Charlotte 'Shay' Marisol Reer

Prologue

"You're going to tell us what we want to know! I don't care if I have to get my hands dirty to do that, but I will if I have to." The man hissed as he tugged back my hair.

My mouth remained closed as I stared straight up at the ceiling. I could hear the faints calls for water from my capture and I could feel the sweet dripping down washing away the blood that was becoming crusted along my face. I could feel the pressure in my hair slowly loosening until it wasn't there anymore and then I felt my capture's body move away.

My ribs ached, my skin burned, and my senses were on high alert. I stared blindly up at the ceiling at the dim overhead light, that swung back and forth casting shadows as long as people across the room. Trying to remember some sort of memory which would help me get through this; any sort of something that would help tune out the world for a second. I closed my eyes tightly, screwing them shut, so that I could picture it.

I could feel the vibrations of people walking, across the tops of my knees and I could hear them returning. There was a sickening screeching noise that followed them. Suddenly my body was yanked to its side as I felt the ripping of my hair. I kicked my legs out and tried to push off the ground in hopes that it would make the pain in my head disappear. The yanking came to a close as I stared at the new contraption my capture had brought me. A tank.

"How about we talk about your time in Iraq? Can you tell me anything that you recall?"

My eyes flickered back and forth rapidly never catching a single thing, but seeing everything. I could hear the shrink in front of me let out a sigh, before scribbling down that I hadn't responded to the question.

"How about just one word?"

My eyes snapped towards hers and I stopped to consider her question. I slowly mumbled out my word.

"What?" the shrink asked having not caught what I had said.

I looked her in the eye for about two seconds as I repeated the word to myself so silently that the word couldn't even be heard by the wind.

I sat stiffly in the chair as I watched the shrink present her case the admirals and the generals that were present in the room.

"For all of the reasons that I have stated, I believe that Lt. Reer should be honorably discharged."

The admirals and generals all paused to consider.

"Lt. Reer on behalf of all the admirals of this unit, we declare you honorably discharged from the Army. We thank you for all that you have done for your country." My unit admiral stated as he slowly reached out and placed a small velvet cube in my hand.

He gave me one glance over before he turned away from me and walked out of the room.

I stared ludicrously at the box and slowly, shakily opened it. I stared in marvel at the pin, whose purple glint nearly blinded me.

"Lt. Reer would you like to say some words about the deceased." The preacher asked as the last of the family members stepped down, after giving their final speeches to their loved ones.

I stepped up cautiously to the microphone and stared at it, in its horror. The big black mass stared right back at me, never quivering even though I could feel my hands shaking as I adjusted it to my height. I stared down at the podium and decided not to place my hands on such a thing. I let my hands fall to the front of my body and allowed them to in circle themselves and latch onto the fabric of my skirt.

Leaning forward gently I began my speech: "Good evening. I didn't prepare anything to say, and I've never been very good with words, so you'll have to excuse me." I paused and I looked out of the faces that stared at me. Some with pity, some with sadness, and some with understanding, but all of the faces had one thing in common; anger.

I swallowed the knot that had formed away and continued. But everything that I had wanted to say, about the great times that I had had with their loved ones, had left. They had been replaced with their begging and their pleading and I couldn't remember a single face without a deformation. It was a horror. And I wanted to continue with what I had semi planned to say, but nothing came out. So I stood there with my mouth opening and closing, and no words coming out.

'I'm sorry.' Those were the only words that actually came out. Then I recalled my thoughts and went to sit down.

As soon as the service was over I walked away.

My body shook from the fright as I woke up screaming to some god that he or she would save me. I rushed into my bathroom and pulled out the razor that I had saved for occasions like this. I couldn't do this anymore and I couldn't take it. My eyes flickered from my arm to the hand that held the razor, and as I stared at it longer I couldn't bring myself to follow through.

Angrily I threw the razor across the bathroom and fell to my knees on the tiled floor. I stared at my shaking hands and having come to a decision I changed out of my pajamas and into running clothes. Grabbing my watch and keys and I-pod, I set off jogging at a healthy pace down the long streets of Chicago at 5:00 in the morning.

I didn't return to my house until 7:30 that same morning. And after 2 hours and a half of running I jumped into the shower, grabbed a piece of toast and booked my flight. I was walking away again.

My flight landed at 8:00 that night and quickly settled into a hotel that over looked the beaches of Honolulu. I fell asleep at 9:00.