Author: Keiran
Title: Where the Story Ends
Rating: 14+
Genre: drama
Pairing: 39
Word count: 2871
Summary: There is no such thing as true immortality, for those who wish to live.
Much thanks to Rroselavy for betaing and the title!
The Gods liked to say Heaven never changed, but Goku took the sentiment as the bullshit he'd come to expect from them. Heaven had been different every time Goku visited. Everything changed.
Goku trailed his fingers along the walls, leaving flakes of paint floating behind him. They'd detach from the walls and hover in the still air, until finally the gravity asserted its hold and dragged them down in graceful swirls. Goku took small, even breaths, barely disturbing the reverent atmosphere. He felt the waves of air slide over his skin as he tore through the stillness, following the scent of lotus blossoms. If he looked back he knew he'd be able to see the space he left by walking through the halls. If he looked hard enough, he'd be able to see the paths he took on his previous visits.
But Goku never looked back.
The smell of lotus blossoms was getting stronger. To Goku the scent was palpable in the quiet; he barely paid attention to the landmarks he passed. He knew the place by heart anyway. Soon enough, the empty halls opened into an indoor courtyard. It was sparse, like few other things in Heaven -- a stretch of floor surrounding a pool of blue water on which myriad lotus blossoms had bloomed since forever. The smell was stronger in here, but also fresher. Goku dared to breathe from the depths of his chest.
He was alone with the lotuses and the blue, blue water. Goku sat down at the edge of the pool and took off his shoes. Funny how the water was thicker up in Heaven too, thicker and unmoving, just like the air. Goku had swum in every body of water the Earth had to offer, but not one was quite like the water in Heaven. Goku had a theory that the density of a substance depended on the on the flow of time. He'd put some thought to it, but, having lost his interest in theoretical physics, he was content with knowing it was so. In Heaven the air was solid, the water was thicker than ice, and even light was something he could race against. In Heaven, time was slow. This he knew.
Goku closed his eyes and slid into the pool. He opened his eyes when the water covered his head and let out his breath. The air escaped in a flurry of silvery bubbles, floating past his face and up, into the pale blue of the unchanging Heavenly sky. Goku reached out for the rays of light flickering on the surface. His fingers strained to reach the surface, but even with his back arched he could do no more than graze it, leaving no mark behind.
He lay on the bottom of the pool, cool tiles at his back, staring into the white, hot sun, shining above. That was the reason he disliked Heaven. The sun was so different up here.
His mouth parted, as if in need of air, but still Goku didn't move. It would be a long while before his lungs started to burn. He knew that, he'd tested the theory at least a dozen times. The tightness in his chest was something else entirely, something with which the water had nothing to do. Another thing was that breathing, here in Heaven, was as relative as the speed. Goku remembered spending days, sunrise to sunset, drawing a single breath and watching the shadows of Gods moving across his vision. Time had no hold on Heaven, and Goku could easily last days on the bottom of the pool, staring into the brilliant sun for as long as he chose. He closed his eyes and reached out for the surface once more.
He was more than surprised when his hand encountered another's. Moments later he was pulled up to the surface, blinking the water out of his eyes.
"Are you trying to drown yourself in my pond, dear boy?" Kanzeon asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Her dress was wet, which made little to no difference, as it was little more than a suggestion of a cover-up rather than actually covering.
"Like I'd drown," Goku said, shrugging.
"Flat on your back three feet underwater for three hours sounds like a sure-fire way."
"Has it been that long?" Goku smiled. "I'd have to lie there for a really long time to even feel breathless."
"And why go to all that trouble, when there are much better ways to go?"
Goku didn't answer. He stared at the reflexive surface of the water, disrupting his reflection every time it started to settle.
"Konzen died, didn't he," Kanzeon stated. Goku didn't trust his voice enough to let it out. He settled for a mute nod.
His voice, when it came, was soft and distant. "It was a car accident. His car was hit by a drunk driver." Goku's hands fell into the water. "I didn't even know what happened. I heard it on the news the next day."
"You wouldn't have saved him, even if you'd been there," Kanzeon told him.
"I haven't been there."
"You'd just met. You know how hard it is to win him over."
"It's not fair!" Goku cried. Kanzeon smiled at him and buried her fingers in Goku's hair.
"I know it's not fair, little monkey. But your Konzen is mortal. You knew it was going to happen." Kanzeon pulled Goku close. Her fingers rubbed circles on his spine as he sobbed on her shoulder.
But Goku never cried for long. Soon he was pushing away from Kanzeon, far enough to look her in the eyes. "I can't do it," he said. He had meant to be quiet, but he wasn't. His voice carried over the pool and reverberated along the walls, giving the statement the sound of a final decision. "I can't watch him die again. Not after years of looking, I just- I just can't. Please."
"Please what?" Kanzeon asked quietly. She trailed her fingers down his arms, and twined their fingers together.
"I don't know. Make him stop. Make me stop seeing him."
Kanzeon let go of Goku's hands and dug her fingernails into his shoulders instead. "Do you want me to stop Konzen from living? Do you want me to capture his soul and keep it hidden, somewhere here in Heaven?"
Goku's mouth opened, but "yes" was the furthest thing on his mind. "Kill me," he said instead, very quietly.
Kanzeon straightened. "Kill you? Even if it was possible-"
"It is possible. It has to be!"
"Dear monkey. Do you really think I have it in me to hurt you until you die?"
"I heard you were merciful," Goku muttered. Kanzeon smiled.
"I am. And I am going to give you what you wish."
Goku looked up, sharply, his features suddenly alight with hope, child-like as they ever were. Kanzeon couldn't help but wince. Even with the hope shining in his eyes, Goku looked weary and sad, neither of which suited him.
"But he'll be okay?" he couldn't help but ask, even as he stepped closer to her, sending a flower drifting away with a lazy motion of his hand.
"Yes. Konzen will be okay," Kanzeon replied. She stroked Goku's cheek with her thumb, and then bent to his face. "I promise he will be fine," her low voice brushed against Goku's wet mouth. Goku exhaled, his breath shaky and barely disguising a sob. Kanzeon smiled and, taking his head in her hands, pressed their mouths together. His was soft and wet and trembling.
Beads of water permeated with the scent of lotuses dropped from his hair, trailing down his face, down Kanzeon's hands, falling further into the water. They barely left impressions upon the surface, which was yet another of Heaven's peculiarities. Or maybe it was only the case with the Merciful Goddess' pond, that the external conditions disturbed the water no more than strictly necessary. Goku didn't know. He didn't care, either. As long as the waters granted him a brief respite from the inevitable pain of losing Sanzo yet again.
Kanzeon's fingers tangled in Goku's hair, her thumbs stroking the golden circlet shining on his forehead. He would need a new one, and soon – there were cracks and imperfections in the band, which she knew hadn't been there when she'd last seen Goku. There was time to spare, the boy, even in his grief, held his emotions and rage tightly wound up, but precautions never hurt anyone. Particularly when the matter at hand was a god-like being, so perfectly attuned to the world he lived in, that the rain would come and go at the flick of his wrist. Not that the notion of letting the Great Sage loose upon the world, once in a while, wasn't entertaining. Still, for now, Kanzeon was content to smooth out his brow with her lips as her hands moved lower to peel the material of Goku's shirt, stiff with wetness, away from his skin.
It said a lot about Goku's state of mind that he went with Kanzeon's touch, soft and pliant like a doll. Not even with Sanzo, reincarnated as the most obsessively compulsive control freak, was he this unresisting.
But of course he was Goku. "Wait, I can't-" he started saying, as Kanzeon pulled him by the hand, still dripping water like a pathetic little puppy who wandered in from the rain.
"You can. You wished to never see Konzen again," she reminded him, kissing his forehead again.
"But…" but he had no strength with which to protest. This time, when Kanzeon pulled him close, he did not resist.
Kanzeon unclasped the trinkets holding her garments to the appropriate parts of her body and let them fall to the floor with a loud clatter. She heard a crack, but paid it no mind. Replacing gold and gems was easy enough, with the resources she had at her disposal. She ignored them in favour of the chain that held a pair of battered dog tags close to Goku's heart. These would be all but impossible to replace. Kanzeon placed them reverently on the nightstand.
She climbed onto the bed beside Goku, kicking aside the silk sheets Heaven generously provided for its subordinate gods. Kanzeon, though she didn't much care for the term "subordinate," fully enjoyed the comforts.
Goku's skin was still cool from the water. Kanzeon laid a palm on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Not that she needed to go anywhere near his chest for that, the steady beating was plain enough in the air, even in Heaven. But it helped to make the Earth Child more human, even more than kissing his wet mouth and stroking him into arousal. Kanzeon smiled against his lips.
And Goku closed his eyes and just let go.
"You truly are something precious," Kanzeon muttered to herself later, stroking Goku's hair. He was lying on his stomach, naked, half-covered and blissfully asleep.
There was something to get used to she thought, as she lay stretched next to the Great Sage, watching his sleeping face. Though the boy didn't know, she had been watching him every chance she had, and it'd been a long while since he was this content.
Eventually the goddess got up and picked up a flimsy nightshirt she liked wearing around the office. Jiroushin tended to have a cow when he saw her in it, so she eventually succumbed and only put it on when there was no one else around, though it wasn't like the rest of her clothes were much better anyway.
"Jiroushin," she called opening the bedroom door. "Is everything ready?"
"Yes, Lady Bosatsu, as you requested."
"Good." Kanzeon turned back to the king-and-his-entourage sized bed and smiled. "Patience, kid. Won't be long now till you're back home."
Goku muttered something into the down pillow and shivered. Kanzeon shook her head and covered him with the comforter. The silly monkey was always so cold when her dear nephew wasn't around. It figured eventually it would be too much, even for him.
"The papers, social security number, bank account, ID, everything is in there. Should be more than enough to get him going," Jiroushin materialised by Kanzeon's shoulder and handed her a thick envelope. Jiroushin, to everybody's astonishment, moved with the times. There had been complications, procedures and bureaucracy which hindered Kanzeon's plans and, more than once, threatened to thwart them completely. Good thing the details made sense to Jiroushin, else Goku's life would have been a lot more complicated.
Funny though, Jiroushin picked up on the procedures, the tables, the forms, even this curious vast Web thing, yet the peculiarities of the modern fashion were alien to him. To Kanzeon they made a lot more sense, the tank tops and hot pants, though she still preferred her flowing transparent skirts.
"Apartment?" she asked, fishing out a sheet of paper from the file and scanning it. Though she hated paperwork, this was one part that never failed to amuse her.
"Furnished and ready. It's the same one he had, a while back."
"Good, he'll feel comfortable." Kanzeon flipped a page. "Nationality: British. I see we're being original."
"He mentioned he likes the language."
"Aren't you getting attached to our adorable monkey," Kanzeon cooed and then laughed. "Anything else?"
"Car is ready. I crashed it myself."
"I see we are even more original than usual."
"I have been wondering though. Lady Bosatsu, wouldn't it be more humane to just kill him?"
"Perhaps."
"Then why are we continuing to meddle with his life like this?"
"Entertainment, Jiroushin."
"Lady-"
"He asked for the pain to stop, and it has, Jiroushin," Kanzeon said, closing the file. "At least for now."
xxx.XXX.xxx
The ceiling was white and the day outside was shining with the sun, as any sunny morning following a rainy night. Goku's eyes opened slowly, he forced them not to flutter at every beep. It was bad enough his heart seemed to be beating in tune with it.
"Can you hear me?" someone asked, excited and curious.
He turned his head with effort. There was a woman there, in white clothes, smiling down on him.
"What happened?" he whispered, noticing only then that his lips were parched. "Where am I?"
"This is West Hospital. You were in a car accident. I hear your car was totalled, but you are fine. There was a cut on your head, but there seems to be no permanent damage. The police want to ask you a couple of questions, but I wouldn't worry about that." She leaned over him, her wide eyes twinkling merrily. "From what I've heard they are blaming the tree."
"Tree?"
"The tree that fell onto your car. The local council has its hands full."
"I- I don't remember a tree," Goku said, staring at his hands.
"A doctor will be here in a couple of minutes. Just relax." She patted his hand comfortingly.
"I don't remember a car," Goku whispered to the empty room. He sank into the pillows, staring at the ceiling in abject horror. "I don't remember!" His hand strained up, to reach something high on the ceiling, when a dull thump against the door made his head turn fast enough to allow stars into his vision.
"Don't move suddenly or you'll hurt yourself," the doctor said, closing the door behind him. He barely glanced in Goku's direction, focusing on the chart in his hands instead. "You've been in a coma for two weeks. Do you remember what happened?"
"The nurse said I was in an accident-"
"I didn't ask what the nurse said. I asked what you remember," the doctor interjected curtly, looking at Goku for the first time. He didn't look much like a doctor. His hair was short, golden and spiky; against the sunlit window it shone like a halo.
"Aren't you too young to be a doctor?" Goku asked instead. The lapel of his coat bore a plastic card, with a picture of a scowl and a name, printed out in tiny letters. Goku squinted as the man bent over him to touch the stethoscope's resonator to his chest.
"That's because I'm Doogie fucking Howser. I'm an intern, genius, and I asked you a question," said doctor Sebastian Gray.
"I don't know."
"Isn't that a surprise," doctor Gray muttered making a note on the chart. "That's not a cause to worry though. Head trauma does odd things."
"I don't remember anything," Goku said, turning his head towards the wall.
The doctor paused and looked at him. "You remember your name, though?"
Goku nodded. "Son Goku."
"That's plenty, for now." There was a faint smile at his lips. "Rest. You'll be fine." He touched Goku's hand briefly and withdrew his hand as soon as he made contact. He narrowed his eyes, surprised with his own actions. "You'll be fine," he repeated and turned to leave.
Goku looked at the ceiling, a little calmer. The way doctor Gray had said it, Goku might just believe it. A few minutes later he was asleep, breathing softly in the white, sunlit room.
END.
AN: The working title was "This Is Why Goku Must Die When Saiyuki Ends". The thought of him being alone and wandering the world in pursuit of Sanzo who is going to die sooner or later is much too depressing. And, as I theorised elsewhere, hardly a recipe for forever (I have also theorised elsewhere Goku certainly isn't immortal, but that's hardly the issue here). The reasoning is thus: Goku learns and grows, so even if his body maintains its early twenties status, his mind would mature. Fast forwards a few lifetimes and he'd be so old and wise (in a Goku way, granted, but still) Sanzo would simply be too young to be a partner for him. Which is why I prefer to kill him early on (and my love for AU has nothing to do with it XD).
There is also that the reincarnation business is not precisely ctrl+c, ctrl+v. Konzen and Sanzo are totally different people, their shared preference for pastels and dresses and monkeys notwithstanding. I have a feeling that to Goku it'd be less "finding Sanzo again" and more losing someone he loved, finding someone else, loving him in turn, then losing them. Again. And again.