pewter strands. In response, Koushi's fingers traced the fading lines of Daichi's once sculpted abs. As they held each other, they listened as the birdsong grew, watched as the sun's rays spread outward, its invading warmth inviting. It had been a long time since they had a moment to just…be.

Naturally, it didn't last long.

"Find someone after me," Daichi said suddenly. His fingers stilled briefly as if waiting for the inevitable explosion. When nothing happened, he resumed his languid pace, "It is only fair, Koushi. You shouldn't suffer just because I'm no longer around."

"I wouldn't be suffering," Koushi replied quietly. He finally looked up at Daichi and saw peace in his eyes as if he'd squared with his fate. Coldness settled in the pit of his stomach as he reached to swipe at the errant strands of dampened hair that had begun to curl at the ends. "It looks like your fever is back."

"Don't change the subject, Koushi. I'm serious; I want you to find someone."

"I have you," Koushi countered weakly, "and it's enough." Koushi rose swiftly on the hunt for the thermometer once more. He wanted to avoid talking about the future and most certainly, he didn't want to broach the subject of love; he couldn't fathom allowing another's touch, another's kiss. He wasn't even going to consider it. He turned his back on Daichi, more concerned with finding that damned thermometer, "If your temp is high, I think we should take a trip to the hospital."

"And I think I'm okay, but nice job on the deflection, Suga." A small chuckle escaped his lips before a violent cough consumed him, forcing him to push his hand against his mouth. Sputters of red spittle escaped through his fingers as Daichi coughed harder. When he pulled his hand away it was filled with blood. "Kou-Koushi…"

"You're okay, Daichi, it's going to be okay. We're going." Suga's reassurance seemed hollow the moment the words left his lips but he remained optimistic. They'd beaten back this foe before and he wasn't ready to concede.

Not yet.

Tooru flipped through the book, his brow quirked as he scanned the words before him, intent on completing his assignments before noon. He'd taken to coming to the library in lieu of studying in the flat simply because he hadn't a snowball's chance in hell of getting anything done because he was there.

It never failed that the moment he cracked open a book, Haijme was there, his mere presence counterproductive in every sense of the word. An errant smile, the faint scent of the delicious aroma of his cologne, or his very favorite, him sans shirt was nothing more than a pleasurable distraction. Instead of focusing on the books, his gaze often slid toward his husband, staring at him for long moments with all sorts of debauched ideas funneling through his mind. Instead of studying, he'd engaged him in a myriad of ways, provoking the darker haired man to act.

More than once, he'd found himself in compromising positions, the kind in which left him with a goofy smile and unable to walk straight for days after. And of course that meant that assignments would go undone, papers unwritten, and study sessions cancelled. Yet, Tooru still aced every test and made up for his lurid activities either burning the midnight oil or up at the crack of dawn- moments when the risk for interaction was practically nonexistent.

This established routine worked perfectly; Haijme worked nights and would grace the door just as daylight broke across the horizon, leaving him plenty of time to led Tooru into temptation. As unfortunate as it was, leaving home before Haijme arrived was the only way his academic career survived. Regrettably, this also meant that they spent most of their mornings apart, something that Tooru despised but was grateful for though. It gave him a chance to center himself, prepare his mind and fortitude for his studies- and ensconced himself in a neutral territory surrounded by his work with no interruptions. The end of the semester was right around the corner and a well-deserved vacation lingered on the horizon. The faint sound of the waves breaking against the shore had called to him on numerous occasions and he'd answered by diving headlong into the books.

Said books littered the table, covering every visible surface followed by several stacks of papers piled clumsily about him, effectively quarantining him away from others. His mind ran with all sorts of formulas and configurations, the words, numbers all conglomerating into an unintelligible mass of information.

He'd been at this for hours already having sacrificed their routine cup of coffee while watching the sun come up together. They gave each other just thirty minutes in the morning, thirty minutes to relate, to enjoy. Haijme was running late today and if he wanted to come back at a decent hour, he couldn't wait for his handsome husband- a husband who had probably wasted no time cocooning himself in their plush bedding, his face a perfect picture of plaintive rest. A small smirk erupted as his thoughts turned salacious, his heart thudding against his chest as he imagined a bevy of delectable ways to wake him from his peaceful slumber.

He could be a little shit at times.

The hour chimed on the clock that was situated right outside the heavy wooden doors of the library, every ominous, echoing strike pulling him out of the ether. After the twelfth one, he stretched his arms above his head, a deep yawn escaping his parted lips as he reclined in the wooden chair, wincing at the discomfort of the blood flowing back into the unused parts of his body. He reached to slip off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, giving them a brief respite from the blending words. His arms dangled at the sides as he tilted his head upward, his eyes opening to the walls of books that surrounded him, the hushed whispers of pages turning, the complete serenity unnerving. Any other day, he'd push through this momentary stillness but today… an odd disquiet settled around him.

He was restless, more so than usual, his focus lost on the missing part of him. It wasn't unusual for his mind to wander when studying but there was an undercurrent of apprehension that wove is way through every fiber of his being. It was as if his entire existence teetered on the precipice of oblivion waiting for that slight gust of wind to send him toppling over the edge into an unknown darkness.

As if his world would end with his next breath.

"Midterms," he surmised succinctly as he sat up in the chair, "no need to worry."

A flash of annoyance surfaced briefly before dying down, drowned out by the loud guitar rift of another song beginning. Resolute in his desire to finish what he started, he slipped his glasses on and adjusted his ear buds and started in again, even as the tendrils of regret began to spindle together. He was greedy for Haijme, almost desperate in his need to keep him close. Despite spending his entire life with him, Tooru relished the time spent together. Every moment spent cuddling, fighting, just existing together was one that Tooru wanted to savor, burning his scent, his strength into his very essence. He wanted to keep those memories close, a safety net for those moments in where he needed him and couldn't have him. It showed his dependency but Haijme never complained- in fact, he got all sorts of cranky when he'd miss Tooru.

He shifted his gaze toward his travel mug, his brow furrowing deeply at his wandering musings, irritated that he couldn't seem to surface from his muddled thoughts. Midterms were always hard but he'd never had this much of a difficult time getting back on track. It helped that this was the last one he'd ever have to suffer through. Exhaling heavily, he shook his head and leaned in closer to the book in front of him, determined to at least stick it out for another thirty minutes.

Then after that, he'd rush home. There were a few things they could get into before he had to be back on campus and every one of them sent a shiver of delight through his body. His interruption would be met with a deeply furrowed brow and a slew of slurred expletives but he could take care of that in short order- Haijme wasn't the only one who knew the art of distraction.

He'd make it up to him…soon.

The song faded away in his ear only to be replaced by a generic ringtone. Tooru reached for the phone, his frown deepening as he read the number, hesitant to answer. Generally, he didn't bother with unknown numbers simply because he didn't have time to listen to the mindless drivel of a telemarketer but something told him that this time would be different.

Tooru exhaled and slid his finger across the screen. A cacophony of noise greeted his ears, the eerie howl of the sirens nearly drowning out the voice that spoke. For a moment, the bedlam increased as if whoever had called him had entered into the fray, the familiar brusque tone finally breaking through all of the chaos. He glanced around the area as a cold wave of terror flushed through his body.

The voice on the other end seemed to grow as the noise finally faded into the background and Tooru could hear the crack in the normally roughened tone. He gripped the papers that were in front of him as the tears welled, refusing to drop. This wasn't Kyoutani. He wasn't stumbling over his words, repeating them over and over the frustration and anguish evident in each breath.

This wasn't happening.

Haijme was at home, wrapped up like a burrito and deep in a well-deserved sleep. He'd taken his cup of coffee solo and watched the sun rise still clad in his holster, his badge probably hanging from a chain around his neck. He was home, waiting for him.

He was…

"Did you hear me, Tooru?" Kentaro's voice cracked as he repeated the words that would shatter an otherwise perfect life. He gripped the papers that were in front of him as the tears welled, refusing to drop.

He was…

"Where is he?"

Koushi sat quietly among the frenzy of the emergency room, gazing into nothingness, his mind wandering away from the hovering dread that threatened to swallow him whole. He'd been waiting for two hours, waiting, wishing, and hoping. So many memories had kept him busy, the lot of them prompting a faint smile or even a quiet chuckle. He hadn't noticed much other than the coming and going of people, the monotony pushing him closer to the precipice of madness. He'd caught the eye of a young girl as she sat with her mother, her luminous eyes, though curious, shimmering with unspent tears. He'd smiled wider and leaned in closer, tossing a questioning glance to the little girl's mother as he spoke to her, his calm voice betraying the frantic worry that pulsated just beneath the surface.

Glad for the distraction, he'd focused on the little girl and their conversation as they people watched, their giggles and snickers filling the looming void, holding the misery at bay. It wasn't long before the little girl and her mother were called to the back, leaving him once more with an empty space to fill. More people cycled through, with one, a young man with short blond hair his eyes intense with desperation, had caught his attention. He'd watched as he approached the admitting nurses, catching snippets of their hushed conversation before the man stomped away, reluctantly taking a seat, cradling his head in his hands.

At that moment, he'd felt a jolt of anxiety course though his body at the young man's dour demeanor, the tension tightening around his throat. It wasn't enough that he was thinking the worst about Daichi, now he was projecting his worries on a stranger. Quickly shaking it off, he busied himself with his phone, checking his email, logging into his social media accounts and answering texts. He hadn't wanted to call anyone just yet, especially if it seemed as if Daichi would pull through this.

His thoughts segued quickly from one event to the next, categorizing every second of their life spent together. There were still more that chipped away at his heart, the countless nights standing guard over Daichi, watching, and wondering if the moment had come. It was those memories that had snatched away his peace, allowing the melancholy he'd fought so hard to banish a sliver of an opening. What if today was that day, this moment the one in where he'd lose everything he'd ever wanted in life? What if the nurse returned shaking her head solemnly, her eyes telegraphing the grief of a life lost?

What if…

"Stop it, Kou," he muttered to himself. He was psyching himself out while playing the devil's advocate, expecting the worst but hoping for the best. He shifted in his seat and exhaled heavily, his eyes catching the digital clock that hung over the nurse's desk. Two hours of nothing, not one word.

"Tell me where he's at! Tell me right now, or I'm kicking the goddamned doors in!"

"Sir, please tone it down, we are in a hospital!"

"Well, do your job and tell me where he's at!" a petulant voice responded.

"Sir, please, you can't go back there!"

"Really…watch me."

The flurry of excitement and movement had caught Koushi unawares and his eyes followed the man as he strode away from the desk, his expression wracked with despondency. He didn't want to stare but he couldn't help but notice the man as he passed, taking note of the perfectly coiffed hair and the smart white button down coupled with brown slacks. It was especially unnerving to watch the handsome man unravel, his eyes heavy with tears, the anguish echoing in every step he took. When he approached the blond, Koushi turned away, not wanting to intrude on the dire moment. As if anticipating the worst, the waiting room descended into an eerie quietness, amplifying the livid discussion between the two men. It wasn't long before the man's cries filled the space, pulling Koushi's focus once more. His heart broke as the two men embraced, both of their bodies shaking as they sobbed openly.

"Family for Mr. Sawamura."

Koushi's heart dropped into his stomach as he stood quickly and approached the emergency bay doors, thankful for the interruption but apprehensive as to what he was walking into. He didn't know if he could sit and bear witness to someone else's sorrow but he also didn't want to face his own despair. Every step he took toward the nurse was heavy laden as if he instinctively knew that the news wasn't favorable.

Koushi gave the nurse a wan smile and followed her through the doors as a doctor hurried past them. A mournful wail shattered the silence and Koushi's resolve. As the doors closed behind him, his heart thudded against his chest, each step taking him closer what lay ahead.

As if he'd ever be ready for that.