Title: Don't Let Go.
Author: Roni.
E-mail: roni78@yahoo.com.
Disclaimer: Harm, Mac, Harriet, Gunny, Tiner and the Admiral don't belong to me. They belong to Don P. Bellisario and CBS. Don't sue me, this is just for fun. I promise to take really good care of them and give them right back as soon as I'm done.
The song is "Don't let go" by En Vouge.
Classification: S, R (Harm/Mac shipper)
Rating: PG-13.
Spoilers: Just my own little alternate universe, with a little bit of the baby deal.
Author's note: Feedback is always appreciated, and in most cases even demanded... Thank you so much to Sarah and Anita for beta reading this for me.
1215 EST, Monday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
They have been at each other's throat all day. At least this time they remembered not to make a show of it in the bullpen.
It started with the case they have been working on. The trial in the Hudson case was set for the next day and they had almost everything prepared. But when they sat down to go over the case one last time, they couldn't seem to agree on anything.
After an hour of arguing Mac finally gave up. They were sitting in Harm's office, with the door and blinds closed. There was this silence that hung between them as they sat and looked at each other, until Mac spoke.
"Maybe we should give it a rest for a while."
She watched his face intently as she spoke. He had the weirdest effect on her today. It was something that combined anger and attraction. Well, at least more than usual. And she wasn't sure, but she sensed that she was affecting him in the same was. Which made this situation even more dangerous.
Her mind started wondering as she kept staring at him. She could picture herself standing up, and slowly walking around his desk. She saw herself bending down and turning his chair to face her. She reached out her hand and lifted his chin so she could look in his eyes as she lowered herself to sit in his lap. She could actually feel his hands as they went around her waist to hold her close to him. She moved closer to him as her hand found its way to his hair and started pulling him to her. Her eyes closed, and she could feel his breath as his mouth descended on hers...
"I guess you're right." His voice brought her back to reality. As soon as she figured out where she was and saw the look on his face, she could feel the heat washing over her face. She quickly jumped to her feet, breaking the eye contact, and gathered all her notes. She was at his door before he could even say a word.
"I'll talk to you later, ok?" And with that she was gone.
Harm was sitting in his office with a puzzled look on his face. He had noticed that she wasn't with him for a moment, and he wondered exactly what just happened. 'Did she just blush?' He asked himself in disbelief. He shook himself mentally to clear his thoughts as he saw the door to her office close behind her. With a sigh he grabbed his pen and returned his attention to the file in front of him.
*****
In her office, Mac was leaning against the closed door. She could still feel the heat on her face. What was she thinking? And where exactly did that thought come from? It wasn't the first time that she let herself think about Harm that way, but never during work. This usually happened late at night before she fell asleep.
Finally she gathered herself and walked to her desk. She didn't have time to think about that now, she had work to do. She sat down and opened her notes.
1415 EST, Monday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm hadn't moved from his desk for the last couple of hours. He had been focusing on the files in front of him ever since Mac left his office. He had made some real progress in the case so far, but for the last couple of minutes he found himself staring at the same sentence. That look that she had on her face before she left his office kept popping in his head.
Finally he gave up and closed the file. He sat back in his chair and looked in the direction of her office. She had closed the door, but her blinds were still open and he could see her sitting at her desk. It was almost as tough being away from her as it was working with her. Every time today when they were arguing he had to fight the urge not to take her in his arms and just silence her with a kiss.
He watched her getting up from her desk and walking out of her office on her way to the coffee room. He pictured himself following her there. Walking up behind her as she was pouring the coffee into her mug. He could almost feel her skin as he saw himself brushing the hair away from her neck and lowering his head to plant small kisses there. He could almost hear her moan softly as she turned around between his arms and arched her neck to give him more access. He could almost feel her arms as they went around his neck to pull him closer while he continued to trail his kisses up her neck to her jaw line, then her cheek, until he reached the corner of her mouth...
For the hundredth time today he had to shake himself mentally. He couldn't let his mind wonder in that direction. She was his partner and his best friend. He couldn't do anything to jeopardize that, and if he let himself follow that path of thought he could lose them both.
*****
The knock on the door nearly made Mac jump out of her skin. She got so wrapped up in the case that she didn't really pay attention to what was going on around her. She lifted her eyes to see Harm leaning against the doorframe.
"Hey." He started talking. "How's the case going?"
"Fine." She watched him move from the door to one of the chairs in front of her desk as she spoke. "I'm almost done with my notes."
"Good. We really need to go over everything one more time together before tomorrow."
"I know Harm, but I really need a break from this case for a couple of hours." She paused for a minute as if she was trying to convince herself of something. "How about we do this over dinner at my place?" It took all of her courage to get that simple question out. It wasn't the first time they would be taking their work home, but for some reason this time didn't seem as natural as the other times.
"OK. How about 1830? I'll bring the pizza."
"Deal." She gave him a small smile.
He smiled back at her as he got up and left her office.
:)1
1823 EST, Monday
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
Mac was just getting out of the shower when she heard the knock on her door. A cold shower. But even that didn't help in clearing her mind from the images that have been running there all day long. Ever since that argument in his office that morning.
She was standing in the shower, shivering, but she could still almost feel his hands, warm and strong, traveling all over her body. She could still almost feel his warm breath on her neck and shoulders. She could still almost feel his lips, moist and soft, on her skin...
And then she heard the knock.
She stepped out from the shower, dried herself and grabbed her robe from the bathroom door. She secured the material around her body, and carefully tied the belt around her waist. She exited her bedroom and made her way to the door with a pretty good idea who was standing behind it. She reached for the doorknob and released the breath she didn't even notice she was holding. A second before she touched the knob she retrieved her hand and ran it through her hair and over her robe, as if to make sure that everything was in place. She managed to put a smile on her face, and then she opened the door.
"You're early."
Her words barely penetrated his thoughts, as he ran his eyes slowly up and down her body. This was worse than her uniform. It didn't show anything, and yet, it left so much more for the imagination. He didn't even notice that he hadn't said a word yet, that all he had been doing was staring at her.
His look made her self-conscience. Instinctively her hands went around her waist, hugging herself, as if she was trying to shield something from him.
"Harm?"
Her voice brought him back to reality. For the second time that day, one of them was blushing. This time it was him. He tore his eyes away from her body as he felt the heat on his face. He cleared his throat as he focused his gaze on the box in his hands.
"Sorry about the time, I guess I'm just anxious to finish this case." Finally he got enough control on himself to look back up at her. "Can I come in?"
Mac thought that she saw a hint of red on his face, but she wasn't really sure. 'The great Harmon Rabb blushing?!' She dismissed that thought as soon as it popped in her mind. She was so focused on his reactions, that she didn't even notice they were still standing in her door way. She quickly backed away and let him in.
"How about you get the food ready while I go dress?"
She called behind her back as she headed to her bedroom. She caught him following her with his eyes as she turned around to close the door.
'This is going to be a very long evening!'
The thought ran through both their minds at the same moment, as Mac started to dress and Harm went to the kitchen to get some plates.
2232 EST, Monday
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
The pizza was long gone. They were on their third cup of coffee, sitting in the living room, reading each other's notes for the last time that evening. They managed to make some real progress in the case, and there was no question that they were more than ready for the trial the next day.
Harm was sitting on the couch, scanning the last few lines in the page for the third time. Each time he tried to tell his mind to focus on the reading so he could finally go home, he kept seeing her opening the door to him, wearing nothing but her bath robe. And that was exactly why he wanted to get out of there so much.
His eyes started drifting from the legal pad in his hands, until they finally rested on the back of her neck. She was sitting on the floor in front of him. She wasn't wearing the robe anymore, but what she put on earlier was just as bad. He smiled to himself when he thought about it. 'Anything she wears is that bad!' And it wasn't something that he hasn't seen her in before, just a comfortable pair of jeans and a blue sweater that from where he was looking seemed very soft...
He was about to reach out and touch the material, without even thinking, when she suddenly moved and brought him back to reality. He watched in silence as she rolled her head and flexed her shoulders, her hand going up and trying to gently massage the muscles there.
Mac tensed a little when she first felt his touch on her shoulders. But than his hands started moving and she relaxed a little, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She closed her eyes and leaned back into his hands as her mind started wondering to the same place as earlier that day. She could almost feel his hands leaving her shoulders and caressing her arms, as he wrapped a hand around her waist to pull her closer to him. She could almost feel his lips as he planted warm kisses on the back of her neck...
And then her eyes flew open when she did feel it. Somehow she didn't notice him shifting his position on the couch, and now he was leaning over her shoulder following the path that his hands were making with kisses. She didn't imagine it! She pulled away from him slowly, and turned around to look at him. She knew that what she saw in his eyes at that moment was mirrored in her own. The desire, the affection, the simple need... That invisible string that connected them, and was now pulling them towards each other. And this time, his lips met hers, in a soft and tender kiss that grew more and more restless with every second that passed.
Before either one of them realized what they were doing, they were in each other's arms, and everything around them was forgotten.
:)2
0655 EST, Tuesday
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
Mac was having that wonderful dream again. It wasn't the first time that she dreamt about him, but this time it was so real. It was as though she wasn't dreaming, but remembering something that actually happened. The way his hands traveled slowly all over her body, the way his mouth felt on her skin as it followed his hands, the way it felt to have him so close to her...
Slowly she began to wake up, not really wanting to leave that feeling behind. And then she felt it. The tickling of a warm steady breathe on her neck. The feel of a warm muscular body behind her. And finally, the strong arm that was wrapped around her waist, keeping her close.
She closed her eyes and everything came back to her. She didn't have to turn around to know whose arm and whose body it was. But as soon as she remembered everything she also panicked. 'It was a mistake.' The thought kept racing through her mind. 'He didn't mean it and I didn't mean it.' She tried to convince herself, not willing to admit the truth. 'We have to work together.' Came another reason.
She could spend eternity trying to explain to herself why it was a mistake. But the fact was that she liked the way it felt, to wake up wrapped in his arms. To know that he was still there, with her. Which was exactly why she had to get out of there, before she got used to it.
Gently, she lifted his hand from her stomach and glided off the bed. She didn't even look back as she made her way to the bathroom. She got there in a second and closed the door behind her. She leaned on the door for a moment and tried to gather her thoughts. "It was a mistake." She finally whispered to herself. Just before she turned the shower on.
*****
Harm felt the moment she woke up. He could feel her body tense a little the moment she realized that he was behind her, holding her close to him. He didn't let her know that he was awake. He didn't know what to say to her. He wanted this to happen for so long, but not like this. He wanted it to mean something to her like it did to him, but he knew that it didn't.
He didn't say anything when she lifted his arm from her and placed it on the bed beside him. He didn't stop her when she walked to the bathroom. When the door closed behind her he let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. All he could think was, 'It was a mistake.'
Quickly he got out of bed and reached for his clothes. They were scattered all over the floor, along with her uniform. He checked himself in the large mirror she had on the wall. He would have to stop at his apartment to change before he went to work.
He finished dressing and made his way out of the bedroom, trying his best not to look at the bed. He tried not to remember what happened last night, but his mind was already wondering in that direction. The way she felt under his fingers, the way her lips felt on his skin, the look on her face when she finally let go and surrendered herself to the sensations.
He shook his head to try and clear the image out of his mind. Then the excuses started to follow. 'She didn't mean it.' Was the first. Then came 'We have to work together.' And finally 'It was a mistake.'
0710 EST, Tuesday
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
When Mac got out of the shower she didn't see him. Then she smelled the fresh coffee and heard the noises. She got dressed quickly and walked to the kitchen. He was sitting at the table with a coffee cup in his hand. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice her. She just stood there for a moment, watching him, before she spoke.
"Good morning."
His head shot to her direction so quickly, as if he was wondering what she was doing there. It took him a second to fully return to reality. There was something in his eyes that captured her gaze and didn't let go. Finally she forced herself to look away. She made her way to the counter when she heard him speak.
"Good morning." He said, following her with his eyes. "I made some fresh coffee if you want."
The tone of his voice. It was as if nothing happened, nothing changed. 'Why does that surprise you Sarah?' She asked herself as she poured the coffee into her cup. 'You knew all along that it didn't mean anything to him'. She reached into the refrigerator to get the milk. 'Well, two can play that game...'
"You're going to be late if you don't get out of here soon." She stated flatly as she sat next to him at the table. "Don't forget that we're due in court at 1000."
He kept looking at her. 'I was right'.' He said to himself. 'She didn't mean it.' He finished his coffee without saying a word and then stood up and put his cup in the sink. "You're right, I should be going." He walked to the couch and took his cover and briefcase. Just when he was about to reach for the door, he turned around and faced her. He couldn't just leave like that without saying a word about what happened. "Mac..."
She didn't let him finish the sentence as she lifted her eyes to look at him. "Harm don't." she paused for a second, took a deep breath and than continued. "It was a mistake, it never should have happened."
She missed the pain that shot through his eyes in that moment. The pain that accompanied the sting that he felt in his heart when he heard her words. He knew that this would be her response, but somehow he hoped for a different one. Quickly that look changed into a cold one. He nodded his agreement and stated quietly before he went out, "I left the file on the table."
She nodded in response as she watched him close the door behind him. The moment that it was closed she buried her head in her hands. It broke her heart to say it but she knew that it was what he thought. She just said it out loud. She combed her hand through her hair and let her mind wonder for a moment to yesterday.
On the other side of her door, Harm was leaning against the wall. He needed a moment to pull himself together. It took everything in him to leave without letting his true feeling show. Now all he had were memories. Before he knew it he was completely lost in them.
:)3
1303 EST, Tuesday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harriet was standing at her desk, talking to the Gunny when the she saw the elevator doors open and Harm and Mac stepping out. Without even looking at each other they walked in silence through the bullpen and went into their offices. The doors closed behind each of them simultaneously, followed by the blinds a second later.
"Ma'am..."
She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice the Gunny calling her name.
"Lieutenant..."
She was still looking at the closed door to the Mac's office, trying to figure out what was wrong now between her and the Commander.
"Harriet!" The Gunny's voice was a little louder now, and he finally got her attention back.
Harriet almost jumped when she heard her name. "I'm sorry Gunny, what were you saying?"
The Gunny looked at her with definite worry in his eyes. "Is everything alright ma'am?" She seemed a little distracted to him.
"Yes, Gunny, but would you excuse me for a couple of minutes?" She didn't even wait for a reply as she handed him the stack of papers she was holding and made her way to Mac's office.
For a second the Gunny was actually puzzled. He stood there with the stack of papers in his hand, until he pulled himself together and murmured "Yes, ma'am."
*****
Mac sat in her office with her head in her hands. She could barely look at Harm since he left her apartment that morning. She knew that it was a mistake and that it should never happen again, but how can she just forget that feeling that she had for just a moment when she woke up in his arms. That feeling that was so right, until reality sank in.
The knock on the door brought her back to the present. She passed her hand through her hair, trying to pull herself together, before she responded to it. "Come in."
The door opened a little, and Harriet's blond head popped in. "Sorry to interrupt, ma'am, but do you have a couple of minutes?" The younger officer asked, still half outside the door.
Mac straightened in her chair as she answered her. "Of course Harriet, what can I do for you?"
"Well, ma'am," Harriet started as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her and moved towards one of the chairs. "I was actually worried about you. Is everything ok with you and the Commander?"
Mac sighed and closed her eyes for a second before she answered her. "Fine, Harriet, why wouldn't it be?"
"Actually, I don't know ma'am. It's just that I heard from Bud that you weren't really speaking to each other all morning, and you completely ignored one another right now."
Mac couldn't miss the worried tone in Harriet's voice. She didn't really know what to say to her. She could feel the start of a headache already, and she absent-mindedly rubbed her temples. She couldn't keep this thing inside for too long, but should she tell Harriet?
"May I speak freely ma'am?" Harriet cut through her thoughts.
"Go ahead Harriet."
"Did something happen between the two of you? Something that you don't know how you feel about, maybe?" Harriet studied Mac's face carefully as she spoke, and immediately knew she was right.
Mac's head shot up in surprise. It was as if the younger woman had read her mind. Was it that obvious? She sighed again and lowered her eyes before she answered her. "Harm came to work on the case last night, and things got a little carried away. He spent the night." She said in such a small voice that Harriet wasn't sure that she heard her correct.
"Spent the night as in..." Harriet didn't want to assume anything. She knew that there were a couple of times when either one of them just spent the night on the couch at the other's apartment. But those cases never affected their friendship.
"Yes." Came the weak response from Mac.
"And you're sorry that it happened?"
"I'm not, but I know that he is."
"Did he tell you that he is?" It was like trying to get a story straight from a child.
"No." Mac's voice was even weaker. She was beginning to doubt herself. Did she make a mistake? "I said it for him."
The sigh that escaped from Harriet was one of frustration. They were so close to getting it right and now this! "Sarah, did you ever stop to think that maybe he never thought it was a mistake until you told him it was?"
Mac ran her hand through her hair again and then she finally looked up at Harriet. "I don't know what to think anymore. All I know is that I'm tired of fighting and I'm tired of not talking, and I just want our friendship back."
"So just tell him." Was Harriet's simple response. It wasn't what she had hoped for, but it was a start.
Mac looked at the younger woman sitting in front of her. She had no idea how much she needed a friend like Harriet until now. A slow smile began to form on her face as she answered her. "Maybe I will."
:)4
1433 EST, Tuesday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Mac carefully scanned the bullpen before she opened her office door. She noticed that Harm wasn't in his office, and she really didn't feel like seeing him at that moment. She knew that she needed to talk to him, but now wasn't time or the place for that conversation. Besides, they were due in court in exactly 26 minutes and 18 seconds.
She made her way quickly to the kitchen, trying her best to avoid Harriet's pointed gaze. It's been over an hour since they talked, and she knew exactly what the younger officer expected her to do.
She finally got to the kitchen, but stopped when she saw who was there. She couldn't help but smile as she silently watched him. He was leaning against the counter, right beside his coffee mug, and he was slowly stirring the liquid in it. He was so focused on it.
She couldn't take her eyes off his hands. Those strong hands that felt so soft on her skin the night before. That arm that was wrapped around her so securely just this morning. The things that those hands can do, and did, to her body... she felt herself go weak at the memory and had to brace herself against the wall so she wouldn't fall.
She was so focused on his hands that she didn't even notice when Harm turned his head to look at her. Only when he stopped moving the spoon inside his mug did she raise her gaze, slowly, up his arm, to his shoulder, to his lips, to his eyes. They just stood there, looking in each other's eyes.
There was silence between them, but not awkward as it was that morning. They could see what each of them was thinking and knew that it was mirrored in their own eyes. It wasn't regret and it wasn't resentment, but a longing for what they had shared both the night before and through all the years they had known each other. They saw their friendship.
"Excuse me sir, ma'am." The Gunny's voice penetrated their thoughts and they both turned their heads to look at him. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but you're due in court in fifteen minutes."
Mac was the first to find her voice to respond to him, as she turned to face him. "Thank you Gunny."
The Gunny just nodded and turned to leave, again not quite understanding what is going on.
Mac kept her eyes in the other direction second longer, trying to pull herself together. She could still feel Harm's eyes on her. She put a smile on her face and turned back towards him.
"Ready to go Flyboy?" She knew that they still needed to talk, but until then she just wanted a little bit of their old relationship back.
Harm released the breath he didn't even notice he was holding. He gave her one of his smiles and nodded. "Whenever you are, Ninja-girl." He gestured with his hand for her to go first.
This time she didn't have to force a smile on her face, as she stepped out of the kitchen and waited for Harm to get in step beside her. He understood.
1827 EST, Tuesday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
"Harm?"
Mac's voice almost made Harm jump in his seat. Everything was quiet around him. Most of the people had already left for the day and the bullpen was dark. He knew that Mac was still in her office, he just didn't expect her to just show up at his doorstep like this.
He watched the smile spread on her face as he placed the file he was reading on his desk. "Something funny, marine?"
She just shook her head and walked inside to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "Do you have a couple of minutes?"
"Sure." He watched as her face lost the amused expression and became more serious.
She took her eyes off him for a second and scanned the room, trying to find anything that would give her some strength to continue this conversation, either in her or outside. She couldn't stop now. She promised herself that she would do it today. Finally she looked at him again.
"I wanted to apologize for this morning."
She started, her voice a little softer than usual. She noticed that he was about to say something, and slightly shook her head to let him know she wasn't done yet.
"I didn't mean to say that it was a mistake. Nothing like that could ever be a mistake. I know that I have thought about how it would be a few times since we met, and I can only guess that you have too. But I did mean it when I said that it shouldn't have happened." She paused for a second, trying to collect her thoughts about how to explain it to him.
"I mean, not like that. Not without really thinking about it. I hate to think that something like this can happen and just erase every trace of friendship that we have, I value it too much. And the way that our friendship has been going lately it really doesn't seem like the right time to move on." She seemed lost in thought for a second as she focused on something behind him. "I don't know... Am I making any sense here?" She looked back at him, the frustration clearly evident in her eyes.
"You're making perfect sense." He gave her a small smile, but his voice was completely serious. "The last thing that I want is to loose you as a friend. And I have thought about taking the next step, but only when we're ready."
The relief was evident on her face as she smiled back at him. "When we're ready." She repeated his words before she stood up and started walking out of his office. She stopped at the door and turned her head. "Don't stay here all night sailor..." Than she turned back and left.
Harm stared at the doorway for a few seconds after she was gone. He had surprised himself just now. He knew for a while that he wanted to take that next step with Mac, but he didn't know how ready he was until she told him she wanted the same. But she wasn't ready yet. So he would wait. He just hoped that it wouldn't be too long. He smiled as he remembered the day little AJ was born. He had a promise to keep, and he hoped to do it sooner rather than later.
*****
Mac went through the notes on her desk, trying to decide what she needed to take home with her. She was still smiling to herself, her mind still racing after the conversation with Harm.
He wanted the same thing. He wanted her and he wanted them. But not yet. Suddenly that deal they made the year before seemed more real than ever. She only took him half serious then, but now...
She turned off the lights in her office. She glanced in the direction of his office as she made her way to the elevator. She was still smiling as she stepped into the elevator, as her heart filled with hope - hope that the right time for them would come soon.
:)5
1515 EST, Friday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm followed Mac with his eyes as she made her way through the bullpen to the elevators. He hadn't spoken to her since that morning when the trial they were working on ended. Even through all the problems between them this past week, they had once again proven why they were still the best JAG team around - their professional relationship still in tack, their work still above average.
They promised each other that what happened between them would never happen again, at least not now, and that it wouldn't affect their friendship. But it did. The one thing that they were both trying so hard to hold onto had slipped quietly between their fingers without them even noticing. And the one thing that they were trying so hard to ignore was the only thing that occupied his mind lately...
They had gotten back to acting 'normal'. The teasing was back, the friendly bantering. But this time there was always something missing. It felt as though they were trying to keep themselves in check with each other. Making sure that they wouldn't over step any boundaries.
As he watched her stopping to say something to the Gunny, his mind took him back to that night. He saw as she moved her hand to smooth her uniform, and he pictured that same hand as it roamed over his chest. He saw her lips moving as she talked, and he could still taste them on his own. He saw as she moved a strand of hair behind her ear, and he could still feel how soft it was between his fingers.
And as he watched her disappearing behind the corner on her way to the elevator, a sound from his computer brought him back to reality. He looked at his screen and noticed the little sign flashing at the bottom. He clicked on it, and the incoming message opened up.
From: Mackenzie@xxxxxxxx.mil
To: Rabb@xxxxxxxx.mil
What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go.
Harm sat in his chair stunned, looking at the screen. It looked like part of a song, which he didn't recognize, but he definitely knew what those words meant to him. Did she really mean that? Did she really just express to him what he'd been trying so hard to hide from her?
He had to smile when he thought about it. Between the two of them, he should have known that she would take the first step. 'Ninja-girl'. He thought to himself as he closed the message and turned off his computer. 'My Ninja-girl'.
He gathered his files and sorted through them, putting some in his brief case. Picking up the one that was left on the desk, he stepped out of his office and made his way through the bullpen to the admiral's office.
*****
Tiner lifted his head from his paperwork when he heard Harm approaching.
"Does the admiral have a few minutes for me Tiner?"
"Just a second, sir, I'll check". Tiner said as he buzzed the intercom button on his phone. "Sir, Commander Rabb is here to see you."
A second later came to response. "Send him in."
"Go right ahead, sir." Tiner gestured with his head towards the door.
"Thanks Tiner." Harm replied as he walked past him. He opened the door and stood at attention, waiting for the admiral to acknowledge his presence.
"At ease. Have a seat." Was all he said at first. Harm made his way to one of the chairs and sat down. Another second passed until he placed his pen down and lifted his eyes to look at Harm, "What can I do for you Commander?"
"Sir, I just wanted to fill you in on the Hudson case." Harm said as he leaned forward and placed the file on the desk. "And to ask for the rest of the day off."
AJ reached for the file and started flipping through the papers. "This must have been one tough case if both you and the Colonel need some time off after it's done." He commented, knowing well enough that neither the Commander's nor the Colonel's requests had anything to do with the case, but with each other.
"I don't know about the Colonel, sir." Came the response from Harm. "But I have some personal business that I need to attend to."
"Very well, Commander, just brief me in and then you're free to go."
"Thank you, sir." Harm said as he began to review the case.
:)6
1700 EST, Friday
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
Mac had been waiting for the knock on the door.
She had gotten home in practically no time, due to the early hour, changed her clothes and took Jingo out for a walk. Half an hour later she was back home, feeling too wound up. She needed to relax, so she filled the bath and lost herself in the water for another half an hour.
She leaned back and let the memories wash over her, like so many times during the last couple of days. The feel of his muscles under his skin, the warmth of his breath against her neck, how right it felt to be in his arms. She wanted to feel that again, and she just knew that he did also. Maybe it was that ability they had to have a conversation without talking that everyone was always mentioning, but she understood him. She knew what he thought about, and in the last couple of days it was her.
Then she gave herself a mental shake. She was thinking too much, and she had to stop that. It was up to him now, and if she knew her Flyboy as well as she thought, he should be at her doorstep any minute now.
So she got out of the tub, wrapped herself in her robe, and emptied the water. She didn't give much thought to the clothes she was picking, until she finished dressing and checked herself in the mirror. It was that blue sweater, the one she wore that night. She smiled to herself as she smoothed her hands over the material. It had always been one of her favorites, and now it had another meaning. But she couldn't wear it tonight. They needed to talk first, and it would just be a distraction, at least to her.
She took it off and reached for one of her USMC sweatshirts, but than her eyes caught a gray one that was hidden in between.
Then came the knock on the door.
She grabbed the gray sweatshirt and quickly pulled it over her head as she made her way to the door. Just as she did that night, she paused for a second before she opened the door to run her hand through her hair and smooth it over her clothes. She took one more nervous breath and opened the door.
"What took you so long?" she said as she moved a little to let him in.
"Someone had to fill the admiral in on our case." Harm said as he walked past her. He turned around and looked at the bold letters that spelled 'Navy' on the sweatshirt she was wearing. "I was wondering where that sweatshirt went..."
Mac smiled as she closed the door behind him. "I forgot I had it." She turned to look at him. "I suppose you want it back?"
Her tone lost its playfulness. Their stares met and locked on each other. Somehow it had a completely different meaning now for her to be wearing his clothes. She had no problem in giving it back, she just wanted him to take it himself. He had no problem in reading it in her eyes, which is why he had to look away. Now wasn't the time.
He cleared his throat and moved to sit on her couch. "We need to talk."
"I know." She walked to the couch and sat beside him. Close, but not too close. She turned a little so she was facing him. She put herself on the line and let him know she was ready. She was almost sure that he was too, but not quite. She just hoped that she wasn't too early.
A second passed and he still hadn't said anything. He wasn't looking at her either, instead focusing his gaze on his hands in his lap. She began to doubt herself again for a moment, before she started a little pep talk in her head - he hadn't said anything yet, don't jump to conclusions, you don't know what he's thinking about. Strangely enough, that little voice in her head sounded a lot like Harriet's...
Then he finally lifted his eyes and looked at her, and for once she couldn't read anything in them. "I thought you needed more time."
This time she was the one who lowered her eyes. "I thought so too." she started in a soft voice. "But then I thought about how right it felt to be in your arms, and about all the time we've been friends. Four years are more than enough time. So I got to the conclusion that you can't undo what's been done, and we've already started taking the next step. I just want to know if you're ready to move forward."
Somehow it seemed unnatural for them to be discussing this. There wasn't a lot of talking involved when they started this, but maybe that was the problem. Maybe they could have saved a lot of time apart if they had this conversation before they moved to more interesting things.
Harm reached his hand and lifted her chin so she could look in his eyes. "I've been ready for a long time." He said softly, a little smile playing on his lips. "I just wanted to make sure that you are too."
She lifted her hand to touch his arm, as she answered him. "I am."
She was leaning a little bit forward toward him, and as soon as he heard her answer he met her half way. Their lips met in a tender kiss, so soft that it didn't seem enough to both of them. Harm's hand moved to her waist as they both deepened the kiss.
*****
When they finally broke apart from each other, Mac was sitting with her legs across Harm's lap, her head on his shoulder. He had one arm wrapped securely around her, keeping her close, and his other hand was traveling up and down her thigh.
He kissed her softly on the top of her head, before he asked, "Can I take another step forward?"
Mac lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him, the confusion evident in her eyes.
He smiled at her and then continued. "Can I tell you that I love you?"
The questioning look was quickly replaced with a smile. "You'd better." She said before she gave him another kiss. "But only if I can tell you that I love you too."
"Deal." Then he paused for a second. "Mac, can I ask you something?"
Mac settled herself back on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "Shoot."
"You know that song you wrote in the e-mail?"
"You mean this one." Mac reached over to the table and picked the remote to her stereo up. She presses the 'play' button and leaned back into his embrace as the first notes of the song started filling the room.
"Yeah." Harm said as he tightened his arms around her. "What's it called?"
"Don't Let Go." Came the slightly muffled response from Mac as she buried her face in his shoulder.
Harm turned his head and Mac lifted hers to look at him. Just before their lips met, she heard him say, "Never."
What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go
I often tell myself
That we could be more than just friend
I know you think that if we move too soon
It would all end
I live in misery when you're not around
And I won't be satisfied 'till we're taking those vows
There'll be some lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking
Oh, lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking
What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go
I often fantasize
The stars above are watching you
They know my heart and speak to yours
Like only lovers do
If I could wear your clothes
I'd pretend that was you and loose control
There'll be some lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking
Oh, lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking
What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go
Running in and out my life
Has got me so confused
You've gotta make the sacrifice
Somebody's gotta choose
We can make it if we try
For the sake of you and I
Together we can make it right
What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go
0830 EST, Monday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm and Mac stood at attention in front of the admiral's desk.
"At ease. Take a seat, please." The admiral started as he took his glasses off. He leaned back in his chair and continued, "Commander, Colonel, you have a new assignment. You'll be doing some undercover work in a Marine base in Texas."
Harm and Mac exchanged glances before Harm turned his attention back to the admiral and asked, "May I ask as what, sir?"
"You're going to be a Marine LtCol, Commander." AJ paused for a second, before he looked at Mac. "And you're going to be his wife, Colonel."
It took all of Harm and Mac's military restraint to keep looking at their CO, and keep from smiling.
Author: Roni.
E-mail: roni78@yahoo.com.
Disclaimer: Harm, Mac, Harriet, Gunny, Tiner and the Admiral don't belong to me. They belong to Don P. Bellisario and CBS. Don't sue me, this is just for fun. I promise to take really good care of them and give them right back as soon as I'm done.
The song is "Don't let go" by En Vouge.
Classification: S, R (Harm/Mac shipper)
Rating: PG-13.
Spoilers: Just my own little alternate universe, with a little bit of the baby deal.
Author's note: Feedback is always appreciated, and in most cases even demanded... Thank you so much to Sarah and Anita for beta reading this for me.
1215 EST, Monday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
They have been at each other's throat all day. At least this time they remembered not to make a show of it in the bullpen.
It started with the case they have been working on. The trial in the Hudson case was set for the next day and they had almost everything prepared. But when they sat down to go over the case one last time, they couldn't seem to agree on anything.
After an hour of arguing Mac finally gave up. They were sitting in Harm's office, with the door and blinds closed. There was this silence that hung between them as they sat and looked at each other, until Mac spoke.
"Maybe we should give it a rest for a while."
She watched his face intently as she spoke. He had the weirdest effect on her today. It was something that combined anger and attraction. Well, at least more than usual. And she wasn't sure, but she sensed that she was affecting him in the same was. Which made this situation even more dangerous.
Her mind started wondering as she kept staring at him. She could picture herself standing up, and slowly walking around his desk. She saw herself bending down and turning his chair to face her. She reached out her hand and lifted his chin so she could look in his eyes as she lowered herself to sit in his lap. She could actually feel his hands as they went around her waist to hold her close to him. She moved closer to him as her hand found its way to his hair and started pulling him to her. Her eyes closed, and she could feel his breath as his mouth descended on hers...
"I guess you're right." His voice brought her back to reality. As soon as she figured out where she was and saw the look on his face, she could feel the heat washing over her face. She quickly jumped to her feet, breaking the eye contact, and gathered all her notes. She was at his door before he could even say a word.
"I'll talk to you later, ok?" And with that she was gone.
Harm was sitting in his office with a puzzled look on his face. He had noticed that she wasn't with him for a moment, and he wondered exactly what just happened. 'Did she just blush?' He asked himself in disbelief. He shook himself mentally to clear his thoughts as he saw the door to her office close behind her. With a sigh he grabbed his pen and returned his attention to the file in front of him.
*****
In her office, Mac was leaning against the closed door. She could still feel the heat on her face. What was she thinking? And where exactly did that thought come from? It wasn't the first time that she let herself think about Harm that way, but never during work. This usually happened late at night before she fell asleep.
Finally she gathered herself and walked to her desk. She didn't have time to think about that now, she had work to do. She sat down and opened her notes.
1415 EST, Monday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm hadn't moved from his desk for the last couple of hours. He had been focusing on the files in front of him ever since Mac left his office. He had made some real progress in the case so far, but for the last couple of minutes he found himself staring at the same sentence. That look that she had on her face before she left his office kept popping in his head.
Finally he gave up and closed the file. He sat back in his chair and looked in the direction of her office. She had closed the door, but her blinds were still open and he could see her sitting at her desk. It was almost as tough being away from her as it was working with her. Every time today when they were arguing he had to fight the urge not to take her in his arms and just silence her with a kiss.
He watched her getting up from her desk and walking out of her office on her way to the coffee room. He pictured himself following her there. Walking up behind her as she was pouring the coffee into her mug. He could almost feel her skin as he saw himself brushing the hair away from her neck and lowering his head to plant small kisses there. He could almost hear her moan softly as she turned around between his arms and arched her neck to give him more access. He could almost feel her arms as they went around his neck to pull him closer while he continued to trail his kisses up her neck to her jaw line, then her cheek, until he reached the corner of her mouth...
For the hundredth time today he had to shake himself mentally. He couldn't let his mind wonder in that direction. She was his partner and his best friend. He couldn't do anything to jeopardize that, and if he let himself follow that path of thought he could lose them both.
*****
The knock on the door nearly made Mac jump out of her skin. She got so wrapped up in the case that she didn't really pay attention to what was going on around her. She lifted her eyes to see Harm leaning against the doorframe.
"Hey." He started talking. "How's the case going?"
"Fine." She watched him move from the door to one of the chairs in front of her desk as she spoke. "I'm almost done with my notes."
"Good. We really need to go over everything one more time together before tomorrow."
"I know Harm, but I really need a break from this case for a couple of hours." She paused for a minute as if she was trying to convince herself of something. "How about we do this over dinner at my place?" It took all of her courage to get that simple question out. It wasn't the first time they would be taking their work home, but for some reason this time didn't seem as natural as the other times.
"OK. How about 1830? I'll bring the pizza."
"Deal." She gave him a small smile.
He smiled back at her as he got up and left her office.
:)1
1823 EST, Monday
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
Mac was just getting out of the shower when she heard the knock on her door. A cold shower. But even that didn't help in clearing her mind from the images that have been running there all day long. Ever since that argument in his office that morning.
She was standing in the shower, shivering, but she could still almost feel his hands, warm and strong, traveling all over her body. She could still almost feel his warm breath on her neck and shoulders. She could still almost feel his lips, moist and soft, on her skin...
And then she heard the knock.
She stepped out from the shower, dried herself and grabbed her robe from the bathroom door. She secured the material around her body, and carefully tied the belt around her waist. She exited her bedroom and made her way to the door with a pretty good idea who was standing behind it. She reached for the doorknob and released the breath she didn't even notice she was holding. A second before she touched the knob she retrieved her hand and ran it through her hair and over her robe, as if to make sure that everything was in place. She managed to put a smile on her face, and then she opened the door.
"You're early."
Her words barely penetrated his thoughts, as he ran his eyes slowly up and down her body. This was worse than her uniform. It didn't show anything, and yet, it left so much more for the imagination. He didn't even notice that he hadn't said a word yet, that all he had been doing was staring at her.
His look made her self-conscience. Instinctively her hands went around her waist, hugging herself, as if she was trying to shield something from him.
"Harm?"
Her voice brought him back to reality. For the second time that day, one of them was blushing. This time it was him. He tore his eyes away from her body as he felt the heat on his face. He cleared his throat as he focused his gaze on the box in his hands.
"Sorry about the time, I guess I'm just anxious to finish this case." Finally he got enough control on himself to look back up at her. "Can I come in?"
Mac thought that she saw a hint of red on his face, but she wasn't really sure. 'The great Harmon Rabb blushing?!' She dismissed that thought as soon as it popped in her mind. She was so focused on his reactions, that she didn't even notice they were still standing in her door way. She quickly backed away and let him in.
"How about you get the food ready while I go dress?"
She called behind her back as she headed to her bedroom. She caught him following her with his eyes as she turned around to close the door.
'This is going to be a very long evening!'
The thought ran through both their minds at the same moment, as Mac started to dress and Harm went to the kitchen to get some plates.
2232 EST, Monday
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
The pizza was long gone. They were on their third cup of coffee, sitting in the living room, reading each other's notes for the last time that evening. They managed to make some real progress in the case, and there was no question that they were more than ready for the trial the next day.
Harm was sitting on the couch, scanning the last few lines in the page for the third time. Each time he tried to tell his mind to focus on the reading so he could finally go home, he kept seeing her opening the door to him, wearing nothing but her bath robe. And that was exactly why he wanted to get out of there so much.
His eyes started drifting from the legal pad in his hands, until they finally rested on the back of her neck. She was sitting on the floor in front of him. She wasn't wearing the robe anymore, but what she put on earlier was just as bad. He smiled to himself when he thought about it. 'Anything she wears is that bad!' And it wasn't something that he hasn't seen her in before, just a comfortable pair of jeans and a blue sweater that from where he was looking seemed very soft...
He was about to reach out and touch the material, without even thinking, when she suddenly moved and brought him back to reality. He watched in silence as she rolled her head and flexed her shoulders, her hand going up and trying to gently massage the muscles there.
Mac tensed a little when she first felt his touch on her shoulders. But than his hands started moving and she relaxed a little, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She closed her eyes and leaned back into his hands as her mind started wondering to the same place as earlier that day. She could almost feel his hands leaving her shoulders and caressing her arms, as he wrapped a hand around her waist to pull her closer to him. She could almost feel his lips as he planted warm kisses on the back of her neck...
And then her eyes flew open when she did feel it. Somehow she didn't notice him shifting his position on the couch, and now he was leaning over her shoulder following the path that his hands were making with kisses. She didn't imagine it! She pulled away from him slowly, and turned around to look at him. She knew that what she saw in his eyes at that moment was mirrored in her own. The desire, the affection, the simple need... That invisible string that connected them, and was now pulling them towards each other. And this time, his lips met hers, in a soft and tender kiss that grew more and more restless with every second that passed.
Before either one of them realized what they were doing, they were in each other's arms, and everything around them was forgotten.
:)2
0655 EST, Tuesday
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
Mac was having that wonderful dream again. It wasn't the first time that she dreamt about him, but this time it was so real. It was as though she wasn't dreaming, but remembering something that actually happened. The way his hands traveled slowly all over her body, the way his mouth felt on her skin as it followed his hands, the way it felt to have him so close to her...
Slowly she began to wake up, not really wanting to leave that feeling behind. And then she felt it. The tickling of a warm steady breathe on her neck. The feel of a warm muscular body behind her. And finally, the strong arm that was wrapped around her waist, keeping her close.
She closed her eyes and everything came back to her. She didn't have to turn around to know whose arm and whose body it was. But as soon as she remembered everything she also panicked. 'It was a mistake.' The thought kept racing through her mind. 'He didn't mean it and I didn't mean it.' She tried to convince herself, not willing to admit the truth. 'We have to work together.' Came another reason.
She could spend eternity trying to explain to herself why it was a mistake. But the fact was that she liked the way it felt, to wake up wrapped in his arms. To know that he was still there, with her. Which was exactly why she had to get out of there, before she got used to it.
Gently, she lifted his hand from her stomach and glided off the bed. She didn't even look back as she made her way to the bathroom. She got there in a second and closed the door behind her. She leaned on the door for a moment and tried to gather her thoughts. "It was a mistake." She finally whispered to herself. Just before she turned the shower on.
*****
Harm felt the moment she woke up. He could feel her body tense a little the moment she realized that he was behind her, holding her close to him. He didn't let her know that he was awake. He didn't know what to say to her. He wanted this to happen for so long, but not like this. He wanted it to mean something to her like it did to him, but he knew that it didn't.
He didn't say anything when she lifted his arm from her and placed it on the bed beside him. He didn't stop her when she walked to the bathroom. When the door closed behind her he let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. All he could think was, 'It was a mistake.'
Quickly he got out of bed and reached for his clothes. They were scattered all over the floor, along with her uniform. He checked himself in the large mirror she had on the wall. He would have to stop at his apartment to change before he went to work.
He finished dressing and made his way out of the bedroom, trying his best not to look at the bed. He tried not to remember what happened last night, but his mind was already wondering in that direction. The way she felt under his fingers, the way her lips felt on his skin, the look on her face when she finally let go and surrendered herself to the sensations.
He shook his head to try and clear the image out of his mind. Then the excuses started to follow. 'She didn't mean it.' Was the first. Then came 'We have to work together.' And finally 'It was a mistake.'
0710 EST, Tuesday
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
When Mac got out of the shower she didn't see him. Then she smelled the fresh coffee and heard the noises. She got dressed quickly and walked to the kitchen. He was sitting at the table with a coffee cup in his hand. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice her. She just stood there for a moment, watching him, before she spoke.
"Good morning."
His head shot to her direction so quickly, as if he was wondering what she was doing there. It took him a second to fully return to reality. There was something in his eyes that captured her gaze and didn't let go. Finally she forced herself to look away. She made her way to the counter when she heard him speak.
"Good morning." He said, following her with his eyes. "I made some fresh coffee if you want."
The tone of his voice. It was as if nothing happened, nothing changed. 'Why does that surprise you Sarah?' She asked herself as she poured the coffee into her cup. 'You knew all along that it didn't mean anything to him'. She reached into the refrigerator to get the milk. 'Well, two can play that game...'
"You're going to be late if you don't get out of here soon." She stated flatly as she sat next to him at the table. "Don't forget that we're due in court at 1000."
He kept looking at her. 'I was right'.' He said to himself. 'She didn't mean it.' He finished his coffee without saying a word and then stood up and put his cup in the sink. "You're right, I should be going." He walked to the couch and took his cover and briefcase. Just when he was about to reach for the door, he turned around and faced her. He couldn't just leave like that without saying a word about what happened. "Mac..."
She didn't let him finish the sentence as she lifted her eyes to look at him. "Harm don't." she paused for a second, took a deep breath and than continued. "It was a mistake, it never should have happened."
She missed the pain that shot through his eyes in that moment. The pain that accompanied the sting that he felt in his heart when he heard her words. He knew that this would be her response, but somehow he hoped for a different one. Quickly that look changed into a cold one. He nodded his agreement and stated quietly before he went out, "I left the file on the table."
She nodded in response as she watched him close the door behind him. The moment that it was closed she buried her head in her hands. It broke her heart to say it but she knew that it was what he thought. She just said it out loud. She combed her hand through her hair and let her mind wonder for a moment to yesterday.
On the other side of her door, Harm was leaning against the wall. He needed a moment to pull himself together. It took everything in him to leave without letting his true feeling show. Now all he had were memories. Before he knew it he was completely lost in them.
:)3
1303 EST, Tuesday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harriet was standing at her desk, talking to the Gunny when the she saw the elevator doors open and Harm and Mac stepping out. Without even looking at each other they walked in silence through the bullpen and went into their offices. The doors closed behind each of them simultaneously, followed by the blinds a second later.
"Ma'am..."
She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice the Gunny calling her name.
"Lieutenant..."
She was still looking at the closed door to the Mac's office, trying to figure out what was wrong now between her and the Commander.
"Harriet!" The Gunny's voice was a little louder now, and he finally got her attention back.
Harriet almost jumped when she heard her name. "I'm sorry Gunny, what were you saying?"
The Gunny looked at her with definite worry in his eyes. "Is everything alright ma'am?" She seemed a little distracted to him.
"Yes, Gunny, but would you excuse me for a couple of minutes?" She didn't even wait for a reply as she handed him the stack of papers she was holding and made her way to Mac's office.
For a second the Gunny was actually puzzled. He stood there with the stack of papers in his hand, until he pulled himself together and murmured "Yes, ma'am."
*****
Mac sat in her office with her head in her hands. She could barely look at Harm since he left her apartment that morning. She knew that it was a mistake and that it should never happen again, but how can she just forget that feeling that she had for just a moment when she woke up in his arms. That feeling that was so right, until reality sank in.
The knock on the door brought her back to the present. She passed her hand through her hair, trying to pull herself together, before she responded to it. "Come in."
The door opened a little, and Harriet's blond head popped in. "Sorry to interrupt, ma'am, but do you have a couple of minutes?" The younger officer asked, still half outside the door.
Mac straightened in her chair as she answered her. "Of course Harriet, what can I do for you?"
"Well, ma'am," Harriet started as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her and moved towards one of the chairs. "I was actually worried about you. Is everything ok with you and the Commander?"
Mac sighed and closed her eyes for a second before she answered her. "Fine, Harriet, why wouldn't it be?"
"Actually, I don't know ma'am. It's just that I heard from Bud that you weren't really speaking to each other all morning, and you completely ignored one another right now."
Mac couldn't miss the worried tone in Harriet's voice. She didn't really know what to say to her. She could feel the start of a headache already, and she absent-mindedly rubbed her temples. She couldn't keep this thing inside for too long, but should she tell Harriet?
"May I speak freely ma'am?" Harriet cut through her thoughts.
"Go ahead Harriet."
"Did something happen between the two of you? Something that you don't know how you feel about, maybe?" Harriet studied Mac's face carefully as she spoke, and immediately knew she was right.
Mac's head shot up in surprise. It was as if the younger woman had read her mind. Was it that obvious? She sighed again and lowered her eyes before she answered her. "Harm came to work on the case last night, and things got a little carried away. He spent the night." She said in such a small voice that Harriet wasn't sure that she heard her correct.
"Spent the night as in..." Harriet didn't want to assume anything. She knew that there were a couple of times when either one of them just spent the night on the couch at the other's apartment. But those cases never affected their friendship.
"Yes." Came the weak response from Mac.
"And you're sorry that it happened?"
"I'm not, but I know that he is."
"Did he tell you that he is?" It was like trying to get a story straight from a child.
"No." Mac's voice was even weaker. She was beginning to doubt herself. Did she make a mistake? "I said it for him."
The sigh that escaped from Harriet was one of frustration. They were so close to getting it right and now this! "Sarah, did you ever stop to think that maybe he never thought it was a mistake until you told him it was?"
Mac ran her hand through her hair again and then she finally looked up at Harriet. "I don't know what to think anymore. All I know is that I'm tired of fighting and I'm tired of not talking, and I just want our friendship back."
"So just tell him." Was Harriet's simple response. It wasn't what she had hoped for, but it was a start.
Mac looked at the younger woman sitting in front of her. She had no idea how much she needed a friend like Harriet until now. A slow smile began to form on her face as she answered her. "Maybe I will."
:)4
1433 EST, Tuesday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Mac carefully scanned the bullpen before she opened her office door. She noticed that Harm wasn't in his office, and she really didn't feel like seeing him at that moment. She knew that she needed to talk to him, but now wasn't time or the place for that conversation. Besides, they were due in court in exactly 26 minutes and 18 seconds.
She made her way quickly to the kitchen, trying her best to avoid Harriet's pointed gaze. It's been over an hour since they talked, and she knew exactly what the younger officer expected her to do.
She finally got to the kitchen, but stopped when she saw who was there. She couldn't help but smile as she silently watched him. He was leaning against the counter, right beside his coffee mug, and he was slowly stirring the liquid in it. He was so focused on it.
She couldn't take her eyes off his hands. Those strong hands that felt so soft on her skin the night before. That arm that was wrapped around her so securely just this morning. The things that those hands can do, and did, to her body... she felt herself go weak at the memory and had to brace herself against the wall so she wouldn't fall.
She was so focused on his hands that she didn't even notice when Harm turned his head to look at her. Only when he stopped moving the spoon inside his mug did she raise her gaze, slowly, up his arm, to his shoulder, to his lips, to his eyes. They just stood there, looking in each other's eyes.
There was silence between them, but not awkward as it was that morning. They could see what each of them was thinking and knew that it was mirrored in their own eyes. It wasn't regret and it wasn't resentment, but a longing for what they had shared both the night before and through all the years they had known each other. They saw their friendship.
"Excuse me sir, ma'am." The Gunny's voice penetrated their thoughts and they both turned their heads to look at him. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but you're due in court in fifteen minutes."
Mac was the first to find her voice to respond to him, as she turned to face him. "Thank you Gunny."
The Gunny just nodded and turned to leave, again not quite understanding what is going on.
Mac kept her eyes in the other direction second longer, trying to pull herself together. She could still feel Harm's eyes on her. She put a smile on her face and turned back towards him.
"Ready to go Flyboy?" She knew that they still needed to talk, but until then she just wanted a little bit of their old relationship back.
Harm released the breath he didn't even notice he was holding. He gave her one of his smiles and nodded. "Whenever you are, Ninja-girl." He gestured with his hand for her to go first.
This time she didn't have to force a smile on her face, as she stepped out of the kitchen and waited for Harm to get in step beside her. He understood.
1827 EST, Tuesday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
"Harm?"
Mac's voice almost made Harm jump in his seat. Everything was quiet around him. Most of the people had already left for the day and the bullpen was dark. He knew that Mac was still in her office, he just didn't expect her to just show up at his doorstep like this.
He watched the smile spread on her face as he placed the file he was reading on his desk. "Something funny, marine?"
She just shook her head and walked inside to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "Do you have a couple of minutes?"
"Sure." He watched as her face lost the amused expression and became more serious.
She took her eyes off him for a second and scanned the room, trying to find anything that would give her some strength to continue this conversation, either in her or outside. She couldn't stop now. She promised herself that she would do it today. Finally she looked at him again.
"I wanted to apologize for this morning."
She started, her voice a little softer than usual. She noticed that he was about to say something, and slightly shook her head to let him know she wasn't done yet.
"I didn't mean to say that it was a mistake. Nothing like that could ever be a mistake. I know that I have thought about how it would be a few times since we met, and I can only guess that you have too. But I did mean it when I said that it shouldn't have happened." She paused for a second, trying to collect her thoughts about how to explain it to him.
"I mean, not like that. Not without really thinking about it. I hate to think that something like this can happen and just erase every trace of friendship that we have, I value it too much. And the way that our friendship has been going lately it really doesn't seem like the right time to move on." She seemed lost in thought for a second as she focused on something behind him. "I don't know... Am I making any sense here?" She looked back at him, the frustration clearly evident in her eyes.
"You're making perfect sense." He gave her a small smile, but his voice was completely serious. "The last thing that I want is to loose you as a friend. And I have thought about taking the next step, but only when we're ready."
The relief was evident on her face as she smiled back at him. "When we're ready." She repeated his words before she stood up and started walking out of his office. She stopped at the door and turned her head. "Don't stay here all night sailor..." Than she turned back and left.
Harm stared at the doorway for a few seconds after she was gone. He had surprised himself just now. He knew for a while that he wanted to take that next step with Mac, but he didn't know how ready he was until she told him she wanted the same. But she wasn't ready yet. So he would wait. He just hoped that it wouldn't be too long. He smiled as he remembered the day little AJ was born. He had a promise to keep, and he hoped to do it sooner rather than later.
*****
Mac went through the notes on her desk, trying to decide what she needed to take home with her. She was still smiling to herself, her mind still racing after the conversation with Harm.
He wanted the same thing. He wanted her and he wanted them. But not yet. Suddenly that deal they made the year before seemed more real than ever. She only took him half serious then, but now...
She turned off the lights in her office. She glanced in the direction of his office as she made her way to the elevator. She was still smiling as she stepped into the elevator, as her heart filled with hope - hope that the right time for them would come soon.
:)5
1515 EST, Friday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm followed Mac with his eyes as she made her way through the bullpen to the elevators. He hadn't spoken to her since that morning when the trial they were working on ended. Even through all the problems between them this past week, they had once again proven why they were still the best JAG team around - their professional relationship still in tack, their work still above average.
They promised each other that what happened between them would never happen again, at least not now, and that it wouldn't affect their friendship. But it did. The one thing that they were both trying so hard to hold onto had slipped quietly between their fingers without them even noticing. And the one thing that they were trying so hard to ignore was the only thing that occupied his mind lately...
They had gotten back to acting 'normal'. The teasing was back, the friendly bantering. But this time there was always something missing. It felt as though they were trying to keep themselves in check with each other. Making sure that they wouldn't over step any boundaries.
As he watched her stopping to say something to the Gunny, his mind took him back to that night. He saw as she moved her hand to smooth her uniform, and he pictured that same hand as it roamed over his chest. He saw her lips moving as she talked, and he could still taste them on his own. He saw as she moved a strand of hair behind her ear, and he could still feel how soft it was between his fingers.
And as he watched her disappearing behind the corner on her way to the elevator, a sound from his computer brought him back to reality. He looked at his screen and noticed the little sign flashing at the bottom. He clicked on it, and the incoming message opened up.
From: Mackenzie@xxxxxxxx.mil
To: Rabb@xxxxxxxx.mil
What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go.
Harm sat in his chair stunned, looking at the screen. It looked like part of a song, which he didn't recognize, but he definitely knew what those words meant to him. Did she really mean that? Did she really just express to him what he'd been trying so hard to hide from her?
He had to smile when he thought about it. Between the two of them, he should have known that she would take the first step. 'Ninja-girl'. He thought to himself as he closed the message and turned off his computer. 'My Ninja-girl'.
He gathered his files and sorted through them, putting some in his brief case. Picking up the one that was left on the desk, he stepped out of his office and made his way through the bullpen to the admiral's office.
*****
Tiner lifted his head from his paperwork when he heard Harm approaching.
"Does the admiral have a few minutes for me Tiner?"
"Just a second, sir, I'll check". Tiner said as he buzzed the intercom button on his phone. "Sir, Commander Rabb is here to see you."
A second later came to response. "Send him in."
"Go right ahead, sir." Tiner gestured with his head towards the door.
"Thanks Tiner." Harm replied as he walked past him. He opened the door and stood at attention, waiting for the admiral to acknowledge his presence.
"At ease. Have a seat." Was all he said at first. Harm made his way to one of the chairs and sat down. Another second passed until he placed his pen down and lifted his eyes to look at Harm, "What can I do for you Commander?"
"Sir, I just wanted to fill you in on the Hudson case." Harm said as he leaned forward and placed the file on the desk. "And to ask for the rest of the day off."
AJ reached for the file and started flipping through the papers. "This must have been one tough case if both you and the Colonel need some time off after it's done." He commented, knowing well enough that neither the Commander's nor the Colonel's requests had anything to do with the case, but with each other.
"I don't know about the Colonel, sir." Came the response from Harm. "But I have some personal business that I need to attend to."
"Very well, Commander, just brief me in and then you're free to go."
"Thank you, sir." Harm said as he began to review the case.
:)6
1700 EST, Friday
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
Mac had been waiting for the knock on the door.
She had gotten home in practically no time, due to the early hour, changed her clothes and took Jingo out for a walk. Half an hour later she was back home, feeling too wound up. She needed to relax, so she filled the bath and lost herself in the water for another half an hour.
She leaned back and let the memories wash over her, like so many times during the last couple of days. The feel of his muscles under his skin, the warmth of his breath against her neck, how right it felt to be in his arms. She wanted to feel that again, and she just knew that he did also. Maybe it was that ability they had to have a conversation without talking that everyone was always mentioning, but she understood him. She knew what he thought about, and in the last couple of days it was her.
Then she gave herself a mental shake. She was thinking too much, and she had to stop that. It was up to him now, and if she knew her Flyboy as well as she thought, he should be at her doorstep any minute now.
So she got out of the tub, wrapped herself in her robe, and emptied the water. She didn't give much thought to the clothes she was picking, until she finished dressing and checked herself in the mirror. It was that blue sweater, the one she wore that night. She smiled to herself as she smoothed her hands over the material. It had always been one of her favorites, and now it had another meaning. But she couldn't wear it tonight. They needed to talk first, and it would just be a distraction, at least to her.
She took it off and reached for one of her USMC sweatshirts, but than her eyes caught a gray one that was hidden in between.
Then came the knock on the door.
She grabbed the gray sweatshirt and quickly pulled it over her head as she made her way to the door. Just as she did that night, she paused for a second before she opened the door to run her hand through her hair and smooth it over her clothes. She took one more nervous breath and opened the door.
"What took you so long?" she said as she moved a little to let him in.
"Someone had to fill the admiral in on our case." Harm said as he walked past her. He turned around and looked at the bold letters that spelled 'Navy' on the sweatshirt she was wearing. "I was wondering where that sweatshirt went..."
Mac smiled as she closed the door behind him. "I forgot I had it." She turned to look at him. "I suppose you want it back?"
Her tone lost its playfulness. Their stares met and locked on each other. Somehow it had a completely different meaning now for her to be wearing his clothes. She had no problem in giving it back, she just wanted him to take it himself. He had no problem in reading it in her eyes, which is why he had to look away. Now wasn't the time.
He cleared his throat and moved to sit on her couch. "We need to talk."
"I know." She walked to the couch and sat beside him. Close, but not too close. She turned a little so she was facing him. She put herself on the line and let him know she was ready. She was almost sure that he was too, but not quite. She just hoped that she wasn't too early.
A second passed and he still hadn't said anything. He wasn't looking at her either, instead focusing his gaze on his hands in his lap. She began to doubt herself again for a moment, before she started a little pep talk in her head - he hadn't said anything yet, don't jump to conclusions, you don't know what he's thinking about. Strangely enough, that little voice in her head sounded a lot like Harriet's...
Then he finally lifted his eyes and looked at her, and for once she couldn't read anything in them. "I thought you needed more time."
This time she was the one who lowered her eyes. "I thought so too." she started in a soft voice. "But then I thought about how right it felt to be in your arms, and about all the time we've been friends. Four years are more than enough time. So I got to the conclusion that you can't undo what's been done, and we've already started taking the next step. I just want to know if you're ready to move forward."
Somehow it seemed unnatural for them to be discussing this. There wasn't a lot of talking involved when they started this, but maybe that was the problem. Maybe they could have saved a lot of time apart if they had this conversation before they moved to more interesting things.
Harm reached his hand and lifted her chin so she could look in his eyes. "I've been ready for a long time." He said softly, a little smile playing on his lips. "I just wanted to make sure that you are too."
She lifted her hand to touch his arm, as she answered him. "I am."
She was leaning a little bit forward toward him, and as soon as he heard her answer he met her half way. Their lips met in a tender kiss, so soft that it didn't seem enough to both of them. Harm's hand moved to her waist as they both deepened the kiss.
*****
When they finally broke apart from each other, Mac was sitting with her legs across Harm's lap, her head on his shoulder. He had one arm wrapped securely around her, keeping her close, and his other hand was traveling up and down her thigh.
He kissed her softly on the top of her head, before he asked, "Can I take another step forward?"
Mac lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him, the confusion evident in her eyes.
He smiled at her and then continued. "Can I tell you that I love you?"
The questioning look was quickly replaced with a smile. "You'd better." She said before she gave him another kiss. "But only if I can tell you that I love you too."
"Deal." Then he paused for a second. "Mac, can I ask you something?"
Mac settled herself back on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "Shoot."
"You know that song you wrote in the e-mail?"
"You mean this one." Mac reached over to the table and picked the remote to her stereo up. She presses the 'play' button and leaned back into his embrace as the first notes of the song started filling the room.
"Yeah." Harm said as he tightened his arms around her. "What's it called?"
"Don't Let Go." Came the slightly muffled response from Mac as she buried her face in his shoulder.
Harm turned his head and Mac lifted hers to look at him. Just before their lips met, she heard him say, "Never."
What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go
I often tell myself
That we could be more than just friend
I know you think that if we move too soon
It would all end
I live in misery when you're not around
And I won't be satisfied 'till we're taking those vows
There'll be some lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking
Oh, lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking
What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go
I often fantasize
The stars above are watching you
They know my heart and speak to yours
Like only lovers do
If I could wear your clothes
I'd pretend that was you and loose control
There'll be some lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking
Oh, lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking
What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go
Running in and out my life
Has got me so confused
You've gotta make the sacrifice
Somebody's gotta choose
We can make it if we try
For the sake of you and I
Together we can make it right
What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go
0830 EST, Monday
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm and Mac stood at attention in front of the admiral's desk.
"At ease. Take a seat, please." The admiral started as he took his glasses off. He leaned back in his chair and continued, "Commander, Colonel, you have a new assignment. You'll be doing some undercover work in a Marine base in Texas."
Harm and Mac exchanged glances before Harm turned his attention back to the admiral and asked, "May I ask as what, sir?"
"You're going to be a Marine LtCol, Commander." AJ paused for a second, before he looked at Mac. "And you're going to be his wife, Colonel."
It took all of Harm and Mac's military restraint to keep looking at their CO, and keep from smiling.