So the much promised sequel to Twisted Seduction, you are going to want to read that before you start this. Typical disclaimers, I own no one, they own themselves, this is all from my mind, this is slash, it contains dom/sub relationships. There will be violence and smut ahead, so you are warned.
I wish I could pinpoint the moment it all came crashing down, the second in time when it all fell, where was I when it happened, was I laughing, was I happy, spending time with the kids, our friends, or was I standing with him when he decided it became too much? The empty space beside me now, the quietness of our home, the pitying looks they all scream in my ears that you're not here. I press my fingers to the fading bruises on my neck, marks from your fingers the day you left a painful reminder of the end. Though it's not the bruises that lay heavy in my heart or what my fingers search for, the necklace you tore from me, your collar now gone from my bare neck and there are times when I cannot breath without it, when the truth sets in and I am alone. I think of the start, when it was nothing more than a game to you I was a conquest and you broke everything I thought I believed in. Now I wonder if it was still a game to you, was your love every real, were you just building me back up, teaching me to believe in things that I could never have imagined before only to crush me.
I guess it is easier blaming you, but when I take a long look in the mirror the reality is I'm at fault, I told you to leave, I told you I was done that I couldn't do it anymore. The look in your eyes when I told you I felt like I was sleeping beside a stranger, that I didn't know you anymore, that the man I loved, you were killing him and I refused to watch. I stayed longer then my pride wanted too, but there is no pride with love is there. Love can bring out the worst in people, love can make you accept things you wouldn't normally. Love make you blind Randy, and I let you stay because I couldn't picture my future without you. The first time you got suspended not long after our son was born I ignored it, I passed it off, the tests were wrong, after everything we had gone through, after everything you did to get me clean, to make me healthy why would you turn back to your old ways.
The second time when Hunter came to me told me the result I begged him to cover it up, you were already at two strikes and if you weren't able to wrestle, if you were fired I would follow you. The pity in his eyes killed me as I promised to get you help, he agreed to my request. I confronted you then, you denied it, you told me there had to be a mix up and I so desperately wanted to believe you I accepted the lie. We both knew it was a lie, I was living with the mood swings, the irrational anger, and the pain when you would lash out at me and passing it off as stress. I ignored John and Bryan when they told me a dom doesn't treat his sub that way, I ignored Colt and Cody when they told me to walk away. I ignored it all, because ignorance is fucking bliss. It's really not, it's just a way to deny the pain a little longer.
The rumors started and I tried to pretend I didn't hear them, didn't believe that you would ever cheat on me. Our love was too strong, you would never look elsewhere to be satisfied. Even when it was in my face, when I would see guys leaving our bus, when I would follow you to a bar and watch as you drank and flirted and left with someone. Even when I spent countless nights alone I would tell myself that everything was okay because it had to be. You saved me, you fought for me, why would you destroy this, destroy us? I don't understand, I just don't understand.
I think it was the confusion, the loneliness that made me turn to someone else, a stranger in a bar made me feel more desired then my own husband had in months. It was our two year anniversary, two years and I was fucking alone in a bar, while you were god knows where and I almost ordered a drink. When he approached, he flirted with me, charmed me, told me things I needed to hear from you and so when my phone went off and I saw it was you I ignored it. I left with that man, I went home with him and this morning when I returned I confessed, and then I told you to leave. I've never seen you so silent, seething in rage directed towards me, choking me, ripping away our relationship as easily as you tore the necklace from me. I didn't cry, I couldn't, and really our love the last few months was like trying to get blood from a stone. It's ironic I once needed you to survive without you facing the world was too difficult, but now I know I'll be fine on my own.
When there are no feelings left, when it should hurt and it doesn't, when the only thing I can bring to the surface for you is anger, it's time to stop fighting Randy. I have to stop fighting for you, for some reason you saved me yet you won't let me save you. At some point I have to think of our children, of their future, and I refuse to let them grow up watching us hate each other. How did this all happen, how did it all fall apart, where was I when you chose another life over the one we built? I'm tired Randy I am so tired and so now I give up. Part of me will always love you, so I hope you have a great life and you find the peace I can't seem to give you.
I talk to him in my head, unable to say the words to his face. He is on his way back to St. Louis and I'm here in the home we built with all of the reminders of the life we created, his parents have the kids they ere watching them so we could have a romantic anniversary weekend. When I walk into the kitchen I see the burned down candles, the scattered flowers, evidence of the night Randy planned for us, in a way proof he still cared but I never showed, I stood him up like all the times he had done it to me. The sad fact is that this would have made me so happy a few weeks ago, but the moment I left the bar with that man I had made a choice, a choice to end everything to let it all go and face the truth. My husband is an addict, hell I am a recovering addict and somehow that dynamic make us more co-dependent on each other. It puts us in an unhealthy place when either of us are using and he is.
I sit at the table and play with my cell phone thinking of who I should call, I'm sure Randy is heading too his parents and I don't want him to take the ids but I've already made that call, they won't let him, they knew before me there son was falling apart again. They don't think me walking away will help but I'm out of option, and perhaps out of love. I decide to call Colt, ha and Cody are doing well and he hasn't made a move on me since I rejected him, our relationship is growing stronger again and I could use my best friend. When he doesn't answer I leave him a message asking him to call me back, telling him I kicked Randy out. I sigh deeply and then decided to call Bryan, he has become my rock, gives me great advice. I'm not sure if he is available, I think he and John took there son on a little vacation but I'm in hopes I can still reach him, because searching this house and finding Randy's stash sounds like a good idea. "Hey Punk how you doing?" I breath a deep sigh, he sounds so happy I'm not sure I should dump my shit on him, but if I don't then I could make it worse for myself.
"Not great, I umm lot of stuff happened and I well Randy and I are over. I think I really want some pills and I won't do that because our kids need at least one person not out of their minds, but he took my collar and I'm kind of having problems breathing when I think of that. I mean it's my fault I kicked him out, I cheated on him. I just needed to talk to someone and I know you are on vacation but Colt didn't answer his phone and I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing, I'm rambling now, but I can't stop, and I'm sorry I called, I'll let you go." I don't hang up the phone thought that is my intention instead I listen to muffle conversation and then John's voice fills the phone.
"Hey Punk, everything is going to be okay, Bryan is getting a hold of Colt and we are going to head home, we will get the next flight out. Everything will be okay, just talk to me." I whimper because the carefully controlled emotions I've had are starting to crumble. You see I can claim I don't love Randy, that he isn't everything to me but he is and the more I sit here in out trashed kitchen with my fingers searching for the collar I no longer wear, the more it sets in, becomes reality and the less control I keep.
"I'm fine, you don't need to cut your trip short, I'll be fine." He makes a dismissive noise and keeps talking to me. I listen halfheartedly, standing from the kitchen I head down the stairs, carefully punching in the code I go into our playroom, searching frantically until I find the red leather collar, the sign of my submission when it is just us. I clutch it in my hands listening to John talk to me softly. I return upstairs and walk into our bedroom, clutching the leather in my hands I curl up on our bed, his scent surrounding me and here I finally break while John tried to comfort me tears fall and I desperately try to think of happier times, before it fell apart. Alls I can think is I don't understand, I just don't fucking understand.
This is where I am in our bed clutching that damn leather when fingers take the phone and end my call, the scent of Colt surrounds me and I almost push him away because he is blocking my smell of Randy. Instead I look up at him, his eyes are worried, and they are kind and soft. I stare at him and wonder why I didn't pick him, he would have never done this, never, he would have loved me right, built a life with me and never let me down, but he has Cody now and seems happy without me. That thought doesn't stop my desperation though as I grab him and crush my lips to his, Colt could love me right. He seems frozen, not moving but then his lips part and his tongue is in my mouth. I can't stop, my brain will not reject the comfort he is giving me. "You really are a fucking whore" I pull back and spin to the doorway, he's here Randy is here with my necklace dangling between his fingers. I thought he had headed to St, Louis I thought he had left me, I told him too. I feel my heart rate increases as Colt steps between me and my enraged husband willing to take the brunt of his anger. "You better tell Cody before I do, because I will, you've always wanted him and know you can have him. Well at least that's what you fucking think, he is mine Cabana, as long as he wants this, and he is mine. John called and told me to return this to you Punk, so here." He tosses it to me, and he knows how cruel that is, I can't out it on myself, it's not allowed if a dom removes it, he has to be the one to put it back on.
"Randy please" alright I may have kicked him out but I never consider an end to this part of our relationship, never did I picture him now being my dom, my ex-husband maybe but still my dom, and know I see how crazy that line of thinking is, if one ends so does the other.
"Randy please what? Should I stay, should I fuck you to remind you of your place? Should I fucking go so you and Cabana can finally have your fun, so you can spread your legs and ruin your friends marriage, just like you destroyed ours last night by being nothing more than a pathetic slut. Randy please what?" I cringe and stare at him over Colt's shoulder.
"Leave" I whisper and he glares at me "please leave sir" I whisper this hoping he will just go I am so confused as it is, they both need to leave.
"I'm staying at the hotel down the street, call when you finish getting your rocks off with Colt, or John, or Bryan, when you are ready to accept your punishment for your actions." He's gone before I can respond and this time the tears fall, and Colt bundles me in his arms as I lay my head on his shoulder. By the time my tears dry up I glance up at my best friend and sigh.
"You should go, I'm sorry, he will tell Cody." He shrugs and leans against our headboard.
"Already did, he's upset but see we kind of rushed into this marriage thing, and you know umm we decided to try an open marriage out for a while. Just trying see if we like it, you have your kinks we have ours. So he may not like the fact that is you but he won't say a word about the kiss, I'll just get evil looks for a few days." I nod and think about kissing him again it was a nice distraction, however in all honesty it's the last thing I should do today so I just pick up the necklace and hold it I my hand, allowing my best friend to give me comfort in an appropriate way.
Okay so not a happy start, but these two always have drama. Please review and let me know what you think.