Author's Notes: Reader beware, this is my first Fanfiction story that I'm actually putting up on the site… so it probably won't be so great. In addition, I'm writing this whole thing listening to Nox Arcana, namely their song 'Bitter Ashes' (hence the title), which reminds me very much of Yuuki. I would recommend looking it up if you don't mind dark, scary-type awesome music. :P There may also bits and pieces inspired by other songs in here… if you find them all, give yourself a cookie.
Spoiler Warning: This work of fiction begins roughly seven months after the part of the manga where Zero vows to kill all the purebloods, he kisses Yuuki, Yuuki makes a bad life decision and leaves with Kaname, blah blah blah. If you have not yet read to that part, don't blame me for ruining the story/your life, please.
Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of Vampire Knight, or any of Matsuri Hino's characters. If I did in fact own the manga, I would have killed off Kaname rather violently. He irritates me.
-x-
Shards of glass littered the floor, glinting faintly in the meager sunlight that made its way through the floor-length curtains drawn tightly across the only window in the room. It was a very large window, stretching from ceiling to ground and spanning several feet across. Parallel to the massive window was an equally oversized mirror. Or should it be said, the frame of a mirror. In a brief fit of anger, Yuuki Cross had thrown her silver hairbrush at the reflective surface, effectively breaking it into hundreds of sharp pieces.
The pureblooded vampire stood in the middle of the poorly-lit room, dressed in her nightgown, staring at the palm of her hand. Blood poured from a deep gash there, probably caused by one of the pieces of glass that had flown everywhere. As Yuuki watched, new skin spread over the cut, and the flow of lifeblood ceased. She bent to pick up a particularly jagged shard of the mirror, knee-length hair trailing on the floor as she did so. When Yuuki straightened back up, she very deliberately drew the sharp edge along her palm, reopening the injury. It healed again. She cut herself again.
A worried knock on the door shattered the silence. "Yuuki-sama, are you alright?"
Yuuki sighed and dropped the now-bloody piece of the mirror. "Yes, Aidou... I'm fine," she lied. And it was obvious that she was lying, for Aidou could definitely smell her blood from the other side of the door. Still, she heard his retreating footsteps to the end of the hallway outside her room.
The cut on Yuuki's hand was slower to heal this time. As she walked over to the window, blood dripped down onto the carpet and splinters of glass that she didn't bother to step around. With both hands, she pulled the dark red curtains to either side. Light flooded the room. The vampire narrowed her eyes against the harsh glare of the sun, but otherwise showed no reaction to the anathematic brightness. She drew the curtains closed again, but didn't let go of the folds of cloth grasped tightly in her hands. Instead, she leaned slightly forward, resting her forehead against those hands. Hands that she could barely recognize as her own anymore.
Ever since that day nearly seven months ago, nothing had been the same.
Memories of that time had constantly haunted the girl for weeks. Remembering her early life, becoming a pureblooded vampire, leaving her home and … friends… behind. There was one friend in particular that she had to avoid thinking about. Because if she did, the tears would all start flowing again at once. Yuuki didn't want to cry any more. Crying was exhausting, crying made Kaname-sama upset when he was home, and she had given up everything to follow Kaname-sama. So crying was a bad idea, if only for the reason that it was against everything that she had done to be here, locked away in this hidden mansion in this hidden forest, waited on hand and foot by the former Night Class. But if she kept herself from the tears, from the memories, the only thing left was the loneliness and the numbness. Was feeling pain better than feeling nothing at all?
Yuuki let go of the curtains and fell to her knees, holding her face in her hands. How could she keep living like this? Always at a crossroads, held in place by so many promises that she could never keep. A four-year old vampire, promising to be like her mother, and marry her brother. An older human, promising to always be by her best friend's side, so that he didn't have to face all his pain alone…
The pureblood shook her head. If anything, she had only ever added to his pain.
She needed to stop thinking about him now, before her feelings betrayed her. If Yuuki started to think about her fellow disciplinary committee member, her traitorous feelings would make her remember the way his silver hair shone in the moonlight, the feeling of his arms around her, his lips on hers…
Oh, the pain of betraying someone you love…
Miles away, Zero Kiryuu held a gun to his head.
-x-
Ooh, a cliffhanger on the first chapter? Of my first story? I'm such an evil author. It's such a short chapter, too… oh well; I'll probably have a new one up later today or tomorrow. If I don't die from being sick. X_x" Yes, this chapter is brought to you by: Reicheru's diseased mind. Next time, I'll try to write something that's actually longer than the author's notes…