Prologue

I've known for a long time that there was another person inside me. I've never met him and he only comes out when I'm asleep. The first time he came out, I had no idea what was going on. It was actually the day that I met Solo, but that didn't happen until almost midnight. The artificial sun was just starting to fade and I was cornered in an alley with four men advancing on me. Next thing I know, I'm alone in an alley on the other side of the colony, covered in blood. I washed it off in a filthy puddle, and that's how Solo discovered me.

The next time it happened, I was being beaten by an alliance officer in an alliance prison. I woke up on a sweeper's ship. There was blood on my hands. That's how I met G.

It's only happened once more since then. That time I woke up in Deathsythe's cockpit bound for earth. G later told me that I tried to rig 'Sythe with explosives and then I was going to kill everyone involved... including myself.

It was G who first called my 'alter ego' Shinigami. I think he did it to mock me for naming myself the god of Death. He is also the only person who's witnessed it and lived. He let slip once that it had been scary as hell, looking in my eyes. He said it was like he was looking in the eyes of the walking dead... or a cold blooded killer.

My alter ego had served me well in the past. Now, though, I was terrified of him coming out. Heero was there, and Wufei and Sally. I didn't want them to see him, but I wasn't sure I could fight him much longer. We were surrounded- isolated from the rest of our teams and low on ammo.

The enemy rushed us all at once. We got a couple of them down, before we were being forced to our stomachs, flex cuffs being tightened around our wrists. We were dragged into an inner room and the heavy door closed us in. I swore. Loudly.

I don't know how long we were in there, but after some time, the sounds of guns trailed off. It sounded like the preventers were being driven off. We sat in silence a while longer before it was broken by the door grating open. There was a lone man there. He stood there for a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the light. Then he smiled and his teeth seemed unnaturally white. He came into the room slowly looking at each of the four of us in turn, before his eyes rested on me. His smile widened into lecherous grin and I felt my face going pale. I knew what was about to happen and I knew it was going to end badly... Shinigami was going to surface.

"Leave me the fuck alone," I growled, shuffling awkwardly away as the man approached me. I was caught off guard when he leaped on me. I lashed out in any way could: kicking, thrashing, biting if I could. Bound as I was, I was at an extreme disadvantage. I was thrown to my stomach and I growled as I felt a hand fumble with my pants, "You're gonna die!" I hissed. And that's all I remember.

Chapter 1

Heero had been fighting his bonds so desperately that he could feel blood flowing freely down his fingers and his ankles felt raw under his cargos. He got the feeling that the others were in the same situation.

When Duo went limp under the man, Heero's breath caught in his throat. He wasn't sure what had happened, but surely Duo couldn't have passed out.

The man huffed in disgust and backed away. He stared at Duo for a long minute and then grabbed hold of Duo's collar, dragging him up of the ground. He dealt a backhanded slap which resounded loudly in the small room. Duo's head snapped to the side but other than that, he didn't respond in the least. The man scoffed and dropped him and turned to look at the rest of us. After staring at each of us in turn, his gaze fell on Wufei instead. The look on Wufei's face might have been priceless in a less dire situation.

Wufei growled deep in his throat, like a dragon for which his clan had been named.

The man chuckled, "Oh don't be like that," he chided in a smug voice, "It'll go easier if you at least try to relax." He moved towards Wufei and Wufei, true to his martial artist roots, somehow managed to deliver a heavy kick with his two bound feet. The man hit the wall with a meaty smack, alongside a crack, when his head hit too.

He recovered quickly and launched at Wufei, managing to avoid a second kick and grabbing the smaller young man by the throat and forcing him to the ground, choking the life out of him. Sally screamed Wufei's name and Heero renewed his struggles, cutting his wrists more.

Heero didn't see where it came from, but suddenly a shadow stood behind the man, who seemed to sense something behind him. Hand still around Wufei's throat, the man turned and looked up at the figure behind him. Duo stood there, head bowed and his eyes shaded. His hands and feet seemed to be free and the flex cuffs sat on the floor, still whole, a few feet away. The man seemed frozen, unsure, perhaps, why things seemed to be changing course so suddenly and dramatically.

Heero didn't even see the great knife in Duo's hand until it flashed, burying itself in the man's face; it was large enough to come out the other side. Duo pulled the blade free with a sharp jerk and blood spattered on all of us. He didn't bother to clean the knife before using it to cut the flex cuffs off of us.

"Duo...?" Sally said, her voice small. Duo seemed to ignore her, as he moved towards the heavy door. He stared at it for a moment and what happened next... Heero didn't know how he would explain it in his report. The door, made of new, hard steel , simply rusted and disintegrated into a fine powder on the ground. Duo led the way, his blade still dripping with blood. When they came upon a small pocket of people, Duo was on them before any of them had a chance to cry out. They were dead in seconds, their blood spattered the walls. Heero noted with some amazement and not a little horror, that each stroke or jab of that blade cut into an artery. Highly effective, but gruesome. He watched as a slash cut the final man's throat and the arc of blood hit the ceiling.

No sooner did the man drop, than Duo was moving again. They ran into people twice more. Men fell like leaves, felled quickly and without a touch of mercy.

When they came out into the light, Duo was covered in blood. He looked back at his comrades – his friends. Sally started crying, Wufei paled and only years of training kept Heero from uttering more that a small gasp. Heero had once looked in the mirror during the war, when his was in his deepest soldier mode. In comparison to Duo's eyes right then, Heero's coldest look was fire. There was no life there, no touch of the spark that drew people to Duo.

"What are you?" Heero was surprised when he heard his voice speak. He didn't remember even opening his mouth.

Duo stared for a moment later, "I am... something you will not understand. I am not Duo and yet I am," he seemed to think for a second before shaking his head. "He will need you when he wakes up," and with that he collapsed into a bloody heap.

Chapter 2

When I woke up, I was leaning against the base of a tree. There was a fire in front of me a little ways and Sally was sitting on the other side tending to it. When she saw that I was awake, she looked up and then looked back down quickly. I stared at her for a second and then looked down in shame. I knew something had happened, and it had scared her. Badly.

The skin on my face felt stiff and when I reached up to rub it, I noticed the blood still covering my hands. It was dry, so I must have been out of it for a while. I rubbed at my hands self-consciously. I didn't want to break the silence between Sally and myself, and it didn't look like she was about to either.

I was starting to feel like I was going to scream if someone didn't talk soon, when Heero and Wufei returned. Wufei actually halted when he saw I was awake and then, grimacing, moved closer to the fire. He turned his back to me, and I'm not even sure he was conscious of doing it. Heero, on the other hand, watched me out of the corner of his eye, like I was about to leap and attack.

Finally I couldn't stand it anymore, "I- Is there a- any water that I c- can wash with?" I've always stuttered when I'm exceptionally nervous or upset about something. It didn't happen very often, so I was sure that none of my friends had ever heard it before. Heero blinked in what seemed like surprise.

"There is a small lake about 30 meters west," He said. I nodded and stuttered a thank you before getting up and walking away.

When I got to the waterside, I was surprised about how calm it was. A water bird landed in it a few meters away and it seemed as though the ripples dissipated unusually quickly. I shook of the strange feeling and glanced down at my reflection. I saw my eyes widen out of my peripheral vision. I was liberally covered in blood, from head to toe; there was hardly a clean square inch on me. I groaned softly when I saw the mess my hair was in. It was going to take a lot of work to get me clean.

I stared at myself for a long time. I don't know when it happened, but I started feeling very overwhelmed all of a sudden and my knees buckled under me. I cried for just a split second, before pulling myself together. I took a deep breath, and tested the temperature of the water which was, conveniently, now within reach. It was warm.

I wanted to get clean, but I didn't want to have to but dirty clothes back on. Unfortunately, there wasn't much of a choice. I stripped everything, undid my hair and plunged into the water. I scrubbed everywhere until I felt raw, taking care to get the blood from under my fingernails and from my hair.

When I was done I went back to the shore and put my dirty clothes back on. Fortunately, being black, they hid most of the blood. They were crisp though.

I lingered for a little longer, braiding my hair carefully and just thinking, before I returned to the camp. Sally would still not look at me, Wufei was studiously avoiding my gaze, and Heero was staring. I came to a halt, taking in their responses. I felt my shoulders slump in defeat and sat down against the tree that I had woke up against. I wouldn't look at anyone and ignored Heero when he told me that the small rabbit they had caught was ready. The silence didn't bother me this time.

We moved out in the morning. It took us two days to get back to habitation, in which time I didn't speak once. I think my silence had started to bring Wufei and Sally around, because I occasionally felt their eyes on me, and when I glanced around I would see them sending me worried glances.

Heero called for a pickup and we sat ourselves at a small picnic table in a little park. At some point, Heero tried to get me to eat something. I guess he had managed to procure some granola bars, or something. I didn't even move.

Before I continue, I suppose I should tell you why I was being so quiet. It's kind of hard to describe. I was ashamed, I guess. That was a part of it at least. I suppose I was also scared. I never said I was a brave person. Brave people don't run and hide, and I'd spent my life doing that. So, yeah, I was scared. Terrified, actually, that they would be afraid of what I could become, or what I was. Basically I was afraid that I would lose them all because of this. I don't think I could handle losing their friendship.

It took nearly an hour before our pickup arrived. We piled into the Preventers issue vehicle. We were en route back to HQ when the driver started looking around in puzzlement, "What is that smell?" he asked. This was a dumb thing to ask because the four of us, excluding myself, had been without a bath for several days. The look Heero gave the driver conveyed this. The man flushed, "No... there's something else... It's... it's really bad." It struck me suddenly and I flushed myself, with horror. My clothes were still covered in blood and the blood was probably starting to decompose. I really should have washed my clothes when I had the chance, but I hadn't wanted to sleep in wet clothing. The driver, having no compassion, opened the windows.

I felt about two inches tall when he finally pulled into HQ. I went straight for the showers, getting myself some Preventers issue sweats and a t-shirt on the way. I had a long shower; I must have stood under the spray for at least an hour. I had a brush in my locker, so I ran it through my hair – the tangles were so bad, I was nearly in tears by the time I was done – and then I re-braided it.

Finally I went to see Une. I hadn't gotten a summons, but I was sure she would want me before I went home. The others were already gone when I knocked on her door, "Come!" she barked from inside.

I opened the door and entered. She watched me, "The others have given their reports," she said and I nodded, "I want you to see Mr. Corman."

I stared at her with wide eyes. This was it, I thought, She wanted me to see the psychiatrist and I was going to end up locked up somewhere 'for my own safety'.

"N-n-n-NO!" Shit, I hadn't stuttered this bad since the destruction of the church, "U-u-Une! P-Please!" I bit my lip and willed myself to calm down enough to talk. "P-Please... Please. Don't m-... Don't make me d-... do this. Please."

Her eyes had narrowed as she listened to me, "I've set it up, Maxwell. It's set for Oh-Nine-Hundred tomorrow. Be there, or I'm going to have to take measures..." she left the threat open.

When I left Une's office I was in a daze. I barely noticed when I nearly ran into Heero, Wufei and Sally. They all had guilty looks on their faces. After I had noticed them however, I couldn't look away. I'm sure my look was accusatory.

"Duo," Sally started to reach for me, and I jerked away so violently I almost stumbled and fell on my ass.

"H-H-H-H..." I stopped myself, took a few deep breaths and then held my breath for a minute. When I let it out I felt calmer. "How c-could you do this to m-me?" I was surprised I wasn't screaming in hysteria at them. All of a sudden I couldn't look at any of them anymore and I marched past them, I felt a hand try to grab my arm and I jerked out of this one too.

I made my 9 o'clock appointment. In retrospect, I should have skipped it entirely and disappeared and damn Une and her threats. But I was there. The bastard had listened to the reports from the others, and asked me questions that nearly had me screaming before we were half done. He insisted I talk to him for nearly two hours –through which I stuttered the entire time - before he called Une in. This scared the shit out of me, and I was right to be scared. When Une was in the room, the shrink announced that he thought it would be best if I was put under observation in a facility. And that's all I remember.