Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/N: I can't continue my stories so instead of just leaving everything dead I've decided that I'll post 4 one-shots; 1 dramione, 2 scrose and 1 jilly. That I wrote a while back but not for this, they were about me and my relationships. I'm adapting it to Harry Potter and different situations. I'm not sure if this is angst but in my world it is. Written in the POV of Hermione's conscience.
How many times can you reach out before your arm breaks?
How many times can you try to salvage the relationship that you feel is falling apart?
How many times…
how many times…
Why is it you doing all the work?
Why doesn't he step up? Why doesn't he try to make this relationship work?
Why is it always you?
It's only a matter of time…
You'll break soon
You'll give up too
You'll notice that as much as you try you won't ever be truly happy
You'll curse all emotions
You'll curse love
You'll get angry at him
Oh him…
Then yourself
For a brief moment all will be fine, maybe even normal
That's just an illusion, delusion, trick of the mind.
Nothing is fine
Nothing will ever be fine again
Not like it used to be
You won't ever be that girl again
He changed you
No one knows whether that's for the better or worse
But then again no one knows anything
Sometimes it seems like it can be either
But deep inside you know that it wasn't and will never be for the better
He ruined you
He knows it
He has always been able to read you like a book
That's why you loved him, right?
No, that's why you love him.
You know it, they know it, and he knows it.
How couldn't he?
You never said it but he knew, right?
It's your fault, isn't it?
Everything is your fault; it's always been this way.
Why should this be any different?
Everything comes to an end
Good things end faster
Because god knows that you being happy is as unnatural as anything could ever be
You were meant to sulk
You were meant to be the second choice, second best, plan B.
That's how it's always been
Sad but true
It's the horrible heartbreaking truth.
A truth that you'll live with forever and always
You smile a weak smile because you're Hermione Fucking Granger and you lost everything.
Not that you'll let anyone know that
Much less that it was to Draco Malfoy
You're fucked
He fucked you over, time and time again.
Not in the good way either.
Well, he did… every other night
Not that you were anything special
Just… there
Convenient
A nice way to kill time
But truly? n o t h i n g
Why did you make yourself believe otherwise?
He is a Slytherin through and through
Those sweet nothings?
Said them hundreds of times
To all of them, just like you
Hell, you're no better than Pansy.
You know I'm right, do you care?
No, of course not because even though tomorrow you'll be at his wedding (to a girl 100 times better than you) you'll always accept an invitation to his bed, EVERY TIME.
Astoria Greengrass
Its only a matter of time before she's Astoria Malfoy
Mrs. Malfoy, something you deluded yourself with the thought of one day being.
Not you, not a m u d b l o o d
It'll be wrong when you go back to him
Its already wrong
What about Ron? Oh remember him? Yea your boyfriend or should I say fiancé?
He's planning on proposing on Friday isn't he?
He's no Draco but he's there.
He always has been, always will be? Of course because he doesn't know.
Are you going to tell him? Of course… not.
You're just as much of a Slytherin as the one you let slyther in every other night.
Silly, clueless, love-struck Ronald.
Isn't cute with his flowers and chocolates? The ones that arrive while Draco is there…
Fucking you on your desk
Sure you feel remorseful… now.
But is it remorse for not having left when you had the chance
Draco and you
Was it ever real?
Yup... Right up until you said no
"I can't, Draco; running away is the cowards way out"
Then he snapped, his eyes changed, he went cold on you.
"You love him more"
"DRACO! How dare you? I'll always love you more"
"Always" He whispered back as he zipped up his coat and walk back out into the cold October night.
What now?
I'm you and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that always meant forever to you but only until tomorrow to him.
Hermione, you were the brightest witch of your age
What happened?
How could you?
Draco Malfoy?
Oh the shame
The shame of not having done something before… be a coward. runaway.
You could if you could but you can't, it's not any option anymore.
You want to see him one last time.
But who are you kidding? You'll see him again after his honeymoon… after your engagement party.
Fuck it all, go to the wedding and say something.
Tell him everything I've just told you.
You know… if you're still Gryffindor enough.
Which you're not.
So you do what you do best, you pretend to be happy, marry Ron, and have his little redhead babies
Maybe a drinking problem will help.
Start tomorrow at the open bar.
Tomorrow at his w e d d i n g.
Now that you have read, which is half of R&R, please review, which is the other half of R&R.