Title: Heart of Glass
Chapter: One
Pairing: Fenyrs/OC
Chapter rating: T
Overall rating: M Couldn't be a SJM Fanfic if it wasn't
Word Count: 1.7k
Alisha was a Princess of Tarason. Was being the key word. Ten years ago, her Kingdom fell. Ten years ago, she had been kidnapped by Maeve. Ten years ago, her twin, Aelin, was killed. Ten years ago, magick vanished from her home land. Ten years. It had been ten years.
Alisha
Isha hadn't been allowed to leave Doranelle. Not until today. She had trained, and trained, and trained her magick until combat came as naturally as healing. She didn't mind her Fae form, she'd always had a preference for it over her human form. She and Aelin had looked the same, had the same ability to shift to look human; the only difference had been their magick. And personality.
They were powerful apart, Isha couldn't remember if they'd been powerful together. The years since Aelin's death had been hard. Emotionally and physically. Maeve hadn't given her a chance to mourn her parents, or sister's, death. The Fae Queen had forced her to push her emotions aside and relentlessly made sure that she'd mastered the element in battle.
Maeve had also made sure she knew hand-to-hand combat and how to use any weapon; even makeshift ones. She was made into a weapon. A lethal weapon that didn't need to use Magick, or anything besides her body. If she so choose.
But Isha liked her twin swords. She liked using daggers and staffs and magick. She had learned, early in her training, that being close to someone, anyone, was a liability. Emotions were crutches. Emotions and others wouldn't get her through life. So, she shut her emotions down and shielded her heart against letting others in.
She'd been ten at the time. Eight years later, she still refused to feel anything, for herself or for others. That didn't stop her thoughts tormenting her, whispering that she could easily die, kill herself, and nobody would know until it was too late. She'd get to see her family again. She'd get to be free. Those thoughts crept in her mind every night. Nothing made them go away. Nothing.
Maeve allowed her to have one piece of hope, a sliver really. It was the one thing she couldn't block from her heart. The one thing that kept her breathing. It was her weaknesses and she knew that Maeve was going to use it against her. Someday. But Fenyrs kept her grounded. Made sure she got up when she didn't want to. Held her when the night seemed to stretch on and on and she felt like she was drowning.
He was the only one. The only one in this city, this continent, whom she trusted. With her life. She knew it was only a matter of time before Maeve used that against her. Against them. Even when he had to serve the Queen in her bedroom… he was always allowed to come back and hold Isha through the night.
Being allowed to not only leave, but go back home. Back to her homeland. Back to didn't believe the Fae Queen's words. She heard, she understood, but she didn't believe it would be that simple. There was a catch. Always a catch. It wasn't always apparent with Maeve, but she didn't do anything without an ulterior motive.
"Fenyrs shall go with you." two shocking blows in one day. She glanced over at the black wolf but he didn't show signs of shock. She knew he had to be feeling something like she did, he couldn't have known about this… plan. He would have told her, found a way to tell her even if Maeve had commanded him to not speak a word of it.
"You will be staying in the Tyrant King's castle." Maeve continued. "Until you find out when he plans to attack Wendlyn." her mind went blank at the words. She would be staying in the castle of the man who had destroyed her Kingdom, killed her family. Maeve had to know how much this was going to torture Isha. Her eyes wanted to narrow at the Queen but she didn't dare. Maeve probably relished in the pain she was causing.
"Your ship leaves at dawn in two weeks time.. You are dismissed." Two days to get to Wendlyn's port. She bowed her head to the Queen before turning on her heels and made her way to her and Fenyrs' room. She numbly started packing what clothes she'd need for the journey. What if he had known and had decided to not tell her? Was he trying to protect her for as long as he could? She suppressed the urge to curl her lips and snarl at the thought.
Don't let them know how you feel. Don't let anyone in. You need to push Fenyrs away, he's already to close. You need to protect yourself.
"I didn't know she was sending us to Erilea." she forced herself to not stiffen at his words. She forced her heart to stay steady. She wanted to say something to him, wanted to yell at someone and she was sure he'd take whatever she had to say without flinching. She knew her scent remained neutral, that it never showed how she felt unless she was to depressed to both getting out of bed, muchless put up a façade. She put on a bored mask as she turned to him.
Even if she could find the words she wanted to say, she couldn't say them. It had been little over three years since she'd decided she didn't need to use words, so she'd just stopped using her voice. She wasn't sure why Maeve let her get away with it.
She met his eyes for a second before pointing to his traveling clothes. He eyed her warily, looking like he wanted to say something before shaking his head and making his way over to his clothes and started helping her pack. It didn't take them long to have a week's worth of clothes for both of them and enough gold to get them whatever else they needed when they arrived in the King's territory.
They left shortly after Fenyrs said goodbye to the Cadre and the Queen. The male looked pale at whatever Maeve had told him. Isha hadn't bothered going in to say goodbye, it was a waste of time. Like this trip was. A waste of time and energy that she didn't have. She didn't bother asking, either, since he most likely wouldn't tell her.
The journey didn't take but a week, so they had enough time to sightsee before the boat arrived. She felt the urge, so many times, to ask questions and comment on things. It had been to long since she'd felt free. She couldn't bring herself to remember what her voice sounded like, how to form the words she wanted to say.
Fenyrs tightened his hold on her the night before they were set to leave for Erilea, both of them unable to sleep due to reasons she wasn't quite sure of. She squirmed around in his arms enough that he slightly relaxed his hold and she rolled into her other side and looked up at him. Before she could stop herself, she pulled his face down to hers and kissed him.
He tensed for a second and she worried that she'd crossed a line that she shouldn't have. She was about to pull away when he relaxed and started kissing back. It was like whatever had been cracking in the shield around her heart broke completely and she was flooded with feeling. More feeling than she had let herself feel in.. well, in forever. Or, at least, ten years.
And she wanted him. She. Wanted. Him. He gently bit her lip and she opened her mouth. His tongue swept in and as they kissed, he flipped them so that he was hovering above her.
He broke away from her and started trailing his lips down her neck, just stopping at the base of her neck and shoulder.
"What do you want, Alisha?" He murmured against her skin.
You.
"Say it. Out loud."
I can't.
"Please." He begged. "I… I just want to hear your voice again. It is so lovely." his voice broke on the words as he pulled back to look down at her.
If she talked… if she talked, she'd be opening herself to more hurt. If she talked, another part of her shield would break. If she talked aloud…. If she used her voice… she wasn't sure she could stop using it again.
But…. She'd try. She'd try to talk. If only to make this aching need stop. She pulled his face closer to hers.
I doubt my voice is going to be loud enough for either of us to hear.
He let out a low laugh, his breath cresting her lips. "I can hear whatever you say, no matter how low it might be."
She smirked up at him, a challenge. Is that so? She'd take it, and make him regret the claim. She wouldn't even try to talk loudly. Not tonight. Maybe in a few days, after she'd practiced her voice enough to be heard.
She remembered being loud enough that her mother used to say they could hear her in Wendlyn.
The thought of her late mother made her heart come to a painful stop. Suddenly, she just wanted to be alone.
The amusement – and lust – drained from his eyes and he pulled back as her hands fell from her face. He rolled them back over until he was just holding her, neither one on top of the other.
She felt limp in his arms. She avoided thinking about her family. Once in awhile, they would pop up, but she had buried the pain so far down that when it did resurface… it was usually a sure sign that they day was going to be horrible. She wasn't sure if she wanted to start this trip – this trip she'd grown to like the idea of – on a bad day. But she really didn't have a choice in the matter. Not when they had to get up in just a few hour to board their ship.