"Are you sure you don't need authorization for something like this?" Tony asked, shoving his hands in the pockets of his linen suit as he strolled in Steve's wake. "Because I'm thinking when Agent finds out about this he's going to flip his pancakes."
"We're grown adults, Tony," Steve answered drily. "Most of us are at least."
"Cap," Clint leaned around the end of the isle with a cringe. "Thor's having some... issues with the chicken rotisserie." Steve stared down the grocery isle of dry pasta with a blank expression. Tony only gave him a look that said 'I told you so'.
It had been a hard week. They'd spent months closing in on a bio-weapons lab and had finally traced the Alchemax subsidiary to an old bank building in Tampa Florida. Less than ten hours in, the opp had gone completely south. Tony and Steve had both been captured, Natasha had been locked in a shipping container headed for Argentina and Clint had tied it all up by swanning off the top of the Sunshine Skyway Bridge. Thor had, at least, come out of it all roughly unscathed, where the value of unscathed was; nearly arrested for going too fast in a low wake zone. He'd only gotten off because he hadn't actually been on a water craft at the time. The manatee preservation society hadn't been amused.
Once the major players were all in custody Tony had declared that not dying was deserving of down time and had booked a floor of VIP suites at the Grand Hyatt for a week's vacation.
"I've got this," Bruce sighed resignedly as he appeared behind them. He tossed a bag of trail mix into Steve's cart as he passed, shuffling down the isle toward Clint who was grinning and mouthing a thank-you.
"If I get to the deli and he's trying to spit grill a ham, you're going to buy the store a new rotisserie, Tony," Bruce called over his shoulder.
"Me?" Tony protested after Bruce's retreating back. "None of this is my fault. I said this was a bad idea!"
"Actually what you said was; This is going to be classic I should sell tickets," Clint stated, pulling two different packages of microwave mac and cheese cups off the shelf and staring at the labels with a frown.
"How could you possibly misinterpret that as anything but derision?" Tony asked in wonder. "I booked you all lovely rooms in a vey nice hotel with an amazing view of trees and water and giant birds."
"They're sandhill cranes, Tony," Steve sighed in exasperation.
"With what I hear is fabulous room service," Tony continued without missing a beat. "And you all want to eat microwave popcorn and peanut butter."
"I couldn't find the peanut butter," Clint remarked with a sad expression, still holding both packages of mac and cheese.
"It's in eleven with the jelly and coffee," Natasha replied, unloading her armload of PB and J into the cart. "And yes, I got chunky too, just for you."
"Coffee," Clint's eyes lit up. "Do they have the Folgers pods that fit in that weird coffee maker in the hotel room?"
"You'll have to look," she shrugged.
"Oh my god, you're killing me, Katnis," Tony groaned. Clint shoved both packages of mac and cheese into Natasha's hands and turned on his heel.
"Nat, do you know what the difference is between three cheese and Alfredo?" He called over his shoulder.
"They're both made of powdered cheese, Clint," she pointed out, tossing both into the cart anyway. "Did you spot the Oreos, Cap?"
"That way I think," he sighed, pointing in the opposite direction of the way Clint had gone. "If they've got 'Nilla Wafers..." his voice trailed off as she gave him a thumb's up.
"You're completely overwhelmed, aren't you?" Tony asked with a smirk.
"I am not," Steve protested with a scowl. "For your information I go shopping at home."
"You go shopping in that nice little natural foods market on Park with the organic produce and the hormone free beef," Tony teased. "You've never actually been in a full size proper all American twenty first century pre-packaged foods supermarket before."
"You didn't have to come along, you know," Steve declared irritably.
"And leave you people to your own devices? You have to be kidding me," Tony snorted in amusement. "If I'm going to have to bail you all out when you get arrested, I ought to at least be entertained first."
"We're on vacation," Steve sighed. "We just wanted some snacks."
"I'd have happily paid one of the bellmen to do the shopping for us," Tony reminded. He'd actually offered, but making a shopping list apparently wasn't an Avengers skill set.
"It's nice to go and pick out your own stuff," Steve insisted. "Without having to rely on endless wealth or a genius super-computer... No offense JARVIS."
"None taken, Captain," JARVIS' voice replied from the vicinity of Tony's pocket.
"I distracted him with lunch meat," Bruce declared as they rounded the isle. He deposited a case of mini juice bottles into the cart with a smug expression. "Did someone get bread from the bakery?"
"Did you want whole wheat?" Clint asked, appearing from out of nowhere and dumping an armload of food and two loaves of bread into the cart. Bruce shrugged.
"Pizza rolls," he observed a bit wistfully "I love that flavor."
"Maybe I should get another bag?" Clint suggested.
"No point," Bruce shook his head. "I'll only eat a couple. I have to watch my cholesterol." Thor appeared from the end of the isle, dumping five pounds of assorted lunch meat into the cart."
"Rolls of Pizza!" He grinned excitedly. "Wondrous fare!"
"Three bags," Bruce, Clint and Steve said in unison. Clint took off back to frozen foods again, Thor trailing after him like a puppy.
"Clinton, what does it mean; bog-o?" Thor asked. "It is not a word I have encountered in all my many travels among the realms." Steve sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as Clint launched into an explanation of buy one, get one.
"How do you people even eat this stuff?" Tony shook his head as he stared into the cart at the mountain of junk food. "I mean, the snacks part I understand, but this." His voice trailed off and Steve shot him a withering look.
"I thought you said you wanted something here." Steve reminded in an attempt to distract him. "You haven't put anything in the cart."
"They don't have what I want," Tony shrugged. "There's no liquor store."
"Natasha said they had fruit snacks in produce, I'm going to go look," Bruce declared, sizing them up. "Either of you want anything?"
"Yogurt blueberries if they've got them," Tony conceded. Steve only shook his head, looking over his shoulder as if searching for his team.
"You thought this was going to be some kind of bonding thing, didn't you?" Tony prodded. Steve turned to protest with a defensive expression but Tony cut him off. "You had this idea in your head that everyone would, what, shop together or something?"
"I just thought it would be nice to spend time doing something that didn't involve guns bombs or giant robots," Steve admitted uncomfortably. "There's nothing wrong with that." Tony was silent as Steve stared at the endless wall of soda, trying to remember what everyone liked.
"There's an amusement park on the other end of town," Tony stated finally. "I'll get tickets." Steve turned to gape at him, his expression softening to something a little less harried.
"There's a guy in the front of the store making noodle casserole," Clint declared, tossing pizza rolls and two bags of chips into the cart so that he could free up his hands to shovel noodles into his mouth from the tiny plate he was holding. "It's pretty good."
"Did you leave Thor by himself?" Steve asked nervously.
"Relax, he's the next isle over picking out his pop tarts," Clint shrugged.
"Do we have everything?" Bruce asked, throwing three bags of fruit snacks into the cart. "I can go round up Thor and we can get out of here."
"Where'd Natasha go?" Steve asked, his brow furrowing.
"She found some pirates in isle three," Clint shrugged, polishing off the last of his casserole. "Apparently you can buy custom fitted leather boots around here." Steve stared back at him with a dazed expression.
"Pirates are a thing here," Bruce injected. He eyed Steve's borderline panic expression for a long moment before adding. "I think there's a ren faire."
"We should totally take Thor," Clint grinned.
"I'm not taking him to a joust without my armor," Tony shook his head. There was a loud crash and Steve and Clint jumped.
"Clean up on isle three," the exasperated voice of one of the employees came over the intercom.
"And we're out of here!" Tony declared, pointing at Clint. "you, save Buttercup from the dread pirate Robert's."
"There aren't even any archers in that movie!" Clint complained as he darted to find Nat.
"Head to check out, Capcicle," Tony declared, forking over his Visa. "Bruce and I will clear out the prince of destruction." Tony grabbed Bruce and the pair of them darted toward the sound of Thor's booming voice. Steve watched them go a minute.
"We're supposed to be on vacation," he half-whined under his breath. He drew in a sigh, turning the cart toward the front of the store. "I hope someone shows up with the pop tarts before they ring me up or Thor's going to be pissed."
Author's Note:
This story is part of a series called "Coulson Lives but the Avengers Might be the Death of him." The full list of stories and their chronological order can be found on my profile page