THE END OF THE DWARF.
I DO NOT OWN RED DWARF. IT BELONGS TO ROB GRANT AND DOUG NAYLOR. THIS FIC IS WHAT THE TITLE SAYS THE END OF THE DWARF. ENJOY.
CHAPTER ONE: ARRIVAL.
Dave Lister, lowly technician and professional space bum, lay tiredly in the top bunk, as Rimmer strolled around in circles, his eyes darting around in worry.
"Rimmer..." Lister croaked wearily, as he rubbed his eyes, and fixed his eyes on the Hologram below, "What the smeg are you doing...?"
"I say if they are not nice as they seem, we go in and gloop them..." Rimmer snapped brusquely to the mechanoid beside him.
"But Mr. Rimmer sir they are low on sustenance supplies, surely sir we could be of service to these benign space travelers such as ourselves?..." Kryten suggested arguably. After a lingering pause, Rimmer cleared his throat.
"Nope-" Rimmer responded simply a small smirk appearing on his face.
"Yeah for once goalpost head is right, even if his face is a caboose like a moose!" Cat interrupted, entering the Sleeping Quarters. Rimmer scowled at the Cat for a second before seating himself on the edge of his bunk steadily.
"Haven't we encountered a situation like this before?" Rimmer asked, "Where we give our trust to these people who are seemingly nice, and then as we meet them face to face they are stark raving insane mutants? Am I the only one here who remembers?" Rimmer questioned bitterly. Suddenly Lister shifted from his bunk and climbed down the stairs, and stood infront of the Hologram.
"What is bloody going on?" Lister questioned, angered by the fact he was not informed of this.
"Novelty Condom Head here wants to let aboard a pack of strange wanderers into our vessel who we do not know might be blood-thirsty colossuses who will quite happily indulge themselves on our flesh..." Rimmer stated.
"Maybe your right... Kryten I suggest we bring the bazookoids with us, and we'll make sure no-one's gonna mess with the boys from the Dwarf!"
With a nod of agreement the crew hit the corridor, their bazookoids cocked and ready for what they were about to discover. When they arrived at the Landing Bay, a small craft had already arrived, before their presence.
"This it Krytes..." Lister stated shifting infront of the crew, as the door to the craft opened and three humans stepped carefully down the ramp, and onto the cold Bay floor. They too had weaponry, cocking their guns as Lister took a step towards them. The strangers consisted of two male and one female. The first male was butch and had short black hair, and a bristly beard, wearing a brown jacket, and brown trousers armed with a handgun. The second male was short and pot-bellied, hairless and armed with a laser pistol, attired in a grey shirt, and baggy jeans. The third was a blond and voluptuous female, her green eyes glistening, her facial looks a splendorous sight, wearing a green catsuit, her long eyelashes fluttered at the Cat as she cleared the first man cleared his throat:
"We do not mean to bring you any harm, we merely want to take some of your food supplies as we cannot survive any longer... We have spent three weeks with very little food, and only a drop of water, we'd be very grateful if you would help us, as we are trying desperately to return to our home planet... Earth."
As soon as Lister heard the mention of Earth, he grinned happily. So he wasn't the only human being in the universe. So if they were not a member of the Space Corps, what were they? He had questions.
"You mean you are humans?" Lister questioned, "I'm a human aswell, how far have you got in gettin' back to Earth...?"
"... Mr. Lister asks have you made any progress in returning home? Kryten said to the three humans.
"Infact we have..." The female responded in a slivery smooth voice. Cat gazed in amazement. A women. A female. Everything about her was flawless in the Cat's eyes, but little did he know she had a fatal deficiency. "We have recently obtained a tracking device which will lead us to Earth. We have not tested it just yet, but if we type in the co-ordinates of Earth it will lead us to it, we just need to wire it into our control panel..."
"Why can't you just put the co-ordinates into your shipboard computer, and let it guide you home...?" Lister questioned in intrigue.
"Because that would take over a matter of five million years, but if we wire this into the controls we could get to Earth in a matter of seconds, infact hyperspeed... The female replied smugly. Lister glanced at the crew who seemed to be just as impressed as he was.
"Could you bring me home?" Lister asked, unable to contain his excitement any longer. The three humans exchanged looks with each other and after an extensive silence...
"I don't see why not..." The female responded not bothered by his question.
"What's your name?" The Cat asked dreamily marveling in the female's beauty.
"My name? Lucy Johan... Co-Leader of our vessel the Green Adventurer." She announced, as the rest of the strange crew strolled passed them, but then they halted in confusion.
"I am Jack Hadgrave, and my colleague Paul Beckett..." The first male said, pointing at the second male standing beside him.
"Where is your Supply Unit?" Paul asked.
"G Deck, first corridor, first room on the left..." Kryten responded cheerfully, "It is a pleasure to have you aboard our vessel..."
Meanwhile, Rimmer was watching as the crew of the Green Adventurer departed with the crew of Red Dwarf. Everything had turned super-duper for Dave Lister. But there was not a point when he Arnold J. Rimmer had ever got lucky, or ever got a glimpse of him achieving his ambitions in life. He never became Captain. He'd never been accepted by the bootlicking cronies of Captain Hollister. He hated himself, and he hated Red Dwarf. The ship was filled with bad memories. Gazpacho soup day. The day he had ever sat at the Captain's table. He remembered telling the chef to take away his cold soup, and bring it back hot. And they laughed at his stupidity as he ate his steaming soup. He shuddered as he reminisced back to that day. And it was his fault for not mending the drive plate properly. He had failed at everything in his life. And that was why he couldn't stand to see anyone happy and fulfilled. Especially a curry-eating slob who had as much manners as a childish repugnant scamp. And he had always hated himself for what he was. A failure. Slowly Rimmer turned around to see he was alone on the Landing Bay, Rimmer exhaled sadly, and ambled out of the Landing Bay.