Title: Lost Thoughts
Author: FairyDragon
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Don't sue me.
Summary: Cordelia's POV at the end of You're Welcome.
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"You're Welcome." My voice sounded hollow to my own ears.
We finally got that kiss. That one moment when everything else was supposed to disappear and let it just be us, me and Angel. And it was, only for a moment, then reality came crashing back in. I'm dead, well so is he but that's not the point, I have to leave him. I promised I wouldn't, that I'd be with him to the end. Powers be damned, I'm going to keep that promise. I can't be here but I'll always watch over him, all of them.
I don't care how unreasonable it sounds; when I first came back I stood over my own body and I realized that it's all my fault, everything these people, my family, went through is my fault. I was the one Wesley could talk to, he would have told me about the fake prophecy and we would have worked it out, but I got scared and took off with Groo. If I had been more careful coming back Jasmine never would have gotten control, but I was careless. I hold back a snort; listen to me, I sound worse than Angel.
I can feel the tears coming and suddenly I know we could have had a future together. Not in another time and another place. Here. If things had played out differently we could have had it all. I don't mean a white picket fence and 2.4 kids, that never would have worked for us. We could have been together, still fighting the good fight.
I should be grateful that I got to say goodbye and set things right, it's more than most other people get, but I'm a selfish person. I want to scream at Angel not to pick up the phone, that it really isn't important. I want to have drinks with my friends and tell stories about how it was before. Screw the bigger plan. I don't want to go back, I want to stay with my family. Even working in this awful lawfirm.
It's kind of ironic. I was the one who was going to get a normal non-hellmouth life. By that I mean become a rich, beautiful actress with a handsome trophy husband. But I turned down every chance I got to get away from all this. Now look at me: I'm a dead demon of a higher being.
Oh God, I'll miss him. I love him so much. Forget Heaven, just let me stay with him. What is Buffy's problem? Heaven's boring; it's nothing compared to life with friends and family, all the heartache included. Angel, Wesley, Gunn, Fred, Lorne- they were, no they are and always will be my family.
We will find each other again. I know it.
"I'll see you again, Angel. I love you."
The words weren't said but they hung in the air as he put down the phone.-----
Cordelia will live on, in all our hearts.