Without a Chance

Edit: This story does not really contain any hardcore sex or anything pornographic. Alan is, sadly enough, not mine at all. But Colin is. Anything in this story is fictional and any similarities between any characters, situations or actions in this story and real life are not known by me at all. I've written this story during some very boring colleges and the idea sprang to life because of the 11th of October, which is, here in the Netherlands, national coming-out day. So if you are in any way homophobic, just don't read this story or maybe do and stop being such an arse. One last note, English is not my native language, so bare with me.

1.

The man that stared back at Colin in the mirror was almost 40 years old, had nice, blue eyes and looked like he hadn't shaved for at least a few days. His brown hair sprang alive in different directions, the owner unable to tame it down. He sighed. Colin knew he was a likable person, he made contact quickly and wasn't afraid of showing himself.

People were always surprised when they found out he fancied men. "But you don't look gay", was a usual comment.

In a last attempt to tame his hair down he tried to comb it to one side with a lot of gel.

Once it had been known to the people around him that he was indeed gay, he did get a lot of male attention, but mostly from the more girly type, which, sadly, wasn't his type at all. He wanted a man-man, a tall man, a man with a three-day beard and a low voice. A man a bit like himself.

And now he had found the man that embodied all he wanted. But he was totally out of his league.

It was not new to Colin, this feeling of longing for somebody quite impossible. He had crushes on straight men before, even married ones, but this crush was even more pathetic than all the others, he thought. The object of his latest affection was an actor. Colin had always had a special interest in this actor, but since the man had played the masculine Severus Snape in the Harry Potter series, Colin was hooked. The affection had turned into an obsession and lots of his time and money went into the movies of Alan Rickman.

And tonight he would actually see him.

In the past years Colin had often wished he was a woman. Not that he didn't like to be a man, he wouldn't want to have it any other way, but because every single woman in the world would have a bigger chance of a relationship with Alan than him. Of course the chances of those women were close to zero, because the man had a girlfriend for like… forever, but still. Colin couldn't stand the idea of them having even the slightest chance of one night, or even one kiss, one passionate touch.

Colin stopped combing his hair and laughed at the slick man in the mirror. He looked totally ridiculous. He held his head beneath the water tab and washed the gel away. Drying his hair with a towel and ruffling his fingers through his hair did the trick and he looked normal again. He unbuttoned another button of his white shirt. With the simple black shoes and pants he didn't stand out, but looked sophisticated enough for the event.

It would be an after party of a premiere of a movie written by Emma Thompson. Jane, a friend of Colin's, had two tickets and when she heard Alan would be there she insisted on Colin to go with her. He had, of course, gladly accepted. Chanceless and all, he would at least see Alan, maybe talk to him and try to secretly brush alongside his broad back or one of his strong arms.

Colin looked in the mirror for the last time, sighed, got his coat and took off towards the movie theatre.

2.

An hour later Colin and Jane were already sipping champagne in the lobby, waiting for the audience to come out.

"Are you nervous?", Jane asked him.

"No"

"Not even a tiny, little bit?"

"No", Colin answered again and drank the last of his champagne.

"Then why are you sweating like a pig, constantly shuffling around and did you just drank a glass of champagne in like.. 30 seconds?", Jane asked him playfully.

"Oh, shut up!", he replied and went to get another glass.

"Be careful with that, honey", Jane said when Colin took a large gulp of champagne, "I don't want to pull your drunk face out of Alan's lap by the end of the night, ok?"

Colin snorted and glanced angry over the edge of his glass at her, but resisted the temptation to finish the rest of his glass at once.

After a few minutes a loud applause arose from behind the cinema doors. For a moment Colin looked at Jane in mere panic. She took a sip of champagne.

"Just breath, Colin", she whispered, "just breath."

Moments later the doors opened and people came poring into the foyer. Colin remained frozen to the ground, but his eyes shot from person to person. When the foyer was packed with people and chatter, Colin glanced at Jane.

"He is here", she said.

"But most people are already out of…"

"He is here."

"You're not helping", Colin replied grumpy.

"Patience, Colin", she replied and walked towards the doors. She glanced in and returned to Colin.

"He is talking to Emma."

"Thank you."

A couple of minutes later Emma and Alan emerged from the open doors and were welcomed in the foyer by another applause. Colin didn't clap his hands or whistled. He stood frozen, staring at this man that was, in his eyes, perfect. He was everything Colin had hoped he would be. Nice jeans and a black shirt, a bit of chest showing, there he was, smiling, walking next to Emma, shaking hands with people and receiving a glass of champagne. The same champagne Colin was drinking.

"Go talk to him", Jane whispered.

"Are you crazy? He is surrounded by people", he said without taking his eyes off Alan.

"Duh, he's famous, just go and be one of those people."

At that moment Alan looked around, scanned the crowd and when he crossed Colin, his eyes lingered. Colin's heart stopped beating for a moment and he was unable to look away. The moment seemed to last minutes, until Alan frowned and turned to Emma again. Colin grabbed Jane by her arm and pulled her a couple of steps through the crowd, until they were out of Alan's sight.

"Ouch! Colin! What's going on?", Jane said and stroked the arm Colin just grabbed.

"He…. I…", Colin stammered and started shaking.

"Colin, relax, what's going on?"

"He… he looked at me", the moment the words came out, Colin realized how stupid they must sound and he shook his head.

"Ok, Colin…", Jane began, "Colin, look at me!"

Colin looked up at her and Jane's hand hit the side of his face with strength.

For a couple of moments Colin was flabbergasted and had no clue what to do.

"Was he licking his lips?", Jane asked.

"What?", he said and held his hand to his cheek.

"When he looked at you, was he licking his lips?"

"No…", he sighed, "he was frowning."

"Then he must have looked at the crowd and not at you personally."

"You hit me…"

"Stop it. Just stop it! Look at you, you are gorgeous, you are 38 years old, stop acting like you are a 16 year-old fan girl who just saw Leonardo-fucking-DiCaprio! You look good, you smell good, if you weren't as gay as a pink tea cap I would have jumped you years ago, but now you have to get out there! We are at this amazing party and there are probably more rich, gay guys here than you've met in the last couple of months, so go get them, honey!"

They looked at each other for a moment, then Colin frowned.

"You bitch slapped me", he said in disbelieve.

"I did."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

3.

Two hours later Jane was talking to a friend of Emma's and Colin was still drinking champagne, but now with a very nice looking twenty-something guy that seemed to inhale every word Colin was telling him.

In the course of the evening Alan's eyes had crossed Colin's a couple of times, but every time they did, Alan's expression turned into a frown and Colin had looked away at that instant. He had decided not to pay any special attention to it anymore. In spite of that, he still was not 100 percent able to make his head, heart and stomach act normal when Alan looked at him.

Colin turned to the twenty-something guy and realized that he hadn't followed his story at all. It was a pity he wasn't interested, because the guy really looked good and was, well, until now, very nice and kind. Colin took another sip of his champagne and let his eyes wander over the people, unconsciously moving towards the spot Alan was sitting.

There it was again, the sudden stare into his eyes and then the frowning, but this time Colin did not look away. He raised his eyebrows and formed the word "what?" with his lips. For a moment Alan looked surprised and Colin would have sworn he saw a sparkle in his eyes, but then he frowned even deeper and turned around. Colin sighed and turned his attention to the twenty-something guy again.

"Is there something wrong?", the twenty-something guy said.

"No, I'm sorry… I think I'm going outside for a moment", Colin replied.

"Oh.. ok."

"Don't get me wrong, I think you are a very lovely man, but I'm not much fun tonight", Colin said and looked in Alan's direction. The twenty-something guy looked in the same direction and looked at Colin again.

"Oh, yes.. sorry… that Rickman guy is going all Snape on me", Colin replied.

"Lucky you", he sighed and received a quick half smile from Colin.

"Yes, well, have fun tonight", Colin said and walked towards the door.

4.

The fresh evening air did him good. It was October and quite cold at night, but it made him realize it had been quite stifling in the foyer. The press that had been standing in front of the movie theatre had given up and had gone home. A cold wind rushed suddenly over Colin and he shivered. He turned 'round the corner and took a few steps back, so he was standing against the wall, out of the wind. He heard the cinema doors open and a few moments later a couple of people walked by, chattering away. Colin followed them with his eyes, as they held a cab and drove away. The environment was silent again.

Just as Colin thought about telling Jane he was going home, he heard the cinema doors open again. There wasn't chatter this time, only footsteps that seemed to walk the other way. A few moments later, though, the sound of the footsteps was coming Colin's way again. They seemed to belong to someone that was in quite a rush, Colin thought. And then the man that had been the owner of the footsteps came walking around the corner, looked at Colin and stopped.

Colin's mind made over hours. There, in front of him, in the middle of London, stood Alan Rickman. He looked like he walked straight out of the Snowcake scene in which he had just stopped running. Alan took a few steps towards Colin and was now just a few feet away. Colin saw him breathing a bit heavily and he couldn't resist to look down to his chest for a second, the top buttons open. He looked Alan in the eyes again, still unable to speak. Alan frowned and this time Colin's heart missed a few beats. It was not only frowning. He saw something completely different, now he was this close. He saw lust. Mere lust.

Colin swallowed and not knowing what to do with the wild attraction he was feeling towards the man in front of him, he spoke.

"…Hi"

"Oh, shut up… ", Alan answered in a voice that was so intense it hardly made any sound.

And then he was there. In a split of a second Alan had taken a few steps forwards and was pushing Colin hard against the wall with his body, his left hand against his chest and his right hand cupping Colin's face. Alan's lips inches from his, he slowly stoked his lower lip with his thumb. For a moment Colin stood frozen to the ground, unable to move. But then, as in a sudden reflex, he moved forward and their lips met. They both closed their eyes and savoured the soft, slow kiss that was so full of anticipation that they shivered. Alan's hand trembled and his lips released Colin's and he looked into his eyes.

"I'm sorry… but you were driving me crazy all night…", Alan whispered and Colin smiled.

And then they kissed again, not slowly and soft this time, but passionately and urgently. Colin did not think, and if, he would not believe. He inhaled Alan's sweet scent and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. It was a game of lips and tongues. Hands were everywhere. His head was spinning, but he did not care. This was his moment and he knew it would be over all too soon. He touched his face, his back, his chest, his ass, everything. Alan moved his lips to Colin's neck and kissed it with mere determination. It was like he was clinging onto him for dear life, not only kissing him, but also biting his neck, his ears and his lips.

Alan's lips found Colin's again and the kiss became slowly more tender, until their lips parted and they looked at each other. Both men were breathing heavily, unable to calm down just yet. They stared to each other intensely, slowly letting their bodies and their breathing relax. A few moments went by and Alan smiled. Colin smiled back at him.

"Just…", Alan began and sighed, "…just don't tell", he looked guilty, ashamed for the thing he just had to ask Colin. Colin examined his face and suddenly felt sad for him, but he smiled.

"Never", he said. He saw a sudden relief on Alan's face. Alan smiled and with a quick kiss he was gone.

5.

Colin walked into the foyer and bumped into Jane.

"I was just looking for you!", she said happily and quite drunk.

"Well, here I am", Colin answered.

"Were you outside?"

"Yes"

"Oh! Snogging that twenty-something guy!"

"No, not really."

"You naughty git!", Jane answered and looked at him suspiciously.

"So you were looking for me?", Colin said, but couldn't suppress a grin.

"Ha! I knew it!", Jane said, smiling, "Yes, let's go home, shall we? I've already got our coats. I can't believe you were outside without one!"

They walked into the cold night and Colin put his coat on. He looked to Jane, who had suddenly stopped and was looking at Colin.

"What have you done!", she said in mere disbelieve.

"What?"

"You are bleeding!"

"What?", Colin said and suddenly remembered Alan biting his neck a bit too enthusiastic at one point. He grinned and brought his finger to his neck. There was only one drop of blood and he caught it. He looked at it for a moment and licked it off his finger. Proof.

"You are truly crazy", Jane said.

"I know," Colin answered and hugged Jane tight, "that's why you love me."

They started walking down the street, Colin's arm wrapped around Jane's waist.

"Are you ever gonna tell me who did that to you?"

"What?"

"The blood and the major grin."

"No… Never."

"Ah well… it's a good thing that I'm probably too drunk to remember this tomorrow."

"It is", Colin said and smiled, "It is…"

Fin.