I have been a SVU fan since episode one, and I have been reading on this site for a while. This is my first story and I have never considered myself to be much of a writer so please be gentle. This was something that came to mind and I wrote mainly for myself but decided to share. It was intended to be a one shot but kind of took on a life of its own. All characters belong to Dick Wolfe, no infringement is intended. Constructive criticism is welcome.

Chapter 1

Sunlight filtered through the curtains causing Olivia to slowly open her eyes. She glanced at the alarm clock to see it was just after six am. She rolled over reaching out and was surprised to find the other side of the bed empty. She opened her eyes to look around the room. She smiled as her eyes settled on her wife, who was standing by the window. Olivia got up and made her way over to Casey wrapping her arms around her from behind. She could instantly feel how tense Casey was. "Good morning" she whispered into Casey's ear.

"Morning" Casey answered back, trying to hide the sadness in her voice.

"Aw sweetheart, come here." Olivia said as she turned Casey to face her. Casey quickly tried to wipe away the tears from her face. Olivia kissed her gently and then wiped the tears from her face. She pulled Casey in to a tight hug, "I love you, and everything is going to be ok."

Today was the day they both had been dreading for weeks. Casey was to go before the bar to find out exactly how much trouble she was in after her last case. Olivia had been extremely concerned for Casey. She had become depressed when she found out she was being called before the bar. The DA's office had suspended her pending the outcome of that meeting. Olivia had done her very best to be home as much as possible the last few weeks. In all honesty there were a few days she was afraid to leave for fear of what she would find when she came home. She didn't think Casey would harm herself, but Olivia couldn't keep that thought from occasionally creeping into her mind. Her most prominent fear was coming home to find Casey had left. That thought alone scared her beyond belief.

Olivia slowly pulled back from the embrace when she felt Casey's sobbing begin to subside. Over the last few days she had begun to see sparks of the old Casey, a smile here, a laugh there. A stupid joke that she would text Olivia in the middle of the day just to make her smile, Olivia would have to say Casey's sense of humor was one of the things she loved most about her. Olivia had hoped that this was a good sign. Obviously she was wrong, as Casey was falling apart all over again this morning. "How about I fix us some breakfast, hmm?"

"No I can't eat." Casey replied, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep it down. She had woken up half an hour before Olivia feeling very nauseous. Her nerves were shot and she knew she was going to be sick. She went to the spare bathroom down the hall to avoid waking Olivia. She had taken such good care of her the last few weeks; the last thing she wanted was for Olivia to have to hold her like a child while she was sick too.

"At least let me fix you some tea. Sweetie you need to at least try something."

"Okay fine, I'll try some."

"Good" Olivia said giving Casey a quick kiss on the cheek. "Why don't you take your shower while I fix your tea and then get I'll get mine?"

"Okay, I'll hurry so you won't be late for work."

"Oh, I'm not going to work today, I took a personal day."

Casey looked puzzled, "Why not? You never take a day."

Now it was Olivia's turn to look puzzled, she thought it would be obvious why she took the day off. "I'm going with you." Olivia said simply.

"No"

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean no you're not going, you can go to work."

"Casey honey, why do you not want me to go?"

Casey could feel the tears welling up again. "This is something I have to do on my own. It's my mess; I don't expect you to have to hold my hand while I clean it up."

Olivia felt her heart drop at the look on Casey's face. Olivia pulled her into a hug "This is not a mess to be cleaned up. I'm here no matter what. I want to be here to help you through it."

Casey sighed, thinking back over the past year. "Olivia this has been one of the best years, no it's been the best year of my life, and one of the roughest. I know it's been harder for you than me. I'm just saying you shouldn't have to deal with my screw ups" Casey took a deep breath and steeled herself for what she was about to say. "Olivia I'm damaged goods now and an embarrassment, as hard as this is to say I'm giving you an out and I wouldn't blame you if you took it."

Olivia felt the air leave her lungs and her legs go weak. She couldn't even begin to imagine her life without Casey; it scared her more than anything. The fact that Casey thought she would want to leave broke her heart. Olivia put her hand on Casey's chin and brought it up till their eye's met. Once she was sure she held Casey's attention she said, "First of all you are not damaged goods and I could never see you as an embarrassment" Olivia then whispered "Casey honey, I'm right where I want to be, forever. If I didn't I wouldn't have promised till death do us part." Olivia saw that she was beginning to break through, she decided to keep pushing. Casey had to see what she meant to her. "Sweetheart a year ago we promised through good times and bad. We've been through some really good, we've also been through some really bad. This is just part of the bad; we'll have good times again. And I plan on being here for them too." By this time both ladies were crying. They stared into each other's eyes, both wondering what they did to deserve the other.

"Olivia I feel the same way, but I need you to understand this is something I need to do on my own." Casey kissed Olivia on the cheek then turned and went into the bathroom closing the door behind her.

Olivia went to the kitchen to fix Casey's tea. She let her mind wander over the past year. Their wedding, their short but wonderful honeymoon. It had been the best moment of her life, things were going great. Then came Sealview. Something she didn't like to think about but at times couldn't avoid. She remembered the fight they had when she told Casey what she was going to do. She knew Casey loved her but Olivia thought that was going to be the moment Casey would choose to walk away. Thankfully they had made up the day before she left. Casey had told her she couldn't bear the thought of her going into a prison without her knowing just how much she loved her. Knowing Casey loved her and she had her support was the only thing that held Olivia's sanity together. Likewise the only peace of mind Casey had was knowing that Fin had went to Sealview as a CO. Olivia couldn't help but think what shape she would be in if she didn't have Casey. Casey was there from the moment she left that prison. No matter how badly she wanted to spare Casey knowing what happened she couldn't. Casey could read her like a book, even better than Elliot. Casey had convinced her to seek help and as much as she didn't want to she did. Casey had been there through every nightmare, flashback and therapy session, always sitting in the waiting room when Olivia finished. She would rearrange her schedule, have other ADA's cover for her, anything Olivia needed Casey made sure she got it. Olivia just wanted to show the same love and care Casey had shown her. So that was why Olivia had decided instead of going to work she was going to show up at the office of the NY state bar and support her wife.

Casey entered the kitchen slightly less stressed than she had been. Olivia handed her a cup of tea and then headed off to get ready herself. As badly as Casey wanted Olivia with her, she wouldn't ask her to go. One this was her fault, her problem to handle. Two, Olivia had been through enough. While she had made great improvements in therapy, Casey didn't want Olivia to have a setback because she had to babysit her. No, she was a big girl and she would handle this on her own.

Olivia finally returned, appearing to be dressed for work. She pulled Casey into her arms and asked again, "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

"Yes I'm sure."

Olivia could see the uncertainty in Casey's eyes but she decided not to press the issue. Olivia leaned in for a kiss, which Casey gladly returned. "You'll call me when you get out right?"

"Yes, I promise. Olivia don't worry I'm a big girl I'll be fine."

Olivia smiled "Of course you will, we both will. I love you more than anything."

Casey leaned in and whispered in Olivia's ear "I love you more." One last quick kiss and Olivia was out the door, silently praying that what she was about to do wouldn't backfire on her.