Disclaimer: No, I don't own Twilight, and yes, I wish I did.
Mood
I heaved a sigh, and untied my dusty apron. Throughout the whole morning's cleaning session, my eyes had stayed fixated on Alec's door. It was closed and locked, like usual. I just couldn't wait to see him again! Mother had agreed that I could visit him if I was good for a while.
The last time I had caught a glimpse of him was over a week ago, when Mother was shoving his mid-day meal through the door. I had ghosted behind her, and sneaked a glance under her arm.
But the last time I had spoken to him, my own twin brother, was over two months ago.
With my chores all completed, I had desperately hoped that maybe, just maybe, Mother would let me see him. Just when I was reaching towards Alec's door, I heard her annoying twitter behind me.
"Janey, my precious!"
I closed my eyes, trying to control the surge of frustration that lashed through me. I turned to her.
What had a done wrong now?
I answered my own question.
Been born. What a tragedy.
"Darling, where are you going now?"
She was wiping the scrubbed wooden table and wearing a lacey hairnet on her head. It looked completely foolish.
I answered her, while staring directly at her ugly hairnet.
"I've done all my chores Mother. Can't I … please, go now?"
A line formed between her brows as she frowned.
"You're not going to visit Alex again, are you?"
I took a deep breath and corrected her for the millionth time, being careful to keep my tone polite.
"It's Alec, Mother, not Alex. And I was hoping that I could. You said that I could, remember? It's been ages since we've spoken, and I'd promised him-"
"No."
At her blunt dismissal, the whole atmosphere changed. Went cold. But I felt heat.
She stared at me, slowly wiped her hands on her apron, and dropped the dirty cloth on the table.
I fell silent. The suffocating silence seemed to echo around me.
The blood pumped through me as I felt another of her dreaded mood swings coming on, and I began to shake.
"You're not going anywhere. Do you understand?"
I froze, adrenaline pulsing through my bloodstream. My hands began to tremble.
I just couldn't find the words, but in my mind, I was screaming.
Yes, I understand, and I'm sorry. Mother, I understand!
But I didn't understand. Not really. I didn't understand what kind of mother would lock her son in a room for almost all his life; and not even know his name.
What kind of mother?!Alec listened to me. Mother used to let me stay with him quite frequently, but now she was shortening the chains. But when I could go in, he always relaxed, and could almost pass for the average, happy child. But even when I was with him, and Mother had left, there were differences.
Alec would never look someone in the eye. He would avoid anyone's gaze, and look at his or her shirt collar, or a spot behind their shoulder. I knew he didn't mean to be rude.
He was just more comfortable that way.
And Alec might smile, but he would never laugh.
Whenever I would whisper to him about Mother, he really seemed to understand. We had a connection. A bond.
"Why aren't you saying anything? I ask you a question, you answer girl!
Answer me!"
Mother's eyes bulged, a vein pushed out of her forehead.
Maybe she would have a heart attack. I thought hopefully.She took yet another step closer to me, and before I knew it, she was in my face, glaring at me. I backed away. I remembered that I still hadn't replied her question.
"I – I understand. And I'm sorry." I managed to stammer out.
Mother immediately relaxed. Her fists went limp, and her breath left her with a whoosh. My chest unclenched, and with relief, I realized that her mood swing had passed, almost before it had even begun. She took a step back.
And stay away.
It was only when I straightened up, that I realized that she had been towering over me. We stood, looking anywhere but at each other.
I stared off to the side, at the small oil painting that was hung above the crude fireplace.
It was so stupid, really. An emerging artist, who had thought the world of himself, had swanned into town. For some strange reason that was incomprehensible to me, he'd taken a liking to Mother, and decided to paint a little painting for her. She had been completely star-struck.
Ash smeared everything else within a square meter of the fireplace, but not the painting. Mother had taken great pains to carefully wipe away any traces of ash almost every time the clock struck.
"Janey, I just want you to be safe." She finally broke the over-powering silence. "You know that Alec is… a little disturbed."
I looked away from the painting. My face was like a mask.
He's not crazy! He never was! Just because Alec's a little different from some other children, doesn't mean that he's insane.
Just say you're sorry.
Instead I replied tightly, "I know." And looked away.
"He's very … antisocial. He might not want to be near anyone. Even you."
Locking him up in that cell was nothing less than cruel. He didn't deserve that. To be left in the silence, in the dark, for so many years. You're a monster."
But, I didn't say anything. I didn't want her… to get angry again. I was afraid of what would happen, after.
She gave up, obviously not caring about what I was thinking.
She sniffed, picked up her grubby cloth again, and lazily waved me off.
"Jane, go upstairs to your room."
I stared at her, waiting.
"It's not tidy enough."
I continued to wait.
Had she changed her mind?
"What are you just standing there for? And don't think I've changed my mind; you're still not going to see Alec. Now get out of my sight!"
I turned numbly around, and headed to my room.
I closed the door quietly behind me.
- - - - -
I walked back to my room and just stood in the doorway for five whole seconds, my eyes scanning the room for the minute thing that had been out of place.
It's not tidy enough. I gritted my teeth.
Finally, I spotted my only other pair of shoes lined up crookedly on top of my bookshelf.
I snatched them up, and arranged them in a straight line.
I could almost hear my heart thumping hard in my chest. All I saw was red.
But I was used to it now. Most of my life had been red.
I sat on my bed, trying to think of what to do. I had to see Alec.
Without him, I had no one.
I couldn't bear the thought. He was like my other half. And with one half missing, I could only ever be … half there. I wouldn't be whole. Not even close.
I stared at the wooden floor, tapping my feet in agitation.
Before Mother confined him to his room, Alec had been completely normal. He was such a joy. He laughed.
Suddenly I was filled with rage. How dare Mother ban me from seeing him? I paced the tiny cell-like room, waiting, waiting.
I knew what was going to happen next. I knew the cycle of Mother's little tantrums so well. She was just so predictable.
After an outburst, she would come to my room (where she had sent me) and beg for me to forgive her. And not only the one outburst in particular, but all of them!
The nerve! I might forgive one of them, but all? No one could be that lenient. I felt like God, and Mother was a desperate sinner begging to forgive her … sins.
"Please, please forgive me. I'm sorry."
If I really were God, I wouldn't forgive her.
"I won't do it again. I promise."
I wouldn't even hesitate.
"Janey. I love you."
I would simply send her straight to hell.