Hikaru was sitting alone on his bed, possibly more bored than he'd ever been. He decided to straighten up his room in order to occupy himself. He started picking clothes up off of the floor and putting them in the hamper for the maids. He went over to the desk and started to organize the papers. As he was moving things around however, he saw something small and shiny fall to the floor. He bent over to see what he had dropped and found a small key.
He picked it up and examined it. He tried to figure out what it unlocked and decided to try various drawers in the desk. Upon finding one that was locked, he tried the key and after turning it, the drawer slid right open.
Inside it was a green notebook. Curious, Hikaru picked it up and started looking through it. He sat down in the chair to examine his findings.
What's wrong with me?
Hikaru gasped at the writing on the first page. It was in Kaoru's handwriting.
What's wrong with me? I've been feeling differently about Hikaru lately. I've been feeling things that I shouldn't feel about my twin brother. I first noticed it about a week ago. I saw Hika and Haruhi sitting together in the music room after school. A feeling of jealousy burned in the pit of my stomach. They were sitting a little too close and they appeared to be about to hold hands.
Hikaru stared at her with those beautiful eyes of his. He looked at her with love and longing. He was opening up his soul to her.
Something he's only ever done for me.
Hikaru finished reading and flipped the page to the next dated entry, three days after the first one.
I've been having trouble sleeping lately. When I do, I curl up closer to him and try to go back to sleep, but it usually doesn't work. He looks so peaceful in his sleep. I like hearing the sound of his breathing and the steady sound of his heartbeat calms me down and reminds me that I'm safe with him. When I curl up with him, I can smell his heavenly scent. He smells so sweet. I can never get enough of him.
He went to the next entry. The pages had a few wet spots on them.
They kissed today. Hikaru and Haruhi kissed today. They held back after the club meeting and Hikaru told me I could go ahead to the limo. I went out, but then I realized that I had forgotten something in the music room. When I went back in, I saw that Hika had her backed up against a wall. They were kissing, their bodies pressed tightly together. His arms held her around her waist and she laced her fingers through his hair. For a moment, all I could do was stare, but I finally tore my eyes away and ran.
It was silent in the limo. He kept trying to ask what was wrong, but I refused to answer because I knew that if I spoke I would burst into tears. Unfortunately, that didn't last for very long because when we got into our room, he stared me down with those wonderful, loving eyes.
I broke down and began to cry. He wrapped me in his strong arms and held me tight, letting me cry on his shoulder. He put a hand on the back of my head and began to stroke. Once I stopped crying, I told him that I'd seen the two of them together.
Hika assumed I was upset because I was in love with Haruhi. I let him believe that because I knew that I could never tell him my true feelings for him. I told him that I knew how much she meant to him so he should be happy.
It's true. I only want Hikaru to be happy even if it means that I have to be miserable.
Hikaru's eyes grew wide. He stifled a whimper and turned to the next, most recent entry. It was dated from that day.
I did it. I can't believe I finally did it. I was having trouble sleeping again, so I curled up next to Hikaru. The rhythm of his heart beat was nearly enough to make me fall asleep, but not quite. However, I felt content with not falling back asleep, because I realized that if I was asleep, I wouldn't be awake to enjoy the closeness of my older brother.
I looked up at him. He was smiling, so I assumed he was having a good dream. He looked so sweet and innocent. His lips looked so soft, warm, and inviting. I couldn't help but imagine how they would feel against my own. Perhaps it was his ambrosial scent that was fogging my brain, but I reached up and gave him a gentle, chaste kiss. The moment our lips touched, electricity shot through me like lightning. I couldn't help but steal another, and another, and another, each as careful and loving as the first.
As much as I wanted more, I stopped because I didn't want to risk him waking up and pushing me away.
I can't help these feelings that I hold towards my twin brother. I know I shouldn't, and that it's wrong, but it doesn't matter to me. I know that he'll never return my feelings and that if he ever found out he'd hate me. But it doesn't matter. As much as it hurts me to know that he'll never love me the way I love him, it's enough to know that he'll always be there, and that I'll always love him.
I slept peacefully that night.
Hikaru finished the entry, beyond shocked. He brought his fingers tenderly to his lips. He placed the notebook back in the drawer, locked it, and returned the key to the desk before exiting the room. A single tear rolled down his cheek.