Of Monkeys and Munchers.
A/N: Okay… So this is based on random conversations with my friend during maths, which is basically another class for us to sleep and insult each other with the weirdest/lamest insults. Yes, we actually have used these before =.=
And I apologize in advance if any of these insults offend you. Its how my friend and I have speak to each other.
Rated T for swearing, and really weird insults – like really weird. Nothing graphic.
Contains Yaoi/guylove/boylove/slash/m/m/or whatever you call it.
Pairing: Sephiroth/Genesis/Cloud
Summary: He just wanted a normal afternoon. It isn't that hard, is it? Hearing 'Mother Crapper' and 'Dick Spawn' was the last thing he expected. Especially when he entered their shared apartment… And what the hell was a 'Slut Monkey'? S/G/C
I own nothing… but plot or lack of.
-x-x-
"Whore Biscuit."
"Slut Muncher."
"Mother Crapper."
When Sephiroth first walked into their shared apartment, he expected to be greeted by his two boyfriends and pulled into a kiss, he expected to be snuggled up next to his blond while his redhead leaned on him and read.
He did not, however, expect the two of them on the couch playing video games, while swearing and/or insulting each other.
"Dick Spawn."
"Douche Stalker – oh hey Seph!" He blinked.
"Face Sucker – Hey Seph, did you bring anything to eat?"
He could only shake his head. What was a douche stalker?
"Slut Monkey."
"Face Pisser."
"Gato Pene."
Wait. What? A single silver eyebrow rose.
Gato Pene?
Didn't that mean cat penis?
It was then that the silver-haired man decided to speak out.
Because really, cat penis?
"Cloud, Gen, what are you doing?"
They both gave him an 'isnt-it-obvious' look.
"Well, we're playing video games if you couldn't already see that Mr. I'm-the-General-yet-I-can't-even-see-the-obvious."
He just gave Genesis a pointed look.
"No, I knew that, Captain Obvious. I meant why are you swearing at each other and why isn't Cloud resting?" He took a quick glance at the blond and frowned. The blond was still sick, hell, he was still wrapped in a blanket – shouldn't he be sleeping?
"Relax Seph, Cloud's fine. Aren't you Kitten?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, Seph, I'm fine, I'm just a little tired."
The two were still focused on their game. He felt a little jealous that he was being ignored in favour of a stupid game.
They didn't even answer his first question. It wasn't everyday you heard your two boyfriends calling each other slut monkeys and whore biscuits.
How the hell had they gotten together again? He honestly did not know but it was times like these that he wished he did.
Damn cute blond cadets and LOVELESS obsessed redheads. And damn himself for loving them.
Why didn't he get normal boyfriends?
The silver-haired man was shaken out of his thoughts by a sudden loud yell.
"NOOO! How b-but why…huh?" Oh wait, it was just Genesis.
No big deal.
"Hah! Take that Gen! Suck my penne. Suck it hard!"
What. The. Fuck?
That wasn't Genesis. But cute little blonde cadets were not supposed to be talking like that! No! Especially not to their superior officers – okay, so they were all dating, but that still meant that both Genesis and himself were the blonde's superior officers – no!
"B-b-but how did you win? I was in front then y-you...huh…what?"
Sephiroth finally looked to the source of his redheaded lover's distressed. It seemed that Cloud had won the game they were playing. From the looks of it, it was some sort of racing game.
What was it called again? Mario Kart?
Yes, that was it.
Apparently this Mario Kart game could bring out the most competitive sides of people. Even Genesis wasn't this bad when they were sparring.
"Cheer up, Gen. Maybe next time you try can beat me. Keyword there: try." Even Sephiroth could see the smirk on his little chocobo's face.
"Damn you, Cloud! I demand a rematch. A rematch dammit!" Never had he seen Genesis worked up over something so small as a video game.
It was hilarious.
"Fine then. Not my fault if you lose. Again." He didn't need to look to know that the smirk was still on Cloud's face. He could practically feel it.
"Hmmpf!"
Instead of standing in their living room like an idiot, Sephiroth chose to sit on the couch next to his two lovers.
After all, it was always fun to watch Genesis lose.
Especially to a cadet.
Correction.
Especially to a sick cadet.
The redhead really did have best the reactions to losing. Even if it was a video game.
"Dick Breeder!"
"Suck my toes."
Cloud, as it turned out, really did have a reason to be cocky. He was winning by a long shot, which, of course, prompted another round of insult swapping by Genesis.
At the end of the race, Cloud had won again and Genesis was once again begging for a rematch.
Sephioth couldn't help but laugh. Watching a SOLDIER 1st beg a cadet for a rematch was absolutely hilarious.
A sick cadet wrapped in a blanket no less.
Several rematches later, Cloud was still winning. Genesis had won only one race. Though, Sephiroth had a sinking suspicion that Cloud only let him win because he felt bad.
He, by now, had been in the kitchen to start on dinner. With Cloud sick and Genesis' lack of cooking skills, it was up to him to cook.
"Ha! Give it up Gen you're never gonna win. Stop while you still have some dignity left." He let Cloud's giggles wash over him.
"That's it!" He turned just in time to see the redhead pounce on their blond.
Well, actually, he was more like tackling the smaller male to the ground.
Suddenly, Sephiroth found himself being used as a human shield by one shrieking blond cadet.
Wait.
How the hell did he not notice that? Cloud was a cadet for Gaia's sake.
He shouldn't be able to sneak up to the General and use him as a shield, and said General should be able to notice that.
Man, he must've been going soft….
"Seph! Help me! Gen's trying to kill me!"
"Seph, step away from Cloud so I can get him! I want my revenge!"
"W-what no!"
"Come on, Kitty. Step away from the General…"
He just rolled his eyes at his lovers' antics. Knowing they didn't see that, he did the only thing he could think of. He kissed both of them on the lips hoping it would get them to stop arguing.
"There, all better?"
He looked down to see his cadet snuggling his chest and felt the arms of his redheaded lover circling him.
Apparently, the kiss did the trick.
"Dick Monkey."
Or not.
"Suck my dick."
"Gladly, my dear Kitten."
And without a word the little cadet ran off, still wrapped in the blanket, with Genesis chasing right behind him.
"Dammit, Cloud! You're still sick, get back here and rest! And Genesis, stop chasing sick cadets or I'll take away your copy of LOVELESS. Again!"
He groaned.
This, really, was not what he was expecting when he got home.
Seriously, why'd he choose them again?
Oh, right, because he loved them.
Dammit…
The End.
-x-x-
… I just felt like writing…
Sadly enough, my friend's a dude and we have used all of these before.
And gato pene (cat penis) is some of the only Spanish I know. I don't even know if it's correct.
Anyways…
Hope you enjoyed!