No Experience Necessary

by Save Fearow

A mentor could really make a difference in a young monster's life. That was the idea behind the assignment. If the Gromble got a day off out of it, that was just a bonus.

No Experience Necessary

an Aaaah! Real Monsters Fanfic

by Save Fearow

Author's Note: The Gromble's students can't ALL become professional scarers, even though that's what the Monster Academy specializes in. So it only makes sense that he should introduce them to some other career options, right? Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Chronologically, this is one of the earlier adventures, set shortly after 'Through A Lens, Dorkily' and before 'Once Upon A Monster'.

The Gromble glared at his class, just to make sure he had their attention. "Today you will each receive your instructions OUTSIDE of the classroom. All you loathsome leeches are going to shadow some adult monster and learn about their career." the Gromble explained.

Ickis waved his paw frantically. "Ooh, ooh, your Grombleness!" Ickis called out.

"What is it now, Master Ickis?" the Gromble snapped.

"Can I shadow you?" Ickis asked hopefully.

"No. Nobody needs to learn a lesson THAT badly." the Gromble decided.

Ickis' ears drooped. "But it's what I wanna do!" he insisted.

"And -I- want to go an entire day without hearing some IDIOTIC remark but we can't always get what we want, can we?" the Gromble snarled.

"I don't know sir. Is that going to be on a quiz?" Ickis wondered.

The Gromble sighed. "No, Master Ickis. There's no need to answer any rhetorical questions." the Gromble stated.

"Okay." Ickis paused, considering this. "...Can you put some rheta- rheta- unanswerable questions on your NEXT quiz?" he wondered.

"What do YOU think?" the Gromble barked. Ickis flinched but didn't reply. "Master Ickis!" roared the Gromble.

"Sorry. Was that an 'answerable' question or not? I couldn't tell sir." Ickis admitted.

"Just try not to cause TOO much trouble for your mentor, Master Ickis. Snorch, would you let the professional monsters in now?" the Gromble instructed. "Most of them are alumni, which means the Great Slickis IS among the choices." He paused, while the class chattered excitedly.

"That's my Dad!" Ickis exclaimed.

"Yes. And I don't want the class fighting over who gets to accompany Slickis on some scares. That's why I've assigned our BEST student, Oblina, to work with him." the Gromble detailed. "That way they can tell all about their phenomenal successes and I can take pride in knowing that MY guidance has molded generations of monsters all the way to greatness!"

"Splendid! It will be -thrilling- to watch a master scarer at work!" Oblina predicted.

Ickis groaned. "Please, pleeease don't let Dad tell her any embarrassing stories about me." Ickis begged.

"For the rest of you stinkweeds, it doesn't matter who your mentor is, as long as they AREN'T related to you. The whole point of this activity is to open yourself up to new experiences, perhaps discover something new and worthwhile about yourself and the kind of job you may end up having in the future." the Gromble summarized.

That speech perked Ickis up considerably. "My future's so bright I gotta wear shades!" Ickis announced boldly.

"Only if you -blind- yourself. And really, you're not TOO far from that already." the Gromble sneered.

Ickis glared at him for a moment, then smiled disarmingly. "Good one, sir! You do realize that what I lack in visual acuity, I make up for it by having excellent hearing, jus' like Dad. Do you think he enjoys listening to you insult me in front of the class?" Ickis questioned.

The Gromble laughed. "Master Ickis, I placed your -father- in detention acts for lesser acts of insubordination than THAT. What makes you think I'd be swayed by his opinions now?" the Gromble demanded.

"Cause now Dad donates toenails to the Academy, an' I think -alot- of monsters judge how much they give based on what the 'Great Slickis' offers." replied Ickis. The Gromble gasped involuntarily. "I think we understand each other now." Ickis concluded as he left his seat.

The Gromble watched him go, feeling both irritation and some strange emotion he didn't associate with Master Ickis normally. If he didn't know any better, he'd think the little loomer was capable of some fairly advanced deductive reasoning.

Ickis tiptoed over to where his father and Oblina were standing. "Dad! Dad!" he hissed.

"Hullo, Ickis. Are you excited about today? I know I'm looking forward to showing Oblina some of my best moves!" Slickis proclaimed.

"Yeah, that's all you're gonna be doing, right? You're not gonna have any, y'know discussions with her, reveal anything secret?" Ickis pleaded.

"I'll be very respectful." Slickis vowed. "I know how much you're squishing on her, son."

Ickis' eyes widened with shock. "Da-ad!" he moaned.

"What? It's not a secret if everyone already knows about it." Slickis maintained.

"They do NOW!" Ickis huffed. He folded his paws defiantly. "You're as bad as Krumm in that regard." Ickis added.

"Hey don't blame me." Krumm called out as he wandered over. "I never told your Dad that you loved Oblina. I just told him that you never wanted to live without her, and called her a putrid mass of corruption, and that you only went to Antarctica in an ill-fated attempt to impress her." Krumm insisted.

Ickis blushed furiously. "Maybe I wanted the extra credit." he muttered.

"Oh, you wanted credit for -something!-" Krumm recalled. "I think it went better than MOST of your efforts, Ickis. When you turned blue and started to shake and cough on the way back home, Oblina even held your paw and guided you to the infirmary."
"Really? I don't 'member that. I know I woke up an' the doctor had me hooked up to some artificial air sac, an' Dad was sitting in the room with me, being real quiet. He hadn't even fluffed up my fur yet." Ickis detailed.

"Huh. Then I guess you don't remember Oblina kissing your forehead right before you fell asleep." Krumm realized.

"KRUMM!" Oblina howled. Now -she- was looking mortified.

"It's okay, Oblina. You weren't the ONLY one acting weird then. Ickis' Dad was cry-" Krumm began.

"Who likes pie? Yes, THAT'S what I -always- cry out for! Why don't I buy some slime pies, as soon as this day is over!" Slickis blurted out.

Ickis looked at his father in bafflement. "Dad?" he questioned.

"We'll talk later. Have a -great- time, Ickis." Slickis professed.

Ickis scowled. "Later means a very long time to you, Dad. You TOLD me we'd go to the Bermuda Triangle together later, an' I -still- haven't been!" Ickis argued.

"It's mostly water." Slickis maintained.

"Like that would -discourage- me from wanting to go?!" Ickis snapped.

"There are several anomalies too. The Triangle's dangerous if you aren't prepared." Slickis insisted.

"I can handle it! I've had ALOT of experience, dealing with triangles." Ickis boasted.

"Someday soon you'll get your chance." Slickis relented. He ruffled Ickis' fur. "That's m'boy. Go find a good monster who'll teach you something amazing!" instructed Slickis.

Ickis nodded. "If you say so, Dad. Oblina, I... hope you have a putrid day." Ickis finished lamely.

"Thank you, Icky. I'll do my best." Oblina declared. Ickis stared at her for a few more seconds before lowering his gaze and reluctantly walking away.

Ickis glanced all around the classroom. There were so many options, it was difficult to know what to choose. Krumm had located Jorch, the security guard quickly enough, and they seemed willing to work together. There was Gorrifica, the famous monster model standing off to the side. Ickis smiled at her, and she burst into laughter. Ickis scowled. Maybe he should stick to somebody he knew a little better, then.

"Who ain't afraid of gettin' their paws dirty? Sign up fer the mold farm, and I'll teach you to take this job and shovel it!" Horvak hollered. "C'mon now! I need a good, hard worker!"

"Hi, Mister Horvak!" Ickis waved happily. "Need some help?"

"Ickis! No, no, not from you!" Horvak protested. "You'll burn up all the farm 'quipment, can't risk it."

Ickis' face fell. "I don't belch fire all'a time, sir." he whispered.

"Once is once too many, that's what Shlumm said right a'fore she divorced me, so I know what I'm talking about!" Horvak opined.

"Um, sir? I don't -think- she was talking about ME then." Ickis pointed out.

"Don't matter! I already gots a great helper." Horvak lied. "It's um, this big blue kid! He looks like he can throw his weight around!" Horvak exclaimed, as he pointed to Blib.

"I'd be delighted." Blib gushed. He was nothing if not amiable.

Ickis sighed. Well at least there was Lugo, Oblina's butler. "Hey, Lugo! Ready to instruct me on the finer points of butlering?" Ickis queried.

Lugo winced. "Dreadfully sorry, Master Ickis. But I do wish to have a job to come back TO, after this mentorship is completed, and Madame Sublima detests your very existence. You understand my dilemma, of course." Lugo answered.

Ickis nodded. "That was actually less of a letdown than I was expecting." he admitted.

"I've been trained to let monsters down gently." Lugo supplied.

Ickis spotted Lerkayner, his Dad's publicity agent, nearby. "Lerkayner!" Ickis exclaimed.

"I've had no such training. G'way kid, you bother me." Lerkayner told him.

"This is why I made all those 'Lerk the jerk' cartoons about you!" Ickis retorted.

"Those wouldn't appeal to the mainstream media. Toldja you weren't marketable, Ickis. Now, if you were to mass-produce more giant statues of Slickis..." Lerkayner allowed.

"Dad told me not to make any life-sized replicas again, cause it exhausted me." recalled Ickis. "I could sculpt a smaller one, with less detail, would that be alright?"

Lerkayner shook his head. "Sorry kid. You're too difficult to work with. I need a monster with a nose for news." Lerkayner described.

"I can smell garbage rotting all the way in Queens!" Ickis persisted.

"They've also got to be trendy, popular, hebopply beyond compare!" Lerkayner added.

Horrifica sneered. "That leaves you out, Fear Rabbit." Horrifica quipped.

"Ha! That's what I'm talking about! Sharp tongue, sharp mind! Who are you kid?" Lerkayner questioned.

"Horrifica." she replied.

"Of course. Your mother's worn accessories by Prowlda." remembered Lerkayner. "Quality stuff, best-seller material. Let's see how you handle the business end of things!"

"Better watch yourself, Lerk. She's -always- giving monsters the business." Ickis cautioned.

Horrifica scowled. "What do YOU know, Ickis? You're failing every class!" she taunted.

"That's not true, I'm passing gym! Sewerball really helps out there!" Ickis maintained.

"You probly just had a lot of practice having rotten vegetables thrown at you." Horrifica opined.

"Tomatos are fruit." Ickis insisted. "An' Dad -used- to take me to the park an' pitch to me once a week, spring through fall. Then it was once a month... then once a year... now we usually squeeze in some practice two or three times a decade..." Ickis trailed off sadly.

"Notice a pattern there?" Horrifica insinuated.

"Yes. My happiness quotient is inversely proportional to the length of time it takes for Dad to respond to my requests. I made a chart detailing that, but he hasn't looked at it yet." Ickis confessed.

Lerkayner looked slightly uncomfortable, but he smoothed down his antennas and refused to give in to guilt. "Wasted time is wasted toenails! See you, Ickis. Gotta go make some money!" Lerkayner announced.

Dizzle's mother, Chizzle, had a harder time wrestling with her conscience. She'd heard most of that exchange, and while Ickis wouldn't be her first choice among monsters (or her second, or her third) she couldn't help feeling a little sorry for him. "Ickis?" Chizzle offered. Ickis turned to face her, looking a little misty-eyed.

"Yes, Miz Chizzle?" Ickis replied.

"Have you ever thought about interior decorating? I know it's not a career that many boys aspire to, but..." she began.

"That jus' means you get to spend all day working alongside squishy girls!" Ickis interrupted. "I can do that! I like girls, they jus' don't like me!"

Chizzle smiled weakly. "I think I've heard that before." she noted.

"Really? Must've been somebody -profound- talking if you still 'member his words of wisdom!" Ickis claimed.

"He was somebody unforgettable at any rate." Chizzle acknowledged. "Come with me, Ickis. We have a lot of work to do." she declared.

"I'll do whatever you say, Miz Chizzle! An' I'll work so hard, you'll wonder how you ever managed without me!" promised Ickis.

"You'll enjoy this, Oblina. We've got time to improvise a few really good scares today." Slickis told her.

"I was born to scare!" Oblina asserted. "It's one of my favorite activities!"

"Mine too. I thought it would be worth rearranging my schedule to spend more time with the youth of today. Anything for the ol' Academy!" Slickis proclaimed.

"Easy for you to say! You're NOT the one who had to iron out all the details." Lerkayner interjected.

"Lerk, you always brag about that being what you get PAID for." Slickis pointed out. "What did you have been planned for tomorrow, anyway?"

Lerkayner sighed. "I -knew- that bonsty was a distraction. If you hadn't been too busy thinking about Ickis, you'd know that there's 3 interviews with monster magazines tomorrow, Popular Scaring, Sewerball Illustrated, and Harpy's Bizarre. You're playing a few rounds of Grishnak for charity, proceeds benefit St. Gruesome's. Junkyard Utah's wants you to ride their mechanical balrog, but you can't spare more than 4 or 5 minutes for that! Then you're throwing out the opening pitch for the Sewerball World Series. There's a weight-lifting competition after that, and a Scuffleboard tournament, then there's a martial arts exhibition, you're to show off your kick-boxing skills. Lastly you'll be giving a howling demonstration, and if there's any time left in the night you can go for a midnight loom, keep in form." Lerkayner detailed.

"There you go! Sounds like fun. That's the kind of day -you- can look forward to someday, Oblina." Slickis boasted.

"That's a very busy day." Oblina noted.

"Some are busier than that. The important thing is that you do what you love, and you love doing it! Let's go!" declared Slickis. He took off on a jog.

"You're on!" Oblina agreed. She raced after Slickis.

Horrifica scowled. "Is -this- what publicity is about?" she whined. "Watching other monsters run around like crazy?"

"No, there's more to it than that." Lerkayner explained. "You gotta take notes, kid. Always be ready to talk up your client's best points."

"He's not Ickis. That's the best thing you CAN say about Slickis." Horrifica opined.

"Hmm, there's some truth in that advertising, I'll admit. But the audience wants -more- specifics. Are you good at flashing pictures? Take the flash-box, and point it at Slick often. There's a zoom lens and an auto-focus. If you see his eyes turn red, switch to the wide angle frames, try to squeeze in as much of the loom as possible. Aim for the face, everyone -loves- to see those pointy fangs!" Lerkayner instructed.

Horrifica looked at the flash-box. "Like this?" she questioned. The flash sparkled and she and Lerkayner rubbed their eyes.

"You were pointing it the WRONG way." Lerkayner huffed.

Horrifica grasped the flash paper with delight. That snorbly centipede-like agent was in the frame, but it was obvious who the REAL star was. She looked hideous, with her bouncy tendrils and gleaming scales. Finally, she had something worthwhile to do!

"This is my office, Ickis." Chizzle explained. "That's my drafting table, I need alot of surface space to accommodate my work."

"I understand! Oblina an' Krumm -hated- when I turned the dorm into a studio so I have to use this one little, bitty corner for all my artwork. So not fair!" Ickis groused.

"What kind of art do you do?" Chizzle asked.

"Paintings mostly, some sketches. I've done work in charcoal and pastels plus I can sculpt a whole bunch'a junk." Ickis detailed. "Lemme know what you want."

"Hmm. I don't usually allow little monsters to assist me, but I -did- promise the Gromble I'd give you a chance, and sometimes that's all anybody needs. I've been stuck on this one project, a new suite for the Howldorf Hotel. There's paper, pencils, and a T-square in the drawer. You can start working on blueprints, when you finish that you can look at color swatches on the table. There's plenty of bolts of fabric in the back room as well as paint. I've got taskboard if you know how to use it." Chizzle offered.

"Sure! I don't mind getting my paws wet. Cut it, damp it, bend an' fold, dry it with a fan or steam, glue, stain, paint, finish." Ickis ticked off the steps on his claws.

"That's right. Can you handle the steamer?" Chizzle questioned.

"It's no more dangerous than a tea kettle, an' I almost never burn myself on THAT!" asserted Ickis.

Chizzle sighed. "Use the fan, it's worth taking your time to get a project done properly. And be VERY careful when you use the X-Acto blades, I've kept them quite sharp." Chizzle maintained.

"I'll be good." Ickis promised. "I know monsters get a little nervous whenever I'm bleeding."

"Because you're starting a loom?" Chizzle ventured.

"No, blood always stays -inside- my body when I do that." Ickis replied. He looked at the floor. "They think I'm gonna explode or somethin', they don't trust a combustible monster."

Chizzle gasped. "Oh, I didn't realize." she murmured.

"I think the Gromble told everybody at school that belching fire is the end of it, an' not just Stage 1 of a permanent condition, cause they don't ignore me all'a time, not more than usual at any rate. Grown-up monsters... they act a little different. Mister Horvak won't let me on the mold farm anymore, I only got to go there for a weekend in 1993, Krumm says it's cause I ate some of the crops before they were s'posed to get harvested, an' maybe that's part of it but I don't think it's that simple. Cause I can -always- eat less, really I could stop that if I tried, but I can't fix being combustible. I'm jus' stuck being a broken wreck of a monster." Ickis explained sadly.

"I'm sorry Horvak made you feel that way, Ickis. He was always rather opinionated, but that doesn't mean he was -right- very often. I guess Horvak wasn't too different from the rest of us in that regard..." Chizzle sighed before continuing to advise Ickis. "You shouldn't worry about it too much, and you shouldn't stop eating -either-. That's what loomers do, eat and scare. You know your father missed out on the Scaring Olympics one year because he didn't have enough food before the event."

"The Gromble stills whines about that sometimes! It's one of the few trophys Dad -didn't- win, cause he never competed. He never told me much about it, though." Ickis realized.

"He probly doesn't remember enough TO talk about. Basically, the Gromble had Slickis running around on some hyper-focused training regimen, and stopped letting him go to the cafeteria between classes, so he was only eating whatever he managed to gobble down on a foraging run. I think Slickis did -try- to warn the Gromble that it was a bad idea, but you know your father, he hates to tell anyone 'no'. Anyway, the morning of that Olympic trial Slickis was just snoozing away in the dorm. Horvak poked him several times but didn't get any response." recalled Chizzle.

Ickis' lip trembled. "Was Dad okay?" he wondered nervously.

"He was just exhausted. Maybe he had a slight fever, if he did, he shook it off before the day was through. Slickis is very resilient." Chizzle replied.

"Yeah, Dad's big and strong!" Ickis agreed. "But I don't think that by itself would be enough to please the Gromble."

"Of course not. The Gromble was obsessed with being the best coach. 'Win just one for the Gromble', we ALL heard -that- frequently. I think the Gromble was prepared to drag Slickis downtown and force him to compete anyway, but Squelia wouldn't stand for it. Your mother actually -pounced- on our Headmaster, made him promise to 'leave Mr. Slickis alone' until he'd rested and had a good meal." Chizzle remembered.

"No way! Mom beat up the Gromble?! That's awesome!" Ickis professed. "Nobody tells me -anything- good! How'd you know about that, anyway?" Ickis questioned.

Chizzle blushed. "I heard about it from Yaggoroth." she informed Ickis.

"Uncle Yaggy? Guess he would've been there, he was always in on the action, right? That's why he and Mom were Best Pair Scarers, hard to top the pouncer twins, ya-ha!" Ickis boasted.

Chizzle's eyes widened. "Ickis... you don't say things like that often, do you?" she wondered.

"What, brag about my family? Sure, why not? They -deserve- to be remembered! They were real important monsters. Uncle Yaggy even got his OWN title. Academy Fluff-head! Did you vote for him?" Ickis asked.

"Yes." Chizzle admitted reluctantly. "...I think everybody did."

"Yeah! That makes it a unanimous victory, those are the -best- kind of wins!" Ickis opined. "Most of Dad's victories were flawless too! You must know all about his Academy days! How come him didn't go to the Olympics some other time?" Ickis pressed for details.

"The Gromble didn't ask Slickis at first, and I'm sure he regrets that NOW. Let's see, there was the time Horvak lost his eye again and Slickis went to retrieve it, they didn't make it back in time. Another time Slickis went home, had to help his parents with something... unfortunate, and Slickis DID manage to convince the Gromble to let him take the time off. And Slickis was suspended once, several of the boys were, because they stole the goblin mascot from Better Monster Tech. I don't think Slickis actually took part in that theft, I believe he was trying to -return- the goblin, but felt he should be punished anyway for failing to talk the other students out of it. Then there was the time the Olympic committee went on strike so NOBODY took home a trophy that year and the Gromble was furious because there was absolutely nothing else going on then that would've kept Slickis away. And the last year that he was eligible for the Olympics, right before graduation, Slickis never bothered to show up. He spent the entire day rooting through garbage and going to various monster storefronts, looking for a brass fastener. The Gromble even asked him whether he thought some squish was worth more than Academy Pride, and Slickis assured him that he couldn't put a price tag on Squelia's love, but if he had to, he'd take every trophy down to the pawn shop and cash them in for a voucher that said she'd be his wife." Chizzle summarized.

Ickis blinked back tears. "D-dad still has that fastener. They gave it b-back to him after the funeral." Ickis stammered.

"I know. I was there." Chizzle remembered. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to your father afterward. I didn't really think about what would happen to you two after that, whether you had anywhere to go... I, I wasn't thinking very clearly at all then." apologized Chizzle.

"That's okay. Dad says everybody grieves differently, that's why he lets me sleep with the sponge sometimes. Shnookie's a girl sponge, I gave her Mom's nickname." Ickis insisted.

"Shnookie? That name's um, not exactly -unique- to Squelia. Shnookie is, well it's something that, ah... has the Gromble taught you about monster biology yet?" Chizzle struggled to get her message across.

"Oh yeah! Monsters gotta touch each other jus' right so they can have a bonsty egg! I've even practiced it! You put your thumb on your nose, an' then you waaave your arms, an' then somebody slaps you, usually it's Oblina. She told me I'm too young to be interested in playboy bunnies, whaddya think THAT means?" Ickis asked in all earnestness.

"It means I need to get back to work. I've got alot of catalogs to look through, supplies to order. Go sit down and sketch something Ickis, and -don't- show it to me until you're done, okay?" Chizzle decided.

Krumm was eager to get to know his mentor better. Jorch was following his father's career path, the same way that Krumm had long envisioned inheriting the mold farm from Horvak, so he knew they already had something in common. Maybe if he talked with Jorch they'd discover even more shared interests.

"So you're one of the security guards for the monster correctional facility?" Krumm questioned.

"Yes." Jorch stated.

"But you work in other places too, sometimes." Krumm noted.

"Yes." Jorch confirmed.

"I think you've worked in the courthouse, right?" asked Krumm.

"Yes." Jorch replied.

Krumm rolled his eyes. "Can you say anything -other- than yes?" he wondered.

"No." Jorch quipped. It took a moment for Krumm to get the joke, then they both laughed.

"You seem like a fun guy, even though you look like a grouch. The Snorch is the same way." Krumm asserted.

"He's a good boy." Jorch answered slowly. "Sorry if I... seem terse. My son doesn't talk. I've... gotten out of the habit."

"That's okay! My roommates talk -too- much, so this is a nice change of pace for me!" Krumm declared.

Jorch led Krumm down the corridors, past a few cell blocks and pointed to the janitor's closet. "You'll mop. I'll patrol." Jorch instructed.

"Sure. I'll make the floors reek. I love being smelly!" announced Krumm. Jorch nodded and started his walkabout.

From his vantage point in the prison library, Skritch grinned wickedly. With one of the biggest, strongest security guards pre-occupied with an assignment at the Monster Academy (Skritch refused to think of it as the Gromble's Academy, not when it so rightfully should have been HIS), the rest of the staff was being stretched thin. More than that, in their infinite -stupidity- the buffoons had actually granted Skritch MORE leniency than usual. His paws were only cuffed together not shackled to the wall, and the straitjacket was much roomier than usual. The other guards had only bothered to slip a chain around -one- of his legs, and Skritch had so many extras he could still hobble along at a decent clip. He pretended to read the book he'd grabbed off the shelf (some pithy self-help book called 'Who Moved My Fleas?'. Probly the only -less- useful titles available were 'Tales Of The Great Slickis' because someone was BOUND to ask you a question about it, and 'How To Get Dates And Influence Squishes' because this was NOT a co-ed facility. Skritch didn't plan on staying here forever, but until he completed his brilliant escape plan, he would -prefer- not to have to be somebody's squishy.)

Krumm was happily sloshing the dirty water around on the floor. He didn't understand why Ickis complained so much about it, this was a great job! Everything smelled like sewage, his fingers were getting nice and wrinkly, the moisture was good for his pit-hairs, and everyone was SO friendly too! Twice he'd heard a prisoner yell out that he should 'be careful not to drop anything', followed by hearty guffaws. Krumm appreciated their concern, but he didn't think he had anything to worry about. Unlike his Dad, Horvak, Krumm was pretty good at keeping his eyes where he could see them. Of course, Krumm could see his eyes even when they -weren't- anywhere nearby, so perhaps that wasn't quite as impressive as he initially believed it to be.

Yes! Skritch had timed everything -perfectly-. He knew that the guards walked past the library every 20 minutes. Skritch had judged that it was possible to dash out of the library, sprint across the halls and reach the exercise yard, in 10- no 11 minutes if he hurried! From there he would leap across the pit of fluffy mattresses, crawl under the dreaded afghan quilt, make his way through the hula hoops, and squeeze through the electrified fence before scaling the concrete walls. The warden and his tyrant officers didn't just believe in psychological torture, they believed in taking a pro-active approach to discourage any escape artists. Too bad for them Skritch was the best artist who ever lived. (That drawing was good! It was a -good- drawing!) Knowing full well that this was his best chance for success, Skritch tossed the decoy book aside and bolted. Left turn, left turn, right- oh sludge! Someone had sounded the alarm! No matter, it took more than that to stop a genius.

"Don't ask for whom the belch tolls, it tolls for thee!" Skritch cackled with glee.

Krumm looked around in bafflement. He wasn't used to hearing the belch outside of school, but he never looked a gift horsefly in the mouth. "Is it lunchtime?" Krumm wondered aloud. In his excitement, Krumm dropped one of his eyeballs. "Hey, come back here!" he whined.

"I'm NEVER coming back, ha-ha!" Skritch insisted as he rounded the corner, and stepped on the eyeball. Skritch flailed his arms wildly, and maybe he could have regained his balance, if Krumm hadn't dripped dirty water all over the corridor. Skritch skidded all the way to the end of the hall, where he slammed face-first into the wall and slumped to the ground.

Krumm walked over to where Skritch lay in a heap. "Hey, thanks for finding my eye for me. Guess I shoulda put a 'Wet Floor' sign up here." Krumm noted. Skritch groaned, loud enough for Jorch to hear and the security monster immediately turned around and stomped back towards the hall where he had left Krumm. The boy seemed like a hard worker and not a monster who would let a perceived position of power go to his head. In fact, the boy didn't -have- a head at all! But Jorch was a bit worried that one of their more 'exuberant' prisoners might be giving Krumm a hard time. Of course, Jorch would then make sure the offender got even more of a hard time, perhaps an additional 10 or 20 years in the slammer.

"You okay?" Jorch called out as he approached.

"I'm fine." Krumm assured him. "I was just thanking Skritch. He's on the floor. Skritch used to be our teacher. But he wasn't very good at it. Maybe that's why he's lying down now? The Gromble would never roll over and give up like that." Krumm maintained.

Skritch snapped awake. "I am not the Gromble!" he hissed.

"I know. That's why you're not a very good teacher. The Gromble would never be thrown in jail! He stays at the Academy. He's our teacher." Krumm persisted.

"The Academy. Yes, that what all comes down to isn't it? Oh, I may be trapped here, and he's over THERE, but if I -were- there, then I would trap HIM, and he'd be trapped over there!" Skritch exclaimed delightedly.

Krumm blinked. "Sorry. I'm fluent in panicky Ickis, but I don't know how to speak your particular brand of crazy. I might be able to learn it, if given enough practice." offered Krumm.

"Yes, practice! That's how you LEARN! This was my -practice- escape plan, only a trial run! It doesn't matter if I'm re-captured because my NEXT effort will be ever greater!" Skritch plotted.

"That's what I usually tell Ickis when -he- messes up. No matter how great a failure he is today, tomorrow he could be even greater!" Krumm professed. "That's the power of positive stinking!"

"I'm positive the Gromble stinks out loud." Skritch asserted as Jorch slapped another pair of cuffs around him and dragged the vindictive monster back to his cell. "You'll see, you'll all see!" Skritch vowed.

"Are we gonna see something tasty? I heard Slickis talk about pie earlier and that got me thinking about lunch." admitted Krumm.

"Hungry?" Jorch asked upon returning. He handed Krumm a paper sack. The young monster opened it eagerly.

"Alright! There's a slopwich and fleas! Thanks Jorch!" Krumm exclaimed. Jorch nodded and grinned. Krumm reached inside and pulled out his meal. He was slightly dismayed when he looked it over. "Aww, somebody moved my fleas!" Krumm announced.

"Here we are, One Penn Plaza!" Slickis declared. "I thought we'd do this FIRST scare without an audience, give Lerkayner and Horrifica a chance to bond by selling merchandise around Penn Station."

Oblina gasped. She was grateful none of the other students were there to witness her apprehension. "We can't scare here, it's over 50 stories tall!" Oblina protested.

"That's what makes it a skyscraper." Slickis agreed.

"Students have encountered trouble pulling off high-elevation scares in the past. The Gromble had to revise his policy, I think the school board may have influenced his decision, but still! He wouldn't -want- us skulking about here! It's FAR too advanced an assignment!" Oblina protested.

"Not for us! Come on, Oblina. Get into the spirit of it! If you're gonna work with a pro, then you have to be ready to take your work to the next level! I've heard great things about you, so why not us this opportunity to show-off a little? I bet you've already got a scare all planned out!" Slickis predicted.

"Hmm. There's the suspended scaffolding that the window washers were using. I could disguise myself as a rope and let them pull me up. Then we they pull out the scrubber and start working, I'll uncoil myself, reach in and pull out my guts! If I time it right..." Oblina began.

"They won't jus' be frightened by you, they'll also get spooked when they see your reflection in the glass! Good strategy Oblina, you really know how to factor in the surrounding environment." praised Slickis.

"Thank you, sir." Oblina replied graciously. "But, um... how are you going to stay hidden?" she wondered.

Slickis grinned. "I'll make my own disguise. See you at the top, Oblina!" he called out. Oblina watched as Slickis ran ahead a few paces, leaped and dug his claws into the side of the building, then swiftly altered his fur color to match the reinforced steel facade.

"Slickis?" Oblina called after him.

"Shh-hh. Get into position Oblina." Slickis urged.

"But I can't see you!" she hissed.

"Don't worry about it. You've got other senses, use them! Listen for the sound of my claws scratching against the walls. A scare like this is all about timing, so climb onto that scaffolding quick as can be! There's no day like today to really make your mark in the world, remember that Oblina. I've got faith in you. You're gonna come through with flying colors." Slickis assured her.

Oblina nodded. "Definitely!" she whispered as she sneaked onto the platform. Oblina slid along the scaffold's stirrup, then looped herself around the U-bolt. Oblina waited for less than a minute before the window washers returned from their coffee break, ready to raise the platform and resume working. Oblina smirked. She was ready, too.

"Larry, I don't know about this..." one of the washers fretted.

"Oh, when have I ever steered you wrong, Steve?" Larry snapped.

"When you got us those jobs at the movie theatre." replied Steve.

"That wasn't my fault! I don't know how the concession stand got trashed during the Dummy Bear flick!" Larry argued.

"And there was the grocery store." Steve recalled. "You caused some major spillage on Aisle 3!"

"Did not!" Larry countered.

"Did too!" Steve maintained.

"Forget you, man." Larry opined.

"Forget you, too." Steve huffed. He picked up a squeegee.

"At least those jobs WERE exciting. I wish something would happen here, liven it up a little." Larry commented as he grabbed a washcloth.

"Be careful what you wish for." Oblina cautioned as she emerged.

"You jus' might get it." Slickis added, as he grabbed onto the guardrail.

Steve and Larry quivered in fright. "Wh-what are you?" they jabbered.

"Your worst nightmare." Slickis replied. "RARRAWWRGARRG!"

Oblina couldn't roar like that, but she could pull out her guts and dangle them in front of the hapless employees.

Larry made a frantic grab for the safety rope underneath the windowpane. Steve backed away and nearly fell over the ledge. Slickis pulled him back.

"Watch yourself! You didn't have your harness fastened properly. Let me fix that, good. I can clip you to that safety rope attached to the building, jus' like your friend. I should probly open the window for you too. In case you were looking for an out." Slickis added.

"You're saving me?" Steve could barely believe it.

"It seemed only polite. I know it's hard sometimes, working for a living." Slickis professed.

Steve nodded weakly. "Yeah, totally." he muttered.

"Sir? Should we not be leaving now?" Oblina ventured.

"Sorry, jus' making sure the kids are alright." Slickis stated.

"I'm not a kid!" Steve protested. "I'm 19, that's like, almost an adult!"

"My mistake. I'm certain you're an upstanding young man, a real credit to your species! Best be on our way then, no hard feelings." proclaimed Slickis. He turned to Oblina. "Let's slide down the rope. Don't go too fast or you'll get blisters on your paws." Slickis instructed.

"That -never- happens to me!" Oblina loftily declared as she slid along the rope until she could put her feet back down on solid concrete. Slickis happily followed her lead.

"We had climbing equipment back in the gym when I was a student. The Gromble wanted us to practice emergency getaways." Slickis commented upon reaching the ground.

"Yes, we still do it every week." Oblina told him. "Ickis usually hurts his paws on the way down."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." Slickis admitted. "Ickis is a good boy, but he's still learning the ropes."

"Is that why you saved the human back there, because he reminded you of Ickis?" Oblina questioned.

Slickis blushed. "Ah, you got me. Ickis HAS been on my mind alot lately. But I would've rescued that kid anyway. There -is- a provision in the Manual that permits a monster to help a human if the target is inadvertently placed in danger while on a scare, through no fault of either party, and if the human has not engaged in any threatening behavior towards the monster."

"Page 693." Oblina supplied. "I don't think Ickis has read that far, or he would be making use of that loophole more often." she theorized.

Slickis' eyes widened. "Ickis has -helped- humans?" Slickis sought confirmation.

Oblina nodded. "There was a boy who nearly fell in with a BAD crowd. Ickis talked him out of it." she explained.

"Well, that's not really anything to be concerned with. A moral dilemma can be jus' as dangerous as a physical one, and I'm sure their conversation never really progressed beyond an exchange of pleasantries." Slickis reasoned.

"There was another human." Oblina hesitated before continuing. "Ickis tried to scare a blind man once. I guess you can imagine how well -that- went."

"It must have been a real blow to his ego." Slickis guessed.

"It was, at first. But this man, he thought Ickis was a HUMAN child. So Ickis felt comfortable talking to him..." Oblina began.

"But it was a stranger!" Slickis interjected. "Why would Ickis talk to someone he didn't know?!"

"Because he couldn't talk to you." Oblina answered.

Slickis frowned as he stared at her. "What do you mean, Oblina? Ickis -knows- he can always talk to me!" Slickis persisted.

"If he can find you, yes." Oblina agreed. Slickis opened up his mouth to argue, but Oblina held up her paw to silence him. "Please, sir. I know it wasn't your -intention- to distance yourself from Ickis. But you DO travel often, and you don't always inform Icky of your plans." she clarified.

"-I- don't always know my plans until the last minute." Slickis confessed. "Sometimes I get invited to an event or a game with very little advance warning. And there's always the chance that a real good scare might come along as well. I couldn't -possibly- tell him everything!"

"Maybe you could just tell him a little more." suggested Oblina.

Slickis folded his paws crossly and huffed. "What about the blind man, isn't Ickis talking to HIM often enough?" he muttered.

"No. That man died a little over a month ago." Oblina replied softly.

Slickis' ears drooped. "Oh, Ickis... my po' little Ickis... how did he find out? Is he holding up okay?" Slickis questioned.

"Icky's doing better, but I think it bothers him still because he talks in his sleep sometimes." confessed Oblina.

"I can't help over-hearing it when he does that. I don't mean to pry into Ickis' life, it's jus' that these ears pick up ALOT of information, and not all of it is good news." Slickis remarked.

"It's the same thing for Ickis. Some days he curls up into a ball and cries inside the dorm because he hears other students, mostly girls, making fun of him at the other end of the Academy." Oblina revealed.

"Teasing can be cruel. Ickis has GOT to learn to rise above it! If the bullies think he's some sort of loser, he needs to prove them wrong! Shouldn't be hard, since he's jus' demonstrating the -obvious-." Slickis opined.

"Perhaps it's not that easy for him. Ickis doesn't often see his own self-worth, I'm afraid. The human, Mr. Robinson, was encouraging Ickis to look beyond that and find what would make him happy. He was teaching Ickis alot of things, maybe not ALL of them were activities the Gromble would approve of, but they made a difference. Ickis must've visited this man a dozen times or more over the last year and a half. I know they saw each other more often over summer break at any rate. And Ickis never missed a session with him until..." Oblina trailed off sadly.

"No." Slickis whispered.

"The Gromble punished Ickis one day by making him work late after class. He didn't -know- Icky had promised the human that he would come to a birthday party that evening to say goodbye. Mr. Robinson was old, for a human that is. And before Icky could get there... Mr. Robinson died." Oblina concluded.

"Ickis must have been heartbroken." Slickis murmured.

"Yes. He blamed himself, and lashed out at the Gromble in anger and frustration. Ickis was so upset he was going to run away, I know he's done that BEFORE, but this time there was -such- conviction in his eyes, I believe he meant to stay away for good." Oblina asserted.

Slickis looked at her with new understanding. "I'm not the first monster you told this story to." he realized.

"I- I had to speak with the Gromble. Icky was half-mad with grief, and would have walked head first into disaster!" Oblina insisted.

"Might even have welcomed it at that point." Slickis added woefully. "But I presume the Gromble apologized and did right by m'boy?" Slickis posited.

"He did. I don't know what the Gromble said to Ickis, but whatever it was, it must've worked because he brought Ickis back before dark. Ickis was kept inside for a few days after that, nobody even had to TELL him to stay in bed, he simply sat in the infirmary and sniffled alot. Krumm and I were very worried about how sad and withdrawn Icky had become, he just wasn't himself at all that week. The Gromble -tried- to contact YOU but he wasn't able to get a message across." Oblina relayed.

"It would depend on the day he asked for me, but I was probly either swimming the Panama canal, scaring hikers on Macchu Pichu, or interfering with the rocket launch at Cape Canaveral. The technicians believe I'm a vicious gremlin, I've got them so spooked! -Possibly- I was wave-riding at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, or I was in the middle of a Ragby scrimmage with some of the desert monsters, we've done alot to contribute to the 'Skin-walker' mythos in the 'merican Southwest." Slickis listed some of his more recent endeavors. He sighed. "I know where I -should- have been, though."

"Tell Ickis that." Oblina advised. She gazed at Slickis imploringly. "It may not be much, but it's a start." she offered.

"Everybody's gotta start somewhere." Slickis decided.

Chizzle was glad she hadn't looked at her catalogs for awhile, ordering new material provided a welcome distraction. It wasn't as if she disliked Ickis, she had no real qualms with him. But he reminded her of her Academy days, and how unfairly she had treated the less popular monsters. It wasn't just that she used to make fun of Slickis' eating habits, because everyone did that and he never seemed to mind. And once he started exercising regularly, she could see how necessary that caloric intake was. But there was also the way she had regarded Squelia as a gweeb and a quivering coward, one who would forever cling to a big scary monster for support (whether it was a brother or a boyfriend, Squelia always seemed to need somebody to lead her around by the paw). Chizzle had been wrong in that assumption as well. Squelia had died trying to protect her bonsty egg from an earthquake, it was hard to imagine any greater act of bravery a mother could perform.

Of course, that was small sewage compared to the way she'd treated Yaggoroth. Brash, swaggering Yaggoroth who could find trouble without even trying. He'd been cocky, and careless, and absolutely crazy about her. Chizzle had been amused by some of his antics, but at the same time believed that he would always run with a different crowd from her, a group of monster whose social standing was so far beneath her as to be laughable. She'd only agreed to finally go out with Yaggoroth AFTER he'd gotten some spill-over popularity by being the brother of the girlfriend of the surprising monster who'd become Academy President and Sewerball's Most Valuable Player. The Homecoming Dance they'd all shared, it had been so much more fun than Chizzle had dared to dream it would be, -almost- good enough to make her change her mind about those pre-conceived notions. But all of her friends, especially Mimbo, kept telling her that he was an idiot who would only drag her down and rather than risk being cut off from her clique she had dumped him, in full view of her classmates.

Even after his subsequent humiliation, Yaggoroth had still retained some affection for her. Chizzle had been wary about letting him sign her yearbook, he might have written something nasty in some juvenile attempt at humor or revenge, it didn't much matter, either one would have resulted in teasing from her class. But Squelia was watching him, and Yaggoroth -usually- behaved himself around his sister. Chizzle had needed to read the entry twice before she realized he still was using the nickname he reserved for friends and family.

'Hey Chizzle. I still think about you sometimes. Don't really mean to, but I do. We were good together. You're something special, even if you aren't mine. Hope you get whatever it is you're looking for. -Yaggy'

Chizzle rubbed at her eyes. She HADN'T thought about him very much. Yaggoroth had been her first boyfriend and had taught her a little about kissing and fondling (but never as much as HE had wanted, Chizzle had made sure of that.) Yaggoroth was a stepping-stone, a way of ensuring that after graduation, Chizzle the Business Monster could meet another monster and show him that she was experienced, but not jaded. So she had set up shop as an interior designer, flirted with Dirvo the charming mail-monster whose flair for gossip helped her understand her client base even more, they'd married and had a daughter, and everything had fallen into place so easily for her that Chizzle had hardly spared a moment to reflect on how any of her former colleagues were holding up. They'd been on -vacation- at the grandparent's home when the quake happened, and if Dirvo hadn't always insisted that the family forward their mail whenever they went out of town, Chizzle might not even have been back in time for the funeral. She wasn't even sure she belonged there (and the way the Gromble kept glaring at her through the proceedings didn't help any) but she showed up and thought herself absolved of all guilt. So why did the sight of Ickis bother her so? Did he make her wonder about the life she might have led if she had been just a little less image-conscious? It was ridiculous to think so, Ickis didn't even look THAT much like Yaggoroth (maaaybe Ickis' fur was more magenta than red, but -plenty- of monsters had purple fur, not just the pouncer twins), and he -certainly- couldn't match Yaggoroth's boldness.

"Miz Chizzle, Miz Chizzle, I've done it!" Ickis squeaked, forcibly reminding her that there were other, more pressing things to consider than a remembrance of days gone-by.

"That's right, the Howldorf Suite. I asked you to draw up some plans." Chizzle recalled.

"Yeah, an' I finished that but you seemed like you were concentrating on something important, so I went ahead an' built a scale model jus' like you said I should! C'mon, you gotta see it, tell me what you think!" Ickis chattered as he led her towards the display.

"Wow." Chizzle gasped. She'd heard Ickis brag a bit about his artwork, and he'd demonstrated enough casual knowledge for her to entrust him with her supplies, but she still hadn't expected him to produce something so outstanding.

"The curtains are cruduroy, an' the blankets are smellvet, soft an' aromatic. If you look closely you'll see some wainscoting along the walls, it's a stylized version of the Howldorf logo, very unobtrusive way of branding the hotel chain, but those minor details tend to be what guests recall most. Dad's been to thousands of hotels on business trips, an' he -always- 'members which places gave him a free breakfast, an' which dumps jus' offer a trashola bar! Anyway, this is an imitation Grimmany lamp which is done more for cost control, still lends a touch of so-phister-cation, y'know? The table is a made from an oil drum, they're very sturdy, and the terra cotta vase is shaped like an apple core cause the first-floor restaurant is famous for their apple-spider dumplings. Dad was gonna bring me some once but it was a long hike back so that didn't really work out. There's an Odormon chair, and a recliner plus two small crates that you can perch on. Over there's a standing mirror, got a pewter finish. This is a king-size bed for double occupancy. I chose polyfester pillows cause they're affordable, they don't bother allergies, an' they're lightweight so it's easy for the maid service to carry 'em up-and-down floors. You told me I could choose from your color swatches, so I did the whole room in shades of crimson, burgundy, rose, lilac, plum, cinnamon, indigo, and there's some accents of cadet grey. Do you like it?" Ickis anxiously awaited her response.

"I like it very much. I'm sure it's just what Mister Howldorf had in mind." Chizzle answered. She gazed at the miniature bed for a moment and sighed. "You chose plum for the pillows. I loved... that shade."

"It's real vivid so it catches your eye." Ickis agreed.

Chizzle bit her lip. "We should take a break now." she decided. "I brought a yucchini salad for lunch and you're welcome to half of that. There's a vending machine outside if you'd like to buy something to drink."

"I didn't bring any toenails, but Dad'll pay you back if you let me borrow some." Ickis replied.

"That's alright, it will be my treat. I needed to go outside anyway." insisted Chizzle.

Ickis followed her dutifully. "I like going outside. The Gromble's class is boring sometimes cause it's alot of sitting an' listenin' an' copying what he writes on the blackboard. An' when we DO go out, it's mostly to go scaring which -would- be fun if I was better at it." Ickis admitted.

"Some monsters are just better suited for it than others." Chizzle opined. She slid some toenails into the machine, punched a button, and obtained a can of Diet Scuzz. "Do you want Scuzz, Diet Scuzz, roach beer, phlegmonade, goopeade, crudberry juice, battery acid, or pond scum?" she asked.

"Ooh, they don't -let- us have soft drinks at the Academy, though I can't help smelling roach beer on the Gromble's breath when he's yelling at me so I KNOW he sneaks some. Think I'll have the goopeade, you can almost pretend it's gooze like the grown-ups drink whenever they go to parties and junk." Ickis remarked.

Chizzle bought it for him and laughed. "I don't believe we drink gooze at every party." stated Chizzle.

"Mudgaritas then. There's also globka an' that ol' stand-by Kentucky Burble. I betcha there's -more- but I haven't learned about 'em yet. I gotta wait 37 more years before I can buy any." Ickis detailed.

"Just don't be in TOO much of a hurry to grow up." Chizzle advised.

Ickis huffed. "You say that now cause you're no longer a bonsty. I betcha spent most of your time in school dreaming of being a grown-up." he guessed.

"True. But I -was- rather immature back then." Chizzle confessed. She took a couple sips of her drink then continued. "And I haven't completely outgrown those old habits. I'm sorry, Ickis. I didn't really believe you would be a good helper because I've heard you, er, are not always the most attentive student."

Ickis looked crushed. "Did Dizzle tell you that?" he questioned.

"Something along those lines, yes. She mentions you every so often. Are you good friends?" Chizzle asked as they started to walk back inside.

Ickis swallowed some goopeade. "It depends. When I won the big Sewerball game, she was my friend for a whole week! An' when the Gromble complimented me once she even went on a date, maybe kinda-sorta, she started denying that after she got together with Frunk. An' then Boral. An' now it's back to Frunk. Really it's whoever's done something notable lately that gets her attention. I can't do that all'a time, so I think we're jus' gonna be friends. 'Sides I think she likes -older- monsters, ones that are already big an' scary." explained Ickis.

"Oh. I've tried teaching Dizzle not to be so quick to judge other monsters, because they might end up becoming Very Important Monsters, even if they're only important to a select few." Chizzle remarked.

"Is that why she's squishing on Dad now? I thought it was all those celebrity news magazines she reads." Ickis commented.

"At least Slickis would be polite when he turns her down, let Dizzle keep her dignity. I can't stop her from having that squish, it's something girls do. When I was in the Academy, most of us swooned a little over Scalvin the philosopher, and he was 126 years older than me! If he hadn't been so scholarly, Scalvin probly could've had a very nice career in stage plays." Chizzle stated. She swung the door open as they returned to her office.

"It's not FAIR when monsters are good at -everything- like that! Smart an' strong, quick, courageous, hideous, talented, generous, fierce, agile, an' scary ALL at once! No matter -what- you do, nobody ever thinks you're worthy of his name. Even if he likes you, it's probly jus' cause he has to put up with his own son, an' he sure doesn't ACT like he wants to be with you, not when he's always traveling to places you'll never go to. Maybe he got tired of arguing with all the monsters who said his son was a gweeb, an' decided to stay away longer, jus' keep distancing himself." Ickis wailed.

"No. That's not his style. Slickis has never been swayed by popular opinion, and I doubt that he ever would be, especially on a subject like that. Your father loves you Ickis, even if he doesn't say it very often." Chizzle insisted.

Ickis shook his head. "You don't -know- that. I don't think you even talk to Dad anymore, maybe say 'hi' if you see each other in the sewers, that's all." he argued.

"That doesn't make any difference. I know because I'm Dizzle's mother, and I love her just as much today as I did the day she was hatched. Your father feels the same way about you, most parents do." Chizzle maintained.

"Really? You do seem smart, and you've been honest to me so I guess I'll take your word for it." Ickis consented.

"Good. Finish your goopeade and have some yucchini with me." Chizzle instructed.

"Okay." Ickis sat down across from her and waited while she got out 2 plates piled with yucchini salad. He chewed contently for a few moments. "It's good. Y'ever try it with crudtons on top?" he asked.

"Oh, that's divine." Chizzle concurred. "I used to put on balsamic vomitgar but the flavor has gotten so inconsistent!"

"Yeah, they don't even measure the size of the chunks anymore! 'Le Monde de Monstre' did this weekly series one time where they interviewed Dad about his thoughts on the Parisian garbage. Actually, it was s'posed to be jus' the feature for one day but they got alot of material to work with." Ickis announced.

"Sounds intriguing, but I don't speak French." Chizzle remarked.

"Je pourrais le traduire pour vous. Je ne lis pas très bien mais je peux converser couramment." Ickis offered.

Chizzle blinked. "Why do all your classmates think you're scarilectually challenged?" she wondered.

"They've seen my schoolwork." supplied Ickis.

"None of you have been students for THAT long. There's still time to bring up your grade." Chizzle encouraged.

Ickis drank the rest of his goopeade and crunched on the can. "Hope so. Is it alright if I leave the plate here?" he asked.

"Of course, Ickis. I can always grime it up again and use it later." Chizzle replied. She finished off her drink, picked up the plates, and tucked them back into the small fridge. "I'll gunk them up at home. I don't like to use the sink in the office because I rinse off the paint palettes there and I have to keep them separate."

"That's a good policy." Ickis agreed. He pricked up his ears. "Hey, that's gotta be the mail-monster coming!" Ickis exclaimed.

"Dirvo? But he's never this late... and I don't have all my patterns picked out so there's no order to be placed yet. I thought he must have skipped this stop." Chizzle replied haltingly.

"Don't think so. He's got Snav walking with him so that might've slowed him down." Ickis noted. "Is it nice having your husband deliver things for you?"

"Very nice, it's just that it's so unexpected! I wish I'd taken the time to dirty up my hair more." Chizzle fretted.

"Chizzle dear!" Dirvo called to her.

"If you wanna wreck your hair some, I'll open the door." Ickis offered. "But he probly -already- thinks you look smenky, cause it's true." Ickis thrust the door open before Chizzle could protest.

"Hey there! Brought you some rocklates Chizzle." Dirvo handed her a box of rotten candy.

"Oh my! Metamorphic, my favorite!" she declared happily. "But, but why?"

"A little thank-you for suggesting we do this. I can see why you wanted Dizzle to go to YOUR alma mater, there's alot more excitement to be had with the Gromble's classes, woo boy! Sorry I'm late. Snav got us lost twice." Dirvo apologized.

"I took the right turn, but it turned out wrong!" Snav chirped.

Dirvo shrugged. "Eh, what's a few detours matter so long as you get where you needed to be? Least you get to enjoy more scenery along the way!" he proclaimed.

Chizzle smiled. "You're absolutely right, darling." she kissed Dirvo's cheek.

"Hey, do all girls like rocklates? I'll buy a dozen boxes if they do!" Ickis vowed.

Dizzle looked at him with some surprise. "You have that many squishes?" she questioned.

"No, that's how many times I think she's gonna turn me down." Ickis replied.

"You can say Oblina's name in front of us, we already know you like her." Snav suggested.

Ickis sighed. "Do any of you know if she likes me back?" he asked hopefully.

"She hasn't said it any of her letters SO far." Dirvo answered. "But she writes frequently so it may yet turn up! I have plenty of -other- gossip if you're interested."

"Like what?" Ickis wondered.

"The Gromble's gained 5 pounds and is getting an ulcer. His sister wants to enroll Chomble in Bonsty Assertiveness Training because he's too shy to talk to anyone outside the family, even though he's perfectly capable, so everyone should stop implying that HER little imps are scarilectually challenged. YOUR father got chosen to give a speech at this year's Scaring Symposium Ickis, that's -quite- an honor." Dirvo detailed.

Ickis sighed. "Bet that means he's already accepted." he predicted.

"Probly, he always RSVP's within 3 days, so I'll know for sure then! But here's some more good news! Sublima did not have a zit on her chin at the last Millionaire's Club Meeting, she had a blob of muckleberry jam on her face! Lugo needs to renew his subscription to 'Naughty Tentacles' and Horvak's last check bounced but he promises to pay for his booth at the Farmer's Market within the week because either his next tip is gonna pan out at the Cockroach Races OR Slickis will cover the cost for him." Dirvo added.

"Mister Horvak will get Dad to do it, he always does." Ickis commented.

"Yes, they communicate often. Slickis just mailed Horvak another Combustibility Awareness Pamphlet on Saturday. He does that once a month, but I don't believe it does any good. For one thing, the language in those information packets is a little complicated for a monster like Horvak. For another, I've seen Horvak spit chewing gunk onto them." revealed Dirvo.

Ickis' ears drooped. "At least he got some use out of them." Ickis mumbled.

"Yup! Mail's always useful, that's what makes my job so rewarding! Look at you, your wearing those glasses your Dad sent you! He told me you were probly embarrassed about breaking your old ones, that's why he let you wear those contacts for so long, even though they aren't so practical. But between me and you, -I- think that he thinks you look better in them. I've seen pictures of your Mom in Chizzle's old yearbook. She wore different frames but the resemblence is still strong. Course, -some- monsters accessorize better than others, that's why MY wife and daughter are so hideous and hebopply!" Dirvo concluded.

"Huh. Dad's let me look at the Yearbook a couple times, but I never really put it together like that before. I still think that glasses are really gweebie an' if Mom had a choice, she probly woulda worn contacts too." Ickis opined.

"No. She would've switched back-and-forth 20 times within a week, then asked Slickis what he thought and done whatever he told her. I knew Squelia, perhaps not as well as I could have, but that's how she usually reached a decision." Chizzle replied.

Snav snapped his claws together. "THAT'S what different about you Ickis! I thought those circles around your eyes meant that you hadn't been getting enough ugly sleep. There's this joke Zimbo tells where the punchline goes 'if Ickis were any cuter he'd be a cartoon character! Ha ha, what a loser, ha ha!' Have you heard it?" Snav wondered.

"Yes. You left out the word 'little'. I'm always a -little- loser whenever Zimbo makes fun of me in front of his friends even though we're BOTH among the shortest kids in class." Ickis snapped.

"I don't think it matters much, monsters come in all kinds of sizes. Mama always says monsters are like a box of rocklates, you never know what you're gonna get!" asserted Snav.

Dirvo patted Snav on the head fondly. "Snav's a very -special- little bonsty. I'm glad I got a chance to meet some of Dizzle's friends today. We've got to go finish up our route, but I'll see you tonight can let your hair DOWN then darling. I've seen the side of you that's all business, but I -prefer- the side that's all fun!" Dirvo declared. He kissed his wife on the cheek, and she giggled happily.

"Thank you, Dirvo. You're always such a perfect gentle-monster." Chizzle gushed.

"I'm only gentle when you WANT me to be. Otherwise, I play rough." He winked at her and adjusted the mailbag he had slung over his shoulder. "Time to go, Snav. Bye Ickis, bye Chizzle!" Dirvo waved in farewell.

Snav paused at the door. "Do you want me to tell Zimbo you got new glasses Ickis? I know he's not one of your BEST friends, but he sure likes to talk about how useless and snorbly you are!" Snav chattered.

Ickis shrugged. "He's not my friend AT ALL. But you can tell Zimbo whatever you want today, it doesn't really bother me right now." Ickis allowed.

Chizzle smiled as she closed the door. "It's good to hear you say that, Ickis. You've done alot to be proud of today. I'll be sure to tell the Gromble that you've exceeded my expectations." Chizzle acknowledged. Ickis beamed.

"Penn Station's a great location. It isn't often that human and monster hot spots overlap, but when it does it makes my job that much easier. We'll catch all the commuters on their way to scare the humans directly above us, and we'll force them to look at the merch. Take these small posters kid, it's Slickis wave-riding at Waimea Bay, be sure to mention that the ocean swells can exceed 20 ft out there so he's cresting on waves that are 30 ft high or greater! Price is 4 toenails, don't let them haggle you kid, makes it seem like you're -too- eager to deal. Walk away, 9 times out of 10 they'll come running back. If they buy 3 or more, give 'em a voucher for 5% off next year's Great Slickis wall calender." Lerkayner instructed.

Horrifica frowned. "That's alot of work. Why should I spend all my time telling everyone how famous Ickis' dad is, they ALREADY know that!" she argued.

"Course they do, cause we keep the public interest high! That's why I brought the flash-box, I do a week of publicity shots for him every spring, summer, fall, and winter. Slick is savvy enough that he doesn't really need image consulting, and he can find out about most sporting events on his own, I just pass on a few suggestions every year. Usually the organizers approach me, offer a cut of the profits if I can get Slick to enroll, works great for new venues that wouldn't garner much word-of-mouth otherwise. So I'm free to work more with my OTHER major clients- Streebla in Roswell, she's the monster behind most of those 'alien sightings', and Methanog in Tallahassee, he's called the 'skunk ape' due to his noxious fumes." detailed Lerkayner.

Horrifica yawned. "Bo-ring! As if I wanted to hear YOUR life story, you're a nobody!" Horrifica opined.

"Wrong. I'm -somebody- who controls your grade for the day. So you'd better start showing me some respect kid or I will flunk you in front of your classmates, your Headmaster, and your MOTHER." Lerkayner threatened.

"You can't DO that! Mom's only at the Academy for this mentorship day nonsense." Horrifica whined.

"Fantastic. That's juuust long enough to watch your humiliation. Move it kid." Lerkayner ordered.

"Stop calling me that! You used that to describe Ickis, and he's a total gweeb!" yelled Horrifica.

"Tough toenails. I call everybody's kid a kid cause that's ALL they are to me, a representation of their demographic group. Did you think you were -above- that? Ha! I'm here to add mentoring to the skills on my résumé NOT cause I believe bonstys are the future or out of some misplaced Academy Pride, didn't even go to the Gromble's Academy, I went to a school with an -actual- business program! You better wise up kid, only the top students in your class will scare professionally, the rest of you will scuttle about at some menial task." Lerkayner informed her.

"Like the job you do? You're such a jerk!" sneered Horrifica.

"Course I'm a jerk. Why do you think I -picked- you, that soft-spoken personality you've cultivated? Yeah, right. This world is RUN by jerks. We control what everyone thinks, what they buy, what they notice, what they WANT. Do you know -why- we do that?" Lerkayner questioned.

Horrifica shook her head. "No." she mumbled.

"Cause we're good at it. Cause it's fun. And cause everyone needs somebody to kick them in the air sac now and again!" roared Lerkayner. "Stop wasting my time, kid. Pick up the posters and sell them. Earn 40 toenails in half an hour and I'll call you Horrifica when I feel like it."
"Are you seriously acting like it's a PRIZE to be called by my own name?!" Horrifica sputtered.

"Not much of a prize, I'll admit." Lerkayner retorted.

Horrifica looked stunned. "Stop insulting me." she shrieked.

"Stop giving me oppurtunities to do so. You -started- this by challenging my authority over you, big mistake. I'm meaner and nastier than you'll ever be, and I'm not just talking about my fiendish looks." Lerkayner replied.

"You don't look THAT ugly. Your antennas are too long, they make you look girly." Horrifica taunted.

"Meh. I can always have surgery to get them reduced. Maybe I'll use the same doctor your Mom went to, that's not the tail she hatched with y'know." Lerkayner quipped.

"Shut up and give me the posters!" snarled Horrifica.

She was still trying to make her 5th sale when Slickis and Oblina returned to the group.

"Hullo. You two getting along alright?" Slickis asked.

Horrifica dropped the posters on the ground. "Good they're back. Now I'll tell Slickis how mean YOU were to me!" Horrifica threatened.

"Hey kid! Pick those up, if they're damaged it comes out of your pocket!" Lerkayner instructed. He turned to Slickis and shrugged. "She's a slow learner." he confided.

"Give her time then." Slickis advised.

"Stop agreeing with him, he's a big green meanie! Aren't you gonna DO something about that?" Horrifica whined.

"Mind your mentor, Horrifica. Lerkayner can be rather strict but he usually knows what he's doing." Slickis replied.

"Of course you're taking HIS side. All Lerk does is talk about what a great monster Slickis is." Horrifica complained.

"I'm on the clock. I have to make the client look good, that's what being a publicity agent is all about! Unless they're getting roasted." Lerkayner mused.

"What's that?" Horrifica questioned.

"You don't know? Celebrity roasts are all about MOCKING the star attraction. Start it like this: Slickis is sooo hungry, the only thing BIGGER than his trophy rack is his appetite!" Lerkayner exclaimed. Horrifica smirked and the corner of Oblina's mouth twitched.

"Possibly. I've got very large trophy racks, 3 at home and 6 at the Academy, had to store some of the awards there to make space." Slickis permitted.

"If Slickis' ears were any more holy, he'd be a saint!" Lerkayner continued enthusiastically. Horrifica laughed, and Oblina muffled her own giggles.

"I've been told I have the patience of one." Slickis responded. "Having fun, Lerk?" he questioned.

"Heh heh. You know how it is, Slick, I was just fooling around!" Lerkayner insisted.

"Mm-hmm. Girls, do you know Lerkayner is so good at enjoying himself?" asked Slickis.

"No." Oblina and Horrifica replied.

"He's had ALOT of dateless Friday nights to practice that." Slickis concluded. The girls chortled with laughter.

"You're the jerk. I'd forgotten you were good at coming up with insults too." huffed Lerkayner.

"I jus' don't demonstrate it often. It's alright to tell a few jokes every once in awhile, but be mindful of the other monster's feelings, okay girls?" Slickis gently lectured.

"What if I don't care about their feelings?" Horrifica put forth.

"Then you have my pity." Slickis told her. "Now, how about I fix us all something to eat? I can make a ratwurst out of nearby materials, and then I'll toast us some mudmallows after that."

Oblina looked sheepish. "Mumsy told me that only common gutter monsters eat snacks like that." Oblina mumbled.

"Jus' fine. I think you're open-minded enough to give it a chance." Slickis professed. "Need you to be in top form for the afternoon, Oblina."

"Why?" Oblina wondered as she watched Slickis gather up ingredients.

"Cause we will be squeezing in 5 more scares this afternoon, and I'm going to loom for every one of them! Couldn't do that on the scaffolding, too much of a chance that it wouldn't support our combined weight then." Slickis revealed.

"Wow. Icky never even thinks about whether looming is a smart strategy or not. I s'pose that's why he got stuck in the toilet bowl that one time." Oblina mused.

"The Gromble mentioned THAT little mishap. I can't really fault Ickis for that, he's so excited about being able to loom on a more consistent basis that he sometimes forgets to look before he looms. Hopefully that taught him some restraint." Slickis answered.

Oblina bit her lip. "That might not be enough for the message to get through. Ickis doesn't always pick up on hints." she opined.

"He's said the same thing about you." Slickis remarked. "Do you like your ratwursts rare or well-done?"

"Well-done. Same way the Gromble describes MY homework, but never Ickis'." Oblina joked.

Slickis grinned. "That's true, but we shouldn't roast my son when he's not around." Slickis judged.

"Why not? Everyone ELSE does it!" Horrifica interjected.

"Everyone else would not give you lunch in retaliation for a comment like that. Lucky for you, I'm not everyone else. Enjoy your meal Horrifica, and please try to conduct yourself with more decorum in the future." Slickis responded.

"Are you saying I'm a brat?!" Horrifica snapped.

"J'aurais choisi un mot plus poli pour vous décrire." Slickis clarified.

"Just what we needed, another monster jabbering like Ickis!" Horrifica groused.

"The Gromble doesn't teach any foreign languages." Oblina explained.

"Il doit offrir un plus large programme d'études." Slickis suggested.

"Just give a monster some toenails, that's the only language that truly matters! Flash the cash and everyone agrees that you're speaking like a native!" Lerkayner opined.

Oblina groaned. "Mumsy quotes from Gloombur's Businessweek, too. It is a tad tedious." Oblina admitted.

Slickis set the ratwurst ingredients on top of a trash bag, then scooped up a pile of newspapers. "This is something I've taught Ickis before. If a monster needs to heat food or stay warm when outdoors, and you haven't got any equipment this is a good way to do it." Slickis demonstrated by picking up a rock, and swiping his claws against it until sparks flew onto the paper. Slickis fanned the flames carefully. Then he walked back and scooped a coat hanger out of the trash, and bent it into a long wire. "Spear the ratwurst on the end of something long and sharp, like this, hold it over the flame and turn it slowly so it cooks evenly. If you keep your claws sharpened you can carve a hole near the top of a tin can, and heat up a liquid or a semi-solid like the mudmallow batter. Here Oblina, you can have the first bite." Slickis offered her the toasted ratwurst.

Oblina bit into it with delight. "Mumsy doesn't know what she's missing!" Oblina crowed.

The Gromble tried to look excited as the students began to return to class flanked by their adult mentors.

"Madame Sublima was not appalled by the Snorch's boorish nature. From her that is quite a compliment. I believe he is worthy of an A grade." Lugo announced. The Snorch mumbled an obscenity.

"Good, good." the Gromble replied. Without Zimbo's translation the Gromble couldn't always follow the Snorch's attempts at communication but based on what he knew of Sublima, the Gromble heartedly endorsed the sentiment.

"Dizzle has a flair for fashion that -almost- rivals my own dear Horrifica. I'd give her a B for the day, and I wouldn't mind having her accompany me again in the future. Cooti has begun a celebrity T-shirt line, they've never offered that before, but Dizzle was an excellent model, and really knew how to walk on the runway." Gorrifica detailed.

"Make it work! That's what Cooti said about his shirts, and Armuddy about the toenail purses." recalled Dizzle.

"Don't forget the satchels. Those are big enough to carry the Monster Manual to class." Gorrifica added.

"Oh yes! I've -got- to ask Mom and Dad if they'll buy one for me!" Dizzle squealed.

"The joy of consumerism, what a wonderful LESSON to take from this experience!" the Grumble remarked sarcastically.

"There's going to be a Slickis T-shirt next spring! I'm going to get that too!" Dizzle declared.

"Really? Will it come in an extra-large?" wondered the Gromble.

"That won't fit. You need a XXL." Gorrifica replied.

"YOU need to stop coming to Alumni events." the Gromble countered. "You're -still- flippant and obnoxious."

Gorrifica twirled her tendrils saucily. "I'm famous, I can afford to be that way." she determined.

The Gromble scowled. "Any more GENIUSES want to share their -wisdom- with me?" he roared.

"Big critter pulled up all the durn flowers, and hefted 40 boxes of mold. Reckon I'll give him an A." Horvak allowed.

"Hooray! I can't wait to tell Snav all about it!" Blib declared.

"Friend of yours?" Horvak inquired.

"He's my BEST friend. We do almost everything together. Roll Gorblats, go to Sewerball games, hold paws underneath a starlit sky... all our memories are precious." explained Blib.

Horvak had been nodding along until Blib got to the part about the starlit sky. Then he dropped his eye in a panic. "Whoa, whoa smelly! Ain't Snav a boy's name?" Horvak yelled.

"Yes. We're roommates. Krumm was also our roommate, but he changed his mind." Blib answered.

"So did I! You ain't coming back to MY farm, we don't want none. And stay away from my Krumm." Horvak added.

"You stay away too Horvak. The students -don't- need to be exposed to YOUR level of intolerance!" the Gromble decided angrily.

Horvak picked up his bag of manure and started walking away. "Hey Krumm." he called to his son in passing.

"Hey Dad. Are you leaving already?" Krumm asked.

"Yep. Got kicked out again, durnit." Horvak revealed.

"Too bad, I was gonna show you the medal I got for thwarting a dangerous criminal element!" Krumm bragged.

"Ooh, can I see it?" Blib requested.

"Sure, Blib. You're a good buddy." Krumm replied. Horvak looked like he wanted to protest, but the Gromble just glared at him so he walked on.

"Krumm gets A." Jorch stated.

"Hmm. Unusually good work then, Krumm. He really got -you- to open up, Jorch. That's the most you've said to me in 20 years!" the Gromble noted. Jorch grunted and waved at his son. The Snorch grinned.

"I told you it was this way, Snav." Dirvo stated as they strode into the room.

"Oh, you meant the other kind of down!" Snav chirped.

"Eh, he's a decent monster. Give him a B+, it seems kindest." Dirvo ventured.

"I usually give Snav that just for showing up and not shoving the pencil up his nose." the Gromble admitted.

"Ickis make a very good impression. I sent his design down to Mister Howldorf, and he was THRILLED with it. He's going to implement it in 10 different hotels to start with, and he might even make the suite a standard feature." Chizzle detailed.

The Gromble's jaw dropped. "You must be joking. Ickis couldn't make a good impression if you encased him in cement!" the Gromble protested.

"That almost happened to me once." Ickis recalled. "You saved me then, sir. Thank you."

The Gromble sighed. "Ickis be QUIET! You're making me look bad." he muttered.

"I think you did that yourself sir." Ickis stated.

"I'd give Ickis an A for the day." Chizzle proclaimed. "And I think if he had a little more encouragement, he'd earn higher grades more often." She patted Ickis on the head briefly then went to stand alongside Dizzle and Dirvo. She hugged them both close to her.

The Gromble glanced around wildly. "Any more surprises?" he asked.

"Oblina is the best young scarer ever!" Slickis announced as they entered the classroom.

The Gromble sighed with relief. "Finally, a return to normalcy!" the Gromble pronounced.

"Really sir. Oblina's fantastic. What a trooper, hopped the M20 train to Harlem like a pro and we hit ALL the great scaring spots. Savoy Ballroom, Apollo Theatre, Schomburg Center, Rucker Park, and Sylvia's Restaurant. Saved the best location for last I think. Oblina has the talent, the technique, and the motivation to be one of -the- greatest, most accomplished scarers the monster world has ever seen. Give her an A+, she was absolutely flawless out there!" Slickis insisted.

"Thank you sir. I felt inspired to greatness!" Oblina proclaimed.

"Bravo. I look forward to seeing it on the Viewfinder tomorrow." the Gromble commented.

"You could see it on flash paper too. I'll have to cut out the scenes with Oblina. Nothing personal kid, but I'm not licensed to distribute YOUR image. But I'm sure we can find some use for the discards." Lerkayner predicted.

"I can help with those!" Ickis offered.

"I think we all saw THAT one coming." the Gromble remarked.

"You can have -one-, Ickis. I'm sending the rest back to Mumsy and Dada, maybe they'll learn to appreciate scaring more if they get to see what the results of my studies." Oblina hoped.

"They SHOULD support you more! That's what parents are s'posed to do!" Ickis professed.

"That reminds me Ickis. I wanted to-" Slickis began.

"Whatever it was, it can wait. Not all the students have recieved their grades yet." the Gromble interrupted.

"Horrifica gets a C. She should be grateful but I know she won't be." Lerkayner told him.

"I still think you're a jerk!" Horrifica hollered.

"Lerkayner used your name." Ickis pointed out. "It took me 73 years to get him to call me something other than bonsty."

"Bonstys bother me. If I got any of my own, I don't even know it, never stuck around long enough to see if one would hatch." Lerkayner maintained.

"How -responsible- of you." the Gromble noted. "I've got a splitting headache, so HOPEFULLY that's the end of the idiot parade."

"Zimbo! That was so very wrong of you! Other student's medical records are -confidential-. Your father is a monster attorney, you should KNOW that's not only a violation of the law, it's morally repugnant! I'll give you an F, and if I could do -more- to punish you I would!" Dr. Kott groused.

"It was worth it." Zimbo persisted. He grinned maliciously.

Ickis shuddered involuntarily. "Dad?" he murmured.

"Are you cold, son? I could get you some hot crude oil, that'd perk you up." suggested Slickis.

"Yeah! You told me we'd get a pie too, when Krumm was talking about really suspicious stuff!" Ickis remembered.

"Uh, let's not get into that here! Would it be alright if I took m'boy top-side for a quick forage, your Grombleness?" Slickis requested.

"Master Ickis is still in school. The assignment is -over-, the students are to return to their dorms, and everyone else needs to get lost, move it, hit the road! NOW!" the Gromble ordered. Terrified, most of the mentors beat a hasty retreat.

"Yeesh. So glad I didn't go to this school." Lerkayner muttered as he left.

"Indeed. Miz Oblina seems to be flourishing here, however." Lugo noted.

"Bye Dizzle! We love you!" Chizzle called out.

"No doubt about it! Be a good girl, Dizzle." Dirvo added.

Jorch clapped his son on the back, then nodded at Krumm on the way out. "Bye." he mumbled.

"So long, darling. Stay hideous!" Gorrifica advised her daughter in passing. Horrifica nodded solemnly.

"I -work- here, so unfortunately I can't leave." Dr. Kott pointed out. "I'll be in my office, putting a new lock on the filing cabinets. I've had a long day, so I'd appreciate it if everyone TRIED not to injure themselves tonight."

"You don't -have- to look at ME specifically when you say that!" Ickis protested. "You'll have Dad thinking I'm a klutz!"

"You act as if that's some big revelation. It's not." maintained Dr. Kott.

Ickis' ears drooped. "It seems like the polite thing to do would be -not- to call attention to it." Ickis whispered as he inched closer to his Dad.

Slickis stood his ground. "Sir?" he questioned.

"Why are you still here? It couldn't -possibly- be that you didn't HEAR me, and I know you're not -stupid- enough to ignore a direct order! Winter break is in 2 months, you'll see him then." the Gromble insisted.

"That's not a very long wait, Ickis. Be here before you know it!" Slickis asserted. He ruffled his son's fur.

"Sure, Dad. See ya then." Ickis replied glumly.

The Gromble sighed. "You have 5 minutes. Make it count." he barked.

Ickis' eyes lit up. "No way!" Ickis exclaimed.

"Yes way! C'mon, Ickis. We'll have a good time together." Slickis promised.

"We hafta now, you gave your word." Ickis agreed. He bounded alongside his father. Slickis fluffed up Ickis' fur again, as if to seal the deal.

~~~The End.

Author's Note: The Gromble is a fairly capable instructor, so long as he sticks to the topics he's comfortable with. (Witness his speedy rendition of sex education and utter annoyance when Ickis wants a more detailed explanation.) The other adult monsters take different approaches to teaching, and for the most part I think they matched up well with the students they had to mentor. And I still feel bad for Horvak because he'd be a happier monster if he just let go of his prejudices, and acted more like Krumm. Sometimes it's the child who's got to be the one showing the parent a better way to behave.