Standing on the Edge
a/n: hey! This is my first attempt at a Honey and Clover fic, so please be easy on me! And sorry to all my bleach readers, I just had to get this out of my system first, before I could write more about Renji. This lil one-shot was done in half an hour, so please pardon the quality. I just love this pairing though. Hope you like it!
She shouldn't feel this way.
She knew that she shouldn't, and the guilt was killing her inside.
Mayama.
Nomiya.
The former is, or was, the love of her life. Her obsession. The reason she lived.
The latter was…what exactly was he to her anyways?
She felt incomplete somehow. The years of her unrequited love for Mayama had taken a toll on her. It had become such a large part of her. Without that gnawing emptiness inside her, the emptiness that only Mayama was supposed to fill, she felt…weird.
She had grown so accustomed to that dull longing for him when he was near, as well as the sharp sting of jealousy whenever Rika-san was with him.
But strangely, the more she worked with Rika-san, the more she liked the woman. Rika-san was an extremely creative and resourceful female – one to be admired. Yamada found her jealousy of the woman diminishing.
It wasn't only that either.
She no longer saw Mayama as a potential boyfriend. She saw the face of a dear friend.
She didn't like it one bit.
It was as if she couldn't live without the ache of unrequited love or the sting of jealousy.
She was so messed up.
She sighed, as the image of Mayama's face melted into another's. Eyes widening, she shook her head violently in an attempt to clear her mind.
Nomiya.
His voice, his scent, his presence…all were etched into her mind, slowly overtaking the remnants of her memories of Mayama.
No.
She shouldn't be feeling this way.
Her heart shouldn't be quickening at the familiar sound of his footsteps.
She shouldn't be biting her lip in impatient anticipation everytime he walked in her direction.
Her mind shouldn't be screaming his name when obviously Mayama was the one for her.
Right?
'Right?' she desperately asked herself, as her senses alerted her of Nomiya's approaching presence.
Stepping out onto the balcony she currently occupied, Nomiya said, "Yamada-san, isn't it a bit chilly out here?"
She shook her head slightly and said, "No, I'm fine. I like the small breeze anyways,"
"Hn," was his only reply as he stepped beside her.
The two stood in silence for a long time, although the air between them was stifled with unspoken words.
Nomiya's brow furrowed, as if he was steeling up his determination. Turning to the woman beside him, he grabbed one of the hands hanging limply by her side.
She gasped, and met his gaze.
"Yamada-san…"
"No," she breathed, although she made no move to get her hand back from him.
His stare prompted her to explain.
"I can't," she choked out, while her heart and mind screamed furiously at her, telling her she had said the wrong words.
"Can't?" he asked, quirking up an eyebrow.
"I – I shouldn't…" she whispered, feeling utterly defeated as the pounding of her heart ravaged her chest.
His other hand left his side to gently tilt her head back with a single finger.
"You shouldn't? Or is it that you won't let yourself?"
With those words, she blinked, feeling a trail of wet tears slide down her cheeks.
"Nomiya-san," she whispered, teetering on the edge of lingering in the past and stepping forward to tomorrow.
"Let go," he whispered.
Another tear slid down as her inhibitions fell. The shadow of her discarded past drifted away as she stepped forward into the embrace of the man of her future.
review please!