Can Anybody Hear Me?
The car door clamped shut behind Susan as she jumped out of the car. She hurried up the steps towards Experiment House where her cousin Eustace went to school. Susan was picking up Eustace and his friend Jill. They were all going for a holiday that afternoon once Peter was off of work and Edmund and Lucy returned from their school. Susan was the only one available to pick the two friends up. So here she was. The school was in chaos. A teacher ran past screaming. Several children were anxiously looking over their shoulders and running away.
"What's going on?" Susan tried to ask. Everyone pointed towards the back of the school buildings. Susan quickened her pace. Surely nothing could be that wrong. As she rounded the corner, she froze in her steps. The back wall was broken down. Three, no four figures could be seen glowing like the sun. Susan's knees felt weak. She knew that look. Standing in front of her were Eustace, Jill and King Caspian too. Caspian and Eustace's gleaming swords flashed in the sun. But what really made Susan afraid was the thing behind them.
"Aslan?" Susan whispered almost silently. The great Lion turned his searching eyes to Susan's face. Susan felt about ready to faint. She closed her eyes thinking what Aslan would do. But he didn't do anything. He just gazed at her with sadness and disappointment.
"I'm so sorry," Susan whispered. Aslan didn't speak. He didn't appear to even have heard her. He just sadly turned away.
"Thank you, Aslan," Jill said. Aslan nodded.
"Goodbye, my friend," Eustace said to Caspian. Caspian clasped Eustace's hand in a Narnian fashion.
"May Aslan watch over you," Caspian responded. Caspian turned around then and saw Susan with tears streaming down her face standing near. "Queen Susan?" he wondered.
"What's left of her, I'm afraid. I'm no longer worthy of that title." Susan bit her lip. She couldn't take it anymore and ran out of the courtyard back to her car. Once inside, she cried bitterly.
"What have I done?" she whimpered. "Why can't I just believe?"
"Susan, I know you're in here," Peter sighed.
"Go away!" Susan replied crossly. "I don't need you." Peter could hear Susan crying on the other side of the door.
"But we need you," Peter urged. "The four of us fulfilled the prophecy. Not Edmund, Lucy and me. It was the four of us."
"I don't care how many it took!" Susan yelled. "It was only a silly game."
"Susan, you know it wasn't a game," Peter answered quite calmly. "Narnia is real. Aslan is real. Queen Susan the Gentle is real."
"Queen Susan the Gentle is dead," Susan replied bitterly.
"But Aslan's not dead," Peter interrupted. "And neither is Narnia. You know that Jill and Eustace were just there yesterday. They saw Aslan and they even saw Caspian!"
"Peter, I saw Aslan and Caspian," Susan admitted, unlocking the door. Peter stared at her tearful face peeping through the crack. "I was there. I-I saw them."
"Why didn't you tell us?" Peter asked feeling pity for his sister.
"Because, because it just doesn't make sense," Susan answered desperately. "I've believed that Narnia is just a game for so long, it confuses all I thought was true. But seeing Aslan again…"
"Did he say anything?" Peter wondered.
"No," Susan answered. "He just looked…disappointed and sad. And I have this feeling that he was disappointed in me."
Susan lay awake that night staring at the cold walls that seemed to frown at her disapprovingly.
"Lucy?" Susan whispered.
"Hmm," Lucy answered sleepily.
"Would you believe me if I told you I'd seen Aslan?" Susan asked rolling over to look at Lucy.
"Of course," Lucy replied. "But I thought-"
"Yes, well," Susan briskly cut her off. "I know what I thought. Peter already knows, so you might as well know too. When Jill and Eustace came back from Narnia yesterday, I was there. I saw Aslan and Prince, um, King Caspian."
"You did?" Lucy asked excitedly. "Really?"
"I know it seems hard to believe, but yes." Susan answered stifling a yawn.
"I want to see Narnia again," Lucy sighed.
"We're not going back," Susan replied crossly.
"I know," Lucy commented. "But I can still dream."
"Goodnight Lucy," Susan turned back towards the wall.
"'Night, Su," Lucy answered. Su. Only Peter ever called her that anymore. Ordinarily, Susan would have thought the name babyish but it seemed special when Peter called her that.
"Can anybody hear me?" Susan wondered desperately. The silence is deafening. "Why do they all feel so far away? Peter, Edmund and Lucy just aren't the same around me. I know they're here with me but I just need the faith to see nothing can separate me from their love…and Aslan's love."
Peter was seated in the window seat in the hall staring at the moon. Why had Susan seen Aslan? He was puzzled. To be honest, he knew she needed the wakeup call. Susan was drifting away.
"Why?" Peter asked the deaf walls. "Why does she ignore it?"
"Peter?" Edmund whispered. Peter jumped.
"Oh, it's just you, Ed." Edmund sat down next to his big brother.
"Susan?" Edmund wondered. Peter nodded sadly.
"Yes," he replied. "Why does she have to doubt?"
"Believing what she can't see has never come naturally to Susan," Edmund reminded gently.
"I just wish I could just show her some sort of proof," Peter answered. "I wish I could show her Narnia was real. I think she still believes deep down that Aslan is real. She spoke of him earlier."
"Really?" Edmund asked.
"Yes," Peter nodded. "She said when Jill and Eustace returned yesterday, she was there waiting to pick them up. And when they returned she saw Aslan and Caspian. Remember how Eustace said that Caspian and Aslan came back for a few minutes with them."
"I see," Edmund answered thoughtfully. "Do you think she will learn to believe again?"
"I can only hope," Peter replied wistfully. "I can only hope."
Author's note: This is sort of a song fic because I was inspired when I was listening to Meridith Andrew's song: 'Can Anybody Hear Me?'. It reminded me a lot of Susan and her struggle with her faith after Prince Caspian. It also reminded me of her siblings thoughts and concerns as she drifts away. I hope you enjoyed!
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