So, this is a bit rambling, but it was supposed to be that way.

I've tried to portray Andromeda Tonks' mental state as best as I can. I hope that the fic brings her depression, her hopelessness, and her guilt out as well as I hoped.

WANRINGS: Implied slash, depression

Sometimes, she woke up late at night, screaming her lungs out. She could see all three of them right there in front of her, dead. And when she raised her hands, their blood was all over it.

It was her fault that they were dead. All her fault.

Her family had been innocents in the war between her and her relatives. They hadn't been targeted because of their blood; they had been targeted to get back at her. It was a clear message had they won – leave us and pay the price.

They had lost, but then, so had she. She had still paid the price.

She could still see them, right in front of her, pleading with her to help them. She could see her baby grandson looking at her with accusing eyes. It was all her fault that he would grow up without his parents.

"Please, Mum. Help me."

It was all her fault. She had tempted fate, all those years ago, when she had dared her relatives to hurt her. Young, in love, and drunk with rebellion, she had never thought that they could reach her.

But they had. They had waited nearly thirty years, but they had gotten back at her.

She had never been the same after their deaths.

It was all her fault they were dead.

"Andromeda! Help!"

She had never been able to right by them, but she would do right by the only person she had left. She would do right by her grandson.

It hurt. It hurt horribly; asking her grandson's godfather and his boyfriend – her nephew – to look after him while she was gone, but she knew it was the right thing to do. She wasn't so far gone yet that she couldn't realise that she was mentally ill. And her grandson deserved better than that. He deserved better than to grow up in a house with a crazy grandmother. She had promised her daughter – her dead daughter, she reminded herself – that she would look after her baby. And in the state she was in, there was no way she could look after herself, let alone a small child.

She wouldn't let her grandson go to a stranger's home. His godson and her nephew were the best choice. She knew they would protect him with their lives.

She was on her way to France with her sister – her remaining sister – and her sister's husband. They'd promised her that she would be looked after by the best mind healers available. Besides, the two of them felt that they needed help too. Not the amount she did, but some all the same.

She wasn't the only one who had too much blood on her hands.

"Andy, please, save me. Andy, I love you, save me. Andy, please!"

And maybe, just maybe, she would be better one day. Maybe she would be able to return to England soon. Maybe her grandson would not have forgotten her by the time she returned. She would hold out for that tiny little hope she had left. She would try her best to become okay soon so that she could return to her grandson.

But that was in the future. For now, Andromeda Tonks buried her face in her hands, and cried.

Hope you enjoyed it! Please drop a review at the doorstep as you leave :)

For:

The Big Brother Competition. Prompts - Character: Andromeda Tonks, Genre: Angst, Word: Dare, Word: Innocent, Word: Please

The House Points Competition, Character - Teddy Lupin

If You Dare Challenge, Prompt 53. Morticians

HP Potions Competition, Deflating Draught

6 Senses Competition, Depressed (emotions)

Fantastic Beasts Challenge, Hebridean Black