A/N: This is my submission to the Twin Exchange's Decadent Desserts Challenge! My assigned dessert, obviously, was lemon meringue pie, and this is my story!

LOTS OF THANKS TO MY BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, STUPENDOUS BETA! LOVE YOU AMY!

Summary: Desperate to keep his four-month pregnant wife happy, Sirius enlists a reluctant Ginny and Remus to help him curb her lemon meringue pie craving. Little does he know, there is only one craving he's needed to fulfil…

Lemon Meringue Pie

"How do you spell 'meringue'?" Sirius Black asked over the pages of the cookbook that sat in front of him.

"How do you spell what?" his companion, Remus Lupin, asked, glancing up at his best friend from his seat behind his copy of the Daily Prophet.

"Meringue. As in, lemon meringue pie."

"What on earth is that?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

Remus chuckled as they sat at the kitchen table of Grimmauld Place. Sirius was definitely a sight. His face was fixed upon the cookbook in fierce concentration, his gray eyes skimming the words on the page for something familiar. His shaggy black hair was tied behind his head and his wand was tucked hastily behind an ear. In front of him sat a mess of ingredients – the only one Remus could even mildly comprehend being a bushel of lemons – and an aluminium pie tin that reflected Sirius's slightly manic appearance in its metal depths.

"Sirius, don't take this the wrong way, but…you don't cook particularly well. Why are you baking?"

Sirius looked up at his friend.

"Why Moony, how could you possibly think I would take that the wrong way?" he asked dryly.

"Well…it's just that Hermione always does the cooking and…"

"Moony, when Tonks was pregnant with Teddy, did she have any particular cravings?"

Remus's brow furrowed at the swift change in subject.

"Er…yes. Treacle tart. She ate it every day for a month."

"And when she didn't have it, was she pleasant to be around?"

"Not particularly, no."

"So my wife, now four months pregnant, requests this so-called lemon meringue pie. Do you not think it in my best interests to produce said pie with haste?"

Remus was about to argue that he had gotten into trouble with Hermione for less and it hadn't bothered him, but then a knowing smile crept onto his scarred face.

"Wait a minute. I remember the four-month mark. You don't want her in a bad mood because the four-month mark is also the time when she wants to shag like bunnies."

The desirous spark in his friend's eyes said it all.

"The sex is so good, Moony," Sirius said, his voice a symphony of hungry desperation. "Not that it wasn't incredible before but her body's fuller, her tits are bigger, and she's just so responsive every time I…"

"Okay! If I agree to help you, will you stop enumerating the sexual attributes of my former student, please?"

"I make no promises," was Sirius's smirking reply.

Moving to look over his friend's shoulder, Remus found himself just as overwhelmed as Sirius by the sheer number of pies in the book's index. Hundreds of them – a majority of which neither of them had heard of – were listed alphabetically and Remus was soon just as boggled as Sirius.

"What on earth is Mississippi Mud Pie?" Sirius said, the very name of it conjuring a look of disgust.

"I think it's an American pie. Oh! Look! Lemon Meringue Pie," Remus replied, pointing to the small print that spelled out their desired pastry.

"M-E-R-I-N-G-U-E. How extraordinary," Sirius mused, turning to the desired page.

Reading the instructions, both men looked at each other, and then blankly back at the page again.

And that was how Ginny found them several minutes later when she wandered into the kitchen looking for a snack.

"Um…" she said when she saw the confused looks on their faces and read the title of the book. "You both realize that's a cookbook, right? A Muggle cookbook, nonetheless. There are absolutely no adventures, naked women, or inappropriate jokes in there."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her.

"We're not as stupid as we look, you know," he said darkly.

"Well…I'm not," Remus said, shooting the redhead a grin before Sirius elbowed him in the stomach.

"All I want to do is make a bloody pie. Why does it have to be so damn difficult?" he demanded, more to the book than the two amused faces that were watching him.

"Why do you want to make pie, Sirius?" Ginny asked, going over to the counter and pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"It's for 'Mione," Remus explained.

Ginny's brow furrowed.

"Why don't you go out and buy her one?" she asked. "I mean, I don't think she'd appreciate you blowing up the kitchen just for the sake of making her a pie."

"Why does everyone assume I'm a horrible cook? You've never eaten anything I've made!" Sirius protested.

"I have," Remus said. "And I swear to God, Sirius, Hermione is not going to let you touch her if what you make gives her the indigestion I've suffered at your hands."

Ginny gave a knowing smile.

"So that's what this is about," she said. "Hermione's having cravings. And how far along is she, four months? I remember that stage." Smirking, she crossed her arms. "If I agree to help you two buffoons, you'll have to do something for me."

"Name it. We'll do anything," Sirius said, looking up eagerly.

"No no. Keep me out of it," Remus said, putting his hands up defensively and shaking his head.

Ginny chuckled evilly.

"I'll help you, Sirius, if you agree to come to all of James's Quidditch games for a month."

Sirius blanched.

"A month?! Ginny, it's not even real Quidditch! It's children's Quidditch! They don't even use real bludgers!"

"They use bludgers," Ginny argued. "Just really soft ones. Come on, Sirius, James is so proud that he's taking after his father and grandfather. You should be there to show your support."

"But Ginny, it's boring…" Sirius whined.

Ginny heaved a dramatic sigh.

"Fine then. Enjoy making that pie. And don't worry, if you mess up, it's not like Hermione's hormonal and pregnant or anything. I'm sure she'll let you touch her…in about a year…"

"Alright, alright," Sirius said, causing Remus to chuckle with a shake of his head. "What do I need to do?"

Ginny plucked the book from his hands and skimmed over the recipe.

"Alright, well, first you have to preheat the oven to 375 degrees."

"Right," Sirius said, standing up and walking to the oven. He paused, before turning to Ginny. "And how, exactly, do I do that?"

Both Remus and Ginny rolled their eyes.

"There are knobs, Padfoot, right…oh never mind," Remus said, walking over and turning the knob. The oven groaned to life, the spark of the pilot light igniting the flames somewhere deep in the belly of the machine.

"Right. Now we need to make the pie shell. Take the ginger biscuits and crush them into crumbs," Ginny ordered, settling herself at the table.

"How will that help?" Sirius asked.

"Because if you mix it with a bit of softened butter, Padfoot, you can put it in the pie tray and it will be like having a pie shell," Remus said patiently.

"Why can't we make an actual pie shell? She said it had to be from that book, because that's the way her grandmother makes it. Now, what does that book say about the pie shell?"

His grey eyes looked inquisitively at Ginny, who seemed to already be running toward the end of her tether at an alarmingly fast rate. Remus, seeing the danger of having the two volatile personalities in the kitchen at once, walked over to his best friend while shooting Ginny a comforting smile.

"Ginny, the book says the pie shell needs to be out of biscuits, doesn't it?" he asked calmly, pleading in his eyes not to make a big deal out of Sirius's more-than-annoying enthusiasm yet fantastic ineptitude for baking.

"Yes, Remus. Would you like to see?" she replied sweetly, but the edge to her voice had Remus knowing that he shouldn't push any more than he had to.

"I've crushed the biscuits!" Sirius said proudly, and Remus cringed when he saw the mass of broken cookies in front of Sirius. He wasn't a baker – nor was he familiar at all with the recipe – but even Remus knew that the biscuits were supposed to look like finely ground powder and not chunky brown crumbs.

"I'll do it," Remus said, pushing Sirius out of the way and scooping the haphazard mess into a large mortar. Taking the pestle, he ground the bits of cookie into a powder, receiving an encouraging smile from Ginny.

Sirius, however, was starting to get annoyed by his lack of participation in anything that had happened so far.

"C'mon, Ginger, gimme something to do," he coaxed the reluctant redhead, who looked at the recipe.

"Well, you could separate the…" She glanced at Sirius's eager expression, then shook her head. "No. You could combine the sugar, water, cornstarch, and salt…no, you'd need to use the stove for that…" Her brow furrowed as she continued to skim the recipe for something he could do with relative ease.

Then her eyes brightened.

"Alright, Sirius. I'm going to separate the eggs, and then I'm going to take the cream of tartar and put it in the egg whites. When I've done that, I want you to take the whisk…that metal thing that looks like a metal bubble…yes, that's the one…and I want you to whisk until it starts to form soft peaks. Alright?"

He frowned slightly.

"How exactly do you whisk?"

Heaving a patient sigh, Ginny quickly went to the eggs and separated four of them. Putting the yolks to the side, she took a pinch of cream of tartar and put it in the bowl with the egg whites. Picking up the whisk, she motioned for Sirius to join her before giving him a brief tutorial on the proper motion of the wrist in order to maximize his whisking abilities.

Sirius pursued his activity with enthusiasm for a few moments, amazed at how quickly the egg whites turned from clear to opaque as Ginny concentrated on making the lemon filling, barking orders to a much-more capable Remus. Sirius's zeal, however, started to wane as his wrist started to get tired.

"Ginny," he whined as the young witch stirred the mixture of sugar, cornstarch, salt, and water on the stove while Remus – upon Ginny's request – was zesting a lemon. "This is boring. Why can't I zest a lemon?"

"Because, Sirius," Ginny said, sounding uncannily like her mother. "That would require you having to use sharp objects, which is something I don't think I can handle at the moment."

Sirius pouted, momentarily abandoning the egg whites as he sat on one of the chairs around the kitchen table. Remus, seeing the egg whites starting to deflate, rescued them and continued to whisk with an amount of patience that he hadn't realized he possessed.

"Sirius, if you're really interested in helping, finish the egg whites so Remus can juice the lemons," Ginny suggested.

"I can juice the lemons!" Sirius said, his interest peaked once more as he jumped up and grabbed a lemon, slicing it cleanly in two and putting one half on the juicer.

"Make sure you put something under the spout to catch the juice before it spills!" Ginny started to warn, but from the way Remus nearly threw the bowl of egg whites on the table in order to grab a towel to stop the flow of lemon juice from cutting an even longer river down the wooden table, Ginny knew that Sirius had not thought that far ahead.

"Oops," Sirius said with a lopsided smile.

"Oops indeed," Ginny said, pursing her lips as Remus shook his head at Sirius, handing the egg whites back to him.

"Whisk, Sirius," the werewolf said, warning in his amber eyes.

Sighing, Sirius took the bowl.

"Yes yes, fine."

There were no more incidents as Sirius pouted but continued to whisk while Ginny carefully mixed the hot sugared mixture with the egg yolks, lemon zest, and lemon juice. When the time came, Remus helped Sirius add the sugar to the egg whites, both Remus and Ginny chuckling at Sirius's childlike appreciation for the fluffy white peaks.

After spreading the meringue mixture over the lemon, Sirius triumphantly carried the pie tin to the oven and put it in, closing the oven with a satisfied 'bang' and turning to his two companions.

"Thank you," he said with a sincere smile before looking around the dirty kitchen and rubbing his hands together. "So…now we clean up, yes?"

A slow, self-satisfied smile crept onto Ginny's face.

"Oh no no no, Mr. Black," she said. "The kitchen is all yours."

Smirking at the look on his friend's face, Remus quickly grabbed his jumper before rushing through the floo. Ginny shot Sirius a mock salute before following the werewolf out of sight.

"Why those little…" Sirius murmured, looking forlornly around him. Sighing, he pulled out his wand and started to charm all of the dishes to fly over to the sink and organize themselves into some type of order for him to wash.

As he was filling the sink with water, the sound of the floo made him turn, hoping that Remus had come back to help him clean up. Whether fortunately or unfortunately, it wasn't the tall, lean figure of his best friend that jumped out of the fireplace, but the petite, curvy figure of his wife.

"Darling!" he said happily, hands full of suds as he rushed over to her, kissing her on the cheek as he took her briefcase and helped her out of her cloak. The small baby bump under her pretty lavender dress was the only indication of her current state, and she smiled ingenuously up at him, her big hazel eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Sirius, I'm four months pregnant, not eight. Wait until I'm the size of a house to dote on me."

He smiled as he put her briefcase and cloak on the newly-cleaned kitchen table, eyeing the oven as she glanced at the large pile of dishes that were sitting in the sink.

"You cooked?" she asked and he tried to swallow his annoyance at the small trepidation in her voice.

"I made you a surprise," he said proudly.

She glanced at him.

"You…by yourself?" she asked.

He shot her an indignant look.

"I'm not a complete nuisance in the kitchen, thank you."

She gave him a loving smile.

"Baby, you can't boil water without burning it," she said, kissing him lovingly on the cheek. "But I didn't marry you because of your cooking skills.

"Oh no?" he said, his grin widening as his indignation disappeared. "Then why did you marry me?"

She bit her bottom lip as she looked him up and down hungrily.

"Your sexy body, for one," she whispered before kissing him deeply, feeling his arms wrap around her body and draw her closer as he inched them to the table.

"Hmm…you married me for my body?" he teased, tugging his t-shirt off as her hands slipped underneath to caress his skin.

"Yessss…" she hissed as his lips descended onto her neck, rendering her weak as he pinpointed her pulse point with eagle eye precision. Her head tipped back as she enjoyed his lips and teeth on her skin, his hands slowly bringing the skirt of her dress up around her hips before lifting her onto the kitchen table.

She brought his lips up to meet hers again as she raked her nails down his chest, flying to the front of his jeans and unbuttoning the garment with a fervour that would have had Sirius chuckling smugly had his own nerves not been slightly frayed by how good her body felt under his touch.

"I've been thinking about your big cock inside me all day," she breathed against his neck, her small hand slipping into his jeans and finding him rock hard and ready for her. Giving his cock a squeeze, she revelled in his groans before pulling back and divesting herself of her dress.

Sirius's eyes widened when he saw that she wasn't wearing underwear.

"But…you…I saw you dress this morning," he stuttered in confusion, nonetheless palming one of her full breasts in his hand.

"I took them off before I left work," she whispered, nipping his ear before letting her head fall back again as his lips descended upon her nipples. "Didn't want any obstacles."

"My little know-it-all," he purred in her ear as he ran his hands up her thighs. "You think of everything."

Pulling her to the edge of the table, he sank himself between her thighs, a groan of pleasure escaping his throat as her velvety walls clutched him greedily. This was the part he loved most about making love to his wife. He loved how right it felt to be inside her, and how good she felt wrapped around him, mewling softly.

Rocking his hips hard, she grasped his hair, pulling him down for a searing, passionate kiss as her nails formed angry red crescent-shaped indents in his shoulders. He relished the pain, feeling his blood pool down to his loins as she cried out his name, her back arching as she wrapped her legs around his hips, moving with him in unabashed pleasure.

"Shit…oh God, Sirius…" she moaned, leaning back on her elbows and lifting her hips to meet his thrusts.

"Come on, love…cum for me…" he whispered, grunting as he tried to keep his own pleasure at bay. Consummate lover though he was, and fully capable of ravishing her for long periods of time until she was practically begging him to finally release, there was something about her being like this – swollen slightly with their first child – that made his self-control completely unravel.

"Fuck…harder, baby…" she groaned, her hips rolling hard against his, seeking the completion she had been craving all day.

Moving his hips harder against hers, Sirius ran his fingers down her neck, pinching her nipples on his way down between their bodies and receiving a cry of ecstasy as his practiced thumb flicked over the sensitive nub of nerves. Her body started to shudder, and with an enormous amount of strength, Hermione pushed herself up to a sitting position and crushed her lips against her husband's as her walls clamped down around his throbbing shaft, drawing him further into her body.

Sirius groaned against her lips, one hand gripping the edge of the table as he tumbled over the edge with her, spilling his seed inside his witch as she came hard around him. His hips jerked as he pressed her into the table, trying to balance his weight above her with his arms as she collapsed backward, her breasts sitting tantalizingly in front of him as he tried to catch his breath.

"That's why I married you," she breathed, smiling lovingly up at him as he leaned down and kissed her neck. "You are a positively sinful shag, my love."

He chuckled weakly.

"You're not so bad yourself, you randy minx," he teased as he pulled away slightly, allowing her to sit up.

She smiled softly.

"I love you, you know," she said. "And not because you're great in bed, though that is a plus," she added, her eyes sparkling. "But because you're handsome and kind and intelligent and funny. And before you say it, I know you know all these things about yourself and I even love that, you arrogant git."

Chuckling to himself, he leaned in and kissed her before pulling his jeans back up and throwing his t-shirt on the table, deciding to go without, as he knew the sight of him topless turned her on.

Pulling her dress back on, Hermione stood, wincing slightly at the deliciously sore throb between her legs that usually came from fucking her ridiculously well-endowed husband senseless.

"What did you cook, anyway?" she asked, starting towards the kitchen door.

"Lemon meringue pie," he said, a small amount of pride in his voice.

She looked at him in confusion.

"But darling," she said. "You know I hate lemon meringue pie. Just yesterday I was telling you how odd it was that I was craving it because my grandmother used to make it all the time and I after the summer I spent with her, I couldn't possibly eat another piece." She sighed. "I've been craving olives and peanut butter today, but eating that would just be silly."

Chuckling slightly to herself with a shake of her head, she walked out of the kitchen, leaving Sirius practically speechless as the oven timer signalled the now-unwanted pie's readiness. Glancing at the oven, Sirius heaved a sigh.

Ginny and Remus were going to kill him.

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!