Hello there! This is my very first fan fiction, the first I've ever written, so please be gentle. This story will start out being around 10 chapters, I will see where it goes from there! Hope you like it, I'll be updating hopefully once a week.
The wind whipped around her hair as she stood, her hand clasped around his. His hand tightened around hers as they watched the TARDIS disappear. They listened to it's comforting strum; it's final farewell. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes as she dropped his hand, turning away. She choked back a sob, clutching at her sides. The doctor had left her, again. The trials she had completed, endless days trying to figure out a way to see him again, all for nothing. It still ended up being the same; The Doctor without Rose.
She fell on her knees, sinking into the soft sand of Bad Wolf Bay as she let out little whimpers and sobs. She felt a hand, his hand, rest on her shoulder, and she jerked away from him instinctively, still not quite used to this new doctor. She turned her head to look at him and saw the hurt in his eyes as he withdrew his hand. She looked away and wrapped her arms around her torso, trying to comfort herself.
"He's gone, Rose," he said, his voice frustratingly even.
She let out a frustrated sob and began to cry even more. Finally, he knelt down to meet her at eye level and tipped her chin upwards, meeting his gaze.
"Hey now, look at me," he said, "He's gone now. You've got me though," he offered, his eyes soft and vulnerable. He smiled a little.
"I meant what I said, just a minute ago. It's what he was thinking as well," he said, his voice low and quiet.
"You mean it? You're not just pullin' some cruel joke on me?" she said as she choked out a laugh, grimacing when she realized how morbid that sounded.
His eyes grew wide and his mouth opened and closed several times, before he shook her, hard.
"Of course I meant what I said! Who could not love Rose Tyler?" he asked, his eyes warm and his smile teasing. It painfully reminded her of what her doctor looked like, how he looked at her. The momentary glee she had felt at his words was now gone. She looked away from him and blinked. The dull ache in her chest had returned, and she was annoyingly aware of how empty she felt. Alone.
He cleared his throat and stoop up as she watched him, unsure of what to make of him. He gazed across the bay, his features sombre and cool. He looked down at Rose and held out his hand for her, his lips tipping into a hesitant smile. She looked up at him, her expression crestfallen and purely, utterly, heartbroken, and took his hand.
"He left me," she whispered, her voice cracking.
The Doctor reached out for her and she jerked out of his reach. Suddenly she was fuming.
"All that bloody time I spent trying to find him, all for nothing! He left me here, on this Goddamned beach, for nothing," she seethed, staring at the doctor with such anger that he couldn't help but feel a little meek.
"All that bloody time! I told him I loved him and he…he couldn't even say it..back…." she trailed off, her voice breaking with anguish. She buried her face in her hands, her shoulders slumped.
"Why couldn't he say it back?" she whispered, looking up at the doctor, her eyes watery and her cheeks stained with mascara.
"Oh, Rose," he whispered sadly.
He gathered her up her in his arms and held on to her tightly, whispering sweet words in her ears, telling her she was brilliant, and kissing the top of her head. He felt anger, true anger well up inside of him. Both doctors knew that Rose was the best thing that could have happened to them after the Time War. She was their salvation, their shining light in a time of darkness. The doctor and Rose had always had a special bond, something they never put labels on, no matter how frustrating it could feel. They were together and properly in love. The Doctor gave Rose Tyler everything that the universe allowed him to give, except three words.
Why couldn't he just have bloody said it back?
He held a small object in his hands, roughly the size of a small mouse, staring in wonderment as he felt a little tickle in the back of his consciousness. He smiled and shook his head slightly, watching the way the TARDIS coral hummed and glowed, purring in his hand. He felt it caress his mind slightly, but not nearly powerful enough to be noticeable to anyone but a Time Lord. He gave a laugh and tucked it back into the pocket of his blue suit. His head snapped up at the sound of footsteps.
Rose walked through the doorway, her blonde hair slightly damp from the shower, and her face fresh and clean of any makeup. The Doctor felt his heart beat slightly faster, something he wasn't used to. Humans bodies are so much more responsive, he thought. He shook his head lightly, clearing his thoughts.
"Doc…Um..?" she started, unsure of what to call him. It felt wrong calling him 'Doctor'; it hurt too much to remember her doctor. The one she was in love with.
"Rose?"
"Yes?"
"You could call me Doctor, if you like…but if it feels…odd, you could call me John Smith if that works for you?" he said, his features strained, his tone overly optimistic.
She fiddled with her hands and looked at the floor, feeling uncomfortable. She shook her head.
"It doesn't feel right. That's not you though, really, even if you aren't my doctor," she said, voice quiet.
He flinched at 'my doctor'. He felt a stab of pain in his chest, cursing this bloody human body, and his inability to mask his feelings easier. He slumped slightly and nodded his head. She looked at him and pursed her lips.
"I'm sorry, I really am. You know, that, don't you?" she questioned, her voice tearful.
"It's not your fault, Rose. I know it's hard to understand, but I am exactly like him in every way. We share the same consciousness, the same memories, the same everything, even the same anatomy," he said, timidly.
She blushed a little bit. The same anatomy? Did he mean…he was exactly alike…everywhere? Stop that, Rose, she thought. Not even the right doctor, and she was still lusting after him. It was this new regeneration, this cheeky little flirt.
"Anyway," she started, "I just came here to ask if you will be staying here for awhile. Or, if you might be traveling somewhere…that would be fine too," she said, her voice developing that odd tone whenever she felt uncomfortable or nervous.
The doctor stared at her for a long moment, and said,
"Rose, I know this hard, I do, but if you don't want me here, I could always leave, if you want," he offered. His eyes were wide and vulnerable, cutting right through her resolve like a knife. He could always melt her willpower with just one look.
She shook her head fervently and stepped closer to him, looking panicked.
"Don't go!," she exclaimed! Embarrassed, she continued, "I just meant that, this is weird for me, yes…but I don't think I could bear losing someone again, even if I don't quite know how I feel about this yet," she said, gesturing between the two of them.
He breathed a sigh of relief and closed the distance between them, relishing in her embrace. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and began to sway her back and forth, trying to comfort her and alleviate some of her distress. She let out a little cry and buried her head in his chest, her shoulders shaking as she cried. Suddenly, she was clutching tightly to him, clawing at his sides, trying to pull him closer to her, trying desperately console herself in his arms.
"I just missed you so much," She said, her voice wobbly and her cheeks wet with tears. Her voice was muffled through his shirt, and he pulled away slightly to look at her properly. He grasped her shoulders and gave her an intense stare.
"I love you, Rose Tyler. You're the only reason that I can get through...through," he stumbled, "Through this mess," he said, his voice slightly shaky.
"And I know you aren't ready for me, but I will always be by your side, until the end of my days, if you'll have me," he said lowly.
She nodded slightly and rested her head back onto his chest. They both stood there, embracing and crying, never wanting the moment to end. For, if they let go, they would suddenly remember where they were, who they were, and the confusing reality they had to face. They stood for what seems liked hours; him holding her, her clinging to him. And for a moment, Rose truly believed that she could come to love this Doctor, the new one, no matter how wrong it might seem.
The Doctor stood with his hands on the console of the TARDIS, feeling utterly and completely alone for what seemed like the millionth time. He had just dropped Donna back at her house, with her grandfather and mother. It was just moments before that he had said goodbye for the last time, and was met with a dismissive reply. It wasn't her, though. Not the Donna Noble he knew, not his best friend. She would get there, though. She would become brilliant again. This, the Doctor was sure of.
The TARDIS hummed it's usual song, melodic and sombre. He stroked the console and murmured,
"I know, girl. I miss them too."
She hummed in what felt like disapproval, and he felt a presence in his mind, reprimanding him.
"I can't always say what I want to say, and you know that," he weakly protested.
She hummed in pity and sympathy, and he felt her soothe him, presenting him with a banana smoothie on the console.
He smiled lightly and let out a little laugh, picking up the glass and taking a sip, feeling a teeny teeny bit better.
"You always know how to cheer me up, don't you?" he stated, his tone still passive and sad.
She hummed in agreement, and left him with his thoughts.
900 years of traveling through time and space, 900 years of mistakes, and 900 years of trying to learn from them. He always got himself in the same situation though, no matter how hard he tried not to. It was his weakness, his need to interact with other beings, his need to feel less lonely. This was a cycle that would always be repeated. He would find someone to share this, his whole world with, and they always went away. They either wanted the life he had too much, or not at all.
Over the years, he had had his fair share of companions, loads of brilliant people to bring onboard the TARDIS. He had relished in their company, in their ability to see everything for the very first time. He loved to look at the childlike wonderment that always overtook their features. They were always dazzled and seduced by the thrill of adventure that the Doctor brought forth. But in a way, they all left. Even though he knew their promises of forever were not as earnest as they meant them to be, he couldn't help but feel heartbroken every time that exact promise was broken.
It wasn't their fault. Humans are fickle, and enigmatic while somehow being completely predictable. The Doctor supposed that this was why he loved them so much; they were so sure and fierce and passionate, he was sure that there wasn't anything in the universe that could quench their thirst for living.
His thoughts wandered to Rose, to her perfect, dazzling smile and the way her eyes would crinkle at the corners when she was happy. Her joyous, lilting laugh would haunt him for the rest of his life. Had he been any other man, he would have told her what she wanted to hear, what he wanted to tell her. He would never have left her. Alas, he was not that man. He was the Oncoming Storm, the last Time Lord in existence. No matter how much he wanted Rose, he knew he could never have her completely. He was completely alone in the universe. He knew it was cruel, and selfish the way he had abandoned Rose, but it was the only way he knew how to leave her with the least amount of pain.
He left her without a goodbye, without even telling her he loved her.