After this last episode, I felt a lot of different emotions from Quinn, and seeing as she's my favorite character, I thought I'd try writing about it. So, that's where this is coming from. I promise I'll update To Be With You later today, too.
She knew Finn and her would never work out the moment Rachel started singing. In a way, she kind of did herself in, bitching at Rachel and all. It inspired the beautiful (there's really no good in denying anything anymore) ballad that Rachel had written. But really, nothing could have saved her from this. Finn would always love Rachel. As the diva said, she couldn't rewrite history. Finn had chosen Rachel over her, and there was no going back.
When he gave her a sideways hug, draping his arm around her, it was just confirmation. Quinn had lost to Rachel, again. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Quinn was the beautiful, blonde head bitch, and she was supposed to win over Rachel every freaking time. But it didn't work like that, and it never did. That stupid popularity that she kept chasing like an addict would only keep crashing down her. It wasn't and would never be the protection that she so desperately needed.
Why couldn't she and Finn ever get it right? Why was it Rachel, and not her? Why did Finn have to tempt her away from Sam only to realize his feelings for another girl? Really, she knew she couldn't blame Finn for her breakup with Sam, but she wanted to. She was so angry about it. The one thing that was good for her, the one relationship that was healthy and made her know that she was actually in love, she threw it away to run from her emotions. God, Quinn had so many unresolved emotions. And the fact that she never dealt with them was what kept ruining her every single time.
She was angry about giving her power to have a baby with Puck. She was angry that the power that she lost didn't really matter when it came down to it. She was angry that her parents left her because she didn't turn out to be perfect. She was angry that she couldn't get it together because it would hurt too much to do so. She was angry that she didn't have Sam anymore because she broke his heart. She was angry that she had broken so many hearts and that pretty much the whole school hated her.
But behind all that anger was hurt. She was hurting because she missed and loved Sam and she was hurting because Finn was about to leave her with nothing. She missed Beth so much that sometimes it was hard to breathe. She was hurting because even though she lived with her mom again, she still abandoned her and things would never be the same again. She was hurting because Puck had Lauren, Finn had Rachel, Sam had Santana, Mike had Tina, Artie had Brittany, Kurt finally had Blaine, and even though Mercedes was single, she wasn't lonely like Quinn. She was hurting because no matter how hard she tried, she could never get it right.
Really it should have been Quinn who wrote Get it Right, because the lyrics fit her situation, fit her life perfectly. Maybe she and Rachel had more in common than she thought. Maybe Rachel could forgive her for being such a bitch and realize that part of Quinn really was trying to help her. That part of her was trying to save Rachel from what she was doomed to. After all, she had cheated on Finn, too. But the difference was, she had cheated and lost. Rachel had cheated and won.
So when she goes to glee club the next day (after breaking up with Finn, only to find him making out with Rachel ten minutes later) she decides that she's not going to pretend anymore. She's not going to fake strength or happiness because she just can't do it any longer. She asks Mr. Shuester if she can sing a song, and he, of course, says yes. She gives the club no introduction, just walks up to the front and nods at the band. She doesn't even make it half way through the song.
I'm so glad you made time to see me You've been good, busier than ever Because the last time you saw me So this is me swallowing my pride
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
And then she's crying, crying hard. She's finally breaking down and all the pain she's been trying to hide is front and center in front of the glee club. She's completely and utterly shattered, and she absolutely hates how vulnerable she is. The music stops and everybody is staring at her, but she can't stop crying. She's too broken.
"I'm sorry," she sobs, "I'm so sorry."