Hey, everyone! Rainbow here for a short oneshot. I never liked crack pairings (or "Bullships" as my friend calls them), but I was rummaging through my stuff and found this old fic I wrote about one of my classmates and thought, "Hey! That'd be funny if it were the Nordics!" So here it is, in all it's confusing glory. I hope you enjoy!
"Would you like to hear a story?" Iceland asked. He and his fellow Nordic nations sat comfortably around a campfire, mugs in hands and blankets on shoulders. A pleasant summer evening settled in around them. They had earlier exhausted all possible campfire songs, both from their own folklore and remembered snippets of others'.Seeing as how this WAS a campfire, there really was no better time for such things. It also was a free-for-all (whoever had a story was allowed to talk), so the countries at the campfire all nodded or grunted in agreement.
"I'll tell you about the time I met my dearest love."
Denmark groaned. "Are you serious? Why don't you just keep your creepy fetishes to yourself?"
"It was a bright, sunny afternoon," Iceland began, ignoring Denmark's protests. "I was calmly relaxing, and up until now I had seen my fair share of fridges."
"Gross," Norway grumbled, knowing that 'seen his fair share' was Iceland's equivalent to 'had sexual relations with lots of fridges'. How one accomplishes that, however, remains forever a secret between Iceland and his partners. Iceland ignored his rude outburst, much in the same manner he ignored Denmark's comments.
"No matter which one I met, I never really grew attached. Some were fun and had their perks, but it all just seemed so meaningless. But then, I found a beautiful fridge, shining on the tip of an iceberg. I'd never seen a fridge so wonderful. Granted, I'd seen perhaps flashier fridges and debatably even prettier fridges. But this one, from the start, I knew was special."
"Okay, we know how you met. Can someone please talk about something else?" Denmark whined, desperately hoping to not hear about Iceland's desires to mate with a fridge.
"How about I talk about you and Norway?" Finland joked, knowing that such was a touchy subject for Denmark.
"...Actually, Iceland, I'd love to know more about you and your fridge!" Denmark exclaimed, hoping to change the subject. Norway looked away pointedly, likely torn between amusement and embarrassment. Finland and Sweden shared a mischievous smile before Iceland continued his story.
"I walked up to her and asked her a few things about herself. At first, she couldn't stand me. I guess my masculine charm just came off as a bit too strong."
Norway smirked. "Or his 'masculine charm' is non-existent," he murmured, just barely audible.
"What did you say?" Iceland asked, fairly certain he heard an insult.
"Oh, nothing. I'm sure she was just shocked at your large height and rippling muscles," he stated, with a hint of sarcasm. The rest of the group stifled their laughs, but Iceland was satisfied.
"I kept coming to her every day. She got really mad at first, but learned to tolerate my presence. Then, one day, I showed up, but she wasn't there. I waited a little bit, thinking she might've just been running late, but still no sign of her. I went to all her usual icebergs, but I couldn't find her anywhere. I sat down on a nearby bench, ready to give up, when I heard a faint scream. Instantly, I jumped up and began running in the direction of the scream. I didn't know whose it was, but I did know the scream belonged to a fair fridge." A collective eye-roll was seen around the campfire. Iceland must've been quite determined to finish his story because he kept going.
"I ran and ran, but eventually came to a fork in the road. I didn't know which way to turn. All I needed was one more scream, just one more sound to tell me which road to take." Here, Iceland paused for dramatic effect.
"Then, I heard it. A faint cry, barely audible. 'Iceland,' it said. It was her. My darling was crying out to me in her time of distress! I sprinted like I'd never sprinted before, ignoring my tiring legs and raspy breath. Finally, I saw a horrific scene: three fridge-snatchers had tied up my precious tightly in rope and were taking her! Completely in a rage, I screamed 'GET AWAY FROM HER!' and beat the daylights out of the abusive bastards. I cradled her in my arms, finally reunited with my precious. We started dating soon after that, and will be until we can find a place that allows human-fridge marriages." Iceland wiped a small tear from his eye-retelling the story had made him a bit emotional.
"Aw! How romantic!" Finland cried.
"Romantic? I don't think you and I heard the same story," Norway said, partially disgusted and partially amused.
"I can't believe I'm s'ying this," Sweden began, "but I hope you find a place that allows f'r human-fridge marriage."
"I hope it's far from here," said Denmark.
"But you hope he finds a place?" Finland asked teasingly.
"Sure, why not. After all, that was one heck of a macho story. Gets me fired up!"
After that night, Iceland knew he had found a sense of community, true friends that he could trust to accept both him and his frozen girlfriend.