CHAPTER ONE
DARKNESS
A twelve year old girl in a white gown is standing in a dim room. She has beautiful brown hair that goes down to her shoulders, and intense green eyes. With blood dripping down her hands, she advances towards a man cringing against the wall. "No please, please! I was only doing what they were telling me!" The man on the floor is yelling hysterically.
I was going to be the best mother in the world. You took my baby. It was the only thing I had. I want to die and be with my baby.
With incredible power and speed she reaches down grabs his balls. He yelps, and loses his breath. Fear grips the man. Terror has driven every thought, every action from his existence. She knew that nothing she did in this world would heal her pain. This would make her forget for a moment—no more. This is for my child, for my love, for my friends. She screams as she tears at him like a wild beast. His pants rip, and all that remains is a bloody mass in her hand.
The man turns white and goes into shock. Tears are streaming down her face. The pain is unbearable. Why did you do it? What God lets this happen? What have I done? She punches the shredded organs into the man's mouth. His teeth are obliterated. His jaw breaks loose on the right side and is dangling unnaturally. She grips it and removes it with a quick jerk. The man is convulsing and gurgling on the floor. Blood is spraying from his face and crotch. Jack lets out one last scream, and crushes the man's skull between her two fists.
TEN YEARS LATER
"Fuck you Shepard! Don't tell me how to live my life! Goddamnit I swear to fucking God!" Jack was screaming at Shepard. She was so angry the walls were shifting. She was angry because Shepard had caught her, she was angry that she had to use this shit to quiet her mind. She was angry that she had convinced herself that she needed it. She didn't need it—she didn't need anyone or anything.
They were on the Normandy in Jack's quarters. Cold and dark—just like everything else in her life. Shepard had been coming down for the past two weeks, every fucking day—small talk. She knew what he wanted. She wanted it too. Shepard wasn't her type, but he was legit. Not like these other faggots she'd meet down at the ports. A lot of talk and that's about it. Besides, she bet he had a big cock too.
She had been sitting on her bed taking her dose when Shepard came walking in. Fuck—she was so focused on catching that glimpse, that glimmer of something good in her life: the only fucking thing—that she didn't even hear him come down the stairs. You're losing it Jack. You're fucking losing it, and you're going to end up like one of those whores on Omega. Got a dose sweety? Fuck those sloppy cunts. She wanted to kill all of them. If she killed all of them, she could never become them.
He came in right as the last of the dice went into her veins. A plume of blood could be seen in the florescent blue vial. She was taking the dice to forget about being human, and the dice was taking her blood to become human. Both sides knew that there would never be a compromise, for both would greedily grab for more, but soon there would be forgiveness, and a new dose taken. Jack watched in horror.
They looked into each other's eyes. Jack closed hers, Shepard watched the exchange. She desperately tried to find her way. She knew she didn't have much time. The darkness was closing fast. If only she could remember, she couldn't remember the way. A phoenix burst from a cavernous pit, she grabbed hold. She lay on its back naked, she was a child. The flames licked her skin. She became the fire. She was free. I love you. Do you love me? Tell me you love me. Accelerating ascension, sky becoming clear—the clouds are parting; the sun and the wind. Do you love me? Darkness.
Jack opened her eyes and looked at Shepard. He was still looking at her—silence; shame; anger; understanding. She exhaled a breath; she didn't remember when she had taken it. He crossed his arms and leaned against the bulkhead. "You know what the rules are on my ship," he said in his professional tone."
"Fuck you Shepard! Don't tell me how to live my life! Goddamnit I swear to fucking God!" She was still reeling from losing her way. He had done it. He had gotten in the way. "Don't act all high and mighty around me, everybody knows why you've been coming down here," she said in an indignant voice.
She stood up quickly, and walked over to within a couple of inches of Shepard. When she moved she seemed dangerous. Everything about Jack was unpredictable, rogue. From the tattoos covering her body, to the wild swagger which she now displayed—and that's the way she liked it.
The sight of Jack and Shepard in close proximity was almost comical. He was a tall dark powerful man; reserved, calculating. She was a short, bald, tattooed fugitive of life. Yet there was an elusive commonality that hung in the air. A wild core—an element which had been shaped through pain, through hardship. Strangers to the darkness, these two were not; its smothering embrace had seen them through hell.
Shepard stood a couple of inches taller than her. She leaned in by his face. "Do you want to fuck me Shepard—is that it?" She whispered in a sensual voice. Her breath was hot on his throat, on his mouth. Her eyes were wild, dilated, and green. They looked of pain, and of fear. She wore black pants and a black strap around her chest covering her nipples, nothing more. "Come on Shepard, what's the matter? Don't tell me you're a faggot," she said with a slight chuckle.
Hot breath on his lips—memories of a passionate life began to swirl in his head: a time almost forgotten, yet now it commanded every inch of his being. He could smell the cigarettes, the chemicals, the sexuality on her breath. I want you, I want to be inside of you.
Their eyes locked. Hers—wild, green, and scared; his—hard, brown, wanting—time stopped. Shepard met her face with his own. They exhaled into each other's mouths and kissed. At first the exchange was one of mutual curiosity, a soft mindful embrace. Primal ferocity soon took hold. Shepard could taste blood in his mouth.
After reasoning that yes, the commitment had been made, that there was no confusion; they quickly made their way to Jack's rack. Rack, is more appropriate than bed, because it was merely a slab of metal. Jack quickly took her panties off, throwing them in the corner. She lay on her back. Shepard followed suite—undoing his pants in a mad rage. He was fully erect.
Jack spread her legs, and Shepard slid inside of her. Jack was wet and receptive. They quickly resumed the ravenous fervor, in which they were engaged previously. There was biting, clawing, writhing. Jack arched her back and Shepard could feel her powerful muscles compress inside. This is beyond what either had ever experienced. It was pain, lust, hate, love—it was life.
Shepard grabbed hold of Jack's shoulders and starting ramming her without mercy. The power of the blows was considerable, and it only fed the frenzy. Jack reached under Shepard's arms and wrapped them around his neck. She pulled him close, and she whispered, "Do you love me?" Shepard continued his barrage. She whispered it again, this time with more conviction. Shepard let out a distracted grunt.
Jack slapped Shepard on the side of the head. Shepard stopped and looked at her in a sort of wild confusion. "Fuck you Shepard!" she barked, "I'm not going any Goddamn further until you tell me that you love me, now tell me that you love me motherfucker!"
There was a moment of silence. Jack's eyes were wide, and burning with nuclear intensity. Shepard took a moment and calculated his course of action. There was never time for a woman. Now it is my time. I deserve this.
"I love you."
"Say it again motherfucker."
"I love you."
Satisfied with the results, Jack brought her arms down. Taking his cue, Shepard began pumping again.
Jack reached down beside her rack and delicately fingered the latch of a small black box open. This was relatively easy, because it was a common ritual of hers. It was her dice box. She grabbed two vials out. One was for her, and one was for her love. Together they would fly to the place, that place which she longed for so much. Do you love me? Tell me you love me.
Sweat was dripping down Shepard's nose. His and Jack's bodies were slick and glistening. He was getting close. He looked deep into Jack's eyes, and realized he didn't see the fear anymore. No more anger either. It was a look of wondrous compassion; of unrealized hope. Suddenly, the pupils dilated, almost eclipsing their green limit.
Jack knew she would have to be quick. She took the second vial and stuck it in Shepard's thigh. She could feel the warm rush of his cum deep inside of her. She had never felt a man cum inside of her. She was too numb at the facility when the guards would rape her at night—too numb to even scream or cry. She had died many deaths.
Shepard froze. Physically, he was staring into Jack's eyes. Mentally he was in an entirely different state. Jack's pupils were the blackness of deep space, their size: infinite. Shepard fell through them, although fall may not be the proper word—how do you fall through something that is everything? Regardless, he did not stop, the journey was eternal—yet through another mode consciousness, or quite possibly a parallel universe he found himself standing before a thresher maw on some unknown planet. The planet was desolate, all around him lay a desert containing deep red sand and large rocks. It began to speak. In a deep mechanical voice the beast said, "Only through darkness will you find the light." The sound thundered throughout the atmosphere.