DISCLAIMER AND SUCH

Hi, everyone! :) I'm kind of new to writing fanfiction, so bare with me. I have other stories written on old accounts, but I wanted to start something new, so here I am. This is my first story on THIS account, so I'm definitely excited. I love my turtles, especially the one in blue!

Oh, BY the way, don't own them. Wish I did, but I don't.

Pleeeaaaase review and such! Tell me what I need to work on. I'm tough; I can take it. ;)

-Haley

Raphael's legs felt like they were made out of cement.

As he dragged along, he allowed his fingertips to trace the wall. This was partly because he had missed the grimy sewers, but mostly because it helped keep him balanced.

It had been five years since he had been underground, but he somehow did not seem to have a problem remembering his way home. Nineteen years of muscle memory beat out five years of torture, he supposed. Though Raphael knew he could not be far—a mile, at most—, the closer he got, the heavier his legs became and the more anxiety he felt tugging at his stomach. Five years of no contact with his family left him feeling a little apprehensive of what he would find when he passed through the lair doors.

Was Splinter still alive? Were all of his brothers?

Did they live in the same place?

What if they moved?

Were Casey and April still living in the city? Were they married?

Did they have kids?

Raphael shuddered and lifted his other hand, the hand that was not tracing the cracks on the tunnel walls, to his head as he suddenly felt overwhelmed by all the possibilities. "One step at a time, big guy," he muttered to himself. "Gotta get home before I start worryin' about anything serious…"

There! There were the pipes. He did not even have time to register what he was doing before he had pulled all of the pipes down in a way that allowed the lair door to suddenly (and noisily) slide open. It made Raphael jump. He had not even gotten a chance to prepare himself. What if everyone was right there in the living room, waiting for him?

…by the silence that followed his not-so-discreet entrance, Raph figured he was safe.

He stepped inside and took a quick look around. The living room was the first thing in sight, but it looked empty. The television was on and in the same place as it was when Raphael left. In fact, he noted as he descended down the staircase, so was pretty much everything. The furniture, the empty pizza boxes, the weapons…

Though Raph smirked in amusement at how so little had changed, he could not keep the stinging sensation from his eyes. For the first time in years, he felt safe; warm. He never thought he would make it home, but now that he was there, the emotions he felt were almost too much. There was only one thing missing.

Well, four things, actually: three turtles and a rat.

Suddenly it was like a light bulb went off in Raphael's head: Master Splinter. He turned slightly and looked to the door at the back of the lair; the door that he had passed through so many times in anger, sadness, and confusion, but also the door that led to what felt like the safest place in the world. Taking a deep breath, Raph started toward his sensei's room.

Three knocks on the door.

"Enter," Splinter's voice called calmly.

Door opens, door closes.

Pause.

"Kneel, my son."

Careful footsteps. Pause.

Kneeling.

Silence.

Splinter opened his eyes and suddenly felt all the breath leave his body.

"Raphael?"

Leonardo was the first one to wake up.

As he made his way over the balcony and jumped right into the living room, he could not help but feel like something was... Off. The air in the lair was different, but Leo could not put his finger on what it was.

After only a moment of consideration, he tried to shrug it off by going on into the kitchen to make a pot of tea. A few minutes passed in silence; silence in which Leonardo relished. The hour or so before Donatello woke up to work on his projects was the most peaceful time of the day, especially considering the noise Michelangelo made whenever he decided to wake up. However, there were a few noises that Leo would not mind having to listen to. In fact, given the choice, he would pick this particular set of noises over the most peaceful silence any day.

It was the sound of punches and grunts coming from the dojo. It was the opening and closing of the lair door in the wee hours of the morning; the sound of magazine pages being flipped through; the yelling and running involved in chasing Michelangelo through the lair. Hell, Leo even missed being yelled at.

Leonardo missed Raphael. That is what it all came down to.

Even five years after Raph's disappearance, Leo still woke up and felt a gaping hole in his chest where he figured his heart should be. No, that was not right. Leo's heart was still there; it had to be. After all, he still had two little brothers to look after. It would probably be more accurate to say that a large chunk of Leo's heart was missing; like a pain-in-the-neck shaped hole that only Raphael's presence could fill.

He swallowed at the thought that the hole would never be filled again.

He should have been used to it by now; the pain, the aching in his chest. Still, he could not seem to heal. Not completely. It was his fault Raphael was gone, after all. Every damned fight, every damned word led up to the night Raph stormed out those doors and never came back. Leo had not been able to stop him, and he did not go looking for his brother until it was far too late. And now, here he was; sipping on his morning tea, alone, with his home feeling empty and emotionally disarrayed.

Wait.

That is what was different. He was alone. Where was Master Splinter?

After finishing his tea, Leo quickly rinsed out his cup and left it in the sink before striding toward his sensei's door. He knocked three times, but heard no reply. "Master Splinter?"

Leo tried jiggling the door handle, but it was no use. It was locked. Sighing softy, he stepped away and decided that Splinter was either sleeping much later than usual or he was already in deep meditation. He hoped it was the latter. His father's health had been deteriorating as of late, and he figured that Splinter sleeping too much probably was not a good sign.

Leo glanced at the clock. 6:30 a.m. Good; he still had 30 minutes of alone time. He stepped lightly in the direction of the dojo, still not being able to shake the feeling that something in the lair was different.

Right on cue, at 7:00 a.m, Donatello's alarm went off. Groaning, he reached over and clumsily turned it off. He had stayed up far too late last night working on difference appliances around the lair. None of the projects had been really important, but that had not been the point.

He had just been trying to keep himself distracted.

Don slowly and groggily made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, heading straight for the coffee pot. There were the usual sound of footsteps coming from the dojo. Leonardo was doing his katas. He was in the middle of pouring his first cup of coffee when he heard a noise he had not necessarily expected this early in the morning.

"Donatello, Donnie, Don-Juan, my main turtle!"

Don could not suppress the eye roll. "Isn't it a bit early for you to be this cheery?" He glanced at the clock, which said 7:15 a.m. "Or awake at all, actually?"

"I know, right? Weird." Mikey giddily hopped onto a bar stool by the kitchen counter and tapped his fingers on the wooden surface. "Hey, can you pour me one of those?"

Donnie looked over his shoulder with a skeptical brow. "I'm not really sure you need any."

Now it was Michelangelo's turn to roll his eyes. "Yeah, whatever." He glanced around curiously. "So like, what are you doing up? And where's Leo?"

"I'm always up this early," Donnie informed his attention-deficient brother. He leaned forward against the counter, coffee cup still in hand as he nodded toward the dojo. "Leo's in there. I guess Master Splinter's still sleeping."

Mikey cocked an eyebrow. "Still? Now, I know I'm not, like, an early riser or anything, so I don't really know for sure, but shouldn't Sensei be up by now?"

Don nodded, staring past Mikey into Master Splinter's room. "Typically, yeah, but you know how sick he's been lately. I would be surprised if he didn't start sleeping a lot more than he usually does."

"I guess," Mikey frowned, glancing down at his hands. It was quiet, save for the sound of Donatello taking sips from his cup, before Mikey piped up again. "Ooh! Can I have some cereal? I think April brought us some Lucky Charms a couple days ago."

Donatello snorted. "How old are you, three? Fix your own cereal." That was the last Mikey heard from him before he disappeared into his lab.

"Meh, three, twenty-three, what's the difference?" Mikey muttered to himself as he stood and reached into the cabinet, ready to fix his own bowl of cereal.

Leonardo's sweaty brow furrowed in confusion.

11:30 a.m.

He had finally finished his training and was standing in the kitchen with a glass of water. "Hey, Don," he called. Immediately, Don's goggle-covered head peeked through the lab door. "Yes?"

"Have you seen Master Splinter come out of his room yet?"

Concern now flowing through his features, Donnie stepped completely out of the lab and shook his head. "No. Mikey?"

"No sign of him yet, dudes." Leo blinked and glanced over to the couch, where Michelangelo was hanging upside down reading a comic book. "We should probably check on him, right?"

Leo nodded, "Right," before all three scuffled over to their father's bedroom door.

Leo was the one to knock. "Sensei?" They waited... But nothing. Leo knocked again.

"Master Splinter?" Donnie tried calling this time while Leo jiggled the door handle. "Something's wrong," Leo mumbled worriedly.

"Yo, Sensei, open up the door!" Mikey called louder, pounding his fist against the door.

"Good morning, my sons."

All three turtles whipped around to see their father sitting quietly in the kitchen with a cup of tea. They looked at each other in shock, gaping a bit. Splinter just smiled knowingly and took a sip of his tea. "Is everything alright?"

"Master Splinter, where were you?" Mikey asked as he and the others took a few steps closer to their father.

"We've been looking for you all morning," Donnie said in agreement.

Splinter sighed. "Ah, yes. Forgive me. I was cleaning up your brother's room most of the morning."

Leo narrowed his gaze. "Do you mean... Raph's room?" It was obvious to everyone that the name was difficult for Leo to say. Donnie glanced over sympathetically at his big brother, but did not linger so as not to make a scene.

"Indeed," Splinter nodded. "We have a surprise guest coming to visit, and I did not think it would be appropriate to leave said guest without a room."

The three just stood there in shock. While it had been a long five years since Raphael's disappearance, it still did not seem right to allow someone else to sleep in his room. Even his own family members had barely set foot in it, and now some stranger would be staying there?

"No disrespect intended, Sensei," Leonardo began, "but don't you think it's a little inappropriate to allow a stranger to sleep in our late brother's room? I mean, in five whole years, none of us have even dared to open the door once, and now this?"

Leo, Donnie, and Mikey were too engaged in the conversation to notice the sound of Splinter's bedroom door opening and closing.

Splinter just smiled all the more, yet his attention on his distressed sons never wavered. "I assure you, my sons, our guest is no stranger."

Donatello stepped forward. "Well then, who is he? Or sh-"

"Ahem."

The turtles whipped around, and who they saw made their stomachs drop almost as far as their jaws.

There, in the green, meaty flesh, was none other than their "late" brother, Raphael.

"Uh... Hey, guys," Raph said sheepishly, bringing a hand to rub the back of his neck awkwardly. "'S been a while."

For the longest time, nobody moved. The first one to do so was Leo, and his only gesture was to look back to his father as if to ask, "Is it really him?"

Tearfully, Splinter nodded once in affirmation, though the smile never left his face. Leo swallowed and turned back, watching Raphael carefully; skeptically.

Raph took a deep long breath before speaking again. "Listen, I..." He took a step forward, but no one else moved. He did not dare make eye contact with anyone just yet. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come back. I had just gone out to clear my head that night, and before I knew it, I was..." Raph trailed off, swallowing, not ready to let them in on the details yet. "Anyway," he continued after composing himself, "I was kidnapped and I couldn't escape. I tried. I tried so damned hard, but it was neva enough..." He had taken a couple more steps forward by this point, subconsciously. "I didn't mean to abandon this team. I didn't mean to abandon this family. Masta Splinta filled me in on how hard it's been for all of ya, and I'm sorry. I'm so... So sorry, I-"

That was all Raphael was able to get out before he felt a pair of arms around him, crushing him. He opened his eyes and saw the orange bandanna out of the corner of his eye, and then he knew it was Michelangelo. "Mike, listen," he choked-

"I'm so happy you're back," Mikey interrupted softly. "It's been so boring without you." If he had been any louder, everybody would have known he was falling apart on his big brother, and he was not ready to be teased for being a baby. Still, he felt Raphael throw his arms around him in response. They stood there for a moment before Raph said, "Me too, baby bro. Me too."

After patting each other roughly on the back a time or two, Mike and Raph separated and Donatello stepped forward. Don's eyes were wide and teary, and couple tears had already escaped down his cheeks once he stepped forward with his arms held open. Raph caught him in an embrace just as tight as Mikey's had been, and Donnie lost it. He did not care that everyone was just standing around watching; he sobbed into his older brother's shoulder, and he could have sworn he felt Raph swallow back a round of tears as he tightened the embrace (were that even possible). "Hey, it's okay," Raph coaxed quietly, rubbing Don's shell a bit roughly. "I'm here, it's okay."

Even as he held Donatello in his arms, Raph could not help but sneak a peek at his big brother, who still had not moved, but was instead standing there watching Raph like he was a time bomb that could go off at any second. They locked gazes momentarily, but all Raphael saw was the steely exterior. He had to look away and patted Don on the back before they separated.

It was clear that Leonardo was not going to move, so Raph took the initiative. "Look, Leo," his voice rumbled quietly, "I'm... I'm sorry for the last things I said to ya. That fight was so stupid. All of our fights were." Something behind Leo's gaze shifted, but he still did not move; he just listened. This kind of frustrated Raphael, who was hoping for a more joyful reunion with his best friend and biggest rival. He sighed, but continued. "I-I want things to be different from now on, between you and me. I mean, I didn't think I was eva gonna come back, but now here I am, and... To be honest with ya, it feels like I'm gettin a second chance." He paused, waited for Leo to jump in-any second now, Fearless-but was met with only silence.

Alright, now Raph was losing his patience.

He huffed, but continued, even taking the step that would close the gap between Leonardo and himself. "So whaddya say," he said, holding his hand out for a handshake. "Can we, uh... Start ova?"

Suddenly, Leo's tough exterior was gone. Well, mostly. He still did not move, but his eyes were watery and his jaw was clenched to keep his bottom lip from quivering. He glanced back and forth between Raph's hand and his face and then hesitantly reached out, taking the hand and shaking it slightly. Raph breathed a sigh of relief. He was just about to say something along the lines of, "It's good to see you," or, "Are you done being all stoic and awkward now?" when he was suddenly jerked forward into Leo's arms. That answered his second question, he supposed.

"I have blamed myself every day you've been gone," Leo explained tearfully. Raph wrapped his arms around Leo gently, just listening. He knew Leo was not done yet.

"After you left, I waited until the next day to go looking for you because I was so... Angry. But I waited too long, and by then... You were gone," he moaned. Raph tightened his embrace, hardening his gaze at the ground as he heard the pain in his brother's voice. "I never wanted you to leave. I never wanted you out. I just said those things because I was mad. Raph... God, Raphael, I'm so sorry."

"Hey, I neva blamed you for a second," Raph said roughly. He was pretty sure he was gonna be sore with all his brothers squeezing the life out of him. "I chose to go out that night. I wasn't careful and I let my anger get the best of me in a fight. That's on me." Raph pulled back to look at Leo's face. His big brother's eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks were soaked. They did not actually release each other as Raphael continued. "The only people to blame are the sickos who took me. Understand?"

Leo nodded fiercely, sniffing and taking a deep, shuddering breath. He offered a small smile after a second, which Raphael returned.

Splinter wiped a few stray tears from his own eyes and walked over to the group with his arms wide open. "Come, my sons." Gathering around their father, the four brothers wrapped their arms around each other and for the longest time, everyone just enjoyed being in the presence of one another, laughing and crying. It was a miracle, getting Raphael back after all this time, and though everyone was sure there would be kinks along the road on their way back to normal, they knew they would get through it.

They were a family. And family sticks together, no matter what.