Leonard's mother was drunk. No, scratch that – she was wasted.

Penny had been mischievously amused at first; in fact, she'd poured Beverly Hofstader a couple of those shots herself, but now watching the total train-wreck that resulted she was horrified.

They were throwing a Christmas party at Leonard and Sheldon's place, something which had been difficult enough to convince Sheldon of at all. Then, it had turned out that both Sheldon and Leonard's mothers were in town. One was there to watch a famous TV preacher live, and the other to present a paper, but still, they were there. Somehow, despite both men's vigorous protests, both their mothers were not only invited but turned up to the party. Penny supposed she may have had something to do with that, well actually it was probably her and Amy together, but at this point she was a little buzzed herself and it all seemed irrelevant. She really really wished that Amy were there though. At the last minute she'd been offered a place at a neurobiology conference as part of a panel, and even Sheldon said she couldn't turn it down. Penny wasn't sure if Amy would be helpful in the current situation, but she also wasn't looking forward to explaining it to her.

So present at their party (she'd managed to get them to decorate, and everything!), were herself, Beverly Hofstader, Mary Cooper, Raj, Leonard, Sheldon, Howard and Bernadette. Not the crowds she was used to at a party in the old days, but good enough. And it had started off quite well, they'd played secret Santa and exchanged gifts (she was now the proud owner of a signed figurine of Wil's character on Star Trek, Wesley Crusher, and suspected that Leonard might trade her his bath salts for it), had some dinner (Howard and Bernadette had a great idea of getting caterers from one of the big hotels to deliver, as it wasn't like any of them could cook), turned up the cheesy Christmas music and started pouring drinks. Everyone had split off into little groups, occasionally re-mingling, but generally having a good time and steadily getting through the bottles, except Sheldon. Even his mom had cracked and had a couple glasses of red wine. Penny had stayed on the couch (close to the tequila) and let people come to her, which was going really well until there was a loud crash that caught everyone's attention.

By the time she had located the source of the noise, Penny saw Sheldon, red-faced, hauling himself off of the floor. Still struggling to rise was Beverly, Leonard's mom, and there were bits of Christmas decoration from the wall and ceiling on the floor all around them. Raj was already there trying to help.

'Dude, are you OK? Mrs. Hofstader?' He reached to steady Sheldon who immediately shrugged him off. Raj switched to helping Beverly off of the floor.

'I'm fine, thank you Rajesh,' she said, taking his hand with one of hers while reaching up to straighten her hair with the other.

'Shelly?' called Mary from the kitchen. 'You alright there?'

'Yes, I'm alright,' he said, but he looked even twitchier than usual, and had turned very red. Penny tried to catch his eye but he wouldn't have it.

'Mom what happened?' Leonard asked, but was interrupted by Howard making a retching noise.

'Ughhhh. Bleugh. Sorry. It's just that, ugh…. Sheldon, you cut your hand.' All eyes went back to Sheldon as he inspected his hand with surprise which was indeed bleeding from a small cut. Amazingly, though his skin color turned from red to pale chalk at the sight of the blood, he didn't faint.

'I didn't feel anything. Excuse me, I've got to clean up.' He skittered past the group just as Bernadette turned down the music, and disappeared to his room, no doubt to disinfect and dress his hand. Penny thought that in spite of the injury, he seemed relieved to get away from all of them. His mother trailed down the hall after him, looking concerned.

Raj was picking up some of the fallen Christmas decorations and had found a sharp piece of wire sticking out, which was probably what Sheldon had been snagged on. As Leonard again asked his mom if she was alright, Penny watched Raj sift through the glittery debris to reveal a sprig of mistletoe beneath it. He looked at it speculatively, and before Penny could stop him, loudly asked Howard,

'Wasn't this mistletoe on the wall just here?'

All eyes now turned to Raj and what he was holding, then as if on auto-pilot swiveled back to Leonard's mother. She was still trying to drunkenly fix her hair and maintain her dignity, but obviously knew everyone was staring at her. Leonard broke the awkward silence.

'Mom? Mistletoe? Oh, please tell me you didn't….? With Sheldon?'

'Leonard please, let's not make this all about you.' She said sniffily turning away from him.

'Sheldon?' Leonard repeated incredulously.

'Leonard I'm a grown woman who is currently unattached, what I do and who I do it with is really no concern of yours.'

'But…. Sheldon?'

Penny somehow knew exactly what Beverly was going to say, and took a reflexive step away from the brewing argument. She noticed that Raj, Howard and Bernadette had already somehow magic-ed themselves to the kitchen, pretending to look busy. There was no way to stop Beverly though, as she sneered,

'Well, why not Sheldon? It's not like it's the first time.' Penny thought she might have actually heard the jaws drop in the room, and Leonard froze like he was in a cheap C-list Sci Fi movie. His mother had turned back to look at him, a challenge in her eyes, and Penny was soooo happy that Sheldon's mom had followed him to his bedroom and away from the brewing drama. She attempted to intervene,

'Look, it's Christmas, and…' but Leonard was in no mood to be calmed. He unfroze, and a look of anger such as Penny had never seen on his face appeared there.

'You're telling me, you've kissed him before? Sheldon Cooper? My roommate?'

'I thought I'd already made that quite clear, but yes, that is what I was saying.'

'And he kissed you back?' At this question from her son, Beverly began to lose a little of her cool.

'I don't really see what relevance that has to our discussion. You are obviously feeling insecure about our relationship, and our changing power roles within it. It's textbook.' She didn't look quite convinced though, and for the first time since the crash had interrupted the party her eyes skittered around the room and took in her audience.

'Textbook? No, mom, it's not textbook, it's a movie. It's called, 'The Graduate.''

'Oh please.' She began to pour herself another shot of tequila. Penny continued pretending she didn't exist, though she felt a bit guilty about it.

'You're trying to seduce a man young enough to be your son, who is friends with your actual son! And, being Sheldon, he obviously didn't kiss you back. What, you fell over because he was trying to get away from you? Real classy, mom.' During this tirade Beverly downed the shot and was looking fiery again. She swayed from side to side as if she had completely lost control. Anger was coming off her in waves.

'Well, it's hardly my fault that that little child hiding in his room cannot cope with a real woman! The way that man shies away from human contact, that's textbook! Obviously stems from an abusive childhood, a terrifying father-figure, a lack of…'

'That. Is. ENOUGH.' Little Mary Cooper silenced Beverly's tirade with barely a raised voice. To Penny it was as if she had appeared from no-where, though the shocking events were beginning to sober her up. Mary was quivering with so much pent-up anger that she looked like she was vibrating on the spot. Penny dropped all pretenses and joined the others in the kitchen, the island counter working as a shield.

'She was in the hallway the whole time!' Bernadette frantically whispered in her ear. Penny felt ill, she'd thought Mary had gone all the way into Sheldon's room! And Mary Cooper wasn't done yet.

'Don't you dare talk about my baby that way. You don't know a damn thing. Not a damn thing!' Penny noticed that Leonard was now looking like a fish out of water, and beckoned him towards the kitchen.

'Just because my son doesn't want a cold fish like you slobbering up to him doesn't mean he's a child.' Mary continued, taking one slow step forwards. 'It just means he has the wits Jesus gave him!' Apparently Beverly was drunker than they thought though, as she turned now on Mary.

'Jesus? Jesus! You obviously only hide in religion to get away from the truth – your brilliant son was so damaged by his father that he'll never be able to form any kind of intimacy. It's pathetic.'

'Mom!' Leonard tried to get between the two women. 'Mrs. Cooper I'm so sorry!'

'Don't you try and speak for me!' Beverly blustered, drunkenly shoving at him. 'She knows I'm right, look at her! What was he, an alcoholic? Used to smack the kids around, did he?' Mary looked torn between hitting Beverly and bursting into tears.

'Nothing,' she muttered, 'You don't know nothing.' Bernadette then surprised them all by moving to Mary's side.

'Let's go for a walk, Mrs. Cooper.'

'What? No! I'm not going anywhere while this, this predator is anywhere near my Shelly!'

'Oh now I'm the predator? Sure that wasn't your husband? How low did he go, exactly?' Leonard finally realized how dire the situation was, how far they had all sunk, and forcibly pulled his mother by the wrists away from the others.

'Mom shut up!' She didn't, though. Penny tried to remember the famous quote about women scorned. Beverly looked about ready to spit nails.

'Let go of me! I haven't done anything except say what you all think! And I bet she was happy that her husband went after her son instead of her!'

*SLAP*

Everything stilled and went quiet, as the side of Beverly's face began to turn pink. Tears streamed down Mary's face, but apart from that she looked absolutely composed as she turned to Penny.

'Thank you for that, dear,' she said warmly. Penny was confused until she felt the tingle in her palm – it was like an alien appendage, quite unrelated to her. She looked back at Bernadette, Raj and Howard, and realized that at some point they had all moved. They were almost unrecognizable in their anger and incredulity, surrounding Beverly Hofstader like a wall. They were all moving as a unit, not pulling her like Leonard was, but herding her towards the front door. Beverly, however, was not the kind of woman to be cowed, and snarled,

'Violence, you see? Little slugger lives up to her name, then. Violence all around, from Penny to Sheldon's father, it works for everyone, right?' Penny didn't spare the raving drunk too much attention, instead now worrying about Leonard, who had his jaw clenched so hard his teeth might shatter.

'You need to go now, Mrs. Hofstader,' Howard said clearly, as if talking to a lunatic.

'You don't know nothing about violence, you harpy,' said Mary. 'And I pray to God that you never will.' They almost had her to the door at this point, Leonard let go of her to reach for it, and Penny said a little prayer of her own that it was almost over. Beverly wasn't having it, though.

'I am a celebrated psychologist with two degrees, I have interviewed and studied all aspects of the human condition, don't you tell me I know nothing, you hick!' Mary's temper finally came through, then, and though tears escaped her eyes it was more like water overflowing from boiling temperatures. As Leonard got the door open and they all stepped forward again, herding Beverly towards it, Mary snarled,

'And in all those people, did you ever interview a child who'd took hits for his mommy? That'd got in the way of his daddy's fists to protect his sister? That'd…. who'd…. he used to rile him up on purpose! He'd get his attention off of us, and he wasn't afraid! Violence! You don't know! You don't know…..' Here, at last, Mary dissolved into tears. Penny put an arm around her, feeling numb with all the revelations. She couldn't process any of it yet, and judging by the looks on everyone else's faces, neither could they. Howard and Bernadette had their hands clasped so hard their knuckles were white, and were glaring at Beverly. Leonard was stood next to her, looking in concern at Mary and acting as if his own mother didn't exist. Raj had slipped around everyone to get the door open, but instead of looking at either Mary or Beverly, was looking over Penny's shoulder as if he'd seen a ghost. Penny's insides clenched, knowing that there was only one person left who could possibly be standing behind her. Too chicken, she didn't turn, but her heart stopped at the sound of his voice.

'Mom?' Mary immediately shrugged off Penny, spinning them both around and launched herself, still crying hysterically, into Sheldon's arms. For once, Sheldon's arms immediately encircled another person, and he rested his head on hers, eyes closed.

'I'm sorry, Shelly! I'm so sorry!' Mary cried over and over like a mantra, and again Penny could not believe that this was happening. She felt Leonard's arm encircle her waist, reminding her that, yes, this was their reality, and heard him say,

'That's it mom. We're done. Get out.' Seeing Sheldon had apparently reminded Beverly that she had been ranting and raving about a real person, with real feelings, and possibly also reminded her of how drunk she was, as her face crumpled with something like remorse. Ignoring her son, she took a half step in Sheldon's direction, though blocked now by Howard and Bernadette.

'Sheldon? I…. I'm….'

'No,' Sheldon said, eyes still closed. He opened them after a beat, lifting his head, though he kept a tight hold on his mother. 'You may consider our friendship terminated. Your email will be blocked from reaching my inbox, and you will be removed from all my online contact lists, including Skype. You are also banished from this apartment, assuming Leonard agrees?' He said all of this very calmly, in his normal voice, even tilting his head to the side as he asked the last question. As if he was asking which movie Leonard wanted to watch, instead of asking him to ban his own mother from visiting him in his home. Penny squeezed Leonard's waist in silent support. Leonard stared at Sheldon for a second, then at Beverly.

'Yeah…. yes. I do agree. I don't want you in this apartment again either.' Beverly could not have looked more shocked than if Penny had slapped her again. Once more she glanced around, as if unsure of how she had gotten to this point in space and time. Penny could relate to that, she felt disconnected from all of them too. Everything had happened so fast; in the space of minutes. Then Beverly stooped to pick up her bag which Bernadette had tossed at her feet, glanced around at all of their unfriendly faces again and merely said,

'Fine,' before turning and heading out down the stairs. Leonard stared at the empty doorway for a second, as did all of them, before turning and saying,

'Mrs. Cooper, I'm….' But he trailed to a stop. Sheldon and his mother were no-where to be seen, though Penny heard the soft click of his bedroom door closing. Just as they had all stared at the front door, now they all stared at the place he had been standing, cradling his crying mother, as if she was the wounded child. As if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, just another person acting stupidly and getting banished, the Sheldon Cooper way. But it wasn't ordinary, and all of them knew it. Penny could see it on their faces as Raj mechanically went to close the door. It wasn't ordinary, and Penny didn't know the way back from the place they suddenly found themselves in.