Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon a Time, sadly. Or No Happy Endings by Mika.
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This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending
Nohope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever
live the rest of our life,
But not together.
David.
The word felt like ash in my mouth.
As soon as I had got home, I had crumpled to the floor. All of the hope that I had once had had fled my body as soon as he had looked disappointed when he saw me at the bridge. I had once told Emma that the best thing that you could ever give someone was hope. Now, lying on the floor, I realized a horrible truth. It was also the worst thing that you could take away from someone.
I couldn't believe that I had let myself think that I would have a happy ending.
That only happened in fairy tales.
I would never get a happy ending. It was who I was. Always gentle, always kind, never doing anything bad to anyone else, but only getting spite and hatred in return. I had always tried to be positive, to live my life with my head held high, but for what?
That's what I got for taking the high road, I guess.
I also couldn't believe that I had actually fallen in love with someone. But of course, it had to be with him, a married man, for one, but also one that led me on, let me believe that maybe we actually had something. He let me believe that we might actually have a "forever," but ever-so conveniently, he remembered.
Everything in this godforsaken town seemed convenient. The fact that his wife just happened to show up after two years, that he just happened to remember at the last minute. Convenient. Ha.
I grasped at my stomach, gasping. A hole had begun to carve out my stomach, and it hurt. Bad. But not as much as the disappointment. Then the hole grew, and so did the pain.
Ouch.
I wondered if the rest of my life would be like this. I knew that it had been ever since I could remember. Mary Margaret always being kind, never hurting anyone, no matter how much they hurt me, but only getting disappointment. I had thought that maybe, just maybe, things might have actually been different, but no, things would never change.
Ever.
I stumbled into my bedroom, clutching at my stomach as I collapsed into bed. I didn't expect to sleep, but surprisingly, a nightmarish sleep overtook me in a matter of seconds.
Wake up in the morning,
stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell
When I woke up in the morning, I didn't bother getting dressed or even brushing my hair. I just stumbled out and careened over to the kitchen, making two cups of cocoa. It had been a habit of mine even before Emma got here. I just simply made another cup, and, surprisingly, she didn't mind the cinnamon. She actually liked it.
I guess that most people would have hated to have company over at a time like this, but I actually preferred it. I gave Emma a big smile as she walked sleepily out of her room. I put the cocoa in front of her and she gave me a reassuring smile. I didn't have to explain to her what had happened. She just knew, and she wouldn't press me until I was ready to talk.
I liked that.
She looked sadly into her cocoa and dipped her finger into the whipped cream. Then I remembered something. When Emma had come in last night, I had heard what sounded suspiciously like sobs, but I thought that they were my own. Now I knew that they were hers. I wondered what had happened to her. It must have been pretty bad if it made Emma cry.
Emma sighed and held up her cup. "Men," she said. "Who needs 'em?"
I couldn't help but laugh a little bit as I clinked my cup against hers. So, she was having men problems, too. I had seen the way that she had been looking at the sheriff, but I didn't think that it was that serious. Apparently, it was.
"So…" Emma started softly. "Did he go back to his wife?"
My eyes burned. I shrugged. "I guess I wish him well," I muttered. "Of course I do. That's just me. Always being happy for the other person even if they hurt me."
I felt something wet on my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.
Emma gave me a weak smile. "You're goodness is going to pay off someday. I know it. I guess that that day just isn't today."
I nodded. "I sure hope so. It would be nice to have some sort of happy ending."
Emma gave me a knowing look. She had been doing that a lot lately whenever I said something like that, but I had gotten used to it.
Emma sighed. "Love can feel like heaven, but, boy, it can feel like hell."
I smiled at Emma's word choice, but nodded all the same. "It's a rose." I said. "It just so happens that I only got the thorns."
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, no love, no glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day
"So what happened exactly? You don't have to tell me, but sometimes it eases the pain if you talk about it."
"It just hurts so bad," I said, rubbing the aching hole. "I had been so hopeful. That maybe, just maybe, things would work out. But he just ran up to me and said that he had gotten back his memory. Just like that. I couldn't take it. I walked away from him, my dignity on the floor."
It was insane how hard it was for me to say those words. Normally, speaking came easily to me. But not now. He had broken me.
That night in bed, I lie there, staring at the ceiling, the hole gnawing at my sides. Maybe there are no happy endings. I thought to myself. Maybe that only happens in fairy tales. And I'm no princess.
I blinked, hot tears running down my cheeks. I felt wasted. I was wasting everyday on the false hope that things just might all end up alright. I'd never get that time back.
2 o'clock in the morning,
something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong,
I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on
I looked over at the clock on my table. 2 o'clock. I flung the covers off of me and walked back out into the kitchen. I must've walked around in circles for hours, staring at the table, the cabinets, the walls.
I started to play a game with myself. I pretended that nothing had ever gone wrong, that I was a princess in a palace, walking in my castle's halls, nodding to servants as they passed. I pretended that happy endings existed, and that I was married to a handsome king (one that seemed to have the same traits as him, but I ignored this fact). I sand lullabies to myself, trying to get tired enough to go to sleep, but to no avail.
I flopped down on the couch.
Move on. I thought to myself. Carry on. Keep living life like you normally do, but don't expect a different result.
That was the definition of insanity; to keep doing the same things and expecting a different result. I sighed. I was insane. Not that I was surprised. Maybe insanity is better than being sane and being able to completely understand reality.
As my brain began to shut down, I just kept hearing the same sentence repeating through my head, chanted by all the people that had ever done me wrong, his voice being the most pronounced:
There are no happy endings… No happy endings… No happy endings...
This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
No happy endings.
A/N: Okay, I know its depressing, but this song was just so perfect for Snow's problem that I had to write it! Review please!