A/N: So my sister and I just watched Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin last week (yay anime binging!) and this little oneshot has been bouncing around in my head ever since. And it's sad. But then again, so is the whole show. Have fun.
It was the morning of another scouting expedition for the new recruits. I always dreaded these mornings. Even though they were training missions in which we weren't to fight any Titans, people always died. And after the last one…it just became that much worse. Anyone could die, even one of our strongest assets-in-training, Eren and Mikasa. Even me. I couldn't stop the small voice at the back of my mind that wished I would be in the pile of bodies to be brought back to the mall at the end of the mission.
Though every cell in my body protested against the expedition, I knew that as a captain in the Scouting Regiment, I had to go. There was no way around it; I had volunteered to protect Eren, and that was exactly what I planned to do. But first…I wanted to spend a few minutes with her.
Early in the morning, before the sun came up, I headed out behind the abandoned headquarters where we had been keeping Eren. The air was crisp, signaling a clear day. She always loved these mornings. Once or twice, she made me watch the sunrise with her. Those were the best mornings. This would have to be second best.
Some flowers were poking up through the soil, the ones she had pointed out to me while we were cleaning the place up. I plucked a few of them from the ground and made my legs carry me to the handmade headstone that I had placed after the previous expedition. I'd spent that whole night on it, carving her name into it, with the years she lived and the fact that she sacrificed herself for the rest of us.
I placed the flowers in front of her headstone and sat next to it, silent for a few moments. After a while, I finally spoke.
"Morning, Petra," I whispered. "There's another mission today. I wish you could come. Maybe see how much Eren's improved. He's got control of his power now, you know. If only you could see how amazing he is." I paused, leaning against the stone. "Hopefully, not as many people will die this time, now that Annie's contained and getting her punishment. She killed her comrades. I don't think they'll ever let her return to the Military Police for that." I let out a small chuckle. "Maybe they'll have me train her when I'm done with Eren…. Though it would be easier if you were here to help."
Despite the fact that I never let it happen, I felt emotion welling up, closing my throat. My voice broke as I said, "I miss you, Petra." Tears were building up in my eyes, something that hadn't happened since I was a child. I tried to blink them away and smile at the orange that was beginning to paint the sky. "Look, Petra. The sunrise. I love watching the sunrise with you. Isn't this nice?" The tears fought their way onto my cheeks, and I only hoped that no one would come out and see. No one had ever seen me cry before. This would be no exception.
"You know," I managed, "I never told you this, but…on the day you…didn't come back, your dad talked to me. He didn't know what happened yet, so he mentioned the possibility of the two of us getting married in a few years. I don't know about you…but I wouldn't have minded that, Petra. I would have really liked it."
The sun revealed itself over the headquarters and bathed Petra's headstone in brilliant light. This was her favorite part, feeling the first light of day warm us from head to toe. But despite the warmth that offered comfort, the hope of a new day, I felt cold. It was always colder without her.
"Are you warm, Petra?" I attempted to wipe the tears off my face. "I hope you're always warm. Then again, how could you ever be cold? You're like the sun itself. Radiant, bright, beautiful…and always warm." I took a deep breath to calm myself. I wasn't crying anymore and I swore to myself that I wouldn't cry ever again. I was a captain of the Scouting Regiment. I couldn't cry over the death of my best friend. Hundreds had died on these missions. Petra's death was no different. I would be fine.
I stayed by the headstone for about an hour more, continuing talking to my deceased best friend while I watched the sky transform from the soft orange to a bright blue interrupted by a few small clouds. It was a beautiful morning. I wanted it to last forever, instead of go on the inevitable mission.
Soon, I saw Eren walking toward me. I forced myself up off the ground, brushing myself off, and took in a final deep breath to make sure that I was composed, so he wouldn't know of what the past hour had consisted of.
Eren stopped and offered a small smile. "Captain Levi, we're moving out in a few minutes. You'll want to get ready."
I nodded. "Thank you. I'll be there in a minute." Eren left and I turned back to the headstone, repeating, "I miss you, Petra." I kissed the tips of my fingers and gently placed them on the stone. "I'll be back. And when I am, I'll watch the sunrise with you whenever I can." Closing my eyes, I uttered the words I never dared to say when she was alive. "I love you, Petra."