Bishounen Hunting – Itachi
Itachi and all characters of Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto
Hello and welcome to Bishounen Hunting! I'm your host Siarles (Kiwi-chan), and today we will be delving into the private life of… Itachi Uchiha!
Itachi Uchiha is not a full bishie. He is actually a cleverly disguised half-weasel, half-bishie hybrid that has shrunk from his normal size of 10' 11" to a mere 6' 1". (Puns off of his name for those peeps who are confused.) Itachi is a simple creature who enjoys the small things in life, like painting his fingernails every three hours and poking pins into his Sasuke voodoo doll. Itachi is neither uke nor seme because he refuses to be either. He says he's not gay, but we all know that's a lie. Now to our program.
Note: This story is not a copyright of bishiehunterTakumi. She's actually my friend Kiwi-chan, and we have decided to share a pen name, and so she ditched her old one. Sorry if there was any confussion. She deleted this story of her old Pen name anyway.
A Day in the Life of Itachi
Itachi wakes up promptly at 3 am. He grabs his Sasuke voodoo doll that he always keeps on his bedside table and throws it as hard as he can at the wall. A minute later, his cell phone rings.
Itachi: Hello Orochimaru.
Orochimaru: IF YOU MAKE SASUKE RANDOMLY FLY OUT OF BED AND HIT THE WALL AGAIN, I'M GOING TO KILL….. KISAME!
Itachi: …well good luck with that.
He hangs up and walks downstairs where he eats 47 bowls of Captain Crunch while watching Dragonball Z and My Little Pony. He gets up and walks into the hallway. At exactly 7:03, Kisame is seen at the top of the stairs. He then pitches head-first down the stairs, crashes over the banister, and lands with a thud at Itachi's feet.
Itachi: Wow, that was a good one.
Deidara: Thanks.
Deidara walks down the stairs and kicks Kisame in the side. Kisame surprisingly remains asleep.
Itachi: Tell me again why you push him down the stairs every morning.
Deidara: Because it makes a cool sound and because he'd never get out of bed if I didn't.
Kisame: Huh? Wha… what did I miss?
Itachi: Orochimaru is going to kill you and I ate all the Captain Crunch, again.
Kisame: Oh, okay… snore
Itachi goes back up the stairs and puts on his Akasuki cloak over his pajamas. He puts in his Sharingan contacts and draws the lines under his eyes with Sharpie. He ties his hair back, repaints his nails, and he's ready to go!
Itachi then takes a walk to the park where he sits and lures pigeons close to him with bread crumbs. When they get close enough, he grabs them and throws them at innocent bystanders. But, he soon becomes bored and decides to visit Orochimaru.
Itachi: knocks on door
Kabuto: answers it Holy hell it's you!
Itachi: Hello uke. Is Orochimaru here?
Kabuto: Yes, and stop calling me that! Sasuke is the one who –
Itachi: -- is hotter than you. Yes, I know, he is my brother. Now where is he?
Kabuto: pout This way… walks down hall
Itachi: You're cute when you're mad.
Kabuto: What?
Itachi: Nothing.
Itachi and Kabuto proceed down the hall to a room.
Kabuto: In there. points
Itachi: Tha-anks. goes in
Orochimaru: Ha ha, you died.
Sasuke: Shut up… Oh crap it's you.
Itachi: Hello little brother… What the hell are you wearing? Is that a purple bow?
Sasuke: It's like a Sound uniform or something… Stop smirking dammit!
Itachi: grin You're Orochimaru's uke aren't you?
Sasuke: NO!
Orochimaru: I agree, that's completely wrong! He's seme.
Sasuke: Hey! Do you want me to play Kingdom Hearts for you or not?!
Orochimaru: Yes I do! I'm sorry! whimper
Itachi: Se – me…
Sasuke: SHUT UP!