A/N: Before we begin, I would like to apologize for being sporadic about updating "The Best Day of His Life". I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get some real life stuff done. I promise I'll have it updated soon, though.

Anyways, if you're like me and you're fed up with the whole "romance" thing, but haven't given up hope on finding that special someone, then this story is for you. Read on!

Gaara was about to resign like Richard Nixon. As if his Wednesday at Michael's arts and crafts wasn't going slow enough, somebody had taken packages of Testors glue, thrown them on the floor in the model building aisle and stomped on them, thereby spilling their contents. He vowed to kick the culprit's ass once he was done picking up the damaged products and mopping the floor.

"Hey Gaara, we need somebody at Register One," said Jim Fresnel, one of the store managers.

"I'll do it once I get this mess cleaned up."

"Just hand the stuff to me; I'll take care of it."

"As you wish…Jim."

Reluctantly, Gaara handed the mop and the plastic bag of glue to Jim and walked quickly to Register One. By this time, a significant line had formed, which Gaara considered unusual being that the holiday season had passed. He did not, however, consider it unusual that he was the only male cashier of the bunch, nor did he particularly care. After all, most – if not all – people were equally pathetic in his eyes. Even so, he kept his chin up and made eye contact with the nearest available customer.

"I can help you over here, Miss," said Gaara.

The petite brunette he'd made eye contact with approached his register.

"Hi," said Gaara.

"Hey there!" The brunette emptied the contents of her shopping basket onto the counter. Said contents included an MPC Pontiac Knight Rider model kit, a tube of glue and some paints. While ringing up the items, Gaara sniffed as carefully as he could, trying to determine if she was the culprit. However, he couldn't detect any glue smell on her.

"Are you a rewards member?" asked Gaara.

"I am." The brunette flashed her rewards card, which Gaara scanned. Then, the transaction came and passed without fuss.

"Thank you," said Gaara. "Have a nice day." (And good riddance.)

During his lunch break, Gaara wolfed down the ox tongue sandwich he'd prepared this morning. Personally, he preferred warm ox tongue, but cold would do as well.

"Hey Gaara, how's your day going?" asked Matsuri, one of his fellow employees, one of his few friends in life, and also one of the few people who could stand the smell of ox tongue.

"Things were acceptable until that idiot messed around with the glue."

"How?"

"Apparently, the culprit stomped on a bunch of glue containers while nobody was looking."

"Oh, that's terrible!"
"What's worse is that I got sent to ring out some customers while cleaning up that goddamn mess. How's your day going?"

"Well, I didn't have to put up with anything like you put up with, but there was this one guy who was being kinda rude."

"How so?"

"He wanted to know what color panties I had on today."

Gaara clenched a fist under the table. "Matsuri, if he gives you any more trouble, just let me know, OK?"

Matsuri smiled. "I will!"

"And don't lose that smile of yours."

"I won't!"

Though Gaara considered many people equally worthless, there was just something about Matsuri's smile that he couldn't resist. Granted, she already had a boyfriend, but she still meant something to him.

The rest of Gaara's workday went by without a hitch. When it was over, he hopped into his car – a black 1970 Pontiac GTO – and drove back to his home in Glocester, Rhode Island, only twenty minutes away from the town of Smithfield, where Michael's was. He lived in a two-story house not far from the Ponaganset Reservoir. Also in the driveway was a copper 1975 Ford LTD Landau. After killing his GTO's engine, Gaara walked into the house, where he saw his brother Kankuro sitting at the dinner table eating a Salisbury Steak.

"Nice job staying home and eating the friggin' steak, Kankuro," said Gaara.

Kankuro put down his fork. "Gaara, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day."

"Not to mention sucking our parents' inheritance dry."

"And don't crap all over my future career as an MMA fighter, either."

Gaara crossed his arms. "What career?"

"I'm working on it, OK!?"

"Hey, I'm working on my law enforcement career, too, but you don't see me not keeping busy all the time."

"Oh yeah, and who's the one who keeps the joint clean, eh?"

Gaara snorted angrily. "Point taken."

"Besides, I don't see you having a girlfriend, either."

"Yeah, well that's going to change. Trust me." Gaara smiled.

Later on in the day, Gaara put on fresh clothes plus his favorite Schott 650 leather jacket and drove down to Providence, the biggest city in the littlest state. Here, he was to meet with members of the Rhode Island Anime Collective, one of the state's few – if not the only – anime clubs. Tonight, the group was going to see the movie Nabari no Ou: Checkmate, based off a rather obscure series that Gaara had introduced to the group. After retrieving his parking pass, Gaara parked his GTO and hoofed it all the way to the Providence Place Cinema, located just above the food court.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up my ticket." Gaara flashed his credit card to one of the ticket sellers.

"OK." The ticket seller took Gaara's credit card and scanned it. Since the machine was satisfied, it spat out the ticket he'd purchased online. She then handed the ticket to Gaara. "Enjoy the show."

"Thank you."

Gaara handed his ticket to the ticket taker, who returned his stub. After being gouged for a medium popcorn and Coke, he headed for Theater 5, where the movie was to be playing. The directions on the RIAC's Meetup page said to wait outside the room, but when Gaara got there, he saw a slightly taller man in a black suit waiting just outside the door. Annoyed, but nevertheless not wanting any trouble, Gaara headed inside the theater and picked a seat in one of the upper rows that wasn't as full. He prayed that no one would take the seats near him. As more people filed in, he grew even more annoyed.

(Why the hell was that attendant there anyways?) thought Gaara. (Now they'll never find me!)

While Gaara was ensconced in thought, a young man attempted to take the seat next to him.

"Excuse me," said Gaara, "but are you with the Anime Collective?"

"No," said the man.

"Then bug off. This seat is taken."

"Sure thing."

The young man vacated the seat, leaving Gaara to nosh on his popcorn. Gaara thought he heard the other man say "what an asshole" as he attempted to locate another seat. Then, four other people showed up and attempted to seat themselves near Gaara.

"Hi there," said Gaara, "None of you are…"

Gaara paused when he recognized one of the people: a young woman with short, bobbed black hair, who was wearing a hot pink shearling jacket and large horn-rimmed glasses.

"Ah, hello there, Clarissa!" Gaara smiled. "How's it going?"

"Okay, I guess," said Clarissa Stapleton, the leader of the RIAC. "How about you?"

"I'm doing all right."

"Why didn't you wait outside the theater?"

"I didn't want any trouble with the attendant. Sorry if I confused you."

"No, that's OK."

Gaara pointed at another young woman with a Sailor Moon hoodie. "I recognize you from before, but I don't recognize the others…"

"I'm Don," said a black guy in a UA tracksuit. "This is my friend, Keith."

"Nice to meet you!" said Gaara.

"Nice to meet ya, too!" said Keith, a white guy who was also wearing a UA tracksuit.

Shortly after, the lights dimmed, and after a few previews, the movie began in earnest. Gaara couldn't help but be sucked in by the movie, but he also had to resist the temptation to break the necks of the wayward moviegoers who were dicking around on their cell phones. Overall, they didn't detract from the movie too much, though. When the end credits rolled and the lights came back on, Gaara clapped his heart out.

(That was a welcome break from the monotony of my life!) thought Gaara. (Now for the real coup de grace…)

Everyone filed out of the theater in an orderly fashion.

"So, what did we think of the movie?" asked Wendy, the woman in the Sailor Moon hoodie.

"It kinda dragged near the beginning," said Keith, "but when it got goin', it got goin'!" He did a fist pump. "WHOO!"

"Yeah, what my man said!" said Don.

"Gaara, what did you think?" asked Clarissa.

Gaara stroked his chin. "Well, if you ask me, I thought it was quite Wellesian in its execution."

"What's that mean?"

"Ever heard of Orson Welles?"

Clarissa shook her head slightly. "Nah, I don't think so…"

"You haven't? Why, he's only one of the greatest thespians-slash-auteurs ever! I mean, he was not of an age, but for all time!"

"What did he do?"

"Let's see…he did a radio adaptation of War of the Worlds, and then he did films such as Citizen Kane, Othello and Touch of Evil. He was also a spokesperson for Paul Masson wine."

Clarissa blinked slowly. "Really? Wow!"

By now, Wendy, Don and Keith had gone their own ways, leaving just Gaara and Clarissa.

"Yes," said Gaara. "Does the phrase 'we will sell no wine before its time' ring any bells?"

"No, I don't think so…" said Clarissa.

"That's OK. Not everyone has to know everything from the get-go. Otherwise, what would be the fun? Speaking of fun, I had plenty of it tonight. Thank you for organizing this, Clarissa!"

"You're welcome, Gaara!"

"By the way, I was wondering if you'd like to grab a cup of coffee with me this weekend."

"Thanks, but I already have a boyfriend."

At this point, Gaara felt his heart sink like the Titanic…no, the Lusitania. In spite of the rejection, he kept his chin up and a smile on his face.

"Regardless, I wish you two well. Have a good night!"

"You too!"

After paying for his parking pass at one of the kiosks, Gaara left his smile behind as he walked to his GTO and got in.

"Son of a BITCH!"

Gaara pounded on the steering wheel when he said 'bitch'. After this little outburst, he started the car and drove back home.

When Gaara got back home, he entered as quietly as he could. He knew that Kankuro was asleep at this hour. In order to take his mind off of the painful rejection, Gaara logged into OKCupid. He then pored through the multitude of women that were available, but found himself largely dissatisfied as a good chunk of them had an "Enemy" rating of more than 20%. Nevertheless, he looked over the ones he found intriguing, liked them and messaged them. Granted, he could count them on both hands, but he figured it was good enough. Logging into PlentyOfFish rendered him similarly dismal results.

Once Gaara felt as though he'd had his fill, he decided to apply for a new job on Indeed. What really frustrated him about his job search was that aside from Criminal Justice, he hadn't a clue as to what he wanted to do. He was, however, intrigued by the field of manufacturing, so he decided to apply to whatever he could. Again, he found himself stymied as many of the jobs required X amount of experience, which made him wonder how he was even supposed to get his foot in the door. However, he applied to what he could, brushed and flossed before collapsing in his bed.

(What a day…)

Criticism is gold. Negativity and nitpicking are pyrite.