Spartan Project I

by JungDenHo

iBravo vs. uAlpha. Two teams. Two retards. One goal. You figure it out. Who will win?

1. Episode 1

Spartan Project I

Author's Notes : All this is used from the material of Halo 3, Bungie. I do not wish to steal anything from Halo 3, just to use the material as a story, as such, this is my fanfic 3. Colours Armor Colours.
Finally, What I looked forward to, a STORY, to show everyone, that isn't a continuation of Red Vs. Blue.

Episode One.
Arc 1: Typical Life.

(Map : Valhalia)

(Scene 1 : Meet, iBravo)
-Meet the main teams, The iBravo squad at Outpost 21B, they like to think they're good.-

Kat(Pink) : You know, we COULD be watching Big Brother right now…
Jackie(Yellow) : Would you just shut up and let me concentrate on what uAlpha are doing?
Kat : But, but! T.V.!!.. I wanna watch the evictions!!
Jackie : … Kat, we're in a time of WAR, things such as Big Brother and - Oh My God!! Evictions? Hell Yeah!! Woo!!.
-The Pair walk down stairs and into the living room of the base,Yes, there is a living room in the base, why not? -
Joel(Grey) : Where'd Den go?
Kat : I think I saw him… in his room!
Jackie : Why don't you go check Joel?
Joel : Ohh, No, no, no, no, no. The minute I go look for him, you guys will raid what is left of my freakin' dinner. Do you see this? This right here? This lasagna right here? It's MINE, not YOURS. MINE. I bought it with MY money so it's MINE.
Kat : Hey, I think Den has Halo 3 working in his room.
Joel : Tch, Halo 3, Noob.
Jackie : Andddd he has Pizza.
Joel : (Joel gets up so fast that he starts hypoventalating) HEY! DEN! I'M COMING!
(Joel leaves the room and enters an empty room)
Jackie : Ha! Idiot, What the hell is Halo 3?
Kat : Hey! I want some. I want some.
Jackie : Say, "Please".
Kat : Tch, Pleeeeeeeeease.
Jackie : Say, "Ooh Jackie, You're my master and I would like to be your servant forever".
Kat : Hmm.. Tempting. Tempting. No food.. Or servant forever… No food… Or servant forever… Well, I cant decide!
Jackie : … Hey, do you hear that?
Kat : What? You mean Joel crying in the corner over his dinner?
Jackie : No! It's like… A high pitched scream…
-Off-screen, a guy screaming – OI! YOU 3 GIRLS GET YOUR KEISTERS OUT HERE!-
All : Awww, Crap.

(Scene 2 : uAlpha)


-uAlpha Base. 3 New Characters are Introduced.-

Diana(Purple) : So Likeeeee, Oh My God!! Isn't Nobby just the funniest guy you've ever seen on Big Brother? Oh My God!!
Phil(Dark Blue) : Dear God, In Hell, Diana, If you, don't stop talking about "Oh my god!! Big Brother" right now, I will take out this frag grenade, and stick it up the deepest hole possible I can find.
Diana : Hey John! I Think He Means You!!
John(Maroon Red) : Hahahahahaha, Oh wait, That wasn't funny, Douchebag.
Phil : Hey! We're in a war, I don't need lip from you.
John : Easy for your ass to say, you haven't been up all night paranoid that Diana will come into your room, and sneak a plasma grenade in your bed.
Diana : Heyy… That.. I'm not even gonna lie, I did it.
Phil : I KNEW I SMELT SOMETHING BURN!! GOD!! We are the WORST team ever. I bet iBravo doesn't have to put up with this crap.

(Scene 3 : O' Rly?)
-Den, the Sergeant is introduced, and show's the new vehicle they acquired from command. (Banshee)-

Den(Black) : Alright Ladies. And Kat.
Kat : Hey…
Den : I meant your special. Very special.. REALLY special.
Kat : Yay!
Joel : Hey, what the hell? I'm a guy, cant you see this colour? GREY, not pink, GREY.
Den : Aww, does widdul Joel want a widdul nappy for his rash? No. Moving on, Bravo command has thought to send us some extra help if we're needed. But those idiots forgot that extra help didn't mean a freaking flying space craft that can shoot oh-so cool lasers.
Jackie : Wow!! What is that? Its like the shape of a UFO. That flys! A flying UFO! That'd be crazy.
Den : Yeah… That kinda is the definition of "UFO". But none the less, I call it Popeye.
Kat : That is so cool! Can I have a turn? Can I? How about now? Now?
Joel : Hmm. Why Popeye?
Den : Excuse me?
Joel : I mean, Why call it Popeye? It looks more like a Eagle. How the hell do you get a spinach eating sailor?
Den : (Walks to the Popeye) Come here, see these 2 glide wings? They look like muscles. And what kind of animal, has muscles?
Joel : An Eagle, when its flying.
Den : DIDN'T I JUST TELL YOU TO STOP MAKING UP ANIMALS? Kat. Make sure you pour the You-Know-What, In Joels next meal.
Kat : Can do!
Jackie : Me too!
Joel : I hate this job. I bet you uAlpha doesn't have to put up with this crap.

(Scene 4: Ya Rly)
-Back to uAlpha Base-

Diana : (Holding a popsicle stick high in the air) It's the last one, AND I GOT IT FIRST.


John : YOU DIDN'T GET IT FIRST! YOU SHOT ME IN THE FUCKING BACK WITH THE DAMN SNIPER RIFLE!
Diana : I ATE IT! MUAHAHAHA, Do you want it now? Do you? Do you?
John : … I hate you.
Phil : HEY! Knock it off you little kids. Alpha command has just given me a message. They've decided to increase our army here at Valhalia. We're getting a new recruit.
John : Is he going to be as much as a retard as the latest recruit?
Phil : Yeah.. Hopefully Not. Fingers crossed!
-Diana is ontop of the roof and screaming : HEY!! I CAN SEE WHAT THE iBRAVOs are doing!)
Phil : We should go check it out. She might've accidently tripped over her hand again.
John : Huh? How the hell would that work?
Phil : I don't know. But she does it.
(The two John and Phil run atop to see what Diana was talking about)
John : What's up Diana? Something wrong? Did you forget to wash your hands after the toilet again?
Diana : No you twit! The iBravo's have a new vehicle.
Phil : What does it look like? Show me!
Diana : I don't know, it looks like some kind of bird. That flys. A flying bird.
John : I could've sworn I heard a BRAVO unit scream that. Well, is it like a Eagle?
Diana : Yeah Dude, There ya go.
Phil : This is so boring. Is this all they ever do? Just stand there and talk, and talk, and talk?
John : Well what else do you do out here? What the hell do you do out here?
Phil : Excuse me, Private, I believe, there is something called, the internet?
John : Well excuse me jerk wad. But I believe that you cant get internet out here? The last time we had internet, our satellite got owned.
Diana : HA! That's what YOU think.
John : Oh yeah? So I guess someone else by the name of Diana, just accidently picked up a nearby rocket launcher, and just decided to shoot the only thing that keeps us sane.
Diana : Well! If we're out here, and can't get internet reception…
John : …..
Diana : …..
John : So what?
Diana : HEY LOOK! (Diana points to an aimless space on the battlefield)
John : What?
Diana : Isn't that Jessica Alba naked down there?
John : No way, Jessica Alba wouldn't be out here.
Phil : (Winks at Diana) HEY YEAH! LOOK!
John : You liars.
Phil : Yeah, you do that dance.
John : Okay screw this, I'm looking.
-John turns around, leans more to the ledge of the base-
John : Hey theres nothing-
-Phil pushes him off the ledge and the scene ends with John on the floor saying : You guys… NO MORE CHEESE SANDWICHES-
Diana : Oh SHIT! We just knocked out our only cook!
Phil : Not Necessarily! I ordered instant noodles!

(Scene 5 : For Today)


-Back to the iBravo Base, Den and Joel are still going at it.-

Den: The Hippogryff?
Joel : No, Sir…
Den : How about the Unicorn?
Joel : No..
Kat : The Minotaur?
Jackie : The Griffin?
Joel : Hey, he doesn't need any help you douchebags.
Den : Then unless JOEL has any more mythical creatures to call our vehicle. We're sticking with the Popeye.
Kat : The HILARY CLINTON!
Joel : That's a PERSON, Idiot.
Kat : Haha! But the POPEYE is named after a person in a cartoon! So Check-Mate. Good Fing Game.
Joel : I hate you guys. I really really do.
Jackie : (Tear) Its opposite day… I hate you too buddy!!
-BANG! BANG! BANG-
Den : What the hell was that?
Kat : Uhh… Nothing Smile Smile
Den : Are you smiling? We got freakin' helmets on.
Kat : Uhh… No.
Den : So now that we've discussed that your "not smiling after I heard Mr. Douchebag Narrator over there say Smile Smile". What the hell were those gun shots?
-Hey Douchebag, Your lucky I'm telling this story-
Den : Yeah Yeah, Keep at it. Now for the third freakin' time, WHAT were those gunshots?
Kat : Hahaha… That was just… Nothing.

(Scene 6 : Moving on..)
-Can you hear that voice? Is it a girl? Is it a baby? Its!-

(A Screaming Joel can be heard. –OH JESUS CHRIST! SHE'S GOT A FING SHOTGUN, SAVE ME! PLEASE!)
Den : YOU GO JACKIE!. Oh Wait. A SHOTGUN?... (Sigh, Den goes off to stop the fight, but really meaning to get back his shotgun because he just polished it)

-The Scene is then switched to the living room. Where Jackie is running around with the shotgun trying to shoot Joel-
-BANG!-
Den : OI! RETARDS! YOU JUST SHOT THE T.V.! (Tear) Now where do I go to watch…. Fhreys Anatry…
Kat : Say what, ho'?
Den : Grey's… Anatomy…..
Jackie, Joel, Kat : (Stare)
Den : Don't judge me. I'm your Sergeant.
Joel : Ha! Grey's Anatomy! Ha! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa –Inhale- Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Kat : Thinks –Oh, Sarge, smack him in the head! Better yet! Expose him on the internet!-
Jackie : Thinks – Ha Ha! Shit is going down!-
Kat : Thinks – Yeah Jackie!-


Jackie : Thinks – What the hell? Get out of my head!-
Kat : Thinks – But ! But! It's so warm and cozy and spacy in here!-
Jackie : Thinks – You suck, Transmission to Head, Out.-
Den : Ha, Yeah isn't that funny? I believe I woke up in the morning, this one faithful day, to notice who I see sitting by the T.V. watching it. It was none other than our Joel here.
Joel : Err.. Yeah! So..?
Den : And so I walk a little closer to see what you were watching that got you so emotionally hooked, you started crying and acting all feminine. I get closer to see that you were watching, none other, then Desperate Housewives.
Jackie : HAHAHAHAHAHA, FAG.
Kat : EVEN WE DON'T WATCH THAT SHIT!
Joel : Its not fair! I was emotionally hooked! Like Oh My God! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT LYNETTE HAS CANCER!! (TEAR)
Den : Yeah.. Well, before I get Joel his tampon . Kat, Jackie, Let's go make a prank call.
Jackie : But Sarge! How can we prank someone? Everyone does the Pizza Palace.
Kat : Yeah! But I'm really in the mood for pizza.
Den : HaHa, Prank call! And who said I'd make a call to Pizza Palace?

-Phone Rings as the episode slowly fades but you can still hear the dialogue-

-Hello, Whos this?
-D : HEY BUSH, I HEARD THAT THE PAPPARAZI TOOK PICTURES OF YOU… AND YOUR HAVING AN AFFAIR!
-What? Who is this?
-D : THAT'S RIGHT! WITH BETTY WHITE!
-Is that you Den?
-D : Uh.. mum?
-Huh?...
-D : Oops. Wrong number.

Until Arc 2. This is JungDenHo with my latest and only fanfic. Enjoy and PLEASE review. Good reviews will inspire me to work harder and make more.