This time, I'm not going to screw things up with Abby, I think as I hold her gently in my arms looking down at her. She's facing away from me breathing softly, sound asleep. My misused heart, is beating fast I can't rember the last time I was so happy, just to be. As soon as I think that, mistakes cloud my mind and I can't help but sigh, Nicole, Gillian, Sam and all the countless others. Too long, I've been away from you, I whisper as I pull Abby closer to me determined this time to hold onto her to keep her safe with me.
I wake up too late, Abby's gone. Half sitting up I squint into the light, desperately scanning the room, she could still be here. But no I almost cry out crippled by disappointment. Who was I to make you wait, who was I to think that I would get another chance? Just one chance. Just one breath. Just in case there's just one left.
She's crouching down looking for something on the floor at the end of my bed. She looks up at me, guiltily. I look at her and can't help but smile. Meaningless conversation occurs, while all the time I want to laugh, to cry, to sing all because she's still here. All because of you Abby.
Oh
Abby do you know the power you have over me? I don't think you do.
Because you know, you know. That I love you. I have loved you all
along
And I miss you. You've been far away for far too long. I
keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go.
But I know, just like I know you like ketchup on your eggs that I hurt you. Wishing won't change anything, doesn't work God knows I tried. If I could wish away your pain I would. Cause with you, I'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand. I'd give it all. I'd give for us. Give anything but I won't give up.
This time, I'm not leaving you anymore. Hold on to me and, never let me go. Believe it.