AN: This story is an installment of my "Everything Old is New Again" series and fits in between "Band on the Run" and "We Are Family" (see my profile page for the entire series list). Reading other stories in the series before this one will help you understand some of the background of where the various characters are in this stage of my little AU, but I think it can be enjoyed even if this is the first story of it that you've ever read.
The story is focused around Danny and Lindsay, though all the other characters make appearances at various points. I've tried something a little different with the format. Feel free to give me feedback on whether it works for you. Also, I did something a little different with the song inspiration for this fic. "Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes is the overall inspiration for the entire fic, but I've also labeled each individual chapter with a song that kind of goes with what happens in that particular chapter. Hopefully that will make sense.
I must take the time to thank my awesome beta, Kerry Blue, without whom my writing wouldn't be near as good. She polishes it till it shines and I'm eternally grateful to her for that.
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI:NY in any way, shape or form. The same goes for any song titles that I mention. And to be clear, I do not make any money off of this, it is purely for the enjoyment of myself and others.
Chapter One: Lean on Me / Bill Withers
Sid and Sheldon shared a look as Lindsay rushed away from the table, one hand over her mouth and the other over her stomach. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Dr. Hawkes?" Hammerback asked.
"Likely." He ran a hand over his head. "Do you think we should talk to her about it?"
"I would think so. You know, this reminds me of an experience I once had in college…"
Hawkes shook his head as he followed Lindsay out of the morgue, leaving Sid behind. The older man could finish his story with the corpse he was working on. Sheldon Hawkes had more important matters to attend to.
Six weeks ago…
Lindsay looked up as someone knocked on the door to her office. "Hey, Stella. Got something for me?" she asked, noticing the folder in her colleague's hands.
"Yeah, my report on the Hendrickson case. Our piece of it is all wrapped up, so it's ready for you to sign and put the bow on, Boss."
Lindsay winced as she sat back in her chair. "Would you stop calling me that?"
Stella crossed her arms casually after setting the file down on Lindsay's desk. "Why? The title kind of comes with the office, Lindsay."
"I know, I know, but it sounds…weird, I guess, coming from you. This job could have been yours or Danny's or even Sheldon's if any of you had wanted it."
Stella Bonasera raised an eyebrow. She thought Lindsay had worked through all of this months ago when she had taken over for Mac after he had moved up to the Chief of Detectives job. But evidently she had been mistaken and Lindsay still had some issues with things. Thinking that this looked to be a long conversation, Stella sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk. "That's not completely true and you know it. Sure, we've all been here at the lab longer than you, and I won't deny that maybe I'm a better investigator." Stella smiled to indicate she was joking about that last part, but was somewhat worried at the lack of response she got from her friend. "But Lindsay, there are two very big reasons that Mac wanted you to succeed him. One, IAB has never had even a whiff of a problem with you. The brass would have balked at putting someone like Danny or me in the position considering our temperaments. And that leads into the second reason: Danny and I would have been lousy at the big picture side of things. You know it, I know it, Danny knows it, and you better believe Mac knows it. We're great at working our cases, but we sometimes work them a bit single-mindedly without thought or care to what our actions mean to the lab overall."
Lindsay rubbed her eyes. "So I got the job because I'm better at paperwork."
Stella shook her head. "You're not listening to me. You got the job because you were the best person for the position. Sheldon is a good investigator, but his love and passion has always been for the medical side of things, so it was inevitable that he would head back to the morgue. If he had tried this position he would have done well enough, but he would have never been really happy. And Danny or I would have sunk this lab faster than that iceberg sunk the Titanic because we're just not built for anything other than fieldwork. You're amazing at fieldwork, but you can do the bigger picture side of things needed to take care of the lab as well, so this job is perfect for you."
She saw that she still wasn't getting through, so she pulled her chair up and put her arms down on the desk. "Okay, so what, you're hung up thinking that you were Mac's third or fourth choice and that you got the job by default?" Lindsay didn't answer, but she looked away which indicated that Stella was right on the money. "You're an idiot, Lindsay Messer." She gave her best stern interrogation look when the brunette snapped her head back around. "Do you honestly think that Mac Taylor would have left this job in just anyone's hands? That he wouldn't have made sure that someone completely capable would be taking over here before he accepted the Chief of Ds position?"
"'Capable' doesn't mean 'best for the job,'" Lindsay pointed out.
"Did you know that Mac never asked me if I wanted his job when he was thinking about moving up at the urging of the top brass?" Lindsay gave her a skeptical look. "I'm serious. Never once did Mac ask me if I wanted to be the head of the lab. Do you want to know what he did ask me?" Stella waited until she got a reluctant nod from the woman across from her. "He asked me a few things. He asked me whether I would have a problem working for you since you were younger and hadn't been around this lab nearly as long as I have and I said, 'Hell no, I wouldn't have a problem with that.'" She felt a little better when Lindsay gave a small smile at that.
"And he asked me if I thought Danny would have a problem with it and he got another 'Hell no.' And then he asked me if I thought that the job would mess with your home life. Even knowing that he was just coming from a position of caring about you and Danny and the kids, I about hit him upside the head for thinking that you couldn't handle a promotion and being a wife and mother all at once. I told him that just because he had done the job by obsessing over it and making it his life almost to the exclusion of anything else didn't mean that it had to be done that way. I said that I thought that you could do the job just as well even if you did things differently, and that if he couldn't handle the thought of things being done differently, then he shouldn't leave because things were going to be different no matter who took the job."
She reached across the table to grasp Lindsay's hand. "You were his choice to take over from the very beginning, and in all the hours we talked about whether he wanted to make the jump or not there was never once a thought about you not being able to do the job or that you wouldn't make the position your own. Most of Mac's hesitancies came from himself and had nothing to do with your abilities. The only thought he ever had against naming you as his successor was whether that would strain your relationships with Danny and the kids, and again, I assured him that you were not him and you could do the job without completely sacrificing the personal stuff."
Lindsay wiped at her eyes. "Except that I think I have done that, Stel." She took a deep breath. "It hasn't been anything drastic. In fact, it's almost scarier in its subtleness. But Danny and I haven't talked, really talked, in weeks, maybe months. I've been doing my best to make sure I don't let this job take over my life, but it seems like every spare moment I have gets spent with the kids and while that's great and all, Danny and I have lost the ability to just be a couple, you know?"
Stella sat back in her chair. "Have you talked to Danny about this?"
Lindsay started shaking her head before Stella had even finished the question. "No, and you have to promise that you won't say anything." Stella nodded her acquiescence even though she wasn't happy about it. "I have to figure this out myself, okay? I just have to find a way to either make this work or tell Mac that he made the wrong choice and he needs to find someone else because I refuse to let this job ruin my marriage."
"Good for you," Stella said, meaning it. As much as she thought that Lindsay was great for the lab and should stay in the position, it would kill her to see such a great couple like Danny and Lindsay fail because of it, and the pain that would bring to the kids. "You know you can talk to me about this whenever you need to, right?"
"Yeah, I do, and thanks Stella. I feel better already having told all of this to you. Really, it means a lot."
"Anytime," Stella told her, standing and rounding the desk to give her friend a hard hug. Pulling back she looked down at the shorter woman. "I'm also a good baby-sitter if you need one. I'll make Mac help me and we'll take them to a game or something or he'll take Dominic to a game and I'll take the girls shopping. It's been too long since I've had a girls' day out with them anyway."
Lindsay smiled. "I'll keep that in mind." They said goodbye and Stella headed out for the locker room and home, fervently hoping that her friend had taken her advice to heart.