Shadow's Sister
It's midday. The sun is high on the sky, its warm rays of light warming the skin of my face, caressing it, and I close my eyes. Opening them again, I watch the brilliant, glittering reflection of the sunshine in the water, making it look like a sea of pure silver. The silence is only interrupted by the quiet sound of the waves and the occasional cry of a seagull, and I enjoy it. Enjoy the peace by the Balamb beach.
I've always loved the ocean.
I guess I ought to love it, really, considering I spent so many years living on a ship. Sometimes I miss those days, but when I think about it, I realize I am more content watching the sea from land. I was hiding on that ship, and now I do not have to hide anymore. That is a wonderful feeling. To finally be free.
Then again, who knows? Who knows who'll be after me next time, wanting to capture me in favor of their own, selfish desires? Use me, use my ability, perform tests. Treat me as if I am some sort of science project, and not a human being. All because I was born with this skill, one which I never asked for, and my entire life I have been hunted because of this. They say I am gifted, say I am special. I say I am cursed.
When I was just a small child, my parents were killed while protecting me from Esthar soldiers. Sorceress Adel was looking for a successor - A young girl with talent for magic. They kidnapped so many little girls, but it wasn't enough. The Sorceress wanted me. I guess already then, she knew I was different, knew that there was something about me. Because they soon came again, and succeeded in taking me away from Raine and Uncle Laguna. I was only 4 years old. 4 years old, alone, afraid and imprisoned in Doctor Odine's laboratory, while he performed countless experiments on me, and Sorceress Adel only wanted to pass on her powers to me when the time came.
Odine never really hurt me, I guess. But he might as well had. Being there in Esthar was awful. I can still remember it, even after all these years - although my memories aren't clear, the pain and fear are still fresh within me. I still think about it. I still have nightmares.
I can never fully express my gratefulness towards Uncle Laguna when he came and saved me. I love that man so much, like I would love a father, yet he was never a true father figure to me. He is such a warm and caring person. Outright silly at times, somewhat neurotic, but he has a kind heart, even if he lacks the authority I can vaguely remember from my true father. And I know Uncle Laguna loves me too, and I just realized how much after resurrecting the past in Squall's mind.
Squall... My brother. Yes, I say brother, even though he was Raine and Laguna's child and not truly related to me. Uncle Laguna sent me back to Winhill after he rescued me... Said he had to keep a promise. He didn't return in time. He never returned. Raine gave birth to their son and died shortly after, bitterness and sadness in her voice as she cried out Laguna's name in her final screech of agony. Squall and I were sent to the orphanage - Cid and Edea Kramer's orphanage.
That couple are such wonderful people, and Matron became the third mother character in my life. She's the most devoted and loving person I have ever met, and I have met a lot of great people in my time. So many children, so little time, yet she did her best to make sure we all were safe and happy. Being the oldest, I naturally became a big sister to the other children, and I can't deny I enjoyed it. Charming, little Irvy, bouncy, little Sefie, bossy, little Quisty... Cute, little Zell and naughty, little Seifer. I loved all of them as if they really were my siblings.
And of course, quiet, little Squall. He was a strange boy, so completely unlike his father in many ways. I guess he resembled Raine the most. He was just was stubborn and well-tempered as her, yet calm and shy in his own way. From the day he could walk, he constantly followed me wherever I went. Always wanted to play with me, be with me, and didn't like it when the other children got my attention. Squall needed someone to attach himself to, and as Edea and Cid both were so busy, he reached out for the closest thing. A big sister.
Had I known how much it hurt him when I left, I never would have gone with the White SeeDs. Never. I swear.
I've seen it, though. I've seen what I did to him. Squall will never be the boy I remember from the orphanage, never again. He's not the boy I left, who would pick flowers for me, and who would love to play hide and seek at the beach with the other kids, as long as I was with him. I'll never again see his steel blue eyes light up with innocence and mischief at the same time as he flashes me one of those adorable, bright smiles of his. Those smiles are gone, and the 17 year old boy I see now is not the Squall I remember. He is so cold. So cold, that looking into his eyes makes me shudder. And I did this to him. I did it.
The others are not what I remember, either. They are all so grown up. I am grown up. They remember me as Sis, the nice, older girl from the orphanage, yet I am forgotten. I'm some vague memory from their childhood, and they do not know me, anymore. They do not know the woman, Ellone. They do not care to get to know her. Sure, they try to be nice to me, they talk about the few things they remember, which the Guardian Forces haven't already eaten out of their brains, and they smile when I visit them at Garden, but they do not really care, anymore. And I can't blame them. I'm the girl with the ability. The girl whose ability created Time Compression and nearly destroyed the world. How can they ever feel comfortable around a person like that? How can anyone?
Matron - Edea is the only one I felt understood me. She is - or was - a Sorceress. She knew what it was like to be feared, and more importantly, she knew what it was like to be hunted for her abilities. Ultimecia possessed her, for one, and there were, and still are, plenty of scientists who are interested in sorcery and would be pleased to get their hands on a Sorceress. Matron was an incredible support during my years on the White SeeD Ship, as we waited for the inevitable to happen. Even then, Edea knew what was about to come. I envy the Sorceresses' ability to predict the future. All I can see is the past.
Now Rinoa is the one who has to go through the pain of being a Sorceress. Rinoa, the only person I've seen bring a smile to Squall's face after I met him again. She's who he depends on now, she's the one he's attached himself to, and even though he won't admit it - I can see it in his eyes. He loves her. Probably more than he's ever loved anyone before, and the love grows for each day. I am happy for him. Perhaps Rinoa can undo the damage I did.
They are going on with their lives now, my younger siblings from the orphanage, exploring the new emotions and thoughts that develop as they grow into young adults. Even Seifer. I have seen him with his friends in Balamb Town, and even though he doesn't seem exactly happy, I think he has finally found peace within himself. He was never a bad boy, really, just misunderstood and misguided. I can only watch from distance, as a shadow lurking in the corner, because I have no right to be part of their lives anymore.
All I really have is Uncle Laguna, Kiros and Ward. They care about me, they've given me a nice home in Esthar. It's ironic, how the city of my nightmares has become the place where I live, now, with Uncle Laguna as the President for a nation that was once ruled by an evil Sorceress. I'm proud of him. Perhaps he doesn't lack authority to the degree I thought he did.
The ones I love are finally happy, and at peace with themselves. Well, more or less. I have to make Uncle Laguna have that talk with Squall someday.
Yet I ask myself: Am I happy?
Because what is there for me, here in Esthar? Everybody knows who I am, everybody respects me and fears me, both because of my relation to the President, and my ability. I don't want to be that girl. I never wanted to be famous, I never wanted my ability to become a weapon. I know the citizens of Esthar will never view me as an equal, someone they can get to know as a person, talk to.
I've always been a toy for the mightiest women and men of the world, nothing more, and even now I can't find peace. I never asked for this, any of this, yet I have to accept it. Because of that one ability. The curse.
More than anything, I wish to be normal. Then none of it would have happened. No sorceresses from the future, no time compression. I wouldn't have been kidnapped and Squall would have grown up with his parents.
I don't know who to blame anymore. Myself, or fate.
Don't know where my life is going.
Don't even know what I really want.
I'm being ignored. They know me as Ellone with the ability, Sis, Laguna's little Elle. Ellone, the woman Ellone, the person Ellone, is ignored.
Open your eyes, world. See me. For who I am.
Don't let the ocean of unwanted fame sweep me away.
It's midday. The sun is high on the sky, its warm rays of light warming the skin of my face, caressing it, and I close my eyes. Opening them again, I watch the brilliant, glittering reflection of the sunshine in the water, making it look like a sea of pure silver. The silence is only interrupted by the quiet sound of the waves and the occasional cry of a seagull, and I enjoy it. Enjoy the peace by the Balamb beach.
I've always loved the ocean.
I guess I ought to love it, really, considering I spent so many years living on a ship. Sometimes I miss those days, but when I think about it, I realize I am more content watching the sea from land. I was hiding on that ship, and now I do not have to hide anymore. That is a wonderful feeling. To finally be free.
Then again, who knows? Who knows who'll be after me next time, wanting to capture me in favor of their own, selfish desires? Use me, use my ability, perform tests. Treat me as if I am some sort of science project, and not a human being. All because I was born with this skill, one which I never asked for, and my entire life I have been hunted because of this. They say I am gifted, say I am special. I say I am cursed.
When I was just a small child, my parents were killed while protecting me from Esthar soldiers. Sorceress Adel was looking for a successor - A young girl with talent for magic. They kidnapped so many little girls, but it wasn't enough. The Sorceress wanted me. I guess already then, she knew I was different, knew that there was something about me. Because they soon came again, and succeeded in taking me away from Raine and Uncle Laguna. I was only 4 years old. 4 years old, alone, afraid and imprisoned in Doctor Odine's laboratory, while he performed countless experiments on me, and Sorceress Adel only wanted to pass on her powers to me when the time came.
Odine never really hurt me, I guess. But he might as well had. Being there in Esthar was awful. I can still remember it, even after all these years - although my memories aren't clear, the pain and fear are still fresh within me. I still think about it. I still have nightmares.
I can never fully express my gratefulness towards Uncle Laguna when he came and saved me. I love that man so much, like I would love a father, yet he was never a true father figure to me. He is such a warm and caring person. Outright silly at times, somewhat neurotic, but he has a kind heart, even if he lacks the authority I can vaguely remember from my true father. And I know Uncle Laguna loves me too, and I just realized how much after resurrecting the past in Squall's mind.
Squall... My brother. Yes, I say brother, even though he was Raine and Laguna's child and not truly related to me. Uncle Laguna sent me back to Winhill after he rescued me... Said he had to keep a promise. He didn't return in time. He never returned. Raine gave birth to their son and died shortly after, bitterness and sadness in her voice as she cried out Laguna's name in her final screech of agony. Squall and I were sent to the orphanage - Cid and Edea Kramer's orphanage.
That couple are such wonderful people, and Matron became the third mother character in my life. She's the most devoted and loving person I have ever met, and I have met a lot of great people in my time. So many children, so little time, yet she did her best to make sure we all were safe and happy. Being the oldest, I naturally became a big sister to the other children, and I can't deny I enjoyed it. Charming, little Irvy, bouncy, little Sefie, bossy, little Quisty... Cute, little Zell and naughty, little Seifer. I loved all of them as if they really were my siblings.
And of course, quiet, little Squall. He was a strange boy, so completely unlike his father in many ways. I guess he resembled Raine the most. He was just was stubborn and well-tempered as her, yet calm and shy in his own way. From the day he could walk, he constantly followed me wherever I went. Always wanted to play with me, be with me, and didn't like it when the other children got my attention. Squall needed someone to attach himself to, and as Edea and Cid both were so busy, he reached out for the closest thing. A big sister.
Had I known how much it hurt him when I left, I never would have gone with the White SeeDs. Never. I swear.
I've seen it, though. I've seen what I did to him. Squall will never be the boy I remember from the orphanage, never again. He's not the boy I left, who would pick flowers for me, and who would love to play hide and seek at the beach with the other kids, as long as I was with him. I'll never again see his steel blue eyes light up with innocence and mischief at the same time as he flashes me one of those adorable, bright smiles of his. Those smiles are gone, and the 17 year old boy I see now is not the Squall I remember. He is so cold. So cold, that looking into his eyes makes me shudder. And I did this to him. I did it.
The others are not what I remember, either. They are all so grown up. I am grown up. They remember me as Sis, the nice, older girl from the orphanage, yet I am forgotten. I'm some vague memory from their childhood, and they do not know me, anymore. They do not know the woman, Ellone. They do not care to get to know her. Sure, they try to be nice to me, they talk about the few things they remember, which the Guardian Forces haven't already eaten out of their brains, and they smile when I visit them at Garden, but they do not really care, anymore. And I can't blame them. I'm the girl with the ability. The girl whose ability created Time Compression and nearly destroyed the world. How can they ever feel comfortable around a person like that? How can anyone?
Matron - Edea is the only one I felt understood me. She is - or was - a Sorceress. She knew what it was like to be feared, and more importantly, she knew what it was like to be hunted for her abilities. Ultimecia possessed her, for one, and there were, and still are, plenty of scientists who are interested in sorcery and would be pleased to get their hands on a Sorceress. Matron was an incredible support during my years on the White SeeD Ship, as we waited for the inevitable to happen. Even then, Edea knew what was about to come. I envy the Sorceresses' ability to predict the future. All I can see is the past.
Now Rinoa is the one who has to go through the pain of being a Sorceress. Rinoa, the only person I've seen bring a smile to Squall's face after I met him again. She's who he depends on now, she's the one he's attached himself to, and even though he won't admit it - I can see it in his eyes. He loves her. Probably more than he's ever loved anyone before, and the love grows for each day. I am happy for him. Perhaps Rinoa can undo the damage I did.
They are going on with their lives now, my younger siblings from the orphanage, exploring the new emotions and thoughts that develop as they grow into young adults. Even Seifer. I have seen him with his friends in Balamb Town, and even though he doesn't seem exactly happy, I think he has finally found peace within himself. He was never a bad boy, really, just misunderstood and misguided. I can only watch from distance, as a shadow lurking in the corner, because I have no right to be part of their lives anymore.
All I really have is Uncle Laguna, Kiros and Ward. They care about me, they've given me a nice home in Esthar. It's ironic, how the city of my nightmares has become the place where I live, now, with Uncle Laguna as the President for a nation that was once ruled by an evil Sorceress. I'm proud of him. Perhaps he doesn't lack authority to the degree I thought he did.
The ones I love are finally happy, and at peace with themselves. Well, more or less. I have to make Uncle Laguna have that talk with Squall someday.
Yet I ask myself: Am I happy?
Because what is there for me, here in Esthar? Everybody knows who I am, everybody respects me and fears me, both because of my relation to the President, and my ability. I don't want to be that girl. I never wanted to be famous, I never wanted my ability to become a weapon. I know the citizens of Esthar will never view me as an equal, someone they can get to know as a person, talk to.
I've always been a toy for the mightiest women and men of the world, nothing more, and even now I can't find peace. I never asked for this, any of this, yet I have to accept it. Because of that one ability. The curse.
More than anything, I wish to be normal. Then none of it would have happened. No sorceresses from the future, no time compression. I wouldn't have been kidnapped and Squall would have grown up with his parents.
I don't know who to blame anymore. Myself, or fate.
Don't know where my life is going.
Don't even know what I really want.
I'm being ignored. They know me as Ellone with the ability, Sis, Laguna's little Elle. Ellone, the woman Ellone, the person Ellone, is ignored.
Open your eyes, world. See me. For who I am.
Don't let the ocean of unwanted fame sweep me away.