Author's note:

This is my first ever finished fanfic and I've been told it's quite good. The fic is finished as I refuse to post something that isn't, don't ask me to change it. I hate being left hanging in the middle of a story and I won't subject others to like treatment. That said I will not be posting it all at once. the chapters are meant to be read in sequence and I know too many people with no self discipline. If I posted all at once, certain people will either skip chapters or sit and read all of it at once. While I personally do not object to this, some things should be thought over and some clues are required.

This story is very different from other things I have written though none of them have been posted. The chapters alternate points of view between Kagome and Inuyasha. the first two chapters will essentially cover some of the same things, but both are required to receive the full impact of what is going on.

If there is some editorial issues that are glaringly obvious, feel free to inform me of them in a polite manner. If you do not like the story, don't bother taking the time to tell me so. It will make no difference one way or the other, the fic will be posted. The storyline will not be changed to suit individual tastes.

Lastly, if issues arise as to where this material came from, contact me and we will compare notes. I have hard copies that were dated (start and finish) as to when I wrote each chapter. If between the two of us we discover a certain idea or premis was used somewhere else first, I will give credit where it is due, but I will not remove it. Fanfic writers can certainly ask no more than that as we are already borrowing somebody else's characters/ideas by writing fanfiction to begin with.

Oh and before I forget: Inuyasha, the characters therein, the wonderful toys created therefrom, only belong to me on every fifth tuesday of the second month in every eleventh year that also coincides with the occurrence of a blue moon.

Now on to the good stuff.

Leaving

I hurt him.

I can't believe it, I hurt him.

Finally the unthinkable had happened. Sure I've been hurt by him many times before, but I never imagined I could ever hurt him.

And I'm not even sure what I did exactly. Everything was kind of blurry and out of focus. I mean, Kikyou had just shot me.

I was still standing there, where she shot me, wide-eyed and staring. I hadn't even noticed she was there until the arrow pierced me.

I think I blinked or something because Inuyasha was suddenly there, standing in front of me, shielding me from the undead miko. He was always doing that, protecting me. Or at least he always protected me from the evil demons. I'm still not sure if Kikyou fit that category.

I'm not sure what they said to each other. Actually, I think I was in shock because it seemed the looks of horror on my friends' faces seemed louder than their exclamations of worry. I was detached from what was going on. I couldn't hear and I didn't feel. Nothing that was going on seemed to matter all that much.

It wasn't until I noticed Kikyou had notched back another arrow that I clued in to what was going on. I could see Inuyasha stiffen at something she said, his adorable ears slouching in sadness or pain. I looked back at the undead miko, her being the only thing I could seem to focus on.

All at once the sound flooded back into my world.

"Get out of my way Inuyasha!" Kikyou screamed. "I will kill you first if I have to!"

My eyes widened. I wasn't about to let her hurt him again. Not while I was watching. Not while I still breathed. Something deep inside me snapped at her repeated abuse of Inuyasha. No more. I would no longer allow this to continue. This had to stop.

My friends' shouts as I moved were indecipherable. They were all screaming something different and all at the same time. I don't know what they were saying, though I could probably guess.

I stepped around my hanyou protector, calling to something deep inside my soul to help stop Kikyou's continued reign of guilt and pain. I don't know what I did. I'm not even sure what happened. I sent my power out at her somehow. I watched her erupt with light and fall to the ground.

Then I felt pain. Terrible, horrible pain. It burned with hate and anger. And the last thing I remember before I blacked out completely was Inuyasha's stricken face as he turned and ran.

When I eventually came to, I found myself looking up into Miroku's worried face. I wasn't expecting that. Sango would've been nice; Shippou's would've been more common. Hell, Kaede's face should've been what I looked up into. Not Miroku. That's when I knew Inuyasha wasn't here. Inuyasha would've never allowed Miroku that close to me while I was unconscious. Inuyasha wasn't in the hut, and from the look of things, never had been. And that's when I realized I'd hurt him.

Sure Miroku tried to assure me my dog-eared friend had simply stepped out. Despite the fact that the monk is a good liar, I could tell it wasn't true. After all, if Inuyasha had just stepped out, why was I left with his sheathed sword? I wanted to cry. I had caused my best friend and only love a grievous injury. One, I'm sure, he couldn't cope with around me. I'd destroyed his love, right before his eyes. How could I have done such a thing? I loathed myself. I hated myself, and oh how I hurt because of it.

I told none of this to Miroku, letting him think I believed his fabrication. I didn't even hint at it when Sango came back from looking for the hanyou, exhausted.

And I…I was too weak from blood loss and…whatever else it was I did to do more than lie there and think or sleep. My sleeping mind was plagued with hellish visions of his hatred of me and my waking hours were filled with self-accusations. I thought for hours, trying to figure out some way to make it right.

It didn't take me long to realize that nothing I could possibly do would make him not hate me for my crime. Hell, I wasn't even sure what I did. Sango and Miroku skirted around the subject like parents trying not to talk to their kids about sex. Shippou couldn't inform me, his being unconscious for the event making it impossible even if he had desired to help me. Kaede refused to divulge any helpful information, insisting I needed to heal and not be bothered with such things. And as desperate as I was for it, Kirara hardly seemed likely to give me the information any time soon.

With only the bare broken bones of fact that I could remember, I knew I had quite a lot to atone for, enough to be certain that Inuyasha would hate me, and I couldn't stand it. I had caused him unforgivable pain. It made me wonder if I had caused any of my other friends pain as well. With all my time left empty of activity, I began to dissect every memory I had ever shared with any of my friends.

What I found only increased my hatred for myself. And I wasn't allowing myself any excuses to smooth away any of my past transgressions. Every time I'd callously forgotten Sango's issues with her brother when I'd thoughtlessly brought up mine. Every time I'd start talking about my future in front of Miroku, conveniently forgetting he might not have one. And even Shippou, my little fox kit, I'm sure I hurt him every time I'd talk about my mother. I was a horrible friend.

By the third day since I'd awaken, Miroku took up the search for Inuyasha with Sango. Even Shippou tagged along to lend his nose to Kirara's. And I decided to make my move.

I wasn't so fool hardy as to do anything extreme. I wasn't going to carve their initials into my arm and let it bleed or anything. That would solve nothing and still cause them pain when they found me. No, I'd decided to go home…to stay. That way they'd know I'm safe and I could no longer cause them pain. Inuyasha could come back because I would no longer be here reminding him of Kikyou and her second death at my hands. He wouldn't have to see Kikyou's features every time he looked in my face.

The only person I could see this causing any serious pain was Shippou, he'd grown so attached to me, but I knew Sango and Miroku would take care of him as well as Kaede, when they were here. This plan would of course cause me pain, but I didn't count. Nothing I felt mattered to me anymore. I could live with my pain, more than that, I deserved to live with my pain because of the pain I had unknowingly been subjecting my friends to.

I wasn't so dense as to leave without a note. They would think I'd been kidnapped or something. Knowing them, they'd waste the rest of their lives trying to save me. Yet another reason for me to leave, they wouldn't have to save me anymore.

I waited for Kaede to leave. If I started before she left, I was almost certain she would stop me. I packed my stuff up, being sure to leave the candy I bought for Shippou. Looking at it, I didn't think I'd ever be able to eat anything sweet ever again. I didn't cry.

I didn't believe I had the right to cry. Their pain was so much more, and I never saw them cry half as much as I seemed to. Besides, this was my decision, my punishment for all the wrongs I felt I'd done.

I pulled out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote my note quickly. I didn't really have to think about what I wrote, having already composed in my head during all my free time convalescing. I looked the finished product over. It wasn't my best work, the characters were crooked with my haste to get the message down, but it was legible and that was all it needed to be.

I put it on the floor in front of the door. I figured they would find it more easily there than anywhere else. I took the Shikon no kakera necklace off and set it on top of the note next to Inuyasha's fang. I piled Shippou's sweets behind it and stepped back to judge the display. I was stalling and I knew it.

I took a deep breath and turned my back on the past. Somehow I managed to leave the village without being spotted. Some part of me was sad about this, but I squashed it ruthlessly. Now was not the time to let my resolve waver. I was leaving. Never coming back. I needed to face this.

I walked the familiar path to the bone eater's well, not really paying attention to the scenery. I'd seen it all before. And I knew if I did look up, I would only be looking for Inuyasha. I wouldn't allow myself to hope he would come stop me like he always did. He hated me. Besides, Inuyasha didn't even know I'd left yet, none of them did.

Somehow the trip to the well seemed shorter than it ever had before. I heard a twig snap behind me and twirled around to check for what it could be. In that one moment I lost my control and dared to hope for the impossible. I dared to hope it was my friend, that he had forgiven me. That he was there to stop me.

I scanned the woods and found nothing. I sighed. I couldn't help myself. I was disgusted with how easily my control had gone out the window and my heart ached all the more with the disappointment of him not being there.

I turned back to the well and paused. This was what started it all, this innocuous looking well. Just another glorified hole in the ground. And this is what would end it.

I climbed over the lip of the well, pausing again. This was it, no turning back. I clutched the arrow I'd brought along to seal the well once I was though. I figured if Kikyou could use an arrow to seal Inuyasha, I could use one to seal a well. And I would.

I took a deep breath to steel my nerves and shoved off, as the sailor would say.

As I slipped into the well, my last glimpse of the forest seemed off. I could've sworn I saw red out of the corner of my eye. I squashed that thought. I would not let the phantoms of my mind sway me from my path.

I touched down on my side of the well and accidentally cut my hand on the arrow's head. It stung a little, but it could wait. No more stalling. No more getting distracted. Time to finish what I started.

I focused all my thoughts on transferring the required energy into the arrow and stabbed it into the bottom of the wall.

It was over.

No more going to the past, no more fighting our enemies, no more Inuyasha.

My breath hitched in my throat. I would not cry. I fought back the desire to cry, I didn't have the right to it. I used the ladder to climb out of the well and then I pulled it up after me. I wouldn't need it any more.

I walked to the house and in the front door. Taking off my shoes like I was supposed to, I continued into the house. I followed the sounds of my mom moving about to the kitchen where she was working on lunch for herself and ji-chan.

I watched her moving briskly about the kitchen humming to herself. There was another reason this plan was a good one. My family wouldn't have to worry about me getting killed by some demon anymore. My grades wouldn't continue to be so poor. Souta wouldn't get hurt by me not being there for things. My friends at school wouldn't continue to think I was so sickly.

My mom turned and caught a glimpse of me. She froze in surprise and took a good look at me.

"Hey, mama," I said softly. She was still stunned. I must admit it was probably a bit of a shock to see me there, an even bigger shock to see me in my truly ragged and bloodstained uniform. Stains compliments of Kikyou's arrow. In fact, it was probably going to be a while before I had full use of that arm again.

"Kagome," my mom called back to me, slowly coming out of shock.

"I'm not going back anymore," I informed her quietly. I didn't cry. I didn't smile as if I was teasing. I simply wasn't going back.

She nodded gently and her eyes filled with sadness. I didn't understand it. Why was she sad? I was here, I was staying. It had been my decision and I'd made it permanent.

Inuyasha couldn't come get me because of the arrow and I couldn't return because the shards were there. There would be no more of that.

Mama stepped towards me like she was going to hug me as if I was still a little girl in need of comfort.

I shook my head. If she hugged me I might cry, and I didn't deserve it. I turned and headed up to my room.