Last night, heading home from my job at (don't tell anyone) NERV, I decided to stop in at this small bar along the road. It's an out-of-the-way sort of place; called Eden Hall, I believe. The sort of place you only find when you're either really searching for it or really depressed. That's what the bartender told me anyway; I thought I was fine, but since I wasn't actively seeking the place, I guess… Anyway, I sat down at the bar, and the only other customer was this older gentleman in an odd uniform. Funny thing was, I was sure I'd seen him around at NERV. So I sat down next to him at the bar, and tried to strike up a conversation. I needed something (other than a stiff drink) to shake off those "Diggin' My Potato" blues I was feeling.
"Evening, sir."
"Aye, that it be…" Now this struck me as very odd. Never in my life here in Tokyo-3 had I encountered anyone who spoke like that. It was kind of like a cliché old seafarer's voice. It made me smile, but I still doubted the man.
"Excuse me sir, but you can't expect me to believe that that's how you actually speak. No one really speaks like that."
"Aargh…None but the oldest and wisest Sea-folk, boy."
"You? Sea-folk? I've seen you at NERV, old man!"
"True, 'tis true. I do work for NERV. I service and maintain the boats for accessing the Eva cages, I do."
"We have dinghies?"
"Aye…"
"And we hired an old sea dog to service them?"
"Aye…"
"So how do I know you're really a seafarer like you say?"
"Aargh… You doubt, boy. Shall I spin you a seafarer's tale to prove it?"
"Maybe… I've got it! Why don't you sing a little sea chantey? That'd convince me."
"About what, though? There be so many sea chanteys?"
"Something I'm familiar with, I hope."
"A chantey about NERV, then."
"Ok… I didn't know there were any."
"I'll make one up, then. That be the mark of a true seafarer…"
"Let's hear it then, old man." He hunched down onto his elbows, downed the last of his Hemingway Daiquiri, (thumbs up if you understand the amazing reference,) leaned back once more, and began to sing…
Let me spin you a yarn, a yarn that's most odd
About Shinji Ikari, Marduk's Third Child
Hear of his guile, his clever façade
But I must warn you, it gets rather wild
Shinji's the kid that NERV gave Unit One
Quite a bad move, if you want my two cents
The chaos he's wreaked is not cheaply undone
'Cause when he gets in the Eva, it's pretty intense
Not only that, he's a pervert as well
Has a fetish for plugsuits, though I can relate
They're soft, and smooth, and form-fitting as hell
As soon as he sees them, he wants to procreate
Anything female catches his eye
He doesn't care if they're moving or no
Sleeping or comatose, he'll give her a try
But after he feels like the lowest of the low
And his greatest desire is Ayanami Rei
Hasn't found out the secret all this while
He just wants to give her a lay
And most of all he wants to get her to smile
Yes, the Third Child is a weird little kid
Cowardly, lecherous, unsure of himself
But he saved all our lives, yes he did
And somehow managed to take care of himself
The old man finished his chantey with one final sigh, and he gave me a smirk, a proud glint in his eye. I knew right then and there that he was a genuine sailor. Or maybe a pirate, or even a whaler!
I thanked him a bunch, and paid for his drinks; I straightened my tie, and worked out the kinks. I stood up and turned, and bade him good night; confident now that everything was alright.